fuckballs and lemonade

Still here. Still too mad at G-d to go home. Still turning tea and food into B-minus puns and a shadow.

[dynamite5ftjewishbitch]

I was at the Cleveland Clinic for a Work Thing recently* and can I just say (1) I love you @shouldbestudyingmd but Ohio continues to be an armpit and Cleveland did not change my mind, (2) these triple-trailer semis are a public danger/nuisance I have seen no other state allow**, and (3) valet-only parking should be against the law***.

* I queued this while there so it would post after I was gone lol

** They’re basically TRAINS wtf

*** Get OUT of my car! Stop touching my stuff!

[dynamite5ftjewishbitch]

One of my patients is a localish physician who, while playing with his dog last year, got bit on the tip of his penis by the dog (the dog also got him on the balls—this was during the period last year where I was like ‘WATCH OUT FOR YR NUTSACKS, THE DOGS ARE AT WAR’ because we’d had three dog-bit scrotums in a very short period).

Anyway.

This injury wasn’t particularly severe, but it did require surgery, which had the after-effect of generating just enough scar tissue to produce a split stream when he peed. He’d been seeing another urology group prior to his injury, but our group was on call at the hospital when he got hurt, and no one wants to follow another practice’s surgery, so he followed up with our practice with regard to this injury.

Well, he was complaining about the stream and some of his medication side effects, so I tinkered with his meds somewhat and saw him back today. Apparently if he takes this certain combination of medications faithfully, his stream is single and steady. If he misses a dose, it splits again.

He’s like, “I’m done with my old urologist, you’re my guy now. It’s the damndest thing. I can’t believe it. I’ve told everyone I know.* You should write a case study.”

And I’m over here like 😶 Brother I was WINGING it. We were graced by the gods of Fluid Dynamics. I’m not a piss wizard.

So. That was one thing from today. I’ve been having nonstop weird days lately. I did get a head-pat and an “I think you’re underselling yourself” from my attending for a CT interpretation yesterday, which was also nice lol.**

(*This is exactly the kind of thing a healthcare provider would use as small talk, we’re all so damn odd.)

(**I noticed a crossing vessel that the radiologist didn’t note on the report. Which wouldn’t be that big a deal except the CT was done to evaluate for an obstructive cause of a patient’s hydronephrosis and the crossing vessel was a likely cause/contributor. I was not formally trained to interpret CTs, but I always look at my films because I’ve been burned repeatedly and I’ve spotted a couple missed kidney stones before. And it paid off here too! Unlike a kidney stone, these are hard to spot. Now I just have to work on being confident enough that next time I don’t phrase it as an assumed-negative question—I didn’t ask “is this a crossing vessel?”, I said, “that’s not a crossing vessel, is it?”)

[foone]

good lord there's a lot of vasectomy joke gifts that don't know the difference between a vasectomy and an orchiectomy.

orchi is removing of one or both testicles. a vasectomy cuts or seals the vas deferens so there's no sperm in your semen. You still have testicles, you still have testosterone, there's just no sperm in your ejaculate to make babbies with.

they're very different operations!

[queenanthai]

One might even say there's a vas deferens between the two

[beyoursledgehammer]

If I, someone who historically does not like tomatoes, wanted to learn to like tomatoes (raw or more whole specifically), are there varietals that are especially easy to grow to be eaten that could possibly be ones I could enjoy? But also if I still am not gonna eat them raw or whole, they would be good in soups, sauces, etc?

[dynamite5ftjewishbitch]

I hope it’s ok that I reblog this! I have grown SO MANY varieties of tomatoes, and I specifically did it because I hate grocery store/burger joint tomatoes (goopy, mealy, bland, bad texture) and randomly had a local heirloom tomato on a sandwich at a really good restaurant and very much had a “THIS IS WHAT THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO TASTE LIKE?!” moment.

For slicing, I really like the pink Berkeley tie-dye tomato and the pink Brandywine, as well as the Kellogg’s breakfast tomato and Thorburn’s terra cotta. Most of those are meaty, fairly thin-skinned, and don’t have a lot of Tomato Goop and they’ve been bred for some good disease resistance. Really, any of the Wild Boar Farms-bred tomatoes are great to grow. Cuore antico di Acqui Terme is a really good oxheart variety that initially disappointed me because it fruited so slowly, but it really took off at the end of the season.

For cherry or plum tomatoes, sungold and gardener’s delight are go-tos for good reason. I also really like the pink bumblebee and Ukranian purple tomato. Speckled Romans are great paste tomatoes for sauce and soup. San Marzano and Rebel Starfighter were horrible to grow but I live in Michigan, so… Currant tomatoes have a very thick skin and I found them offputting to eat. Yellow pear tomatoes are tasty but they always split for me (I’m an inconsistent waterer so that’s prob my fault). They’re not great to eat on their own imo, but I will always grow Barry’s Crazy Cherry and Ei Von Phuket tomatoes because they’re SO PROLIFIC that they’re good for rounding out a batch of sauce or stewed tomatoes.

I hope you find some you love! I always grow borage, oregano, and marigolds near my tomatoes to ward off the giant hornworms that’ll eat a whole plant down to the stalk almost overnight. Hawk moths are beautiful but they can keep their babies off my plants lol.

[dynamite5ftjewishbitch]

Accidentally did a barehand grab of a pan while distracted.

I’m being super brave but my hand killllllllls.

[garcavisconde]

Losing my mind over this article

[sammy-bryant]

SHAWN HATOSY as JACK ABBOT The Pitt S01E01 | 7:00 A.M.

[dynamite5ftjewishbitch]

Ignore the first line, but I’m finally glad for the AI scribe because there was no “are you sure that’s what he said?” when I told my practice manager I’m not seeing a patient again because he asked me if I could make his dick hard, and not in the abstract medical sense.

[dynamite5ftjewishbitch]

This same patient has made an appointment with me last-available on Friday and then canceled same-day EIGHT TIMES since May. He is my angel of leaving early to start my weekend.

[dynamite5ftjewishbitch]

Reading “Seek Immediate Shelter” and I’m only on the second of nine POVs/short stories and I feel like it’s supposed to show how people contain multitudes but uh… there is a clear villain in both these stories lol.

[64mpg]

do you wear makeup

every day

special occasions

no

Voting ended onJul 22

[dynamite5ftjewishbitch]

I swear to god I only ever run into a patient at the grocery store when I have (a) alcohol or (b) disgusting raccoon-person food in my cart 🙈

[dynamite5ftjewishbitch]

Accidentally ordered ten pounds of biscuits and gravy at a truck stop diner this morning 🙃

[dynamite5ftjewishbitch]

I also accidentally got a woman diagnosed with endometrial cancer recently because I gave her estrogen cream for her recurrent UTIs and it gave her vaginal bleeding. On account of the endometrial cancer.

[dynamite5ftjewishbitch]

Mine is the weirdest speciality.

I very regularly go between “when I jizz, nothing comes out” to “[tearfully spills out whole life story, complete with sad widower side quest]” to “it hurts when I jork it” to “I’ve lost a hundred pounds in the last year without trying and no one’s looked into that at all but hey my doctor sent me to you because last week I peed air.”

[acegender]

explain your gender in 10 words or less without using boring words like “male”, “female”, “nonbinary”, “masculine”, “feminine” or “androgynous”.

go!

[dynamite5ftjewishbitch]

Likes lipstick, when sideburns curl, dresses, arguing, and smelling good.

[dynamite5ftjewishbitch]

Of all the blind-side chip shots that Noah Kahan has hit me with, “American Cars” was never one that landed.

But when my little sister told me today that hearing that he’d written it for his older sister had hit her like a brick, that hit me.

You’ve been driving all day,

But you’re home and I’m so grateful you are.

‘Cause you’re gonna fix it, you’re gonna patch it up.

Honey, we’re fragile; you’ve always been so tough.

You know that I’ve missed you. You always come runnin’ back

Whenever I ask.