romancing statistics

Adventures of a part-time Masters student.

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Everyone needs a little bird poop on their morning walk. #atleastitsnotonmyface

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Ramen at a #foodtruck? #yesplease #nomnom #fatkid #foodporn #pdx #pnw

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Almost pitched myself over the edge... #pnw #pdx #gonnaloseatoenail (at Punch Bowl Falls)

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Fried chicken pot pie? Genius. #nomnom #fatkid

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It's okay if I have just pie for dinner, right? #nomnom

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Guess what day it is?? #nomnom #piday

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Armed with tea, wedding cake cookie, and pencils. #ratherbedoinganythingelse #teaforthesoul

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First time at Slurping Turtle -- gonna have to come back.

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China: Day 10

We’re on our way to visit my grandfather, who lives in Jiaoling, which is a painful 6-hour bus ride away from Guangzhou. We settled into our bus and I promptly close my eyes (reading into the wee hours Jojo Moyes’ Me Before You), hoping to pass out for the majority of the time.

Within a few minutes of leaving the city, I hear brakes screeching (which is not unusual for driving in China), a thud and feel a give (okay, that’s a little different), and pop and shattering sound (yep, that’s totally not right). Our bus had taken off the mirror of a city bus and had busted out our side window.

Statistically speaking, being involved with a car accident here was bound to happen. It’s pretty hard to determine who’s at fault for this — the Chinese just walking and biking are an aggressive swarm, and behind the wheel are just bat-shit crazy. The two drivers get out, wave their arms a bit, discuss, and our driver hands the other guy 150 yuan (about $25 US dollars) for damages and the police don’t get involved. Sounds like a good deal.

We settle back and wait for the next bus to come get us — what? There’s no alternate bus? So we have to ride 6 hours with a busted window?? The driver takes off and little bits of glass start flying everywhere; it takes good 10 minutes of sharp shards jetting into the air before they realize maybe they should clean out the glass. And we sat, shivering in the breeze of the open window, a constant reminder of how things are done a little differently here.

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Because really anything that Tegan & Sara is involved in is pretty awesome.

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Don't know what it is about this song -- perhaps the simplicity and gentle lyrics -- but just so catchy... seem to be humming it all day.

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China: Day 7, 8, 9 — traveled to my parent’s home in Guangzhou from Shanghai, so there isn’t much excitement at all during this period. What I can offer in the meantime is a veritable feast of food porn.

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China: Day 6 — Research Institute of Silk in Suzhou, a foot bath and massage, evening boat ride in Shanghai

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China: Day 6

We visited a silk shop which specialized in bedding… Which does encourage sleepiness to the max. We learned (more that I have watched) about the different properties of silk and how it’s supposed to be superior to other kinds of synthetic material — even the guide used the lighter against her shirt-gown, although this only proved to me she was a bit of an idiot and that her shirt was flame-retardant.

A bit of surprising information was that the “poop” from the silk cocoons were collect and guess for what purpose? To make a poop pillow. Yes. A POO PILLOW. These dry little bits are collected into a silk sack and this is to be placed into your regular pillow — supposedly this promotes good sleep or something. It reminded me a little like a bean sack that people use, and much like a bean sack, the poop pillow can also be heated up because God knows that really wanna heat up a bag of bug excrement in my microwave. My mother turned to me: You said you didn’t sleep well, right? I totally have two of these for you to take home. Me: You seriously bought into that? Yeah, don’t think that it’s going to help.

We headed back to Shanghai for our last sales gimmick — another jade shop. Yippee. It started out as usual, until things got a little weird — a tiny bald man with several gold rings glittering on him fingers and keys to a Range Rover clutched in his fat hand, started to address the group in a halting, baby voice. I had to repress the want to punch him in the face — I don’t really want to go to Chinese jail — so I just placated myself by giving him dirty, bored looks.

My mother explained that this was a sneaky little move by some of these companies; the CEO would come down (who all have attended some kind of school for douchebags), greet the group, and then boast of their philanthropy and and status. They then would show you the “special” room and tell you that you simply wouldn’t be able to afford any of this, so don’t worry about buying anything and just look. Then he would turn it around say: Look, you seem like nice people. How about I give you this as a gift? The victim is supposed to demure, which then gives the response of: I can charge you for the production — this money will then go to [blah blah blah]. Then the buyer gets all excited and pays some exorbitant amount (maybe like $500-2000 US dollars) for this “gift”. My mom says that the younger generation think it’s a load of crap but the old Chinese people eat it up.

Thank goodness it’s the last day of this part of the trip. Although the rest of the time will be boring in comparison, I’m happy for less time on a bus and a whole lot less Mandarin.

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China: Day 5 — canal ride in Suzhou

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China: Day 5 — pearl shop (Qing Shui Yuan), picturesque view of the city, some temple in Suzhou

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China: Day 5

Another full day of shopping (and guides yammering away in Mandarin; I'm sure they have delightful stories but generally I want them to be quiet so I'm not openly ignoring them) -- but at least this time, it was pearls and not jade, so there seemed to be much more purchasing going on throughout the group (including ourselves, surprisingly). I asked my mother if these stores were open to the public, but it seems that they are not; they're further out from the main part of the city (so they can be a bigger store) so the general public isn't able to go to the store. Thus, these stores and "tour guides" have a symbiotic relationship where the guide will bring the customer (usually a willing, paying foreigner with some $$), the customer shops their brains out, and the guide gets a kickback from the store. Very clever.

People in China are really into tea (who would have guessed?) and you have buy very decorative pots made out of a special red clay -- some are very functional and some are intricately designed and just for show (although I wonder if there teapots really appreciate in value over time). Apparently in the past, they used to demonstrate how strong the pots were by having people stand on them -- my parents had understood this as "They are indestructible!" and gleefully packed them away in their suitcases... You can guess what really happened. Not falling for that this time.  

We traveled to Suzhou next and visited some temple (I'm really going to need to get a copy of this itinerary) and took a boat ride down a very dirty canal (I think this canal connects Hanzhou and Shanghai).