E. Olsen

pfp: Tani from Ni No Kuni II By day, I navigate the United States insurance industry for a biweekly salary. By night, I pretend that I can write. Expect to see posts about writing, politics, mental health, and an unhealthy amount of sarcastic commentary about my personal life that I often use as inspiration for my writing. Also, expect an occasional essay that my brain churns out on my lunch breaks. ~ ~About Me and This Blog ~My completed stories ~My random thoughts on Bluesky… ~"Because You Were Born" (p. 39 of Montclair State University's The Normal Review, Spring 2013) ~"This Line" (p. 55 of Montclair State University's The Normal Review, Fall 2013)

[e-olsen]

CURRENT WRITING PROJECT: Piece by Piece

“Maybe you wouldn’t be picked on if you were kinder. Happy people don’t pick on others without a good reason, so try being nicer to them from now on.”

In the middle of my embarrassing tirade, I had asked my teacher: “What unkind thing did I do to deserve this? Was I supposed to stop them by kindly ripping out every page of my book and kindly handing it to them all to make flushing easier?”

How was I supposed to make them happy? Even after I had asked my teacher that, she had no response other than to repeat her sage advice. Her lesson, if that teacher was correct to extol that lesson, had never stuck with me because my efforts to help that same kid had been scorned well before the bathroom incident. I wasn’t really all that kind to begin with either, and that day never taught me to be kinder. In fact, it only had the opposite effect. All I could really do was fight fire with fire because kindness wasn’t working as a preventative, so I had stuck to that strategy all these years.

[e-olsen]

Started a second playthrough of Octopath 2 yesterday. Already failed the "don't use Hired Help" challenge.

HH wrecks every story boss, I swear.

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Usagi is peeking over the partition to look at my sushi.

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Tani is best.

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I watched The Menu for the first time earlier today, and so I will proceed to think about this movie and shoehorn it into every possible aspect of my life for the next week or so.

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I forgot what I saved my old supervisor's name as in my contacts, and I desperately need to beg him for my old job back.

[e-olsen]

Snow truly can bring out the most fascinating human behavior in NJ, so let me tell you about my neighbor who was collecting the salt that the township spreads on the roads.

Yesterday, the dude was just casually sweeping it into a dustpan once the truck was out of sight. Asked him about what he was doing, said he's using the salt that "[his] taxes pay for," and just went about his day.

Today, he was spreading that salt all over his driveway.

[e-olsen]

You ever accidentally drop the toilet paper holder roll into the toilet and think, "That has to be a metaphor for life?"

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You know what annoys me the most about bots and art commission spammers on FictionPress, Wattpad, FanFic.net, etc.?

It's when the bots and spammers invade the COMMENTS on stories, not just private messages.

It's so deeply insulting. Imagine being a younger kid, seeing a review, and thinking there's someone who likes what you wrote, and you find out it's just a bot or a spammer with unsolicited art commission requests.

But the actual insult comes in where the message is wrapped up in words that are otherwise like a legit review or compliment:

Oh my gosh, this prologue gave me chills in the best possible way. The way you reveal Ed through his memories and interactions feels so intimate and heartbreaking. His detachment mixed with those small, aching moments of connection with Jones made me want to know everything that pushed him away and what, if anything, could bring him back. I loved the tension in the rooftop scene and how ordinary details like a toolbox or a cigarette become heavy with meaning. Your voice is so confident and cinematic here, and Ian's entrance at the end left me breathless and wanting the next chapter right now. Please keep writing more of this world I'm already utterly invested in

Blah, blah, blah.....

I hope you're doing good. I'm genuinely inspired by your writing style the world you create through words feels alive. As a comic and digital artist, I'd love to collaborate on a book cover that visually captures your story's personality. I believe the right design can make your book stand out even more. Discord: gilgitsoon What's your?

And it's often clear the "reviewer" didn't really read your piece because the titles they reference aren't even correct.

Hey! I just read a few chapters of Nowadays and I'm seriously impressed. Your writing style is so engaging and thoughtful. I've got a few ideas I'd love to discuss with you if you're open to it!

Sometimes, it's an otherwise genuine question that could inspire deep conversation in any other setting:

What an interesting story it is i have few questions regarding can we have a conversation on pm?

And another otherwise genuine question:

Hi! I hope you're doing well. I just read your Young Adult story and I really enjoyed it the way you captured the emotions and experiences of the characters felt so real and relatable. I'm curious, what inspired you to write in the Young Adult genre?

So yeah, I rather report, block, and have these reviews moved than retain them for the superficial impression of readership under the guise of "engagement." No ego boost is worth the insult.

[e-olsen]

"Are You Waiting For Me?" (original)

This was a school assignment: write a poem from a friend's point of view. I naturally had to pick my chronically late friend who was always aware that he was late and holding up the rest of the group. He was always aware how this affected us and had some excuse, and he was very aware of how late he was while dragging his feet. He was aware of all his tardy-related transgressions: past, present, and future.

Needless to say, he ceased to be a friend.

Were you waiting for me As the trees shed their gold, brown, and red, With company only in your head? You knew that I would be late again without fail. Underneath all of that blue sky, In the middle of dead grass, Please, wait for me and don't cry. . Were you waiting for me Standing at the crosswalk in the cold, Tapping your foot and growing old? You knew that I would be late again without fail. It was a harsh winter filled with snow, But the sun was in the air, But night fell when I showed. . Were you waiting for me With a small umbrella in the rain While you held in all your pain? You knew that I would be late again without fail. I ran as fast as I could to find you. Strong wind from spring showers Was difficult to push through. . Are you waiting for me At the bus stop in this summer heat, All alone, no one on the street? I know that you don't want to wait for me anymore. I know I no longer have the right, But I'll beg you just in case: For me, stay there and sit tight.

[e-olsen]

Well played, Square.

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My famous last words to my coworker who's two years away from retirement and witnessed way too much: "Are you like this because your life is the way it is, or is your life the way it is because you're like this?"

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Gumshoe Appreciation

After Justice for All, I think you'd be hard-pressed to find someone who doesn't love this scruffy guy.

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This may be some Phoenix Wright spoiler talk here, but...

... Wendy's psyche-lock is the best demonstration of the mechanic.

I can't believe it's taken me this long to try the PWAA games. What a fool I've been....

[e-olsen]

Honest replies to my work emails:

"When you have a moment..." I never have a moment.

"Good morning!" There is no such thing as a good morning.

"At your convenience..." So never. Got it.

"I trust/hope this finds you well." I don't want it finding me, well or otherwise.

"Kindly [verb/request]." I'd rather do that rudely.

[e-olsen]

So I've never actually played Phoenix Wright games until earlier this year. When Ace Attorney first came out in the U.S., my middle school self scoffed at visual novels.

Then, I got too busy with high school.

Then, I got too busy with undergrad.

And then, it was too busy with grad school.

And then for the next nine years after grad school, I was busy establishing myself in my current career.

So yeah, I got a lot of catching up to do. Many memes from high school are starting to make sense now, too.

Thank you, Steam and your awesome sales!

[literaryvein-references]

When your Character...

Gets into: A Fight ⚜ ...Another Fight ⚜ ...Yet Another Fight

Hates Someone ⚜ Kisses Someone ⚜ Falls in Love

Calls Someone they Love ⚜ Dies / Cheats Death ⚜ Drowns

is...

A Ballerina ⚜ A Child ⚜ Interacting with a Child ⚜ A Cheerleader

A Cowboy ⚜ A Genius ⚜ A Lawyer ⚜ A Pirate ⚜ A Spy

A Wheelchair User ⚜ A Zombie ⚜ Beautiful ⚜ Dangerous ⚜ Drunk

Funny ⚜ In a Coma ⚜ In a Secret Society ⚜ Injured ⚜ Shy

needs...

A Magical Item ⚜ An Aphrodisiac ⚜ A Fictional Poison

A Coping Strategy ⚜ A Drink ⚜ A Medicinal Herb ⚜ A Mentor

Money ⚜ A Persuasion Tactic ⚜ A Quirk ⚜ To be Killed Off

To Become Likable ⚜ To Clean a Wound ⚜ To Self-Reflect

To Find the Right Word, but Can't ⚜ To Say No ⚜ To Swear

loves...

Astronomy ⚜ Baking ⚜ Cooking ⚜ Cocktails ⚜ Food ⚜ Oils

Dancing ⚜ Fashion ⚜ Gems ⚜ Herbal Remedies ⚜ Honey

Mushrooms ⚜ Mythology ⚜ Numbers ⚜ Perfumes

Roses ⚜ Sweets ⚜ To Argue ⚜ To Insult ⚜ To Kiss

To Make False Claims ⚜ Wine ⚜ Wine-Tasting ⚜ Yoga

has/experiences...

Allergies ⚜ Amnesia ⚜ Bereavement ⚜ Bites & Stings

Bruises ⚜ Caffeine ⚜ CO Poisoning ⚜ Color Blindness

Facial Hair ⚜ Fainting ⚜ Fevers ⚜ Food Allergies

Food Poisoning ⚜ Fractures ⚜ Frostbite ⚜ Hypothermia

Injuries ⚜ Jet Lag ⚜ Kidnapping ⚜ Manipulation ⚜ Mutism

Pain ⚜ Paranoia ⚜ Poisoning ⚜ More Pain & Violence

Scars ⚜ Trauma ⚜ Viruses ⚜ Wounds

[these are just quick references. more research may be needed to write your story...]

Writing Resources PDFs