we are taught disordered eating as a casual mindset. we label foods “safe” and “good,” we label others as “naughty” as something to “run off later,” we have “never” foods and “not healthy enough” foods.
we are taught that a day where we consume certain things has been “a bad day,” when we deny ourselves those treats we’ve “been good today.” some food is “indulgent” and “sinful”. some food is “right” and “pure”.
we aren’t taught to eat healthy food because it’s good for us. we’re taught out of fear of “getting fat”. we surround ourselves with images of already-fit people running, telling ourselves they’re inspirational. we moan over sugary foods that we’re going to “feel so fat later" that we’re “eating terribly”. when we are “good” we are taught to feel prideful, strong, controlled - we’re shown that discipline in eating is at the peak of beauty, of integrity, of intelligence. we point fingers at those who fail to conform, we lord over those who lack our own diligence, we talk about our sixteen day salad-only streak with a smile.
and everywhere we sit in it. we say that we’re only teasing others because we’re worried about their health. we press for a better body no matter how good ours looks. we’re surrounded by images that are often impossible, that are the gift of photoshop and tricky angles - and we are told these are the enviable people, who deserve our attention and praise. we parrot “only this many calories! how wonderful!” into everyday speak, we watch “100 calorie snacks” dance across our tv screens, we are taught fat is ugly. and we cannot be.
we smuggle snacks we eat in secret. we lie about what we ate today. we order salad in front of new people because they make us nervous and we want to come off the right way. we feel victorious when we only have one slice of cake. we are taught to obsess, to inherit black-and-white “good or bad for you,” we go on juice cleanses with friends.
i wonder how many of us have an eating disorder that’s not categorized because it’s normalized. i wonder if the obsession and dedication seems like “the right choice,” “a better lifestyle.” how many people skirt the line between trying to stay healthy and spiraling out of control. how many of us lean on food to feel better and then, after eating, feel worse as a result. how many of us never got that skinny, so we don’t have a problem. and how many just think: this control and anxiety, this is normal. that this disorder is healthy.
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