all the other things.

[eammaepascual]

it has always been the little things.

-camping trip. i barely slept as it was uncomfortable inside the tent. i got sleepy in an instant on our way home the morning after. he noticed and said, “later pag mejo maayos na yung kalye, ill get the pillow sa likod” to which i replied- “wag na ok lang”. the road wasnt wide and smooth until about 10mins after (as in ang tagal naka nap na ako). then nagising ako bcos he stopped the car. ..and got me the pillow so i can sleep better.

-pares dinner. i prepared my usual condiment- kalamansi at chili sauce (yes, without toyo). halfway through, as the kalamansi seeds became more visible in the saucer, he took out the seeds from it para daw maka kuha ako ng mas maayos. of course i hid my kilig and said- “bat mo inalis, kinakain ko un (seeds) eh, un favorite ko” 😅

-daraitan river trip. growing up, best part of the road trips for me is that i get to sleep the whole travel time. i noticed mama never sleeps, and i remember asking her why and she said so papa wont feel sleepy while driving. now with Franco, i try my best to stay up and share several stories para di sya antukin. this trip, when i got a little sleepy on our way to the destination, i asked if i can nap. He said without any hesitations “oo naman. wala ka naman ibang dapat gawin”. I didnt tell him na i feel obliged to stay up so he wouldnt feel sleepy 😅 then on our way home, there were some issues with the car and he said “sorry di ka makatulog kasi nag woworry ka din sa kotse imbis na comfortable ka lang jan”

random days- he started working on site, while i still work from home. some days, he’d drop by after his work:

^wahaha nakapabili pa nga 😝

“bb” as our endearment bcos i didnt want anything that sounds serious esp back then 😂 i cant believe we’ve been going out for almost 3 years now. 🥺 cheers to happy and happier days. 🤞🏼

PS. hi again tumblr. i needed to express these and i feel like this is the perfect space, cos may nagta tumblr pa ba???? hahahaha hit like to let me know if nabasa mo to lol!

[eammaepascual]

wish i could easily put into words all these things i want to sayyyyy. :|

[eammaepascual]

I remember welcoming 2018. I was so excited for the days to come. I was excited for the (new) client and that I will be assigned in baguio for the first 3 months of the year. I was not thinking of the other half of the year but im sure I was feeling excited for each day to unfold.

2018 went by so fast for me. I stayed in Baguio for 3 full months, then April and May was the dreaded overtime season for the team. I forget what day it is because we’ve been working for 24/7. Glad I was able to singit a trip to Taiwan by the end of May. June was kind of petix. I spent June looking for a place to stay in Makati to prepare for my next client which is in Taguig. Fortunately, I found one just across Greenbelt 5 and just at the back our office. I stayed there for July to November. Come December, I am loaned for this client in Commonwealth. I spent a week there and 2 weeks in Baguio. So basically, nakatakas ako sa manila traffic for most of the days of December. Thank God! Looking back, 2018 was okay. There were lots, and I mean LOTSSS of first time experiences! But not gonna lie, pagod gave me several breakdowns as well. I know I am not happy. I am actually supposed to transfer to a different department by December. Yung department na im uncertain but willing to risk just because maybe magiging masaya ako dun (wow drama). My manager did not allow me to go for her selfish reasons. Hay. But I made up my mind to just finish the Baguio engagement and transfer by May 2019.

Soooo anyway, this year, however, is different. The excitement that I was feeling in welcoming 2018 was gone, and replaced by fear as I welcome the new year. Last November 2018, I tweeted my thoughts on the upcoming month and that I don’t want December to come just yet because I don’t want the year to end. I didn’t want 2019 to start because it means busy season for my line of work (audit). I am, again, assigned to Baguio this year. Although the environment in Baguio is way lighter compared to Makati (not to mention the traffic), part of me isn’t thrilled- I am not happy.

It’s really sad that I am welcoming 2019 with fear. I am just so scared for the coming days. Pray for me?

[eammaepascual]

really want to get out of my workplace already.

Since last month, my manager for my next engagement (which will again be in Baguio) has been setting planning meetings every monday. Last monday i finally had the (semi) courage to tell her that i may be resigning soon/planning to be transferred to another department. Semi-courage since it was actually my teammate who brought it up. Haha. And well, unfortunately, our manager did not allow me to go. HU HU HU HU U U U U. plz. sinusuka ko na lahat ng workload even the simple ones huhuhuhuhu.

pero gusto ko lang talaga mag rant sa twitter kaso ininvade na yun ng workmates ko so dito nalang sa tumblr. lol. huhu still hoping for a way out, may isa pa. if not, nakatali nanamn ako sa office until May 2019. No travels, even out of towns baka di maisingit huhu although i may singit pala Banaue/Sagada while im in Baguio around January. BUTTT i can also do that kahit di ako sa baguio naka-assign. haha :( so yea, sadlyf~

[eammaepascual]

Taxi driver as our team was heading to Taguig for fieldwork (at 9 in the morning) goes- "papasok palang kayo sa trabaho?"

Me: opo.

Kuya: kala ko pauwi na kayo, lahat kayo tulog e.

Kuya probably judging us na 9am na inaantok pa din kami. Uhm, til 1:30am po kami sa office kanina, fyi. Lol. But i was too sleepy to explain that so yep kuya, papasok palang kami. lol.

We would always take a taxi on our way to fieldwork and few taxi drivers would engage in small talks. One even said- ngayon palang kayo papasok?! buti no, di masyadong maaga tulad ng iba. *this is at 9:30am* (lol kuya oo, di mashadong maaga pasok nmin pero ung uwi po namin is umaga na lol!!!)

[eammaepascual]

rented a condo unit in makati to be closer to my next client (taguig), and tonight ill be moving in. huhuhu. mixed emotions. im excited to explore makati and its hide outs buttttt ill definitely miss my bed!! andd the food at home. haha kala mo layo ng makati e. idk, bat ako excited nung baguio ng January to March pero etong makati which is basically the same na being away from home, doesnt make me feel excited.

[eammaepascual]

..the city yawns, they echo on, my thoughts are spinning on and on my head- it seems~ For some, travelling makes them feel alive, rejuvinated, etc. I guess mine's going to concerts/gigs. I'm happy i'm still doing this at 26y/o and i hope my 40yr old self would too. gaaaaaaah!

[eammaepascual]

New Taipei City, Taiwan. May 2018.

[eammaepascual]

today i actually get to have a break.

I had a recent out of the country trip, but i didnt think of it as a break. It was, though, the chill-est trip i had. We spent 4 days 5 nights in Taiwan and i guess everyone just wanted to escape work. We’d be done getting ready by 12nn and there was no pressure to make sulit of the stay. you know- when you dont get to sleep in since you have to be ready by 8am to make the most out of your day. Ours was nonetheless fun. Highlights of the trip was when we rented a bike at 2am, and when a couple of sellers in the night market got mad for all the haggling that we’re doing. HAHAHA.

anyway, today i’m actually sick. first honest sick leave filed. lol. despite the lagnat, i am excited to fix my room, actually start with my business which has been on idle for nearly a month now, and probably have a hair treatment. 

I’ve been wanting to regularly blog but work has been consuming most of my time. And by that i meant there was a time we’d go home just to take a bath and go back to the office again. Work has been fun but insanely exhausting. I was assigned in Baguio from January to March and so it felt like a second home to me. The benguet underground mining experience is  b e y o n d  w o r d s ! ! ! I’d get #sepanx everytime i see Victory Liner or Joy Bus busses along EDSA, or whenever i go home at around 2am and the bus is half empty.

My next client would be in Paranaque orr Taguig (not sure yet- but both are far from home).The mere thought of the distance from home makes me tired already. Renting an apartment in Makati is the only solution i could think of. I hope i could find one over the weekends.

We’re nearly half 2018 and i could say it is a good year so far. Although i am yet to fulfill my only bucketlist for this year. Pahinging timeeee!??! :( Not sure when i could do that but new engagement makes it impossibleeee. :(

Anyway, i should probably start with my to-dos for the day. I hope i would not get distracted with things i’ll see while cleaning up. haha!

[fy-perspectives]

There are some people you’ll never see again. At least, not in the same way.

Iain Thomas (via fy-perspectives)

[wordsnquotes]

The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.

F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby. (via wordsnquotes)

[eammaepascual]

i wish i know what each tomorrow brings

[eammaepascual]

today's discovery isssss- accessible ang tumblr sa office HAHA

[eammaepascual]

nag OT

[eammaepascual]

I feel like i couldve been more productive this year if i had bought myself a planner. Hahahaha dun pala nakadepend?! pero :( hindi na ako ulit hindi magpaplannnerrrrr!!! grrr.

[eammaepascual]

It was ours even if we never admitted it, even if we chose silence over admission, even if what we only have are almosts– almosts that never happened, almosts that will never happen. There were hundreds of tense moments, that all we need is to take one last step to get through it, and maybe, all our dilemmas will be over, but never did. We never took that one last step– we felt the want, but never the need.

Cowardice convinced us to stay in the same ground, in our safe zone; a zone where we both know we’d always last. Little did we know that ‘safe’ is not at all tantamount to painless, for it still hurt, it still hurt countless times.

[eammaepascual]

so scared of the person i might become.