Just Some Girl

Not pro eating disorders. Height: 157cm. SW: 51.5kg CW: Too fat GW: 45.0kg GW2: 43.0kg UGW: 40.0kg

[eating-therapy-blog]

Merry fucking Christmas and another (not) Happy New Year

Eating disorders fucking suck.

I spent Christmas Day surrounded by family yet completely alone. I was freezing on one of the hottest days yet (I'm Australian y'all). I barely ate, and lied to people about having eaten.

I spent New Year's Eve crying and exercising because I felt bad about eating a bag of grapes and a couple protein bars.

I cried because I wasn't supposed to make it to 2019.

The scale says 38.6 kgs. Last time I checked anyway.

I have my appointment with the ED service today. In about 12 hours.

I'm terrified.

Hope I get admitted

I can't do it anymore

I just want to die

I have plans to end it all, if things don't get any better after the appointment.

Eating disorders suck. It's ruined my life. I just want my life back. I want to be happy and healthy and eat sandwiches and ice cream and not cry over a bowl of pasta.

Please get help. It's not worth it.

As much as I want to die, I'm getting help.

I'm going to be honest with them. No point in lying.

The eating disorder is telling me I don't need hospital, just lie and say you're better than you are. Just do what they say but hide food and lie. Get worse and worse and worse.

You just need to hit 36 kgs. Then 33. Then 30, and hey, while you're at it, why not get under 30, right? Why not get down to 25 and officially have lost half of your original body weight?

It would never end. I want to get better.

I just need help. I need to go away for a bit. I need to eat. Properly and a lot. I can't live on fruits and veggies and oatmeal. I need to live my life, not just survive.

I don't know what this is. Just some weird ramble I guess.

I just hate myself. But I hate my eating disorder more.

[eating-therapy-blog]

Well fuck

It's so fucking weird and messed up to look back at this account. I've been gone for a while. I was in therapy, trying (and failing) to get better.

**TW for weights**

Before, my lowest weight was 43 kgs, and my UGW was 40 kgs.

Today I stand at 39.5 kgs. (Bmi 15.8)

My UGW has changed. It is now 36 kgs, and I know that even if I get there, it will just change to even lower.

**TW for weights over**

I am not happy. I am not satisfied. I don't want to stop. I need to get lower and lower and lower.

It isn't enough. It will never be enough.

This community is so dangerous and toxic and scary.

Looking back on it makes me really really want to give up on the idea of recovery. It makes me want to cancel my appointment with the ED service in my state (that I was referred to after not progressing in outpatient treatment).

I cannot even begin to describe to you how much this illness has taken from me. This entire year has been plagued and tainted by it. I don't have any happy memories that aren't overshadowed by eating disorder thoughts.

And the saddest part is as much as I absolutely HATE my eating disorder for ruining my life, I do not have the power or strength to fight it.

I need help, I have accepted that. I need more help than outpatient, and even Day Program may not be enough.

I may be admitted to hospital, though I am not sure yet. The logical part of me hopes with everything in her that I get admitted.

But the bigger part of me, the eating disorder part, wants to not go to hospital. To continue losing weight, to get lower and lower everyday. To lose as much as possible. I know I will die, that it will kill me. But I don't care anymore. It's so much past that. It is about getting as low as humanly possible. To test the limits of the physical body. To see how low I can get before something major happens. Before I die or am forced into treatment by a near-death experience.

If you are new to this community, GET THE FUCK OUT.

Run while you can.

Please.

Eating disorders are horrible things. Please seek help. You are sick enough. Regardless of your weight, of your physical health.

If u are engaging in these behaviours and/or have these negative thoughts about food and ur body, you are sick enough.

This community, while not everyone intends for it to be, is extremely dangerous.

But it will exist. This information will always be out there for whoever is actively looking for it.

If you're in this community, please do your part in making sure that people know that eating disorders are horrible horrible things.

I truly wish and hope every single one of you gets the help you need and deserve.

That being said, I'm not deleting my account. I might soon but I have not decided yet. I know that makes me a hypocrite but I need to look back on my account. To see how I was. To see how I got this bad.

For now I will post occasional updates so if anyone on here genuinely cares about my wellbeing they can follow my progress.

I am going into treatment soon. I am not sure of what kind. Hopefully inpatient, maybe day patient. Possibly (but very much hoping is not) outpatient again.

But I will update you all.

[positive-affirmation]

99 Distractions for when you need them

Drink a cup of hot tea

Wear soft, comfortable clothes

Take a bubble bath

Take a long shower

Get a massage

Get a manicure

Read a magazine

Wash your hair

Wrap up in a blanket

Give yourself a facial

Colour a colouring book

Play with Lego

Blow bubbles

Light candles

Read your favourite children’s book

Make a snack

Have a nap

Watch a funny video

Watch a good movie

Read a joke book

Watch the clouds go by

Play with a pet

Drive with the windows down

Braid your hair

Do a crossword puzzle

Research a topic

Complete a maze

Play a word game

Organise something

Listen to a podcast

Visit your local library

Plan something

Write in a journal

Talk a walk

Wash the dishes

Stretch

Dance around your room

Iron your clothes

Water your plants

Go to the park

Cook a nice meal

Hoover the house

Drive to a new part of town

Hula hoop

Practise your yoga

Play tennis

Rearrange your bedroom

Go for a swim

Run through the sprinkler

Wash your sheets

Ride a bike

Go bowling

Weed the garden

Call a friend

Make a gift for someone

Write a thank you note

Write a letter

Meet up with a friend

Visit a nursing home

Message someone you love

Invite someone to go shopping

Bake bread

Send an uplifting, kind anonymous message

Doodle

Invent something

Paint

Play an instrument

Make an instrument

Draw

Create a video

Draw yourself as a cartoon

Visit an art museum

Watch the buskers in town

Do a craft project

Try out a new recipe

Plan a new outfit

Decorate your room

Meditate

Pray

Listen to guided meditation

Download a new game

Level up in an old game

Take photographs

Compliment someone

Call your parents

Play with your siblings

Find new blogs to follow

Give yourself a pep talk

Moisturise

Tidy your room

Update your blog theme

Make a smoothie

Design your dream house

Paint your toenails

Clean your makeup brushes

Write a story

Clean the fridge

Organise your wardrobe

Watch a full season of a new show

[anyamee-deactivated20180415]

<3_<3 I needed diz

[dolls-fingers]

Reblogging for me

[ob-sess-ivee]

I JUST BINGED FOR TWO DAYS STRAIGHT AND DIDN’T GAIN A SINGLE POUND!!!!!!

💕🔮REBLOG FOR BINGE IMMUNITY ~ PROTECTS YOU FROM GAINING AFTER THAT AWFUL BINGE🔮💕

[thatskinnybae]

[skeletons-in-the-kitchen]

14 calorie vegan birthday cake ice cream 🌈

vegan ice cream is so FUCKING expensive, don’t even @ me. it’s 5.99 per pint, and that’s when it’s on. sale. ALSO that shit’s like double calories of dairy ice cream since it contains literal blended up nuts which are SO good but contain TOO many cals for me. so last night i’m like, let’s just fucking make some, you bitches! and this recipe was born (inspired by this one from @ana-kitchen but i found that one was way too sweet and tbh kinda gross, so like. yeah)

welcome to vegan ice cream paradise, my friends. enjoy your stay.

ingredients

1 can of chickpea aquafaba* (preferably a low-sodium or no-sodium brand, otherwise the ice cream will taste very bean-y) (5)

1 tbsp stevia (0)

¼ cup + 1 tbsp Splenda or other sugar substitute (0)

2 tsp vanilla extract (24)

½ tsp almond extract (0)

OPTIONAL (BUT RECOMMENDED FOR THE FULL BIRTHDAY CAKE EFFECT):

¼ cup rainbow sprinkles (240)

*i know you’re probably wondering… “what the everliving F U C K is aquafaba ??” short answer: the liquid that canned beans come in, or the liquid that is produced when you boil dried beans. long answer: there’s really only a short answer

how to cream that ice (wut)

Mix everything together in a medium-sized bowl.

Use a hand mixer and give that shot a good whipping for about 5 minutes, until medium to medium-stiff peaks form.

Pour it into 3 vessels (and freezer-safe container, preferably with a lid).

Freeze at least 12 hours, maybe more, but until it’s, you know… frozen.

Enjoy!!

Recipe makes 3 servings at:

14 calories each without sprinkles

94 calories each with sprinkles

[dysmorphia-dysphoria]

My favorite feelings

My stomach hurting from hunger

My muscles feeling weak after working out

[shrink-till-skinny]

REBLOG IF YOU NEVER FEEL GOOD ENOUGH

[chanminsoo-deactivated20190921]

and the counting doesn’t stop

“twenty steps are one calorie”

“if one biscuit has around 200 calories, the half of it has 100. that means if i eat a quarter, it’s only 50 calories.”

“to burn this apple i have to walk 1,600 steps”

“how many calories did i eat? how many did i burn? what’s my net? can i eat one grape or not?”

and it doesn’t stop.

you count, and count, and count.

until everything you see becomes numbers.

you become a number.

and it’s so hard to stop.

[anewwayforme]

It makes me so nervous when people are looking at something on my phone.

I’m scared I’m gonna get a notification from tumblr saying something obvious like ‘I-REALLY-FUCKING-HATE-MYSELF-IM-GONNA-STARVE-FOREVER-99LB-UGW-BINGE-PURGE-69 just reblogged your post’

[coolskeletonmemes]

[theweightofbeingme]

DON’T MAKE COMMENTS ON CHILDREN’S WEIGHT

[milfoiil]

This is the fucking reason for my disorder

[greenteaslim]

IF YALL SEE THIS PLEASE REBLOG IT

[finding-happiness1-deactivated2]

Never not reblogging

[doubtersgetnocookies-deactivate]

please don’t, theres nothing sadder than a child refusing to have desert because of their weight 

[letme-bebeautiful]

FUCKING. PREACH.

[bony-eden]

Me: *eats the proper amount of calories*

Ed: congratulations on your binge bitch

[thisthinspoblog]

99 calorie stir fry 🥦🥕

½ carrot - 12 cal

½ zucchini - 17 cal

¼ cup broccoli (cut up small) - 13 cal

1 medium mushroom - 10 cal

½ stick celery - 5 cal

1 clove garlic - 4 cal

2 tbsp soy sauce - 18 cal

1 tsp brown sugar or honey - 16 cal

¼ tsp (a couple drops) vinegar - 0 cal

2 tsp sriracha (optional) - 12 cal

Pepper to taste - 0 cal

Start by frying the celery, carrot and broccoli. Add half the soy sauce and a couple tablespoons of water because there’s no oil. Also this will help them soften.

Add pepper and any other spices you want (coriander seeds, nutmeg etc).

Once the vegetables have softened a little, add the zucchini, mushroom, garlic, vinegar, sriracha, sugar, and the rest of the soy.

Cook until softened, adding more water if needed to stop it burning.

That’s it! Serve it hot and enjoy x

Optional additions:

½ bell pepper - 10 cal (total 109)

1 tsp grated ginger - 3 cal (total 102)

2 tsp hoi sin sauce - 13 cal (total 112)

¼ cup cooked rice - 50 cal (total 149)

2 lettuce leaves (to have it like san choy bao) - 10 cal (total 109)

This recipe makes quite a lot of food but is low cal so it tricks your brain that you’re full, and other people think you’re eating enough!

💫 Let me know if you guys want me to post more recipes 💫

🌸requests are open🌸

Stay safe dolls x

B

[i-want-to-be-thinspirational]

Recipe #2

Zucchini lasagna boats (zasagna? 😂) (Per 1 boat = 50kcal)

I made these for the whole family and they never suspected a thing about how low cal they were 😂 I guess that just shows how rich in taste and flavour they are!!

Cut your relatively uniform zucchini in half (we will be using only ONE of the haves), and then using a spoon hollow it out, leaving around ¼ inch round the sides. Remember that 100g zucchini = 17kcal (recipie kcal count based on 1 zucchini half weighing 100g, adjust the kcal according to how much your half weighs).

Prepare tomato sauce- add 80g tomato puree (30.4kcal) to mixing bowl and add 50ml water because the sauce will evaporate a lot in the oven. Then add salt and pepper and also garlic, onion and ginger granules (or fresh if you have some) to taste. The garlic, onion and ginger will boost your metabolism, you can also add some chilli flakes for one extra kick.

Pour sauce into boats and add some oregano and basil for that authentic Italian taste.

Cover with foil and bake in 400F/195°C oven for 40mins

Uncover and cook for another 5mins (at this point if you want, you can sprinkle some cheese on top before you put it back in for the 5 mins, but just be aware that it will add between 25-50kcal more to your meal).

Leave to cool and enjoy!

If you want to, you could also cook some mince and put it into the sauce before you put the zucchini in the oven the first time, but remember that it’ll add extra kcal.

TOTAL: 47.4kcal per boat

[wannabe-alice2]

~ Low Cal Paella Recipe ~

260 calories | 25g Protein | 7g Fat | 25g Carbs

Time needed: 60 minutes

Keep reading

[i-want-to-be-thinspirational]

Recipe #1

Zoodle Bolognese (50kcal)

Yes, this whole bowl is literally just 50kcal!!

Lately, Ive been into gardening, and a couple of months ago I planted some zucchini (or courgettes in some countries) and I have a LOAD of courgettes now that I have no idea what to do with.

Luckily for us thou, theyre suuuper low cal.

So, let’s get right into the recipe.

Spiralize 100g zucchini (17kcal) with spiralizer/julienne cutter or just with a knife and a lot of patience 😂 if you are unsure how to make the zoodle, go search it up of teh big wide web 😂.

Make tomato sauce- take 1 cherry tomato (3kcal) and cut into slices. Then dilute 80g tomato puree (30.4kcal ) with some water untill you reach desired consistency (the more water you add, the more sauce you get 😂) and add chopped cherry tomato to it. Pour all this into a pan on teh store and simmer for 5mins. During this time, you can add a pinch of salt, pepper, garlic granules, onion granules and powdered ginger (or some of the fresh stuff if you have it). All of this will increase your metabolism. You could also add some chilli flakes for some extra metabolism kick 😂.

Put zucchini into bowl and microwave on high for 1 min.

Take sauce off stove and mix with zucchini and garnish with some fresh basil/oregano or whatever spice you fancy.

ENJOY THE 50.4KCAL MEAL!!!

This meal has hands down have to be one of my favourite go tos when I need a meal, it’s super tasty and somehow really filling- it makes quite a substantial meal!

Be sure to say if you make it and what you think!