Ebareaalne maailm

Fragments of my mind Main blog - @v2ike-mesimumm

[ebareaalnemaailm]

Ta vaatab mind nagu ma oleks lõpuks lahendanud tema jaoks küsimuse, 'Mis on elu mõte?'.

[ebareaalnemaailm]

Who am I? I am everything and I am nothing. Cause everything will eventually become nothing thus nothing will become everything.

[ebareaalnemaailm]

House eaten by time

I feel like an old worn down house. Where the once fine print wallpaper is peeling off of the walls. The ugly and sickly monotonous print still distinguishable, even after all these years.

Windows are barely hanging by the rusted hinges, either by a miracle or someone's excellent handywork. Maybe both. The winds breeze doesn't stop to ask if it may come in anymore, it hasn't for a while. With cracks and holes covering the window panes like a new trendy Christmas decoration it doesn't have to.

Going to the second floor is strictly not recommended. Every step upstairs is met with a loud creak, a dangerous gamble of 'will it hold'. Honestly, there should be a big sign that says: "Proceed with caution!".

Half of the roof is missing from its rightful place, shattered on the attic floor. Funnily enough, looking a bit like a skillfully installed mosaic floor. A sad attempt at that, sure. But an attempt at deception, an illusion.

Mold has settled into every damp corner and snug every object with its black blanket. Trying its hardest to show love and affection to the entire house, the only way it can, by absorbing.

Only cobwebs hug the dark corners of the residence now. Collecting dust and debris. Abandoned by their creator, neglected, like the house. What a dangerously beautiful decay.

[ebareaalnemaailm]

I try to wake up, but in vain. Sometimes though, I don't even try. I might even like this to an extent. This experience that almost feels forbidden.

The strangers voices in the darkness. Speaking in a way that doesn't make sense. But always calm, happy, excited. If I try to listen too closely. If I try to take control, then I risk waking up. So I let them ramble, on the off chance to understand them.

Sometimes it's like listening to a radio station. But listening to five different ones at the same time. Different melodies and different people singing at once. Each trying to outshine the other.

But sometimes I start seeing the room I'm in. Distorted, always a little bit off. Like something from another dimension. Something that isn't suppose to exist.

That's when the panic sets in. That's when I need to get out. Because that's when the creatures start crawling out. Feeding me lies, trying to manipulate my view. Holding me in place so I wouldn't leave. Like trying to terrify my soul out of my body. So they can take it for themselves.

I try to turn my head, pry my eyes open. I try to do something to lift their spell. This intense exhaustion. And when I finally wake up, I wonder a little. Was it actually all in my head?

[ebareaalnemaailm]

Väikeste kildude kogumik

Tihtipeale inimestest jäävad alles vaid mälestused, väikesed killud, mis saadavad meid terve elu.

Nostalgiat täis ajad, kui maailm nägi välja liiga suur ja kui väljas kostusid mänguhoos rõõmukilked.

Need päevad kus koos sõpradega mõtlematuid lollusi tegite, ning seejärel ühtselt täiskasvanutelt sõimata saite.

Aga ka sünged, hingest kinni tõmbavad momendid, mis piinavad just siis, kui oled oma mõtetega üksi.

Mälestused mis pigem mataksid sügavale enda sisse, peidaksid nad ära, et ei peaks enam neile mõtlema, neid taas elama.

Kuid mis oleks hea ilma halvata või kas üldse oleks üht ilma teiseta. Naeru ilma nututa, armastust ilma vihata, rõõmu ilma kurbuseta.

Kõik need väikesed killud vorbivad meid läbi selle teekonna ja teevad meist selle kes me oleme täna, kogu oma hea ja halvaga.

[ebareaalnemaailm]

Natures songs

The nature is always singing us songs. Melodies of the early morning dewy breeze and the moonlights gentle caress on the sea. The rustle of leaves in the fall and the quiet crunches of the snow beneath our feet. The distant rumble of thunder and the falling of the last raindrops after storm. The creaking of ancient trees and the low hum of the bees in the spring. Nature is always blessing us with its mesmerizing tunes, but oftentimes we are too busy to notice, or forget to appreciate them entirely.

[ebareaalnemaailm]

Universum anna mulle märku

Kõik ootavad mingit ülimat märki, ta ootab, ma ootan, Sa ootad. Kas poleks lihtsalt lihtsam alustada seda värki, kirjuta see kiri, kaua sa loodad.

Kas jäädki ootama mingit imevärki või miks üldse nii palju pabistad. Kurvem oleks kui ühel enam poleks elumärki ja sa lihtsalt kardad, et koperdad.

Kas nüüd süüdistad iseenda tähemärki või lõpuks mõistad, et rääkida võid endale seda mürki, sest sisimas tegelikult tead, et kõike sa suudad.

[ebareaalnemaailm]

Being in the spotlight has never appealed to me, so here, from the shadows, I'll keep rooting for you.

[ebareaalnemaailm]

Baby blue walls

One day, when I woke up, I realized that my baby blue walls had become gray. From then, a week went by, and I could see a little crack on one of the walls. Barely noticeable, I didn't pay it any attention. Cause that's what happens, even the most durable object dwindles with time.

A month passed by and the crack had gotten bigger. Its sharp edges had become visible, and all of a sudden, I could hear whispering, a soft murmur, coming from the crack, filling the silence. So I covered it up with tape, to make it look normal, to make it quiet again.

After six months had slid by, the crack on the wall had gotten even greater. It was covering the wall from floor to the ceiling and the tape had fallen off. The whispering had only gotten louder by the day, and from time to time, I could feel something, or someone, watching me, analyzing me. I tried my best to tape it up again, make it seem okay, but I was just so tired, and the result looked flimsy.

A year slipped by and the crack was no longer a crack. It was almost like a hole now. The whisper had become a clear voice and the eyes behind the hole, that resembled too much of my own, had started deciding things for me. The voice kept telling me what to do and what not to do. I was drowning in exhaustion, so I let it take the lead. I let it control me. I let it take My Years.

[ebareaalnemaailm]

Like a dream

I held your hand reluctantly, because I didn't know if you'd want me to. I held it tenderly, so you could pull away if you wanted to, but you didn't. You held on hesitantly, I could feel it, but you didn't let go. You never let go.

[ebareaalnemaailm]

Your universe

I look into your eyes and I wonder, what goes on behind those sparkling stars. I wish I could see inside your eternal universe. Your magnificent galaxies, your unstoppable black holes and your hidden dark energy. I wish I could see everything behind those luminous spheroids of plasma.

[ebareaalnemaailm]

Mul on väike parasiit, ta üüri ei maksa ja laastab siin, ta on põhjus miks kolisin siit.

[ebareaalnemaailm]

Ma annan ja ma annan

ja ma annan,

ainult killud nüüd jäänud.

Tuulevilin laulab läbi mahajäetud maja,

ta võtab, ma annan,

ta ei küsi, ma annan.

Kesköö pehmed pisarad meid katavad,

ta ei tea, ta ei hooma,

ta ei tunne seda kui palju teda a...,

vahet pole, ma annan.

[ebareaalnemaailm]

Hall

Hall on harilikuga tõmmatud joon ja pilvedega mattunud taevas.

Hall on ununev minevik ja täielik tühjuse tunne.

Hall on su natuke liiga suur dressikas ja su udukarva silmad.

Minul seostud selle tuhmi värviga alati Sina.

Kuid Sa pole ainult hall.

Sa oled punane nagu esimene armastus

ja kollane nagu suveõhtu päike.

Sa oled sinine nagu piiritu meri

ja roheline nagu paksud kuusemetsad.

Sa oled kirju nagu sügispuude lehed

ja vikerkaar taevas.

[ebareaalnemaailm]

Valed

Kui arvad, et ei tea, siis eksid.

Kui arvad, et ei tundnud, siis tea, et tundsin.

Kui üritad seda peita, tea, et nägin.

Kui üritad sellega mängida, pead mängima üksi.

Kui valedel pole põhja ja su silmad nii tühjad,

siis tea, et see mida külvad, seda lõikad.

[ebareaalnemaailm]

Mesimagus jutt

Ta rääkis mulle mesimagusat juttu.

Ta rääkis taevas säravatest tähtedest

ja pehmetest sulgedega patjadest.

Ta rääkis varahommikul laulvatest lindudest

ja ookeanis laksuvatest lainetest.

Ta rääkis värvilistest suhkruvattidest

ja vanaema soojadest pannkookidest

Ta rääkis igavesest armastusest

ja enda suurtest tuleviku plaanidest.

Aga ta ei rääkinud mulle ühte asja.

Ta ei rääkinud sellest noast mu seljal,

mille ta sinna nii vaikselt, nii vaikselt surus.

Ei aitanud valuvaigistid, ei plaaster ega side.

Nuga oli sügaval ja veritses mu süda.

[ebareaalnemaailm]

Märkamatult

Võib-olla selles elus me rohkem ei kohtu

ja sinust lahti laskmises varsti enam ei kõhkle.

Praegu aga süda tahab sind, kui peavalu rohtu.

Kuid nii nagu kaob valu, märkamatult, nii varsti sinustki ei mõtle.