"She sorrowed into death, tracks of tears like cuttings on her skin. That look I didn't know, it was reproach. You take my treasure and my blood, the part of me that's yours, and watch me go. The wanted part. You stand and watch me go into the last sighting."
Bertie Carvel as Adam Dalgliesh
Dalgliesh 2.01 (2023)
Afraid to Feel (Sex Therapist!Baelor Targaryen x Reader)
A/N: Virgin Island is actually good for inspiration whaaaaa…
(Goes without saying but pls do not take any sex therapy/intimacy counselling advice from this. All my knowledge is from Virgin Island and even then it’s probably all unethical so just… yeah. Also, I googled it, and usually surrogate partner therapy requires three people but we’re going to pretend that it’s ok that the therapist IS the surrogate partner…)
Summary: After your therapist recommends that you seek intimacy counselling, you find yourself in Baelor’s office, pouring your heart out about your fears and inexperience. You’ve just started dating someone new and you want to be comfortable getting intimate. Baelor is committed to getting you comfortable experiencing intimacy, even as the lines begin to blur…
Word count: 22.1k (ummm… sorry)
Tags: 18+/MDNI, AFAB reader, (significant) age gap, younger!reader (of legal age), virgin!reader, very inexperienced!reader, probably unethical practices, discussions on fear of intimacy, personal insecurity (particularly around body image and one’s self perception - while it is not specified that it is a curvy/chubby/plus-size reader, there is mentions of worry of being too heavy), discussion of mental health (i.e. having bad mental health but no details), SMUT: oral (f!receiving), fingering, PinV sex, kind of cheating in a way (reader has a boyfriend but is getting down with Baelor in the name of therapy), never proofread, (please let me know if I missed any)
Disclaimer: I do not own any ‘A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms’ characters. I do not claim to own any of the ‘A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms’ characters. I do not own any pictures used nor do I claim to do so. Your media consumption is your own responsibility.
Always appreciate comments, likes, and reblogs :)
The waiting room was… normal. You weren’t sure what you had been expecting. Of course it was normal. Why would this office be any different to the other waiting rooms and offices you had been in? Just because it was a… yeah, ok. You still couldn’t quite admit it, couldn’t quite get yourself to say it, to even believe that you were doing this. How had you been convinced into doing this? No, no, this was a good thing, Vivian had said so, and you trusted Vivian.
The chairs were soft and comfortable, which was the most surprising thing about the waiting room, you supposed. The lighting was low and comfortable, warm yellow lamps on the little corner tables. The receptionist had checked you in, but this space was after her desk so you felt quite alone. The walls were painted a dark colour, and the wood accents were all dark as well. You felt rather cozy now that you thought about it, snug and protected. There was something to be said about the dark actually being good for comfort and vulnerability.
You were dressed comfortably, soft trousers and a full sleeve top, trainers on, light jacket for the cooler weather (despite it being springtime), and your usual bag on your arm. You resisted the urge to keep checking your phone, to use it as your safety net as you usually did. You and Vivian had been working on that too, a sort of side bit of homework to help you become more comfortable being in your own skin, of being on your own.
There was art on the walls, and you turned your eyes to it. It was all beautiful, the kind of paintings you yourself enjoyed, a mix of impressionist and renaissance style, either blurred or hyperrealistic, glossy and shadowed in the lamplight. There was one of a dragon, black and sharp, tall and imposing, looking down at a singular man standing on a beach. It was stormy around them, and the man was a miniscule thing next to the beast. But there was a connection between them, something soft and unspoken, mutual respect perhaps, or even care. It was a rather simple picture on the face of it, but you fell in love with it at that moment.
There was only one door going off from the waiting room, and it had been shut since the moment you had arrived, but now it opened, a little swiftly, and a man stepped out just enough so that his feet were over the threshold but he was still holding onto the doorknob with one hand. In the other was a clipboard, held up a little so he could read from it, then he turned up to look at you and smiled gently.
“Hello, Y/n, is it?” You nodded quickly, eyes a little wide, lips parted. “Am I pronouncing that right?” He asked kindly, frowning a little and mouthing it again.
“Yes! Yes, perfectly, thank you,” you jumped in, nodding and clutching tightly onto your bag strap.
He paused for a moment, looked you over, then with that same soft smile he stepped back a little into the doorway and nudged his head into the room.
“Would you like to come in?” He asked, and you nodded quickly, eyes still a little wide as you jumped up and hurried into the room, like a little mouse scurrying around when the cat has finally found them.
You could not quite absorb what he looked like. It felt… too good. That was an odd thing to say. You shouldn’t be describing an intimacy therapist like that… But it was also true.
He wore a dark turtleneck, black and rolled up at the sleeves to display strong tanned forearms. He had little freckles on the skin there, dark but fine hairs, and big hands, long fingers and veins. He had a beard, a little scruffy but well-looked after, and wavy hair that had gone grey and was now scattered with white. It was a bit messy too, rather like the beard. He seemed to run his hand through it in thought, ruining whatever combing he might have done in the morning, but you liked it that way. It made him more human. He had a soft set to his face when he smiled, deep lines creasing between his cheeks and his mouth, and he had one blue eye and one brown eye.
That was a little jarring at first, the stark difference, and you sort of wanted to compliment him on them, but he probably heard it a million times over, and you didn’t have the confidence to say anything like that to him just yet. Perhaps after working with him for a while you might do, but not yet.
His office was similar to the waiting room in the sense that everything was dark in here as well. There was a desk in the back corner, with framed degrees and certificates and awards on the wall behind it. A cork noticeboard was on the adjacent wall, the one that the side of the desk touched, and it was pinned with lots of things, calendars and reminders and pictures and cards. The desk itself was fancy, dark wood and carved with designs, and the computer on it was all sleek lines and high-tech. There were papers and folders on the desk, pens and post-it notes, but it was all neatly organised and he even had picture frames facing toward him. That warmed your heart a little.
The main bit was right in front of you though, a black leather couch with end tables on either side facing an armchair with its own end tables. There were already pens and paper and notebooks on the end table by the armchair, and there were lamps on each of them too, low yellow light with coloured and patterned lampshades. There were cushions on the sofa which made you happy, something to grab, something to hide with. All of this on top of a dark rug that looked lovely and plush. The sofa faced a wall of windows, lovely and big but covered by blinds right now to keep the room all cool and dim.
He gestured you toward the sofa, waiting for you to sit down before taking his own seat, fiddling with his clipboard and all the pens and papers on the table beside him. As he did that, you took your bag off and put it to the side of the sofa, rocking back and forth a little in your seat, looking around, frankly anywhere but right at him. You felt far too awkward. You took one of the sofa cushions and brought it to sit on your lap, feeling a little more settled with it covering you, but then you felt rude for taking it without asking. Finally, he settled a little into his chair, slouching slightly and looking far more comfortable than you, and smiled directly in your direction.
“Did Marion have you sign all the paperwork when you came in?” He asked kindly, just getting the ball rolling, you supposed, and you nodded, pursing your lips a little. “Just to go over it again, I prefer being as transparent and open as possible, even if it’s a little tedious. Everything you say to me, whether that be in this room or over correspondence is private and completely confidential unless I perceive that you intend to cause real harm to yourself or another person. While I will not record anything, I do take notes during the session and of course there will be a record of any communication via phone, message, or email, but again, this is all protected under confidentiality. Is that alright?”
He had no judgement on his face, just a serene look, this spiel practiced by now. You nodded again, and then felt stupid for not having said anything yet.
“Yes, uh yes, of course, uh… Mr Martell? Is that what I call you? Sorry, that’s a stupid question,” you wanted to hide your face in your hands, to physically shut your mouth by pinching it with your fingers, but you just clenched them in the cushion and darted your eyes away from his face, feeling hot all over from embarrassment. But he was smiling, nodding, twisting his pen around in his hands.
“You can call me what you like. If you prefer Mr Martell, that’s alright, and if you’d prefer Baelor, that’s alright too,” his smile was far too kind, it made you more conscious somehow. You nodded and attempted a smile of your own, but you could bet it came out strained and stupid.
Baelor had been careful since the start of his career to use his mother’s last name. He did not need his family’s reputation following him into this office, not in the career he had truly curated for himself. He had become used to being Mr Martell in one room, and Mr Targaryen in another.
You couldn’t look at him for too long, it was too intimidating, which meant your eyes travelled a lot, especially to the covered windows behind him. He noticed, because of course he did, that was his job wasn’t it, and turned to glance at them as well.
“Would you like me to open the curtains?” He asked kindly, half-twisted in his seat and looking back at you. You felt hot with mortification again, for whatever reason, and instantly shook your head.
“Oh, no, it’s ok.” You waved it off, chewing on your lip and glancing down, clutching the cushion a little tighter.
“Are you sure? It’s rather a lovely view,” he added, smiling still and you smiled at that, this one a little more relaxed than before, and a quiet huff of a chuckle left you.
“Yeah, no, it’s alright, don’t worry. Maybe next time,” you answered, rubbing at your cheek a little to attempt hiding your smile. It went quiet again, that heavy silence that came with expectation.
“It’s alright if you’re nervous,” he said then, something softer coming into his eyes, as if he was keenly aware of how you were feeling, as if he had seen it a million times before and wanted to comfort you. “It’s natural to feel that way.”
You let out a breath, closing your eyes for a moment and nodding, smoothing your hands over the cushion then looking at it instead of him.
“I’m really nervous. I don’t even know why, I agreed to this, but… I don’t know, I just am.” You felt a bit pathetic, your lips drooping a little naturally, and you heard his pen being placed down on the notebook. When you glanced up, he had laced his fingers together and was nodding at you, the smallest frown creasing his brow, concern it seemed like.
“Well, why don’t we start with why you’ve come to see me?” He asked gently.
You settled into your seat, leaning back a little into the softness of the sofa, allowing yourself to get comfortable. You liked his voice. It was silky, soft but intentional in your ears, and you had the sneaking suspicion that he only spoke words he deemed necessary. You liked that, it made you feel comfortable trusting him. You had been preparing for this question too, but now you felt a bit blank in the head.
“Um, well, my therapist, Vivian, recommended I try this, coming to see you, I mean. I’ve been working with her for a while, on a lot of stuff, but recently… Hm, I feel really awkward saying this,” then you did actually put your head in your hands, shaking it a little as you felt overcome with nervousness again, but he didn’t say anything, just shifted in his seat a little and gave you the space to say it. You cleared your throat, brought your hands down, and spoke facing the cushion on your lap. “I’ve never really been with anyone in a relationship before. No one asked me out at school, no one asked me out at university, nothing’s ever really happened. It’s not even for a lack of trying, which sounds so pathetic. Like, I tried getting on a dating app but I just couldn’t take it seriously, and the guys I talked to were either weirdos or it just didn’t amount to anything. Which leads me here, never even having kissed someone, and terrified of ever doing anything with anyone. And it gets worse, because finally, finally, a guy has asked me out, and he’s… amazing. He’s literally everything I could want, kind, patient, handsome, and I just can’t get over myself. He’s happy to take things slow, to work at my speed, but… I just feel wrong. I feel like I can’t get over this fear, and until I get over that, I can’t be a good partner for him.”
You pressed a hand to your face as you felt the overwhelming rush of tears to your eyes. You didn’t want to cry in your first session with him, didn’t want to cry over just explaining this, but you had felt so bogged down by it recently, overwhelmed by your own inability, that it was constantly on your mind and constantly tiring you.
You heard some shuffling, and without saying a word, Baelor had stood, taken a box of tissues and brought it over to the sofa. He placed it down near you, then went back to his seat, crossing one leg over the other and twisting his pen around in his hands again. He nodded wordlessly at your quiet thank you, waited for you to dab at your eyes and take a few deep breaths in, to look at him again, before speaking.
“Let’s unpack some of what you said there. You’ve met someone recently, and you’d like to be able to be intimate with him?”
“Yeah,” you nodded, smiling a little at the thought of him. “It’s still quite new, but I think he’s the kind of guy I could see myself marrying. But I feel like I can’t even imagine a future with him without addressing… this.” Baelor hummed and nodded, writing something down.
“And you spoke about your lack of experience. You mentioned that you haven’t really been in a relationship before?”
“Yeah,” you swallowed, grimacing a little. “I… All throughout school I watched my friends get boyfriends, or I watched people get partners and start having all these experiences that I just… never got. No one’s ever asked me out, no one’s ever seen me in that way. It’s embarrassing. I’ve confessed to my crush like three times and every single time I was rejected. I know it shouldn’t be, but it’s so demeaning and confidence killing. And then I’ve just never had the confidence to ever confess again. I got busy in the middle too, life and stuff, and my mental health was so bad for a while and just… I don’t know. I feel… I feel ugly, and unlovable.” You closed your eyes, swallowing harshly again, unable to look at him at the confession. You were opening your mouth too much, being too vulnerable too soon, you were sure of it. It was irrational, you knew that. You knew he wouldn’t get you up and throw you out and tell you all of this was true, but that irrational bit of your brain was rather annoying even at the best of times.
“I know it’s only your first time meeting me, but I can assure you with full confidence that you are neither ugly nor unloveable.” His voice was quiet when he said it, gentle but firm, and you blinked open your eyes, blurred with tears and stared right at him. He was not smiling now but serious, sure, firm in his belief. You licked your lips and nodded, eyes a little wide, and you wiped at them haphazardly, gathering yourself.
“We can take this slow as well, hm?” He asked then, gentle and smiling a little to comfort you. “We’ll start with just some more discussions, what you are comfortable with, what you actually want to achieve, and then I can make some other recommendations. Does that sound alright with you?” He tapped his pen against the notebook, punctuating his sentence with it, and you nodded quickly, smiling with relief.
And you felt it too, relieved. When you walked out of the session, there was already less of a weight on your shoulders. Instead it was replaced with the lightness of faith, of trusting that Baelor would help you, of trusting that you might actually be alright in the end.
“Why do you think there’s something wrong with being a virgin at your age?”
You were back in the office again, the same pillow on your lap. This time you had removed your shoes before stepping onto the plush rug. You had wanted to feel it a little closer, just under your socks, as soft as you had imagined, and you sat with your feet up on the sofa, curled around the cushion, chin on your knees.
“I don’t know,” was your first answer, automatic, too easy, and you knew by now that he wouldn’t let you get away with it. He stayed silent, waiting for you to actually think, to be honest. He always did that, you realised, stayed silent until you gave him something worth responding to. You would appreciate it more if it wasn’t so frustrating sometimes when you truly didn’t know how to respond.
He was wearing a button-up today, blue and white stripes, neat and ironed, unbuttoned at the collar so it was a little more casual. He had his smart trousers on, as he always did, with a dark belt that blended into the fabric, navy blue socks, and leather dress shoes. He was always smartly dressed, and though sometimes it made you feel a little insecure, underdressed, you also really liked it. It made him look lovely and clean, trustworthy.
“I feel left behind I guess. Like there’s something wrong with me because so many other people my age have already done this big milestone.” You picked at a corner of the pillow, almost mumbling as you spoke. “It’s not even just that I’m a virgin, it’s that I haven’t done anything. I haven’t even held hands with a boy let alone had sex with a guy.”
Baelor sighed and nodded, wrote something down then placed his pen flat on the paper, folding his hands on top of it. He looked you right in the eye, that serious and determined expression in them that always came with him saying something important that you should remember and pay particular attention to.
“I know it may feel odd, or wrong, but before anything else, you should know that there is nothing wrong with being experienced, whatever age you reach. It may not sound comforting, but unfortunately, sometimes that is the way life happens, with different experiences defining people differently. But again, there is nothing wrong with being inexperienced at your age.”
You nodded, but then stayed silent, chewing on your lip and glaring at the floor. Usually you would say something in response, would agree with him or repeat what he said to affirm it to yourself, but this time you remained lost in your own head.
“What is it?” Baelor asked, not allowing you to stew alone.
“It’s just… of course you would say that. Like… look at you. You probably never had to worry about this. You’re all… handsome and charming and older, like of course you would say that.” You said it with such confidence all of a sudden, like you believed it wholeheartedly, but when you finally absorbed the words that had slipped out of your own mouth, you instantly felt your heart drop into the pit of your stomach. You could not believe you had actually said that. How could you have said that to him?? Just because it was true didn’t mean you should have said it! Oh gods, now he knew you thought he was handsome and charming. Oh gods, he would terminate this. He would say it’s inappropriate, that you had crossed a line, that you didn’t deserve to get help and that this stupidity was the obvious reason why you were still a virg-
He was chuckling. You looked up to find him smiling brightly, eyes squinted, shoulders moving up and down a little as he giggled at your words. You smiled too, couldn’t help it because his own was so contagious, and all the tension that had begun to build inside you slowly melted out of your bones.
“While I appreciate the sentiment,” he finally said, still smiling as if you had charmed him with your little moment of unfiltered yammering, “my words are still true. I know it doesn’t feel like it, but it’s the truth.” You harrumphed a little, but nodded just the same, repeating it to yourself that you were normal, that this was normal.
You discussed a little more, spoke about how you should not feel shame, or should not take your lack of experience as a judgement of your worth and beauty, and you felt sufficiently exhausted by the end of the session. When there were about ten minutes remaining, Baelor paused and looked at you with that serious expression again.
“I’d like to propose something. I do not need your answer now, or even during the next session. Take as much time as you would like to deliberate, ask as many as you would wish, but please do consider it thoroughly. I think you may benefit from a more intimate approach to this. Your worries about your lack of experience seem to overshadow much of your other thoughts and I think it prevents you from moving on from some of your other insecurities. I would seriously advise you to consider surrogate partner therapy. I think it would allow you to gain some experience in a safe environment where you can ask questions and learn without feeling any possible judgement for your lack of experience.” He said it all with such a calm face, hands folded in his lap, and you nodded in response, chewing on your lip as you stared right at him, focused.
“Do some research of your own of course, to gain a better understanding of the concept, but essentially, you would have guided experiences with another person the same way you would with a romantic partner, and you would learn how to conduct it in a real-world scenario. Do you understand?”
“Um, I think so,” you answered quietly, nodding and chewing on your lip with a small frown as you flicked your eyes back up to meet his. “So… I would like… practice kissing with this person?” He hummed and nodded.
“You could. You would only do what you are comfortable doing, would go only as far as you wish to go. You could stop at hugging or hand-holding if you wished. It’s meant to be a comfortable environment to help you push past the physical elements holding you back.” You nodded again, glancing up at him with wary eyes.
“Who… would you be… who would… would it be with you?” You finally got out, heart clenching in your chest. He hummed and nodded, then moved his head side to side a little.
“It could be. While I am trained, I do not conduct it myself often. I haven’t in many years, and you should be aware of that. There are professionals we could find for you if you would prefer to do it with someone else, but I would be comfortable providing that experience for you if you are comfortable to have me do it.” He nodded again and placed his palms on his thighs, moving to stand up as he looked at the clock and realised the time.
“Ok,” you sighed quietly, standing up as well and moving to put your shoes back on, slinging your bag over your arm and heading for the door. “I’ll… I’ll think about it.”
“Of course,” he replied kindly, smiling at you as he waited for you to head for the door before reaching out and opening it for you. “I would hope you do. Take all the time you need. I’ll ask again during our next session but do not worry if you have not come to a decision.”
You nodded once more, smiled kindly at him, then bid him a quick goodbye before hurrying out of the office, popping your headphones into your ears and trying to sort through the million thoughts running through your head.
Baelor closed the door behind you, gathered up his notebooks and went to sit at his desk. He began typing up the notes he had taken during the session, adding anything he hadn’t thought of before. He paused for a moment, staring off into space. He hoped this would help you. He hoped you would say yes.
The weather had gotten a bit warmer, so you ditched the jacket for only a t-shirt during the session. You wore one of those pretty white cotton skirts, the tiered ones that everyone had nowadays and you thought sort of looked like a wedding cake, but again, you wanted to take advantage of the warm weather while it lasted.
You took your shoes off again before walking on his carpet, this time feeling the plushness between your bare toes, and you sat with your legs folded up and tucked beside you, making sure to keep the skirt appropriately covering you. You wrung your hands in your lap, fiddling with the fabric of your skirt, and only looked up at Baelor in short glances.
Baelor was a little dressed down too, a plain white undershirt peeking out at his chest under a vibrant electric blue button-down, his usual smart trousers in navy and his shiny dress shoes still making an appearance. He sat down with a quiet huff, bringing his notebook to his lap and tapping his pen on it as he smiled at you.
“You look rather more nervous than usual. Is everything alright?” He watched you carefully but without expectation and without judgement. You nodded quickly, an innate reaction, then paused, chewing on your lip before looking up and meeting his eyes.
“I- yeah, I’m fine, but it’s just… I think I’ve come to a decision about… what we talked about last time,” you finally broke out, smiling nervously and letting out a pathetic little chuckle.
“Oh? That’s good to hear. What is it?” He asked, settling a little more comfortably in his seat.
“I… think I’d like to give it a go. I trust you, and if you think it could help me then I’ll do it. But…”
“But?” He asked, raising one eyebrow as he watched you look down to the pillow you clutched in your lap again, picking at a thread by the zipper.
“I want it to be with you,” you mumbled, looking like a shy, scolded, child. You couldn’t meet his eye as you said it, couldn’t face your own decision despite making it. You knew he had said he would, that he felt comfortable doing it, but you didn’t want it to be that he had suddenly decided that he actually wouldn’t do it, and you would be embarrassed for asking. You didn’t want to see any sympathy in his eyes as he decided to let you down gently.
“Of course,” he answered gently, and when you looked up, he had that small serene smile on again. “Like I said last week, I haven’t done it myself in many years but I would be willing as long as you were comfortable.” You let out a long breath, sighing and smiling again, nodding quickly in response.
“Yes, yes, I am. Thank you,” you breathed out, smoothing your hands over the pillow in your lap and finally looking at him properly once more.
“Right, we don’t have to start right away if that was a worry for you. I won’t force you to jump into anything yet. We can just talk some more today, continue with what we discussed before,” he explained, gesturing with his hands and pen. You smiled again, nodding as you breathed deeply to calm any last jitters you had been feeling before. “But I would like to make one change if you are comfortable with that.” You looked at him with wide eyes, blinking slowly as you waited for him to expand, suddenly feeling tense all over again. “Would it be alright if I came and sat on the sofa with you? Just on the other end.”
“Oh,” you let out, blinking quickly before shifting so you were right on one end of the sofa then glancing at the other end, the spot he wanted to take up. “Yeah, yes, of course, if you want.”
He smiled kindly at that then stood up. He was tall. You had noticed it before of course, but now you were sitting down, sunken in a little into the plush cushions, and it made him seem even more imposing. He walked over and sat down on the other end of the sofa, relaxed and without worry. You felt it move under you, shift a little with his weight, and you curled up just a tad more, making sure your feet were tucked under your skirt and wouldn’t go near him. He sighed, slumping comfortably into the pillows, and crossed one leg over the other, ensuring he was at an angle so he could still speak facing you. His legs were quite close to you, and if you reached out with your hand you could place it on his knee. It was odd that you wanted to.
“Is this alright?” He finally asked, eyes flicking all over your face as you swallowed and nodded, your heart pounding a little.
“Mhm,” you assented, but your voice was a little higher pitched than usual and he could see you clutching the cushion on your lap a little tighter, but he decided not to comment.
“Does this make you nervous?”
“A little, yeah,” you whispered, fluttering your eyelashes at him. Baelor felt a pang of something in his chest but chose not to focus on it, looking instead at the way you settled further back into the cushions and watched him in return.
“What about this makes you nervous?” He asked quietly.
“I don’t know. You’re just… very close, and I’m worried that I’ll do something wrong.”
“What could you do wrong if we’re just sitting together?” He asked without an ounce of judgement. It pointed you toward the absurdity of your thoughts without making you feel bad for it.
“I don’t know. I guess that’s a good point. I don’t know, I guess I feel like I would sit weird or touch you accidentally when you don’t want me to and you would just instantly be repulsed by me.” You spoke quickly, as if suddenly desperate to tell him everything you were thinking, and he hummed and nodded. “Like, if you were the guy I have a crush on, and you came and sat like this, I would be freaking out. I am freaking out.”
“What would sitting weird do? Or accidentally touching me? What do you think would happen?” He asked gently, tapping his pen against the notebook in his lap.
“Realistically, nothing. In my crazy head? You would be repulsed by me and never want to come near me ever again and you would tell everyone that and I would die alone.” Baelor raised an eyebrow at you and you pursed your lips, nodding for a moment before sighing and giggling a little, hot with bashfulness. “I know. I know that’s unrealistic.”
“Good,” was his simple answer. Then he reached down and patted the side of his thigh. “Stretch out your leg, and imagine you’ve accidentally kicked me.” You looked at him, both eyebrows raising.
“Really?”
“Yes. Let’s play out the scenario. Reach out and tap my leg as if it was an accident,” he patted the side of his thigh again, face all seriousness, and waited for you to comply. He looked away to give the illusion of this being anywhere outside of a therapist’s office, and waited.
You reached out, gentle and hesitant, and lightly tapped the side of his thigh with your big toe. It was barely a touch, just enough to be felt, and he reached down and lightly tickled the sole of your foot. You squealed, jumped a little, and instantly curled your foot back into yourself, staring at him with wide eyes as he attempted to hide a smirk behind his hand.
“Baelor!” You squealed, mouth dropping open as a shocked laugh punched out of you.
“Is that not something you would have expected to happen?” He asked teasingly, and you giggled freely, perhaps for the first time since he had met you. He watched the way your face lit up, the way you rocked back and forth a little as you laughed. His chest felt warm at the sight. He was happy to see you happy.
When you finally caught your breath again, you leaned your elbow on the arm of the sofa and rested your cheek in your hand, looking at him from under slightly hooded eyes. “Weirdly effective strategy Mister,” you responded teasingly, and he hummed and nodded, smiling brightly.
You spoke for a little while. He asked how you were feeling over the past week, if you had seen your guy again, and you told him how you had been a bit busy with work, how you and him had been texting back and forth but you had been hesitant to accept any invitation to meet up. You still felt too nervous.
“Why don’t we try something else until the end of the session?” Baelor prompted after a moment, putting his pen down and shifting to sit up a little. You nodded, clutching the pillow to you. “Would you like to hold my hand?” He asked, leaning forward to rest his hand palm up on the seat between you. You glanced down to it, swallowing harshly, then nodded. You reached out, hesitant, and placed your palm on top of his.
His hand was warm, the comforting sort, like the kind of heat that emanated from a hot water bottle. His palm was soft, but he had callouses here and there, like he used his hands for more than just writing. Did he play sports over the weekends? Did he have a manual labour job at some point? Did he do a lot of DIY at home? You wanted to know all of these things all of a sudden, wanted to know how his hands became the way they were the moment you first held them.
He didn’t say anything, just watched you carefully place your hand in his. Yours was smaller than his, soft in the way that hands became when one was diligent about moisturising them. Gently, he threaded his fingers through yours, turning your joined hands over so his was atop yours, then turning them back over. He caressed the back of your hand with his thumb, slow strokes, and dragged his eyes up your arm then to your face.
“How does this feel?” He asked quietly, voice hushed to match the new heaviness in the air.
“Lovely,” you sighed, holding his hand a little tighter. You had gotten used to it far too quickly. You did not want to let go now. It felt safe, right. “I like this. It makes me feel good. Makes me feel… chosen.”
The two of you sat there together in silence just like that. You held his hand, and he held yours right back. He softly caressed the back of your hand with his fingertips, watching you shiver occasionally at the silky touches, at the teasing little drags. You could not say anything, and he chose not to. You were hit with the sudden urge to lift your hands and kiss his. You wanted it so much you were blindsided by it. The embarrassment at your own feelings burned in your cheeks and you tightened your grip on him as if he could read your mind and would throw you off in an instant.
The two of you sat like that until the end of the session, absorbed in your own thoughts, softly feeling each other’s palms. When the clock struck the final possible minute, you quickly pulled your hand back, breathing in deeply and looking anywhere but at him. Baelor smiled, soft and kind, and reached over to gently pat you on the back of the shoulder.
“I’m very proud of you for taking these first steps,” he said simply, fully sincere. He stood and waited for you to pull your sandals on before opening the door for you. You were still hearing his words in your ears, still feeling all warm and mushy inside because he was proud of you. You had made progress, done something scary and made him proud in the process.
“Thank you,” you mumbled quietly, but your face couldn’t help breaking into a smile. “See you next time.”
“See you next time,” Baelor waved once then shut the door when you had disappeared around the corner. He was smiling too.
“Might I hold your hand again?” Baelor asked, slumped comfortably on the other side of the sofa. He had sat there at the start of the session rather than taking up his seat in the armchair, and you were all tucked up on the other side, watching him.
“Mhm,” you answered softly, reaching out without hesitance this time and threading your fingers through his. This was the third session where he had asked this, and you were beginning to expect it now. You sat a little closer to him than before, bringing his hand to your lap so you could hold it there, fiddle with his fingers and his rings as you spoke. You hadn’t realised how comforting it actually was to be holding his hand during the session, to have that warm presence just there that somehow made it easier to delve into the darkest and saddest parts of your mind.
It was a couple sessions later when you initiated for the first time. The two of you sat down, and before he could ask, you gently reached out and said, “would you… would you hold my hand?” Baelor smiled, the kind that shined in his eyes too, and he nodded, reaching out and gripping your hand firmly.
He wore a dark brown, almost maroon, shirt today, with white buttons. It looked soft, thick like a jumper, but you didn’t think it was wool. You wanted to feel it. Another thought you batted away quickly.
“Have you become more comfortable with this action, do you think?” He asked, caressing your hand gently with his thumb as he readied his pen to write on his notebook atop his leg.
“Yeah, I think so. It doesn’t feel so daunting now that I’ve done it,” you answered honestly, smiling shyly at him.
“That’s good to hear,” he responded, “I’m proud of you for taking initiative.” You beamed again, body alight with the praise, then he slowly unthreaded his fingers from yours and put his notebook and pen onto the table beside the sofa on his side. “Why don’t we move it along again? Why don’t you come and sit right here?” He patted the spot directly beside him, “Right by me.”
You gulped and nodded, swift and shaky, then slowly began shuffling over the sofa seats. He was smiling softly, encouragingly, and you moved until the side of your thigh pressed to his and you could feel the warmth of his body gently emanating against your side. Your breaths were shallow, too light in your chest, and you attempted to focus on anything but how nervous you felt.
You could smell his cologne, something cool scented that you enjoyed, that inadvertently soothed you. You kept your arms tucked close to you, your hands clasped tightly together and pressed to your stomach. He was looking down at you, watching you situate yourself back against the sofa, and then he carefully raised up his arm and lay it along the back of the sofa behind you.
“Would you be alright with me wrapping my arm over you?” He asked then, his voice almost a whisper, and you turned to look up at him. You could see the peppering of white in his beard closer here, could see the occasional little freckle on his skin and the flecks in his eyes that added so much dimension and beauty to them. You nodded because your throat was too thick for words. He nodded in return before moving his arm to come rest along your shoulders, his hand curling around your upper arm lightly.
His arm was a little heavy, but it was the comforting sort, the kind of weight that made everything feel real and secure. He tucked you up close to him, bringing you in even further so your shoulder pressed into his ribs under his arm and you were practically leaning your entire body into his side.
You were hesitant to allow it, worried you would somehow make him uncomfortable or put him off, but he seemed determined to tuck you against him, to wrap his arm tight and snuggle you into his side. You brought your legs up, bending them and tucking them against you on the other side to where he sat, and it leaned you even further into him. He hummed a little and you felt the rumble in his chest, the transfer of it into you.
You breathed slowly, sucking in lungfuls of his cologne, shivering into his warmth. You wondered if he ran hot. He must do with how warm he was. You brought up the hand not tucked against him and carefully splayed it onto his chest, a bold move but one that felt right despite the tremble in your arm. You tipped your head back a little so you could look up at him, and he pressed his chin down to ensure your gazes met.
“Is this alright?” You whispered, allowing your hand to spread over the soft material of his shirt just above his heart. He nodded, the smallest motion.
“Of course,” he answered kindly, voice as low as yours, then his free hand came up and began caressing your hair. You hummed softly with pleasure, your eyes fluttering a little. His hand was big and his fingers were careful, threading through your hair and caressing along your scalp. You shivered, full body, and he felt it, smiling a little to himself at the way you began snuggling a little further into him, your limbs beginning to fully relax. You allowed your head to rest against the place where his shoulder joined his chest, your cheek pressing into the material of his shirt and the thick muscle there. Your eyes had closed now and you just rested there in his arms. Eventually he rested his cheek on top of your head, taking soft breaths that ruffled your hair a little. He smelt your shampoo, the lovely scent of it, and allowed his own eyes to be closed.
“How does this feel?” He asked, the smallest whisper, and you only hummed in response at first, far too busy enjoying the closeness, the softness and the warmth of being in his arms.
“Really good,” you finally breathed out. “I could fall asleep right here.” He chuckled, low and soft and the motion of it in his body moved through you too, like a baby being gently rocked.
Then Baelor lifted his head a little before leaning down so he was a bit closer to your face and said, “would you like to sit on my lap?”
He felt you tense against him, threaded through with steel all over again. He felt you shift back, sit up a little so you weren’t as cradled against him, and your hair brushed against his chin as you tipped your head back, muttering a quiet, “what…”.
“You can refuse if you do not wish to. I don’t want to push you farther than you are ready for. But if you would like, then why don’t you try sitting in my lap for a little while.” He had that soft patient look in his eyes again, the one that showed gentleness, care, trust, and not one ounce of expectation or judgement. You sometimes wish you could take that look from his eyes and wrap it around yourself like a safety blanket, carrying it with you everywhere you go.
You chewed on your lip a little, instinctively fiddling with the fingers on his hand, twisting his rings around as you mumbled, “are you sure? I… I might be too heavy.” Baelor’s face softened even further at that, and he gently caressed the back of your shoulder, a warm and comforting pet.
“Well, why don’t you sit on my lap and we’ll find out? If you are, I’ll tell you.” He paused then, stopping his comforting caress, and he gently brought his hand around to nudge the underside of your chin until you were looking up into his eyes. “Even if you are, that is not a judgement on anything. It does not somehow take away from you, nor signify anything about you. You remain a beautiful young woman.” He could see your eyes go glassy, the way you chewed on your lower lip as it naturally began to pout a little more with your tears. You breathed shakily and nodded hesitantly, shifting forward to get on your knees.
Baelor placed one hand carefully on your waist, shifting towards where you had sat before to give you a bit more space to bring your knee over. You slotted it into the space between his thigh and the arm of the sofa. When you were straddling him, both his hands spanning on either side of your waist, he looked up at you. You looked concerned, chewing on your lip, a furrow to your brow. Your hands had naturally come to rest on his shoulders, your fingers clutching the strong muscles there a little tightly. You could tell he worked out even through the shirt.
“Just sit back on my knees for now, hm?” He prompted quietly, watching you nod quickly then rest yourself down onto his thighs. He resisted the urge to caress up your body, to run his hands over your sides and cup your face the way he would do a lover. You licked your lips and glanced up at his face, the worry clear in your eyes. “Is this alright?”
“Yes,” you breathed out quickly, hurriedly, as if to appease him, and he just raised an eyebrow while waiting for your real response. “It is, I promise. I’m just nervous. I don’t want to do anything wrong.” He nodded, caressing his thumb back and forth over your waist. Your mind honed in on the motion. You prayed he would never stop.
“What could you do wrong?” He asked, so similar to all those sessions ago, and you almost smiled. Actually, you did, just a little one.
“Not sure, knee you in the groin?” He chuckled at that, squeezing your waist a little, and shook his head.
“Hm, realistic, but as long as you try not to, then I think we’re safe. And even if you do, then I’ll know it was an accident, and it won’t change anything. Right?” He nudged, nodding as if to guide your answer.
“Yeah, you’re right.”
“Good. It’s alright to be nervous,” he continued, tilting his head back to look into your eyes. “Even in a real situation, many people are nervous when conducting actions like that. It’s perfectly normal. But communication and trust are very important, and the more experiences you have with your partner, the more comfortable you’ll become.” You nodded, blinking quickly as you met his eyes and the small smile he offered you again.
“Can… Can I hug you?” You asked hesitantly, feeling hot with bashfulness. Why in the world were you so nervous just to ask for things? You wanted to berate yourself, to swallow the words back, but when his smile brightened, as if he was proud of you for taking the initiative again, your brain instantly quieted.
“Of course, come here,” he slid his hands around to your back, waiting for you to lean forward and tuck yourself against his chest. You shuffled your hips down a little then snuggled up against his chest, fluttering your eyes shut as you took long slow breaths. You tucked your face into the side of his neck, wrapping your arms over his shoulders and pressing yourself right against him.
You loved everything about this moment. If you were to die now, you could be sure you at least died happy. He was so lovely and warm. Truly, like having the heating on in winter, cozy and soft and… perfect. His smell was lovely too, his cologne something cool-scented. You imagined if water had a smell, that’s what it would be like, clean and smooth. He was strong and muscular, a firm presence under you. His thighs and hips forced your own open wide, and his stomach, chest, shoulders, were all expansive and perfect for you to find refuge in. The place where you tucked your face now, the soft stretch of his neck, was warm and his cologne was stronger there, probably sprayed there just before he left this morning.
You could feel his beard brush against your ear when you shifted, and you couldn’t help yourself from letting out a little sigh of pleasure. You snuggled a little further into him, eyes fluttering a little but remaining closed as you somehow relaxed even further into his grip. Baelor ran a palm up your back, gently caressing you along your spine, his large hand spanning far. He sighed too, the soft breath rustling through your hair, and allowed himself to rest his cheek against the side of your head comfortably.
“Mmm, this is nice, isn’t it?” He said quietly, and you gave a small nod, humming softly again. “While I do not claim to speak for all men, I cannot imagine that many would complain at having the comforting weight of a pretty young woman on their lap.”
You felt your entire body go hot. The flush crept through you, pulsing in your stomach and core, then gently reaching its warmth into your legs and arms, all the way up to your cheeks and ears and down into your toes. You held onto him a little tighter, swallowing down the whimper that wanted to tremble out of you. Hearing him call you pretty might be everything you needed in your life and more.
The two of you sat like that for a long while, just enjoying your shared warmth and softness. He would occasionally murmur something in your ear, something to speak about or something to remember if this ever comes up in a relationship. The two of you would shift sometimes, just to get a little more comfortable, but it was relatively still and silent.
When the session was nearing its end, he rubbed his hand up and down your back again and murmured, “you’re a good girl. I’m proud of you for taking these steps for yourself.” Your hands clenched into his shirt, your entire body feeling ready to tremble. Your legs tightened around him, a strong pulse clenching in your core. You felt it searing your insides, in your chest and right through to your nipples. This time a breathy sound left your lips, like a strong exhale, and you were instantly filled with embarrassment at it, curling in on yourself even further.
But Baelor didn’t say anything, just paused his rubbing and pressed his palm a little harder into your back. You pulled back a little, suddenly feeling too hot, and you blinked quickly at him, your eyes still a little dazed and lost. Your lips were parted, and his own were open just so, soft but quick breaths falling from him. You looked right into his eyes, trembling properly now. His hand came up, caressing over your shoulder, his fingers grazing your neck before he cupped your cheek. His thumb stroked over the side of your face, along your cheekbone and just grazed the corner of your mouth. His fingers were threaded through your hair, splayed along your scalp, and you felt engulfed by him, totally in his control.
You licked your lips, the quickest flick of your tongue. You would have kissed him if you had any confidence. He watched the motion, eyes flicking between your mouth and your eyes. He would have kissed you if he had any less propriety and control.
The ticking of the clock signifying the end of session pulled you both out of whatever trance you had fallen into. He glanced in its direction, head tilting to the side and giving you a lovely view of his jaw, and you quickly slid off his lap, falling back onto the sofa beside him before standing and beginning to smooth out your hair and clothes. You felt like you had been caught doing something wrong. You weren’t quite sure why.
Baelor cleared his throat a little, smoothed his hands down his thighs then stood as well, gathering up his notebook and pen from the table beside the sofa and holding it close to himself. He smiled at you, attempting a comforting look, though it came out a little strained.
“I would usually sit and debrief with you for a bit but I’m afraid we got a bit distracted. We’ll continue next time, alright?” He asked kindly, watching you nod hurriedly, a bit of a panicked look in your eyes. You had pulled your shoes on again and were clutching the strap of your bag tightly. “Y/n,” he called to you, gathering your attention once more. He reached out and gently patted the back of your shoulder, his smile a little softer now. “Well done.”
You smiled in return, taking a deep breath and nodding. You looked into his eyes once more, blue and brown, but both soft and comforting. One look there and you could feel your entire chest become smooth and soft and relaxed. You nodded once more and headed out the door, knowing you would be thinking about that moment for a long time to come.
“I didn’t feel very good yesterday,” you murmured to Baelor, chewing on your lip as you sat curled up in your corner of the sofa. He sat on the other end again, one leg crossed over the other, slouched down as he usually was, notebook on his lap and pen scrawling away.
When you had entered that day, he could tell you needed to speak. He didn’t attempt to initiate anything, just smiled and gestured for you to sit then sat down himself and waited. You were wearing jogger bottoms and a hoodie today, grey and black, far more colourless than you would usually be. You had toed off your shoes and curled yourself up into the corner of the sofa, barely even looking at him.
“How are you?” He had asked once you had both settled in, voice quiet and silky in your ear, and you had shrugged at first.
“I didn’t feel very good yesterday is all,” you murmured, like it was nothing, but he nodded without saying a word. After a moment of silence, you continued. “Some of my friends were going to the beach and I was just feeling like crap about myself. I was so scared of having to wear a swimsuit, of having to be so open with my body that I couldn’t… I didn’t even go.” You shook your head and brought your knees up close to you, chewing lightly at your fingernail and keeping your eyes focused on the floor. You curled your arms around your shins and just kept yourself tucked up, safe, hidden.
Baelor watched you carefully, the picture of despair before him made his chest hurt. He wanted to reach out and pet your head again, to grip your chin and force you to meet his eyes, to kiss lightly at your face and- no. No he didn’t want to do any of that. He knew that just telling someone they were beautiful didn’t necessarily do anything. You need to learn to believe it yourself.
“I don’t know, it feels worse somehow. I thought I was doing better. That insecurity hasn’t been that bad in a while. I’ve been swimming and to the beach, but… I don’t know. Yesterday I just felt horrible and I couldn’t… could barely look at myself in the mirror.”
Baelor placed his pen down and moved to put the notebook on the table beside the sofa. His chest felt a little too tight, and he took a moment to breathe before sitting up properly and leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. He looked at you for a long while, waiting for your face to smooth out from the pained expression and for you to open your eyes to look at him again.
“Before I tell you anything else, I want you to know I only see a beautiful person in front of me. Inside and out.” His voice was quiet but full of conviction, and you felt it right in your chest. You blinked quickly, the tears overflowing, wet streaks down your cheeks. You nodded quickly, the hot lump in your throat rendering you incapable of speech, and swiped haphazardly at your cheeks and eyes. You opened your mouth as if to say something then shut it again, pursing your lips and licking your tears off them.
Baelor took the box of tissues and placed it between you, nudging it gently in your direction. You nodded in thanks and quickly grabbed one to dab at your face and eyes. Baelor cleared his throat and leaned back into his seat once more.
“I have some homework for you,” he began quietly once more when you looked a bit more settled and your breaths did not rattle through you.
“Ok,” you whispered, nodding and looking at him with wide, innocent, eyes.
“I want you to think of at least three things you like about yourself. Real things, things that you can see in yourself. And I want you to tell yourself about those things. Say that you like those things about yourself, at least once every morning and evening until our next session. Alright?” His eyes were firm again, his mouth set in a straight line, and he waited to see you nod before going on. You were hesitant, chewing on your lip and tugging on the strings of your hoodie, but you did eventually nod, glancing up at him in quick little flicks.
“Right, good. I have more though,” he continued, and you smiled a little to yourself. Of course he wouldn’t let it be that easy. “I want you to take some time in the evening, whether it be tonight or tomorrow, to strip down naked, and look at yourself in the mirror.”
You reared back a little, snapping your head to the side to stare at him with wide eyes. His expression did not change save for the slightest raise of his eyebrows. You spluttered a little, curling your hands close to your chest.
“I don’t think I can do that,” you told him quickly, shaking your head and chewing on your lip again.
“You can, and you will,” he affirmed, and his tone left no room for argument. You opened your mouth to argue, to tell him you truly couldn’t, but he shot you one look, hard and steely, and you snapped your lips closed once more. You were sure that with that look he could make the entire world listen to what he had to say. So you bit your lip and nodded, and he nodded in return. “Good.”
You wore a pretty dress this time. Baelor felt… bowled over by it. He had not seen you in a dress yet. Though it did not show on his face, at least he hoped it didn’t, he felt his breath catch in his throat a little. Your hair was mostly loose, a cascade over your shoulders, a few strands from the front pulled back to keep it clear of your face. You looked better than last time, healthier, smilier. You wore something of soft cotton or linen, a wonderful pastel butter yellow, soft and beautiful on your skin. It was a simple summer dress, something pretty and easy to run errands in, and you wore matching ankle socks which made him smile.
“How are you today?” He asked, resting his arm casually along the back of the sofa.
He wore a plain white shirt under a black cardigan today, simple and soft. His sleeves were pushed up to his elbows giving you a wonderful view of his strong forearms. You felt like a demure Victorian maiden getting hot at the sight of them.
“Good. Really good. I went out for dinner with him a couple nights ago,” you told Baelor with a bright smile, hiding it a little behind your hand. He smiled too, nodding happily at your pure joy. It was lovely to see again. “And, you know what, if you tell yourself something enough times, you start believing it.”
“Ah, so you’ve been following through on your homework. That’s good to hear,” he perked up at that, picking up his pen once more and writing something in his notebook swiftly without even looking down at the paper.
“Mostly,” you told him hesitantly, looking a little embarrassed once more. You fiddled with a strand of your own hair, curling it around your finger and tugging on it gently.
“Mostly?” He prompted, raising one eyebrow in question.
“I’ve been doing what you said, picking out three things that I like about myself and telling myself that I like them every night. It’s been good. But…” you cleared your throat then, looking down at your lap as you mumbled, “I couldn’t get myself to do the other thing.” He paused, nodded once, wrote something in his notebook then looked at you again.
“Did you attempt it?” He asked.
“Sort of,” you nodded, “I stood in front of the mirror. And I looked at myself. I couldn’t… I couldn’t get naked. And I felt like crying every time I tried to say the words. I did eventually. But I couldn’t look at myself for very long.” You kept your head bowed, staring at your own lap rather than at him. You didn’t want to see his disappointment. You didn’t want to see his brow furrowed, his head shaking, a tut falling from his lips. He of course did none of those things.
“That’s alright,” he finally spoke, his voice quiet and comforting. He offered you a small smile when you glanced up to his face. “It’s a good start, I’d say.” You nodded in response but found you had nothing else to say.
Baelor stood up and walked over to the wall of windows. You followed him with your eyes, frowning a little when you noticed the thing he walked toward. It leaned against the wall but was covered in a brown cloth, and when he whipped it off, you realised it was a full length standing mirror. He brought it over to the open space between the windows and his armchair, standing it securely before turning to you.
“Come,” he beckoned, waving you over with one hand as the other sat comfortably in his pocket. You gaped at him, standing only because your body innately followed his orders. You padded over to him, hands sliding into the pockets over your dress and clenching into fists there to stop the trembling in your limbs. Despite your wariness, you still stood close to him, your arm brushing against his. You were careful not to tuck any closer despite how much you wanted to.
Baelor walked behind you, carefully placing his hands on your upper arms. His palms were warm and dry against your skin. He looked into your eyes in the mirror, waiting for you to nod to say you were comfortable before continuing. He walked you forward until you were in the centre of the mirror, reaching around to nudge your chin slightly to make sure you kept your head up and your eyes on the reflection. Your face felt too hot. Then he let go of you, not stepping back but not holding on either. The smell of his cologne stayed in your nostrils though, something hot and a little spicy today.
“Right, look at yourself,” he guided quietly. He watched on carefully, making sure you followed his instructions. He watched you peruse your eyes up and down yourself, something hesitant and a little pained in them. “Good,” he whispered, before carefully dragging his fingertips down your arms. You felt them touch the curves of your elbows, felt the whisper of them on your forearms, and you shivered. He grasped your wrists and pulled your hands from your pockets, placing them at your sides before removing his grip and putting his own hands into his pockets.
“I want you to look yourself in the eye, and I want you to say, ‘I am beautiful’. Can you do that?” He was patient, so so patient, you thought, and you wanted to do this for him. He probably would have told you to do it for yourself if you had voiced the thought, but you felt it anyway. You gulped, a harsh movement in your throat, and nodded. You met your own gaze in the mirror and trembling said, “I am beautiful.”
Your voice came out a whisper, hesitant and stilted, but the words were out in the air now. You glanced up in the mirror and he was nodding, a hint of satisfaction in his eyes, and you wanted to bathe in it.
“Wonderful,” he murmured, “once more.”
“I am beautiful.” Your voice was more confident now, more firm, and you even nodded a little, standing up straighter. Perhaps if you pretended it was true, it might feel like it. Again he nodded, pacing a little behind you.
“If you feel comfortable, and only if, you could try taking off your dress,” he broached. He stood just behind you, meeting your eyes in the mirror. You couldn’t feel him per se, just his presence at your shoulder, and you blinked quickly up at his reflection. You wrung your hands together, looking down as you contemplated it. You could do it. You knew you could. You could.
You glanced up again, nodded, then reached back to grasp at your zipper. Your fingers were a little clumsy, slipping off the small thing, but eventually you managed to grasp on with a blush burning in your cheeks and pulled it down. You slid your arms out of the off-the-shoulder straps and then pushed the dress down until it fell at your feet.
Your eyes were clenched shut. You couldn’t look in the mirror knowing he was looking at you. You didn’t want to see anything akin to disappointment, to disgust and repulsion, on his face. You did not want to see pity, to see that look that said, “oh poor thing. No wonder no one wants her.”
You shivered a little at the cool air and crossed your arms tightly over yourself. You were wearing a pair of skin-coloured safety shorts, and your favourite go-to bra. You were not naked, but you felt it. Your breaths shook through you.
“Will you open your eyes?” Baelor whispered, and you felt him closer now, this gentle warmth at your back. You wanted to shake your head. You wanted to tell him no, that you could not, that you would put your dress back on and sit on the sofa and cry as much as you wanted. But you didn’t. You nodded, and carefully pried your eyes open.
You looked at his reflection before your own, and he was… he was smiling. His face was open, bright, proud. His eyes crinkled at the corners and his smile was breathtaking. You wanted to hug him. Rather, you wanted him to hug you, to wrap you up in his arms and tell you you were safe and beautiful and everything was going to be alright.
You shivered once more then looked at yourself. You ran your eyes down your neck, over the slopes of your shoulders and arms. You looked at your bra straps and the cups holding onto your chest, the expanse of your stomach and thighs, the waistband of your shorts and the crinkles of your knees. You looked over it all, and before he could prompt you, you swallowed and murmured, “I am beautiful.”
He sucked in a breath and nodded, whispering a “good” as you chewed on your lip and nodded too, the tears filling your eyes. Your face crumpled, and you felt a bit stuck. You could not look away, but you wanted to. You could not believe the words you had said, but oh how you wanted to.
Baelor stood just behind you, this young woman who could not see what he saw, and he felt this desperate sense of urgency inside of him. He wanted to hold your face in his hands, to curl you close and look into your eyes and tell you how beautiful you were. He wanted to whisper it right into your brain, to say it right to the source, to press it into your mind so you were forced to believe him. His breath was too thick in his chest as he looked at the tear tracks begin to shine on your cheeks. He… he wanted to kiss you. Yes, he wanted to turn you around, to wrap his arm around your back and hoist you to him, to cup your cheek and kiss you until you were breathless, until he was breathless.
Baelor blinked quickly, rubbing a hand over his mouth and looking away. No, he did not want those things. He did not want those things because wanting them was wrong, was unprofessional, was inappropriate, was unethical. You trusted him. You came to him for help and guidance, and he could not want that without betraying everything else. He should… he should separate from this. He should tell you that this could no longer continue, that he was too emotionally invested and it was not healthy for either of you. He should refer you to someone, perhaps pass you along to Rowan in the offices near Ashford or that new therapist from Lys. He should… he should let you g-
You turned away from the mirror, your hands clutched tight to your chest. Your face had well and truly crumpled now, and you were shaking with your sobs. Without a word, you threw yourself at him, wrapping your arms around his torso and pressing your face to his chest. You cried into the warm shirt there, eyes shut as you shook with your tears. He shushed you gently, his own pain at the sight clenching in his chest. He instantly wrapped his arms around you, bands over your back and shoulders. He tucked you close, his voice whispering softly against the top of your head, his lips pressing gently to your hair.
“It’s alright,” he soothed, “it’s alright.” You trembled in his grip. “Well done, darling. I’m very proud of you. Well done.”
Baelor held you tight and continued murmuring softly to you, rubbing one hand up and down your spine as the other kept you tucked up against him. He rested his head against yours softly, feeling you slowly quiet down, allowing his own heart to settle with yours. But when he glanced back up, when he met his own eyes in the mirror behind you, he only saw himself on the edge of a precipice, teetering far too close to the edge, only the gentlest push away from falling off…
You were sitting in his lap again, sideways on this time, leaning back against the arm of the sofa. You wore a white tank top and a pair of flowy black linen trousers, your fingers fiddling with the drawstrings.
“Is kissing really that good?” You asked quietly, your shoulders curled in a little. He rested one arm over your knees and caressed the outer side of your leg just so, his thumb running back and forth on your thigh.
“What do you mean?” He asked, brows furrowing a little as he turned to look at your face.
“I mean like… is it really that good? People are always making out and stuff… is it really that nice?” You chewed on your lip as you looked up at him, truly seeking an honest answer, and he smiled and nodded.
“Kissing can be wonderful. Done right, it can be extremely pleasurable,” he informed you, not stopping in his caresses. You nodded, still chewing on your lip, and he waited patiently for whatever it was you clearly wanted to say.
“The guy I’ve been seeing… he tried to kiss me last night.” You finally blurted it out, looking up at him with wide worried eyes. “We were on his sofa watching a film, and it was really nice. We even cuddled for a bit, and I felt… I felt so good. We were talking about something that happened in the movie, and he was smiling and looking at me, and then he started leaning in, and I just- I panicked, and I turned my head so he kissed my cheek. Then I pretended like I thought that was what he meant to do and just sort of cooed about how sweet he was. I kissed his cheek in return and like ten minutes later I made some pathetic excuse to leave and ran.” You groaned loudly and pressed your face into your hands, shaking your head in despair. “I can’t believe I did that. I must look so crazy and pathetic to him. For the first time in my life I have a guy who actually wants to kiss me and I can’t even do it.”
“Sh, do not say things like that. We do not call ourselves mean things in this office, hm?” He nudged quickly, grasping one of your wrists and tugging your hand down so he could look at your face. You kept the other hand up for a moment before dropping it too and meeting his eyes. You nodded but didn’t take back your words and he sighed. “There is nothing wrong with what you did. It may have been better for you to communicate openly, to tell him that you weren’t comfortable, or perhaps you didn’t know what you were doing, but there is nothing wrong with avoiding a situation you did not feel ready for. I do not want to hear you berate yourself for it any further.”
You nodded, sighing and allowing your shoulders to slump a little as you relaxed back against the arm of the sofa. You returned to fiddling with your drawstrings, glancing back up to Baelor’s face every now again.
“I’m just scared I’ll fuck it up. I have zero clue on what to do. Like, zero.” You looked him right in the eye as you said it, nodding your head as if to emphasise the point. “I know you put your mouths together but after that… nothing.” Baelor hummed in acknowledgment and turned back to you. His notebook and pen were on his other side, carefully out of your view, and he put his pen down once more. He looked up at you, smoothing a hand over your knee as he said,
“Would you like to practice?”
You blinked quickly, excitement surging in your chest. You bit your lip, hands tightening into fists as your insides began to flutter. Perhaps it was stupid and manipulative, desperate and naive, to have wished for this. You had wanted him to suggest this, had wanted him to want to teach you. You trusted him more than anyone, you had quickly realised, and the evening before had cemented it. You could only tell him these things, could only hope that he would help you with these things.
“Yes please,” you whispered, the smallest smile on your face as you reached out and softly traced the collar of his shirt. He was wearing another button-up, this one in pale blue, and it was impossibly smooth under your hands.
“Right, why don’t you straddle me again, like before, hm?” He prompted, shifting a little as you nodded and moved off. You stood just in front of him, your knees brushing his, and you looked down on him. His head tilted back to meet your eyes, and one of his hands automatically came up to rest on your hip. Your breath hitched a little in your throat, that simple touch searing, and you felt everything inside you tighten.
Baelor’s eyes drifted down over your body as you moved forward, bringing your knee up and into the space between his thigh and the sofa. His eyes traced down over your breasts, heaving a little with your quick breaths. Your nipples had hardened, and he could see them poking out through your bra and the thin tanktop. His mouth watered. He wanted to lean forward and press his mouth right there, to close his eyes and focus on the sounds that you may let out.
He gulped harshly, forcing his eyes away, and ran his hand down the side of your leg as you brought the other up and settled down on his lap. You sighed softly, running your hands along his shoulders, back and forth, before finally settling them on either side of his neck. You looked right at him now, not bashful little glances but an unabashed stare that traced over his salt and pepper beard, over the strong bridge of his nose, the small freckles that decorated his skin like kisses from the sun. You wanted to kiss each one, to press your mouth more places than just his lips.
His eyes were bright, colourful, and you looked right into them as you leaned a little closer, moving purely on instinct. His palms traced up your sides, one settling on your hip, the other continuing up and to your neck, then cupping the side of your jaw. You gasped, his grip was firm and tipped your head back just a little. His lips parted as he flicked his eyes down to your mouth. Your fingertips traversed up from his collar and gently touched the warm skin of his neck, the lightest trace, and he shivered a little. You felt it through you, in the places where your thighs touched his ribs, and you sighed breathily, leaning in even closer until your chest touched his and the tip of your nose whispered against his.
“Will you kiss me, please?” You asked, your voice barely a breath. You were trembling in his grip, and he let go of your hip to wrap his arm around your waist and hoist you even closer, until your core pressed right into his stomach. A small gasp left you. You felt hot all over, tingles turning to flurries in your stomach and chest. He was firm there, and you tilted your hips a little to press your core even harder there.
“Close your eyes,” he murmured, and you felt the barest hint of his lips against yours. You breathed shakily again, a small sound falling from your mouth, and his arm around you tightened, his grip on your face became firmer, and as your eyelids fluttered shut, he fully pressed his mouth to yours.
You hadn’t expected to be so… aware. You could feel everything. The tip of his nose pressed into the crease of your cheek. His face was warm and you could feel it against your own skin. You could feel his lashes brush the high points of your cheeks. His hands were searing on your body, somehow hotter now that his mouth had joined yours. His lips were wet, hot, moving gently against yours, coaxing your mouth in small suctioning motions. His beard was rough against your face, ticklish at your chin and cheeks and upper lip, and you almost felt overstimulated by it, torn between pulling away to make it stop and pressing harder into it. You chose the latter.
A small moan left your mouth and Baelor groaned a little, the sound rumbling through you and triggering another little sigh. Your fingers curled at the nap of his neck, clenching a little in his hair. Your body rolled a little against him, your breasts pressing into his chest and your nipples rubbing into the fabric of your bra. Baelor’s hand slid further back and into the hair at the base of your neck, his fingers clenching a little as a high pitched sound left your mouth.
He pulled back for a second, not far, just enough for him to be able to push back in again, a little more hurried, a little more fervent. He coaxed your mouth open with his lips, and you gasped, twitching against him at the feeling of his tongue slowly licking into you. Your nails pressed into his scalp, scraping there, and he shivered, groaning harshly into your mouth.
You pulled back quickly, huffing and heaving in his lap. Your eyes fluttered but you didn’t want to open them fully just yet. You were… overwhelmed. Your heart raced and your hands trembled and you so desperately wanted to dive back in again, to taste his mouth until you died from lack of oxygen. He tasted like the green Extra gum, sweet spearmint, and you hoped you tasted half as good to him in return.
Baelor looked at you with heavy eyes. You couldn’t tell what he was thinking. He felt… wild. Yes, that was the word. He felt like a wild animal. He wanted to grasp you by the back of your neck and pull you in again, to devour your mouth, to lick your tongue like a lion with a kill. He wanted to thrust his hands under your shirt and feel along your skin, warm and smooth and simply perfect under his palms. He wanted to know the weight of your breasts, to feel the ripple of your arse against him. He wanted to know how soft the skin of your inner thighs was and how wet your core could get. He wanted to run his fingers there, to press against your clit until you shook. He wanted to taste everything.
“That was…” you panted, eyes shining and sparkling. He had never seen your eyes like that. They were full of wonder and joy and made him want to kiss you again.
“That was very good,” he finally broke out, licking his lips and nodding, attempting to recapture a professional tone as he looked up at you. You shifted on his lap, not back or forward, just pressing down a little, and his breath hitched. He hoped you couldn’t feel the situation brewing…
“Yeah,” you sighed, blinking slowly but still looking into his eyes. “Yeah, it-it felt good.”
“Kissing can be quite instinctual sometimes,” he told you softly, allowing himself to relax into the sofa as you softened in his arms and nodded, brushing your nose against his without thinking. He caressed your cheek with his thumb, feeling the soft skin there. “You follow each other, listen to what seems to pleasure the other person. It is give and take.” You nodded again, glancing between his eyes and his mouth. Now that you had caught your breath, you wanted to kiss him again.
“Can we do it again?” you asked quickly, heat burning under your skin as you bit your lip and curled in on yourself a little.
“Yes,” Baelor sighed out just as hurriedly, and then he was leaning in once more.
Baelor sipped slowly from the crystal glass, his eyes unfocused where he looked out of the windows. He had pulled the curtains back after you left from another session, as if a vampire punishing himself with the sun. But the view was lovely at sunset, and he needed something to look at as he contemplated. He did not usually indulge at the office, but it had seemed necessary and the decanter was calling his name.
The clinks were satisfying, the stopper, the pour, the stopper again. It was a lovely amber in the glass, expensive even in its colour, and it slipped down his throat like water, hot and smooth. He drank the first glass quickly, one throw back, but was now savouring the second. He rested his elbows on the desk, slumped forward a little as he thought back to your session.
He was getting far too used to you crawling over to him now, to your sweet eyes as you batted your lashes at him and asked if you could sit in his lap again. He should have started saying no to you. He should have started building that separation back up again. You said you felt comfortable in his lap now, that you really liked it, it made you feel safe and honest. He should have stopped it right then when you had carefully admitted that in a whisper against his neck as you snuggled into him. He should not have wrapped his arms around you and hugged you a little tighter. He should not have pressed his mouth to your hair in a silent kiss and allowed his eyes to flutter shut.
You were becoming too close, too dependent, and it would not do. It was his duty as a professional to stop this at once and pull away, to refer you to someone else. Not just because you were too dependent, but because his own mind was straying. He looked at you sometimes and found it impossible not to smile. He felt things in his chest that he should not have been feeling as an objective professional. His hands were always tight with the need to reach out and touch you. His lips were always tingling with the need to kiss you.
Baelor sighed, clenched his eyes shut, and shook his head. He took another long sip from the glass, rubbing a hand over his face. He was not viewing you as a client anymore, and that was the most dangerous part of it all.
He thought back to the session earlier, to your face, the way your eyes lit up as you spoke about this man you were seeing.
“It’s been really good, Baelor! Really! We went out for dinner the other night, and he held my hand, and we went for a stroll after and he wrapped his arm around me and I didn’t even flinch. And… and he even kissed me goodbye. It was small and soft but it was a real kiss!” You giggled then, clenching your hand in the lapel of his blazer as you told him all the news excitedly. How odd that he should be happy and sad hearing this at the same time. Your excitement was beautiful, infectious, and he felt proud that you had come so far since your sessions began. He felt proud at having had even the smallest part in building your confidence. But he also felt shamefully jealous of this man, whoever he was, and how he got to do all these things with you.
“That’s wonderful news,” he had told you, softly caressing a strand of your hair, eyes crinkling at the corners.
“Yeah… yeah it is,” and you smiled so brightly, giggling a little with your giddiness, and it took an otherworldly sort of strength to stop him from leaning in and kissing you. “I think things are getting serious. I can’t really believe it but… he likes me. Like, he really likes me. I guess I never thought it would happen.” Tears had gathered in your eyes and he had simply held you as you cried, daintily wiping one from your cheek before you pressed your face to his neck again and sighed softly.
There were a million things he had wanted to say in that moment. He had wanted to tell you that you deserved all the love there was to be given. He had wanted to say that he believed it, that he believed everyone was in love with you, because how could they not be? He had wanted to tell you that… that he loved you.
Baelor clenched his eyes shut again and drank what remained of his glass before gulping down another. He picked up his pen and quickly wrote at the bottom of the page, “SEND FOR REFERRAL”. He underlined it three times, then slammed the notebook shut.
You were wearing a red dress. Perhaps it was to torture Baelor, a punishment for not following through and referring you on to another therapist. It was another summer dress, vibrantly red, softly flowing around your shins. You seemed to favour off the shoulder straps, this one having lovely puffy and ruched short sleeves, and he could almost imagine the dress sliding down your body, piling on the floor at your feet.
You were back to your old positions, you curled up in the corner of the sofa, and him in his armchair, attempting some form of separation lest he get too lost again. But this felt worse somehow, because now he had a clear view of you. He could see your ankles and smooth shins where the dress had ridden up. He could see the goosebumps on your arms and the place where your earring was stuck in your hair. And he could see the way you chewed at your lip, looking at him nervously as if there was something on the tip of your tongue that you were attempting to gather the courage to say.
“I-” you began, then swiftly stopped. You glanced up at him and then shook your head, bringing your hand up and chewing at the side of your finger. “Nothing,” you murmured, waving your other hand in the air and looking back down to the floor.
Baelor put his pen down and cleared his throat, waiting until you were looking at him before raising his eyebrows to prompt you into speaking. It was that look, the expectant one, the one that would have even the most disciplined of monks crumbling in their vows of silence.
“Stop looking at me like that, it makes me want to tell you everything,” you grumbled, scowling a little. Baelor chuckled, shaking his head and sliding his hand over his mouth before resting it there, leaning into it on the arm of his chair as he watched you.
“You should attempt to do so then,” he answered wryly, raising his eyebrow again as he waited for you to finally become forthcoming during this session.
“Why are you sitting over there again?” You asked instead, looking back to the spot he usually took up then back to him. He paused a moment, jaw clenching for the smallest second (though hidden well behind the cover of his beard).
“So I can see you better,” he finally answered, shrugging as if it meant nothing. You nodded, earnest, and he felt a twinge of guilt for the lie. Then you snorted a chuckle.
“You know what? That makes you sound like the wolf from red riding hood,” you giggled, hiding your laugh behind your hand and looking at him with sparkling eyes. He smirked, rolling his eyes exaggeratedly but unable to hold off his smile at your joy. He much preferred seeing you like this, especially compared to the nervous wreck from moments before.
You chewed on your lip again when your laughs subsided. You rubbed a hand down your face, shook your head, then looked up at him from under your lashes as you said, “can you come sit here again? I like it better that way.”
He didn’t move instantly. It was a war inside him, the desperate desire to do as you asked, and the weaker, sensible, side of him that told him to stay put, to tell you that it would be better to remain this way. He could see worry begin to descend in your eyes at his inaction, could see the gnawing at your lip become harsher, and that sensible side of him failed once more.
Baelor stood and moved over to the sofa, sitting down on the other end and settling his notebook in his lap. Perhaps if he kept his notebook there this time, and didn't allow you to settle on his lap, then everything would end up alright. You smiled a little once he was sat, and he felt it like a kiss on his heart.
You pulled your knees up close to your chest and he could see your toes poking out from under your dress. You fiddled with your fingers on your lap and glanced up at him one more time before you blurted,
“I think he wants to sleep with me.”
Baelor paused where he had been twisting his ring around, eyebrows raising and eyes widening as he met your eyes.
“Oh,” he breathed out, nodding, pausing to pick up his pen and twirl it around once.
“I… I think so. Last night, I went over to his place again. We watched a movie, had a cuddle, it was… it was amazing, as usual.” Your eyes were off in the distance, a distracted but warm smile on your mouth. “We kissed, for a while. Like, properly. Like, his mouth went places other than mine.” You felt heat burn through you as you told him, glancing back to Baelor as you pressed a hand to your hot cheek. “He… he kissed down my neck and his hands started moving around, you know, like-like he started feeling me up and it was really nice. He asked me if I wanted to go to his room to get more comfortable. I panicked and said I had an early morning so I had to leave. He’s so nice. He’s like, the absolute sweetest guy ever. I don’t know why I keep lying to him about this stuff but I just feel like if I tell him how scared I am, he won’t want me anymore.”
Baelor pursed his lips and nodded, writing in the notebook again before looking at you. Your eyes were hesitant, looking to him for guidance, assurance, anything really.
“Is someone who would be angry about their partner being inexperienced the kind of person you would want to be with?” He asked after a while, carefully enunciating each word. Your eyes widened a fraction, lips parting, and you lifted your head to look at him properly. It should not have been such an epiphany but it still felt groundbreaking.
“I mean, of course not,” you answered, shaking your head and pursing your lips for a moment. “But I don’t think it’s about that either. In my head, I know he wouldn’t dump me. Honestly, I think it would be the opposite. I think he would be really kind about it all. But the anxious irrational side of my head feels like I just can’t. It’s not about him being nice or not, it’s about me not being able to do it. I don’t want to have the experience with him like that.”
You glanced up at Baelor with worried eyes. It felt wrong to admit that somehow, that you wanted to be picky and choosy about this when you should just be grateful that someone wanted to be with you in the first place.
Baelor hummed and nodded again, brows furrowing a little in thought, and you scooted down in your seat a little to watch him. His hair was a little neater today despite his habit of running his hand through it. His beard had been trimmed recently, you could tell now, and the intense desire to feel it against your own cheek hit you so suddenly you went breathless. His lashes fluttered prettily when he blinked, and those eyes, blue and brown, warm and cold, were the perfect reflections of the balance that seemed to live within him.
“Hm, that is rather tricky. I suppose you need to decide if you want to eventually push through this, obviously not pressuring yourself but working on it until you feel comfortable, to have the experience with him. Or if you wish to break it off and try with someone else.” Though his tone was careful, not unkind, you felt as if it was so final.
You nodded first, pursing your lips and then pressing them tight together as tears began to burn at your eyes. Your face crumpled slowly and you pressed it to the backs of your knees, shaking your head as you sucked in a wet, crackling, breath. Then you lifted your head and shifted, slowly crawling closer to him until you were kneeling right beside him on the sofa.
“Can I please have a hug?” You asked, your voice small and watery as the tears continued to pour. You sniffled as you waited and Baelor’s face contorted with pain. He nodded quickly and pushed his notebook to the side, bringing you into his arms. He hushed you quietly, wrapping both arms around you, one hand softly petting the back of your head as you burrowed your face into his neck and shoulder and cried quietly.
He kept you there until your sniffling quieted and the hand that had clenched at the collar of his button-up loosened a little. You pulled back to look him in the eye, but your faces were impossibly close. You could feel his breaths brushing lightly against your nose and mouth. You reached up with one trembling hand and wiped at your cheek and undereye. Your nose brushed against his lightly, and you blinked once, slow and long.
“Would you… would you do it with me?” You asked, voice hushed and small. Baelor stiffened a little under you as he attempted to comprehend what you were truly asking. His eyes flicked up from your lips and to your own. His hand stilled on your back.
“Y/n…” he said your name as a warning, but it sounded far too lovely from his mouth for you to heed it. You rolled your lips against one another and shifted a little in his lap, pressing impossibly closer, until your face was all he could see.
“Please, Baelor,” you begged, voice soft and breathy. He could feel it almost against his lips, and his eyes fluttered closed at the sound, his adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed harshly. You begged far too prettily for it to be anything other than seductive, anything other than a punishment. “I trust you more than anyone, especially for this.”
Baelor’s eyes clenched a little where they had shut, his breaths harsher now. His throat moved again, and you followed it greedily with your eyes, suddenly desperate for it all. Gods, you were hot with want. It was a fire in your core, pulsing hot at the apex of your thighs and in tingling sparks in your breasts. You shifted your hips again, not thinking, not knowing how it dragged you right over his cock, hard and pulsing under his trousers and underwear, how it made him want to bite down on the naked skin of your shoulder.
“It would not be right,” he finally managed to grit out, his hands coming down to settle on either side of your waist. You worried he would push you away, but his grip on you only tightened, neither pushing nor pulling.
“You would be helping me, please,” you begged again, your breaths shuddering along his mouth and chin. He wanted to open his lips and suck them in, wanted to swallow everything you had to give.
“I…” but he could not continue because somehow your mouths were joined together. Somehow his tongue was pressed past your lips, licking strong and wet into the heat there, tasting the fruit flavoured gum you had been chewing on just before the session.
You moaned into his mouth, small and quiet, but it made everything from his neck down pulse hot and had him dragging you even closer to him. He tried not to hurry as he kissed you, tried to maintain a steady pace, deep and dragging with each movement of his lips, but it became increasingly difficult.
You felt hot all over, like your skin was touched by the sun, and everything inside you was electrified, sensitive to every breath and graze. His arm was strong where it wrapped around your waist to drag you closer. You were straddling him, the dress ridden up to expose your knees, and the motion of him moving you closer dragged your core right over where his cock had hardened along his leg. You were wet under your panties, slick in a way that moved your lips against each other and lightly teased your clit. Your cunt pressed right into the seams over his zipper and you let out a high-pitched keen, your mouth falling open against his. The drag of it, the pressure right there, it was electric.
He did it again, grasped your hips in his hands and dragged you back then forward again, pressing down a little more. Again that feeling, that lovely clenching inside you, the wet pulsing and rubbing feeling. He felt your moan against him, your hot damp breath over his lips, and he kissed you again until you were breathless and tingling from the rub of his beard.
“If we are going to do this,” he finally panted out, pulling away from your mouth to reach up and begin pushing your hair out of your face. “We are going to do it properly, hm?” He nudged your nose with his, making sure you were looking in his eyes when you nodded frantically. “I’m going to teach you, and you’re going to communicate. You’re going to tell me if something feels good, if something feels bad, if something hurts or you want to do it differently. Understood?” You nodded once more and licked your lips.
“Yes, yes I will,” you hurried out, sitting up and resting your hands on his shoulders. He groaned softly, hands flexing on you, and nodded once.
“Right, stand up,” he ordered, patting you on the side and watching you quickly scramble off him, huffing and puffing as if you had run a mile. The movement of your chest made your breasts push against the dress and it took significant willpower not to reach out and grasp them.
Baelor followed after you, standing up to his full height and gazing down at you. Your hair was dishevelled now, your eyes and lips glossy, and your dress had become rumpled and wrinkled. But when you looked up at him with such trusting and expectant eyes, he could not help himself from leaning down and giving you a quick, chaste, kiss on the lips before pulling back and refocusing.
“Depending on the situation, you may undress yourself, or your partner may undress you. It happens in the moment, and can depend on how fast or slow you are going, but it does not hurt to communicate here either.” As Baelor spoke, his hands went up to his own shirt, slowly beginning to unbutton and exposing the white vest he wore underneath. You stepped closer to him then, licking your lips and reaching out to caress the backs of his hands.
“Can- can I do that?” You asked, hesitant and small, but he smiled appreciatively and nodded, removing his own hands and instead busying them in caressing the skin of your upper arms and shoulders. You shivered at the feeling.
Carefully, you undid each button, moving all the way down to his waistband and pulling up to untuck the shirt. You pushed the sides open and carefully touched along his chest and stomach over the vest, feeling the soft material and the firm muscle underneath. He shrugged the shirt off and tossed it onto the sofa, leaving you to gawp at his arms. They were big, thicker than you were expecting and was belied by his shirts. You carefully splayed your palm on one, feeling the soft skin there, and squeezed a little, blushing hot when he chuckled.
Baelor reached down and undid his belt, pulling it from the loops and tossing it where his shirt was. You gulped at the motion, eyes dragging down his abdomen and to the place where you could see something pushing against his trousers. You reached out and pulled his vest from his waistband as well, gathering the white material up and up until it was bunched in your hands and you could begin pulling it up his torso. You dragged your knuckles up the lines of his stomach, up to the definition of his chest, and held your arms aloft so he could grip the vest and take it fully off. When that too was tossed on the sofa, you allowed yourself free reign, pressing your palms to his chest, to the scraggly hairs there that were the same mix of dark brown and grey.
You could see freckles here and there too, how his skin had gone softer as he had aged, and you carefully dragged your nails along his stomach. He shivered, huffing out a breath as he felt the scratching down over his stomach and toward his waistband. You followed his happy trail. You had finally felt a happy trail, you thought giddily, and you just allowed yourself to rub back and forth along the hair there until he was reaching down to grip your wrists.
You glanced up at him then, a new openness and almost-smiling quality to your mouth. You blinked quickly and flipped your hands so you could loosen his grip from your wrists and grab his instead. You brought his hands to your body, gulping as you placed them on your waist.
“Will you take off my dress please?” you asked, and he nodded, slowly dragging his palms up your sides, taking a moment to just cup your breasts over the dress. Your nipples rubbed against the inside of your bra as he did it, and you let out a shaky breath.
Baelor hooked his fingers into the neckline of your dress, sliding his fingers out to the side and stretching the elastic so you could pull first one arm out then the other. He held onto the neckline and brought it down, stretching it over your breasts then dragging it down your stomach, over the curves of your hips and arse and then down your legs. Each new inch of skin exposed was another he ate with his eyes, absorbing the details of pores or freckles or marks or hairs. When the dress was at your feet, you stepped out of it and he picked it up, gently draping it on the sofa beside his own clothes.
He looked back to you, to the white bandeau bra and panties, to the wet spot he could see there that made his mouth salivate. He reached out and placed his palms on your waist again, flat to bare skin, and you shivered at the searing warmth. He dragged his hands up and down your sides, feeling along the skin, heating you up further, and your shaky breaths left from parted lips.
Baelor leaned down and kissed you once more, that same soft chaste style, then pulled away to nudge his head in the direction of the floor.
“Lie down,” he ordered, pulling away from you to grab a cushion from the sofa and drop it on the floor for your head. You nodded, getting down on your knees first. You looked up at him, gulping at the angle. He looked impossibly taller like this. You paused there, watching his hands go to the button of his trousers, flicking it open before pinching the zipper and dragging it down. You were fluttering, in your stomach, in your veins. He paused there to toe off his shoes, nudging them off to the side before gripping the waistband of his trousers and pushing them off.
You watched him as he had watched you, greedily. He wore black underwear, the tight shorts kind that had seams around the bulge area. You could see that he was hard under them, could see his cock pressing harshly against the fabric. You licked your lips, trembling, and watched him bend a little to cup your cheek with his hand. You tilted your head back to look at him, but he bent at the waist and pressed a soft kiss to the top of your head. You preened at it, going warm in the chest, and shuddered with pleasure.
He stepped back and held up a finger to you, then moved around the sofa towards his desk. You watched him as much as you could from where you leaned, but you only got a lovely view of the tan skin sprawled along his back and his firm buttocks under the black fabric. He opened a desk drawer, rummaged around, grabbed something, then shut it and walked back over. You traced his legs with your eyes this time, the strong muscles of his thighs, the tight lines that moved up and down from his knees, the black hairs that dusted him all over.
Baelor placed the thing down on the edge of the sofa and you realised it was a condom, the foil wrapper crinkling a little. You hadn’t even thought about that in your desperation, and you felt a zap of embarrassment through you. Baelor kneeled down in front of you then, cupping your neck on either side and kissing you, licking into your mouth and emptying the thoughts from your head. You ran your hands down his chest, taking comfort from the warm skin. He pulled back, flicking his eyes down to your bra then tracing the band that lay just under your breasts.
“Do you want to take this off?” he asked, running his thumb over the curve of it, over where your nipple was firm under the fabric and you let out a breathy sound as you nodded. He hooked his fingers under it and dragged it over your breasts, watching them as he raised it up and over your outstretched arms. You shivered, the cool air brushing places no man had ever seen before, and you raised your hands quickly to hide behind them. Baelor didn’t say anything, just reached up and caressed your cheek as you clenched your eyes shut.
You felt scared suddenly, scared at him seeing such intimate parts of you, parts that you worried would disappoint him. He leaned forward, a soft kiss to your forehead, to your left cheek, to your right, to the bridge of your nose, and when your eyes fluttered open again, he nudged your nose with his.
“You do not have to do anything. You can put your clothes back on and leave. You can leave the bra on and continue. Tell me how you’re feeling.” You gulped and nodded, slowly moving your hands away and resting them on his shoulders instead.
“I want to continue. Please. I just… Do you think I’m ugly?” Your eyes were a little teary as you asked it, your lower lip trembling, and his hands tightened on you. His eyes flashed, his brow creasing with concern, and he traced your bottom lip with his thumb.
“I think you are beyond beautiful. I think you are stunning, and sexy. But I want you to think that too.” He traced his thumb down, watching your lip bounce back into place before moving it down your chin, to the underside of it and down the middle of your neck. Down it went, over your chest and to the space between your breasts, the flat of your sternum. Then the thumb followed the curve of your left breast, pressing into the underside before pushing up and simply feeling the soft flesh there. “Anyone would be lucky to see you in this way,” he murmured, and you shivered.
Baelor leant down and pressed a feather-light kiss to your jaw. His lips pressed another and another along it until he reached your ear. He kissed under the lobe, a soft spot just behind it that reacted to his hot breath like water on hot coals. He kissed down your neck, big, open-mouthed, kisses that had his tongue pressing out and licking the skin. His teeth gently caught some skin between them, rolling it back and forth before letting it go and kissing down.
You allowed him to push you back until you were slowly being laid down, your head settled comfortably against the cushion. Your eyes fluttered closed as you focused on the sensation of his hot mouth on the plush skin of your breasts and his beard rubbing. You felt his lips close around your nipple, wet, the tightening feeling of the skin there puckering with desire. You felt his teeth tease it, felt his tongue lap against it, felt the air begin to cool the saliva there when he pulled away and did the same to your other nipple.
Baelor kissed down your stomach, light presses of his mouth to the fluttering skin, and you cracked your eyes open and pushed your head up to watch him. He rubbed his big hands along the sides of your thighs, groping your behind a little, before he hooked his fingers into the waistband of your panties.
“Off?” He asked quietly, looking up at you from between your legs. The sight of it, of his blue and brown eye, of his beard, of his mussed hair, all situated comfortably between your thighs and peering up at you had you gulping and pulsing once more. You could feel the slick pouring out of you, hot and slippery, and you felt the cold air there like a kiss.
He dragged your panties down to your ankles then pulled them off, tossing them onto the sofa with everything else. Carefully, he had you bend your knees, then reached between them to splay his hands on the insides of your thighs, thick fingers spanning the sensitive skin before he began pushing them apart. You shivered and licked your lips but allowed it, following the press of his hands until your legs fell naturally open.
He gazed down at you, eyes fixating on the flushed and wet skin. You looked soft and damp, dewy and puffy in a way that called to him like nothing else. He could see your clit where your lips pulled apart a little, the swollen little nub begging for his tongue and touch. He could see your hole, fluttering a little where you clenched and unclenched with every pulse inside you, the slick and shiny wetness that coated you. He rubbed your inner thighs once before he looked back up at you.
“As it is your first time, it’s always best to have some preparation. We’ll start with my tongue, maybe a finger or two before we attempt anything, alright?” He watched you lick your lips, eyes lighting up, and nod quickly. “This goes for the future as well. Foreplay and preparation are essential to having a pleasant time. Some can handle penetration without preparation once they become regularly sexually active, but others need preparation every single time. It all depends on how you feel and what you communicate with your partner.”
You nodded eagerly once more. Your mouth was full of saliva no matter how much you swallowed, and your skin tingled everywhere. You wanted to tell him to hurry, that you were desperate to feel him now, but that would not do. He was trying to teach you something. It was not his fault that he was also the reason you were so riled up you couldn’t focus.
Baelor nodded once then sighed as he shuffled down and lay his stomach on the carpet in front of you. He caressed a finger up the back of one of your thighs and you shivered, your leg twitching at the ticklish sensation. He smiled a little and began moving you around, taking one of your legs and draping it over his shoulder before doing the same with the other. Once they were secure, he shuffled forward until suddenly you could feel him breathing against your core.
You clenched your eyes shut, your thighs tightening around his head, but he just shushed you gently and began blowing softly along your hot skin. You shivered, the cold air caressing your hot slick. He curved one arm around and splayed his hand over your stomach, carefully holding you there. The other hand slithered up and his thumb began touching the soft lips of your cunt. He rubbed the slick into the skin, then separated the lips so he could look properly at your clit.
He breathed in your small, warm and dewy, and his eyes fluttered shut. He moaned low in his throat then pressed forward, lightly touching the tip of his tongue to your clit.
He mouthed at you there until you couldn’t tell your body apart from a series of electric sensations. You felt his tongue licking at you, hot rough drags that pushed and pulled at your clit, that made something that was already on fire burn like an inferno. You felt each touch inside you, felt the sparks and the zaps and the tingles like someone was playing the triangle right inside you, hitting the thing that reverberated within you over and over.
He groaned against you, his rough beard overstimulating the skin of your thighs. He pressed his tongue into your core and the feeling of it breaching your hole sent you into your first orgasm, built too quickly and crashing fast. You clenched your hands into the carpet beside you and twitched, legs stretching and pressing into the floor beside his ribs. He licked you until you were whining then brought the tip of his index finger to where he had just pulled his tongue from. He looked up at you then, lifting a little between your legs to meet your eyes.
His beard was wet. It shined in the light. The sight of it was orgasmic in itself. His lips were shiny too, and he licked them like he had indulged in a delicacy, like he needed to savour it, and you would have twitched into another orgasm right then.
“I’m going to push my finger in now. Tell me if it hurts or you wish to stop at any time,” he ordered, and you nodded, your lips parting as you panted.
Baelor touched your clit softly with his index finger and your hips jerked harshly, a strangled sound falling from your mouth. You would have whined at him that it was sensitive if you didn’t think he did it for that exact reaction. He pressed the back of his middle finger between your lips and dragged up and down, making sure it was wet with your slick before he brought it down to your hole and began pressing in.
You closed your eyes again and allowed yourself just to feel the sensation. It was an intrusion, and you clenched and unclenched around it. You were warm and wet on the inside too, but it was ten times as much, like a perfect furnace. The texture of your walls was soft and fleshy, pushing and pulling and pulsing, and he pushed his finger to the hilt then dragged it back and forth.
You felt that hot sparkle inside you again, those waves that increased in frequency until it was a frantic up and down. He held your hips steady with his other hand as you writhed and humped against his hand. In and out, in and out. His thumb moved up and dragged against your clit, taking your wetness and smearing it along the swollen nub until you were whining and moaning from your tight throat, calling his name. He pressed another finger in with the first, watching you writhe a little more at the stretch and burn. He pushed and pulled, panted as he watched you twitch and stretch and cum against his hand.
This one had been even more intense. It left you splayed out and trembling, melted into the carpet and spinning in the head. You focused on the shadows behind your eyelids, panting and slowly loosening. Baelor caressed your legs, the outside of your thigh and the expanse of your stomach. He watched you carefully, waited patiently until your eyes fluttered open and you were looking at him with amazement. He tilted his head and kissed the inside of your knee.
“Would you like to continue or stop here?” He asked quietly, his voice a murmur against your skin. You gulped and wet your lips.
“Continue, please,” you breathed out, and he nodded, bringing your knees from his shoulders and placing your feet on the carpet either side of him.
He rose onto his knees and pulled down the waistband of his underwear. He dragged it down his thighs then under one knee and then the other. You blinked at the sight of his cock, flushed red at the tip and ready. Perhaps that was your biggest vote of confidence, that he was already hard. Surely that meant you did something right, that he found you even a little attractive. The sight had you both tensing and melting further into the carpet.
His cock was flushed red and thick, just the right size all over you guessed. It was shiny with precum and as he reached over for the condom, his other hand dragged over it, rubbing up and down once or twice as he shivered. With shaking arms, you pushed yourself up, leaning back onto one palm as the other began reaching out for his cock.
“Can I touch it?” You asked in a ragged whisper, flicking your eyes up to his. You watched him rip the packet of the condom open with his teeth, and you almost threw yourself at him. Why was such a simple sight so frenzy inducing?
“Of course,” he answered, shivering when your fingers gently wrapped around his appendage. He was hot to the touch, damp with cum, and softer than you had expected. You weren’t quite sure what you had been expecting, but it was nice. You kept your grip relatively loose, not realising how teasing that felt when you traversed it up and down him. His breathing became ragged, his chest heaving at the light touches you dragged along his cock and down to his balls. You touched the skin there too, fascinated by the tightness there, and he huffed and puffed from his mouth, not wishing to stop you but becoming more and more desperate to be inside you.
When you had had your fill, you pulled back and leaned on both hands to watch him roll the condom down onto his cock. He did it with practiced ease, slipping it over the head and rolling it down securely. Once it was done, he was quick to lean over you, pressing his mouth to yours. He kissed you, laved his tongue between your lips, rubbed his beard to your chin and cheeks as he pushed forward until you were laying back down and he was hovering over you, his hips encased between your thighs. You could taste yourself on him and his beard, could taste that dewiness as he smashed his mouth to yours until you couldn’t breathe.
He pressed his weight down on you, your chest to his, your nipples rubbing against his skin and chest hair. Your stomach rubbed his with every heaving breath, and you could feel his cock just touching your cunt. He caressed your cheek with one hand and looked into your eyes.
“You can say no at any point. You can ask me to stop whenever you wish, to end everything without any consequences or questions. Understood?” You nodded hurriedly in response but you were so close now, so desperate despite your fear and hesitance.
Baelor nodded once then kissed you as he reached down with his hand and notched his cock at your entrance. He began to push in, groaning into your mouth as your wet heat enveloped him. You felt it press through you, separate places that had always been together. You felt it all the way inside you, heavy and hot and rubbing against those spots that pulsed electricity into the rest of you. He kept a steady pace and kissed you to distract from the discomfort and stinging at your entrance. Your muscles were too spent from the previous orgasms to fight against his cock too much.
He paused at the end, panting against your mouth. He felt your hands splay against his back, your nails curling into the skin at his ribs. He felt every shift of your hips, the tightening of your thighs over his waist. The place just above his cock pushed at your cunt and rubbed against your clit, forcing it to pulse frantically and send your brain reeling.
He waited for the contortions on your face to loosen a little, for your panting breaths to slow and the way you clenched your cunt around him to become more steady and deliberate. You ran your hand down his back and cupped his waist, just feeling his skin and muscles. He kissed you again, pressed his tongue past your lips, then began to move. You felt it drag through you, as if pulling the pleasure and then pushing it back in.
You whined against his lips, head dropping back as your body went weak. One of his hands threaded under your arm and then up to cup the back of your neck, holding you tight to his body as he sped up his thrusts. His other hand held tight to your waist, pulling you up against his thrusts.
Every motion your body made felt instinctual, involuntary. Every twitch was wrought from the fiery pleasure that pulsed from the drag of your clit against his skin. Every moan was punched from your throat as he thrust his cock back into you, a little harder than before. You pressed your mouth to his shoulder, biting a little when the drags began to push you higher onto the precipice.
“Baelor,” you moaned, turning your head to begin mouthing at the skin of his neck, kissing and sucking at it.
He groaned loudly, a low and rough sound in your hair, and his grip on you tightened. His thrusts became quicker, the sound of skin slapping and wet squelching unmistakable now. You whined. The pleasure was a pulse between your thighs. Everything was electric. Your ears were dull thumping rushes. Your fingertips were blunt and twitching. Your nipples taut, rubbing against his chest and zapping your insides with heat. You panted, clenched, pressed into his thrusts. Your fingernails dug into his back, your arms trembling. You trembled entirely.
And then the wave washed over, your mouth dropping open on a long moan. It covered you from head to toe, warmth and throbbing and weakness. You were spent, a mass of flesh and skin and pulsing warmth.
He bit down on the side of your neck when he came, groaning loudly and huffing and puffing. He held you tightly as his hips twitched, the last drags of his own pleasure swimming out of him. He attempted to roll off of you, but you whined and wrapped your arms around him, whimpering a ‘stay here please’ at the pleasant weight of him there. He hesitated a fraction, blinked quickly to try and look down at your face, ask if you were sure, but you whined again and pulled him back down and he went with it.
He hummed softly as you caressed his back, pressing gentle kisses to your shoulder. He murmured little words of praise, how you did so well, how you looked beautiful, how you were utterly perfect. It felt almost like another orgasm, a soft wave of warmth over you, stemming from the whispers that entered your ears.
When you had finally caught your breath enough to deem your mind coherent, you caressed a hand through his hair and pressed your lips to his cheek for a chaste kiss before dragging them up to his ear and whispering, “thank you.”
Baelor hummed quietly to himself as he quickly sliced an entire cucumber. ‘Here Comes The Sun’ by the Beatles played softly in the background just over the boiling of the pasta and the hum of the oven. It would be a late lunch, he thought, as he looked out onto the back garden through the sliding doors, to the lovely sunshine on the green grass and the little table set with plates and cutlery and glasses.
He was in a particularly good mood that day. He woke up rather late, slowly and without an alarm blaring to the bright sunshine streaming through the sheer white curtains. He had rolled out of bed, ambled his way to the bathroom and carefully examined the now slowly fading marks of your teeth on his shoulder, the one purplish bruise just above his collarbone. He pressed lightly on them, thought back to how he had been wearing collared shirts and turtlenecks for the past week, and smiled slightly, shaking his head as he hopped in the shower.
He was dressed casually, a black polo that Matarys deemed his most ‘dad’ shirt, and a loose pair of jogger bottoms. He ate a quick breakfast over the counter as he put on the tv in the background, and now here he was, finishing off lunch just in time for his sons to arrive. He had more than one reason to be happy today. He loved Saturdays, because they meant family lunch with Valarr and Matarys, and you had a session booked in for Monday which meant he would get to see you very soon. He was almost scared by how much he longed for it…
“Daaaad!” The door opened and then a long call, surely Matarys returning from his hockey practice if the rustling and banging by the door was anything to go by. “Val’s here too!”
Baelor smiled brightly, wiping his hands on the dish towel and walking around the counter to head in the direction of the entryway. It was a particularly big day for another reason: Valarr was bringing his girlfriend home for the first time.
Baelor rounded the corner, a warm smile already pulling at his lips as he spotted his youngest son, his hair a sweaty mop as he toed off his shoes and turned back to speak quickly to his elder brother. Then Valarr, sunglasses pushed up onto his head, wearing a navy blue button down casually opened at the top and a pair of jeans, smiling softly at the girl beside hi-
There you were, standing in a beautiful navy blue dress, lips parted and staring at him like a deer in headlights. Baelor felt his heart stop beating. Your hair was neatly pinned in a half-up half-down style, the dress was respectfully modest, and you clutched a bouquet of flowers and a candle politely in front of you. Baelor couldn’t get his body to cooperate. Your hands began to shake, your lips parting as you stared up into his mismatched eyes. Valarr rubbed the small of your back gently looking between you and Baelor, his smile a picture of restrained excitement. He had been telling you non-stop how excited he was for you to meet his father.
I didn't know I needed such a devoted sexologist, Baelor, and even more so with such an unexpected and irresistible ending... a second part to torture us a little more?
hehehe honestly, I didn't know I needed it that much either until I wrote it! Not sure about a second part, I'm not very good at them and I honestly have no idea where I would take the story! But thank you so much and I'm so happy you enjoyed it! 💕
Authors note: This is one of those ideas that get in your head and wont leave till you write it out of you. In this fic you're a Tyrell! Congratulations! Myriah Martell is playing matchmaker, for her son Baelor, she wants him happy, can you really blame her? In this fic Baelor is a widower, its not explicit so you can ignore that part if you want. I ask that you be gentle with me because yes, this is not my first time writing a fanfic but it a first time doing anything with explicit smut. Hope its not too cringy. And sorry for the random Gif it's just how i imagine him looking at her in that moment.
Warming: there is smut here, male masturbation, very descriptive, like I go in detail on how he does it, also probably grammar errors
The queen received him in her solar beneath the drifting orange light of late afternoon. Two of her ladies sat nearby with embroidery abandoned in their laps, though one chair remained occupied.
The Tyrell girl rose at once when Baelor entered.
She was young, younger than he expected, dressed in soft green velvet with roses sewn along the sleeves in pale gold thread. Pretty, certainly, though not in the manner court singers praised. There was too much life in her face for that. Curiosity brightened her eyes too openly.
“Your Grace,” Baelor greeted.
“Baelor.” Myriah smiled warmly. “Come, I wished you to meet Lady—”
“I know who she is,” he said gently.
The girl dipped into a hurried curtsey. “My prince.”
Myriah watched them both with infuriating calm.
“Yes,” she said lightly. “Well. Lady Alaine’s daughter has spent enough years in my court that I thought it long past time the two of you became acquainted.”
Baelor looked at his mother for one long moment.
Then, pleasantly said. “Would you leave us a moment?”
The girl blinked in surprise before immediately lowering her head. “Of course, my prince.”
She gathered her skirts quickly and disappeared beyond the door with the other ladies following behind her.
The moment the door shut, Baelor exhaled sharply.
“No.”
Myriah did not even pretend confusion. “No?”
“You know precisely what you are doing.”
“I should hope so. I would be greatly concerned otherwise.”
He stared at her. His mother merely reached for her wine.
“She is intelligent,” Myriah continued calmly. “You complain endlessly that every conversation at court bores you half to death.”
“That does not mean I require a maiden delivered to my chambers.”
“Your study,” she corrected. “Do not be dramatic.”
Baelor almost laughed despite himself. “Mother.”
“You overwork,” she said, voice softer now. “Your headaches worsen. Half the time you cannot bear to read your own correspondence by candlelight. You need assistance.”
“I have servants.”
“You have men who stack parchment in crooked piles and cannot distinguish trade accounts from military reports.”
“That is hardly reason to parade a Tyrell girl before me.”
“She is not being paraded.” Myriah took a slow sip of wine. “She is bored nearly to tears. Clever girls rot in courts if left idle long enough.”
Baelor folded his arms.
Myriah continued as though he had not spoken at all.
“She enjoys being useful. I have watched her invent tasks for herself for years. If a cup spills, she is already cleaning it. If a lady drops her embroidery, she kneels before servants can move. The child is desperate for purpose.”
“She is not a child.”
“No,” Myriah agreed quietly. “Which is precisely why she should have something meaningful to occupy her mind.”
Baelor knew this tone. Calm. Reasonable. Carefully truthful.
The worst kind of argument.
“She does not need to assist me.”
“That is fine,” Myriah said easily.
Too easily.
His eyes narrowed.
“You may tell her yourself.”
Before he could answer, she called toward the door.
“Come back in, sweetling.”
Baelor closed his eyes briefly.
The girl returned almost at once, nervousness written plainly across her face. Yet beneath it sat unmistakable excitement.
Myriah smiled at her.
“I was just telling my son how pleased I am. I think this arrangement shall make two people I care for very happy.”
Color rose instantly into the girl’s cheeks.
“You are very kind, Your Grace.”
“Nonsense.” Myriah waved a hand dismissively. “You have been dying of boredom for months.”
The girl laughed softly, embarrassed. “It is not quite so terrible.”
“It is exactly so terrible,” Myriah replied. “Tell him.”
The poor thing glanced toward Baelor as though uncertain whether she was permitted to speak honestly.
“I only…” She hesitated. “I only thought it might be useful, my prince. I would not be a burden. I can sort correspondence and copy ledgers well enough, and I read quickly besides. And…” Her face brightened despite her obvious nerves. “It would be nice to be of help to someone.”
Baelor opened his mouth. He had intended to refuse.
He should refuse.
He knew perfectly well that his mother had engineered every moment of this conversation before he ever entered the room.
Yet the girl looked at him with such open hopefulness that the words would not come.
There was so much eagerness in those eyes.
Beside him, Myriah lifted her wine cup to hide her smile.
Got you.
******
The Tyrell girl became a constant presence within Baelor’s study thereafter.
At first she arrived timidly, carrying ledgers against her chest as though afraid she might drop them. By the second moon she no longer waited to be instructed. Correspondence sorted itself beneath her hands with alarming efficiency. Trade reports remained stacked separately from court petitions. Letters requiring immediate answers appeared beside his morning meal before he had even asked for them.
She possessed an irritating habit of anticipating his needs.
On days his headaches worsened, she drew the curtains before sunlight sharpened into pain. When maesters drowned him in endless figures and accounts, she read aloud instead, her voice soft enough not to grate.
Worse still, she filled silence comfortably.
Most people mistook silence for invitation or insult. The Tyrell girl seemed to understand it merely as silence.
At court she remained bright and warm as summer wine, laughing easily with Myriah’s ladies, forever finding small tasks to occupy restless hands. Yet within his chambers she settled into quieter rhythms, as though instinctively sensing which version of herself belonged there.
Baelor found this unsettling.
******
She reads the letter to him.
He should be listening to the damn thing properly. He hears it well enough, every word of it, but it doesn’t stay where it’s meant to. It keeps slipping off into her instead.
She’s got that steady way of reading, eyes on the page, voice even. Too steady for him to ignore. He keeps looking at her face while she does it, which is not what he’s supposed to be doing, but there it is.
She tilts her head a little as she moves down the page, and he catches the line of her neck without meaning to. Nice thing, that. Clean line. Soft.
Her mouth moves through the words, and he finds himself watching that more than anything the letter is actually saying.
There’s a bit in it that must annoy her, because her nose scrunches up for a second, quick and unguarded.
That gets him more than it should.
He likes that. Likes her doing that without thinking about it. Sweet thing.
He remembers her too close once, leaning in to reach something, hair brushing past him, that clean scent of hers catching him off guard and sticking around longer than it had any right to.
It’s there again now, in his head while she stands there reading like nothing’s going on.
Which is the thing of it.
Nothing is going on.
Except he can’t seem to stop looking at her instead of the letter she’s reading out for him.
And he’s not even trying that hard to stop.
“It’s not good news,” she says.
He doesn’t answer right away. The words are there, somewhere in his head, but they won’t line up properly. Pieces of the letter, fragments, nothing sitting still long enough to be useful.
“What?” he says.
She’s looking at him now.
“The letter,” she says.
Right. Yes. The letter.
He exhales through his nose. A bit too slow.
“Yes,” he says. Then, after a beat that feels slightly wrong in his mouth, “I heard it.”
He didn’t. Not properly. Enough to follow her voice, not enough to repeat anything back if someone pressed him on it. Her eyes stay on him a moment longer than usual.
“You didn’t,” she says.
That should irritate him. It doesn’t land clean enough for that. He should fix it. Pull the letter back together in his head. Try. It doesn’t come. What comes instead is her sitting there, watching him like she’s measuring something.
“I did,” he says, but it comes out late. Thin.
Silence sits between them. She shifts the page in her hands.
“You should go and rest,” she says. Like she’s talking about weather. “We can finish this later.”
Rest. He catches on that word more than the rest of it.
“No,” he says immediately.
Then a half-beat later, “I’m fine.”
It doesn’t sound like something he believes much in the moment. Her gaze doesn’t move away. Now she’s looking at him properly. Not the letter. Him. Like she’s noticed the gap. He can feel it. The way he’s been looking at her. The way he hasn’t stopped.
That should be dealt with. Put back in place.
It isn’t.
“If you say so,” she says.
There’s something in her mouth that almost becomes a smile, but doesn’t quite commit.
“Shall I read it again?” she asks.
No.
Bad idea.
He knows it before she finishes speaking.
“No,” he says.
Then, after a delay that feels like it belongs to someone slightly behind him, “Summarise it.”
She blinks once.
“A summary?” she says.
“Yes,” he says. Too quick now. “Just the substance.”
She looks at him a moment longer, like she’s deciding whether this is efficiency or collapse.
Then she nods, slow.
“Alright,” she says. “But after that, you’re done for the day.”
He doesn’t answer that. Just watches her adjust the letter in her hands. And waits for her to start talking again.
After she had summarized the letter, he realizes his attention lay with her, and it would not return to the letter no matter how much he tried.
Instead of saying anything further, he smiles at her softly and tells her she was right, that he was tired.
She tilts her head to the side, her mouth upturning into a smile, and says gently, with no mockery in her tone, that they should continue tomorrow then.
She approaches him, places the letter on his desk, then bows respectfully and wishes him a good night.
He nods in acknowledgment.
And then she leaves.
His eyes followed her departing figure.
The dress she's wearing is a tad bit revealing, it showed him her upper back, partly exposed, the cut of it following down to her figure as she moved.
He grasps his hands together, exhaling deeply.
Gods, she was the sweetest torture, a temptation he found himself not wanting to resist.
Soon after, he departs from the cellar to his bed, his thoughts filled with her.
As he lays down, sleep does not come to him. His body is tired, but his mind roamed, it always went back to her.
She was beautiful, in every sense of that word.
He had never met another person who tried so hard to appear less than she was. She tried to act cold and distant, but her natural warmth could not be hidden.
She was sunlight he basked in.
She was good, truly good.
He wanted her.
Gods above he wanted her.
Her mind.
Her spirit.
Her body.
What did she feel like? Was her skin as smooth as it looked? Her lips as soft as he imagined? Her hands as warm as he thought they'd be grasping at him as he took his time with her laying underneath him.
The more he though of her, her face, her lips, the curve of her neck, those dresses she wore, revealing just shy of inappropriate, the harder he got.
He lowers his breaches and takes himself in one hand. A low groan leaves his lips as he begins to stroke himself.
Eyes shut he envisions her coming into his study as usual, but this time instead of speaking she stands there, a gentle smile on her face, then she unclasp her dress, her gaze locked on him unashamed. She opens it and slides it down her shoulders, the dress falls to the ground.
She is bare for him. She calls him in.
The hand on his cock moves faster. The vision of her naked breasts only serve to encourage him.
In a swift motion he's off the chair and pulling her closer, their lips lock as he guides her to him, chest to chest, their breaths mingle. One hand he lowers to the to reach her behind and and he kneads it, she gasps in his mouth pushing her breasts more onto him.
His clothes come off him with her assistance as he leads her to his chair, he sits with her straddling him and pressing her warm center on his cock.
As his hand moves he imagines his mouth on her breasts, kissing and gently biting, her head thrown back as she moans, then guides his hand to her mound. She is wet, so deliciously wet.
He groans harder now, palm sweaty mixed with precum, as he continues to stroke.
Fingers circling her clit, the sweet noises she makes are enough to send him close to the edge, then quick he grabs her by her hips and places her on his desk, she lets out a surprised yelp but he does not give her a moment to adjust, instead he kneels Infront of her, using his palms he spreads her legs and nears his face to her mound.
He tastes her on his tongue, this lovely center is a sweet as she is. And he is ravenous.
The strokes are as quick as he imagines himself licking and sucking her in his head. He's close now. So close. He waits until she falls apart, her pleasure evident on his beard. Then he allows himself release.
As he cleans himself feeling, he feels ashamed of what he'd done.
How would she feel knowing he has been stroking himself to thoughts of her?
That every night since the first time she spend in his study he has spend with his hand on his cock imagining her.
She'd probably be appalled knowing how he envisioned her in his head.
How many times had he imagines those sweet lips wrapped around him? Her bent over his desk as he took her from behind. The steady rhythm she kept as she rode him on the chair.
In truth, he imagined more then that every night, after release came shame, and when shame lost it's hold, came sweet comforting thoughts.
Her in his bed, naked, spent and utterly content, curled under his arm.
Close to him, where he could hear her steady breathing, kiss her brow and tell her how she made the room warmer with her presence.
A/n: Continuing my little birthday celebration by popping my Dalgliesh cherry. I needed to clear the cobwebs so I could focus on writing a detailed fic for him later. The poem Adam quotes in this fic is from "To His Mistress Going to Bed" by John Donne.
There was something about the straight, crisp seam in the stocking that made heat rise through Adam. An alluring invitation that beckoned to him. They were slowly going out of fashion along with the garter belt, but he appreciated these two particular items a great deal. So you wore them just for him. They did make you feel glamorous.
"Darling, can you help me? I fear I'm all thumbs today," you said sweetly, batting your lashes. You had managed to get one stocking in place.
Adam finished cuffing his sleeves before kneeling in front of you. A faint pink flush clung to his cheeks as he slipped the clip into place to secure the silk stocking. His hands skimmed over the exposed patch of your upper thigh.
"Turn around," he instructed, and heat bloomed through your body as you obeyed, gently spinning on your toes.
A soft hitch of his breath as he smoothed his hands over the delicate silk and carefully maneuvered the material to make sure the seam was perfectly aligned on your legs. You pressed a hand to your mouth to muffle the moan that bloomed when Adam pressed a kiss to the soft skin just below the curve of your backside.
"You look perfect," he whispered, warm breath tickling your skin and making it prickle.
"You flatter me, darling, thank you," you said, cheeks impossibly hot. You could cook breakfast on them.
His hands moved further up, squeezing your hips. "Do I need to remind you how beautiful you are? Hmm? My lovely little pet."
The term of endearment made your nipples harden against the silk covering them. "Adam…"
"Can a man not adore his wife?"
"We will both be late for work," you cautioned.
Two fingers pressed between your thighs, dragging slowly over the silk that covered your most intimate area, making you squeak. Adam grinned at the response.
"Have you turned into a mouse today, sweet pet?" His fingers continued to caress you. Something playful, something naughty had possessed him, and only you could quench this thirst overtaking him.
"You are in a teasing mood this morning," you scolded gently, bracing your hands against the vanity while he stroked you. Your legs trembled as he slowly inched the silken underwear down your legs, the belt keeping the stockings in place.
His warm mouth moved over the exposed skin of your backside while his fingers continued to stroke you, bare and vulnerable.
"Then where my hand is sat, my seat shall be. Full nakedness, all joys are due to thee," he murmured against your skin.
A lurid moan broke through your parted lips as his finger pressed deep inside, making your muscles flutter. Those gentle kisses continued over the small of your back and tender skin of your bottom while his fingers toyed with you. His cheek rubbed against the silk stockings, curving his fingers to hit the spot inside you.
"Adam," you gasped, gripping the vanity tighter, afraid you might topple to the floor. You caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. Pupils blown wide into an inky abyss, mouth parted, and face flushed with a bit of sweat gathering above your brow. You were thankful you had not yet applied makeup.
A gentle, loving
nip to your skin sent you toppling into a sweet release, soaking his fingers in the process.
"That's my good girls," he praised, as his fingers coaxed a second orgasm from you. "My darling little pet."
The day had barely started, and you were left feeling spent, shaking in the aftermath, but thankful none of your garments had been stained. The aftermath had soaked your thighs, but Adam, ever attentive as he was, cleaned you up and fixed your underwear so they were back in place.
The silk shifted against your feet as you turned to face him. The smile on his face very nearly made you melt.
"Can I return the favor?" you murmured, stroking his cheek.
He took hold of your wrist and kissed your palm. "Tonight, perhaps? We don't want to be late."
Had that not been your earlier concern? You couldn't help but roll your eyes at his response, earning a gentle swat to your silk swathed backside.
"Don't be impertinent, pet," he chided. He never could abide rudeness in any form. Though he very rarely got cross with you, it could be most enjoyable when he did. Even in his roughness, there was a gentle quality: more carrot and less stick.
"Tonight then," you hummed, tilting your face up for a proper kiss. How could he refuse you that? Those lips melded against yours, dripping with passion. Even a gentle push of his tongue against yours to give you something to get you through the day.
Though that night when he returned home, he found only moonlight clinging to your skin like silk.
janainaart
yousharknotpass
theartofmadeline
dededos
