Draco Malfoy, spokesferret for BellatrixCorp Slythernists Inc., made the following statement at a press conference today: “People,” he squeaked, “have been spreading malicious lies about the Dark Lord VoldeGlowCloud - lies and slander. Also, libel, when they’ve written it down. They have accused the Dark Lord VoldeGlowCloud of murdering James Potter, saying that it involved a “prophecy”, or maybe a dispute over the Soft Meat Crown of Rowena Ravenclaw, or something. This is not true. In fact, it is false. The Dark Lord VoldeGlowCloud was, uh…“
Malfoy hesitated for twelve minutes, staring silently into mid-air, before continuing as though there hadn’t been a pause, at all: “Simply looking for a reliable real estate agent - which, as we all know, live inside deer - and when James Potter transformed into his stag Animagus form - quite possibly in an attempt to threaten the Dark Lord VoldeGlowCloud - the Dark Lord disemboweled Potter. This is, as you know, the customary way of contacting the real estate agent living inside a deer, and therefore a perfectly innocent misunderstanding.”
Malfoy then proceeded to bounce excitedly up and down, chanting “All hail the Dark Lord VoldeGlowCloud”, in a surprisingly pleasant contralto, until he was retrieved by agents from a Vague Yet Menacing Ministry Department.
John Peters, you know, the Hufflepuff? Well, he’s disappeared. It seems to have happened when he got too close to the colony of Nargles that live underneath Lane Five-and-Three-Quarters, at the Hogsmeade Quidditch Pitch and Arcade Fun Complex. Remember to wear your protective butterbeer bottle cap necklaces, people!
Intern Neville has, sadly, suffered a vicious attack. While he was working on a story about the new negative-length shelf of Arithmancy textbooks in the library, he was ambushed by pumpkins & pumpkin by-products. Neville is in good spirits, however, and is expected to make a full recovery, once the search parties find his legs. Good for you, Neville!
Also, the shelf was reported to be “minus two feet and seven aaargh”, according to witnesses present at the measuring ceremony.
And now, today’s proverb: “The wand chooses the wizard. Choose a wizard you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. That’s what the Imperius curse is for.”
(The weather was by Eliezer Yudkowsky.)
2087
turnnoffyourmind
kianamaiart
yousharknotpass
areudirty
izzy806
