Arabella ☁

My name is Maddison and I'm trying to find my footing as an adult.

[burgrs1994-deactivated20151224]

i love it when pets fall asleep on me because i can ask anyone to do anything for me sorry i can’t get up i have been chosen

[arabwife]

what you allow……. will continue

[recked]

[edensinkstogrief]

Random weekdays off always make me reflect, it’s the only time I get this goddamn house to myself.

I hate this house. I’ve lived here for over a year, but there’s nothing about it that makes it ‘home’. I’m beginning to resent every corner of it. The white tiles, the stupid lock on the front door that locks so tight you need a key to get out from the inside, the other houses being built so close they’re almost on top of us, trying to turn right across 4 lanes every morning...

There’s only a few months left here, and then it’s time to start a new chapter. I’ve achieved a lot while living in this house, but I honestly won’t be sad to say goodbye. I’m done here.

[edensinkstogrief]

I'm so, incredibly sad

[vanish]

[weaksorry]

im rly just.. rly tired u know. just so tired

[edensinkstogrief]

I'm scared. I'm scared to check my letterbox. I'm scared to face strangers at work, in case they think it's appropriate to discuss. I'm scared to know that some members of my family will be voting 'no'. I'm scared what this means for me, for us, for our future and our country. I was scared to fly back here. To my home. To the place so unparalleled, 'there's nothing like it'. Just let us love.

[edensinkstogrief]

So many changes are coming and it makes me so anxious, and so excited and so sad all at the same time. My body is fighting against itself on how to feel at every given moment. One month until I venture on my first trip overseas, and I don't think I've ever need a break so badly in my life.

[edensinkstogrief]

Some days are harder than others. Some days I feel nothing. Some days I feel everything.

Depression never really leaves you. Sometimes it has a reason to resurface. Other times, most times, it doesn’t. It’s always there, lurking in the depths of you.

I wish it had never dug under my skin, that somehow I could have been smarter or tougher, never allowing it to break the surface. Once it’s in, it’s there for life. But I know there’s nothing I could have done, it’s in my blood. It always has been.

Maybe I could cut it out. But probably not.

[edensinkstogrief]

You know you work in retail when you get a blocked, wrong number call at 3am and end the conversation with 'no worries, thanks, have a great day' 🙄

[edensinkstogrief]

I don't know what's been going on lately but my weekends have actually been amazing. Spontaneous weekends away, house parties, BBQ's and beach days. So much time spent with the people I love doing awesome shit. Life's good.

[edensinkstogrief]

Working full time for the past 12 months has undoubtedly been a shock to my system. I've always worked close to full time hours, but never had the consistency and routine like I do now. Wake up, clean and do washing, shower, eat, go to work, come home 10 hours later and crawl into bed to watch TV until 2am, and repeat. I love my life, don't get me wrong. The last 12 months have been amazing and full of new and exciting challenges. I just find myself operating on autopilot a lot of the time. This weekend I headed down to Rosebud with my girlfriend and some of my favourite people. We spent time at the beach, got incredibly drunk, and then spent more time at the beach. It was exactly what I needed, without even knowing it. I'm going into this working week with such a clear head, which is the most refreshing thing I've felt in a while.

[edensinkstogrief]

I just spent the night at a BBQ with all my old work pals. I told them about my promotion and every one of them said they were so proud of me and that they know I'm going to be amazing. I can't even explain how good it felt to hear that. From some people it honestly meant the world. My heart feels full.

[edensinkstogrief]

Yessssssss surgery is done and I finally get to go home 🙌🏻

[edensinkstogrief]

Two years ago today, I was at a training day in the city because I was brand fucking new to the company and my terrifying store manager ordered me to go. And today, I'm waiting for a call from that same store manager to discuss details of when I'm coming to work for him as a manager.

[edensinkstogrief]

So yesterday morning I had to go into hospital for an appointment to discuss my upcoming surgery. I was upset when we got home, so I stupidly left my car keys in my girlfriends car. She's gone to work and now I'm stuck home by myself with no food. There's no point in trying to walk anywhere because most places near me are closed because of cup day. Fuck today.