The Dark | Heavy Trigger Warnings
Body jolted and moved, bumped and shifted as the road changed as he drove. From well traveled, to rugged, to the point where it might not even be considered a road anymore. But that didnt stop him from driving, he kept going. Only shifting goggles from eyes when he was far enough away from civilisation that it wouldnt matter anymore if anyone saw him. No one would be around to see him.
Radio was switched off, both that of the new commercial airways, and that of a private two way that had been forced into his car with instance. He’d get in trouble later for turning it off, especially as he had rushed off without a word or even a note. But that would just compile onto the fact that he had not been replying to the calls trying to get him to answer either. He wasn’t much in a mood for caring.
He just had to get away. Be alone.
Even though being alone was the most dangerous thing for him to do.
Eventually, as day turned to night he would stop the engine and come to a stop, soundlessly pressing buttons and flipping switches as the backseat converted from seat to bed, the sound of things shifting and changing outside were ignored. He did not plan to leave the confines of the car for now, and did little more than pushing himself from the front seat and onto the now bed like back. Digging into hidden side compartments for blankets, pillows, and a change of clothing, the humming of a small refrigerator being a little more pronounced now that the main engine was switched off. Gloved fingers would fiddle with more switches, turning on lights, and then pulling a screen forwards, separating front from back. No one looking inside, if they happened to be camping this far out, would see the Driver hidden within, just the faint glow of the light on through small cracks under the screen divider, and maybe the sounds of a body shifting.
Clothing would be thrown off, leaving the pale young man in little more than his boxers, goggles now hanging around his neck rather than on the top of his head. Body moving expertly in the small space as if he had done it thousands of times before, and he had. Anyone who knew Natsu Dragion knew he lived in his car, knew that he had redesigned it time and time again to accommodate such. Not even Levy, whose mechanical mind had helped him get it back running again, knew all the hidden compartments, buttons and switches that he had hidden within. Not even Gray, who had been his best friend for years, who maybe knew more about him than most others. Not even Lucy, who spent almost as much time within the four walls of the vehicle as he did these days.
No one knew the extents of what the Fireball hid within his car. Though, maybe one or two had an inkling of what he might hide.
With the press of a button, another compartment clicked open, hazel eyes did not even bother to look at it as instead fingers moved to click lights off once more. Still he did not look at it as he moved to sit back against one of the walls, legs straight and spread in front of him, still dressed in nothing more than boxer shorts. It was only after a few more moments that he sat in the quiet dark did he eventually reach out for that small hidden compartment, still not even looking, fingers deftly picking up the small leather wrapped parcel that sat within.
No one ever saw him like this, the only one that had ever come close to seeing him in so little was Lucy, and even then that was in the throes of lust and passion, he doubted she even bothered to look at him truly as they did such things. No one ever saw the scars that criss crossed his arms and legs, some white and new, some old, almost faded. The same thin long scar lines, that sometimes crossed over each other, leaving only the tiniest of bumps in the skin, something that could have been attributed to pimples or goosebumps if ever felt in passing.
Slowly, that tiny leather parcel would unwrap, and even in the darkness the silver colour of what hid within shined slightly, eyes now fully adjusted to the dark he had plunged himself within. Carefully two fingers would grasp the topside, pulling it free from its confines and eyes would inspect it carefully. Finding it suitable enough still, the first movement would be fast and sudden compared to all the slow careful motions he had been taking, a cry choking from his lips as a thin line of blood beaded and dribbled on leg.
Another, another, and then another. Each with its own choked cry, each staining skin and sheets with spots and lines of red. Cheeks becoming patchy red themselves as tears ran freely and without hesitation down them.
Razor, its sharp edge slowly starting to dull from the treatment ran across pale skin, slicing it at first with ease, and now, catching slightly with each new movement, fingers becoming slick with blood as he fumbled through each painful movment, eyes blurry with tears.
Pain, so much pain, all the damn time. It was only ever pretend, the times he was okay, the times he smiled and laughed. So fake, not even real. They didnt feel real. If they were real, then the moments would last longer, they would dull the pain better.
But they didnt, they never lasted, and he was reminded of what a sad, weak, little coward he was. What an utter waste of space and piece of shit he was. How much he couldn’t do right.
How much he wasn’t even himself if he wasn’t kept within the confines of these metal walls.
Razor fell from slicked fingers, ripping bedsheets just slightly with the few bounces it made. But he didnt reach for it, instead legs would pull inwards, arms wrapping around them despite the stinging pain, despite the pain of movement pulling on fresh wounds, he would hug his legs, and let salty tears cause even more of a sting into those wounds as he sobbed a little louder.
He was so much of a coward, he couldn’t even end it. Too afraid to take that step of slicing somewhere so much more dangerous, or just gunning that cliff only a minute drive away.
C O W A R D
U S E L E S S
U N W A N T E D
He just wanted it to all end already.
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