ee33

@ee33

des | 31 | she/they | Ⓐ

11.6K posts

a picture of Sweet Pea and Nettle on a too-hot August afternoon, finished over several real life too-hot August afternoons

i did a google search for "most recent invention" which my girlfriend said was something strong bad would do

angriest I've ever been in my life

teamwork makes the dream work. and dreamwork. makes shrek

fantastic. i love it. i posted this after my wife said it yesterday and as i was doing it i was like "this can't be an original thought. as soon as i hit post someone's going to say 'you stole this from a tweet from 2014' and i'll say 'no, i stole it from my beautiful wife.'"

monster lesbians...

i feel like the kneejerk reaction everyone had to undertale, of being scared of any degree of permanence to their actions in a video game, is like. some kind of sociological tell, but i couldn't tell you exactly what it means.

the idea that a video game could materially hold you accountable for the choices you make in it, and how that might feel like a breaking of the unsaid contract between developer and player, wherein the developer is only ever expected and furthermore obligated to provide you with an uncomplicated experience where your choices have no true bearing on yourself; the sort of weird guilt that emerged post-undertale where everyone got the wrong takeaways from what the game was saying about the conventions of RPGs as a genre, and how it highlights the ways that fictional worlds are brutally colonized and harvested for their meaning, even in ways it hadn't meant to that just emerged organically from player response; the demonization of the protagonist of the game for the sole crime of holding you morally accountable for the path you chose to lead it down, that it would dare ever express any true agency rather than let itself be overwritten by your will, as though that is ever how video games as stories have worked. it pushed against player expectation in a lot more ways than people gave it credit for and i think the world wasn't ready for it in 2015, and they're still not in 2026.

#banger post #some of my favorite games are all ab this #almost like thats a core part of real lived experience #i only wish i couldve experienced that organically w undertale #by the time i played it i already knew what was going on under the hood

hey tgirl its ok to let go of the violence u had to cultivate for survival u dont have to be The Knife 4ever

going for a run as a tgirl doesnt worry me much bc as a kid i was indoctrinated by wartime america and summarily chose to assimilate into a hypermasculine culture wherein overwhelming aggression & violence is encouraged, rewarded, even honored, & therefore anyone who bothers me will just learn the hard way ive been looking for an excuse since i was like 10 years old lmao

going for a run tn wish everyone else luck

oh my godddd i forgot how good it feels to go on a run this is why when i stopped running i started doing drugs

the best thing ab going on a run when u wanna kill people is coming back and realizing ur actually kinda ambivalent about killing people and youd really rather take a shower and change into something comfy

this is what that feels like btw:

going for a run as a tgirl doesnt worry me much bc as a kid i was indoctrinated by wartime america and summarily chose to assimilate into a hypermasculine culture wherein overwhelming aggression & violence is encouraged, rewarded, even honored, & therefore anyone who bothers me will just learn the hard way ive been looking for an excuse since i was like 10 years old lmao

going for a run tn wish everyone else luck

oh my godddd i forgot how good it feels to go on a run this is why when i stopped running i started doing drugs

the best thing ab going on a run when u wanna kill people is coming back and realizing ur actually kinda ambivalent about killing people and youd really rather take a shower and change into something comfy

going for a run as a tgirl doesnt worry me much bc as a kid i was indoctrinated by wartime america and summarily chose to assimilate into a hypermasculine culture wherein overwhelming aggression & violence is encouraged, rewarded, even honored, & therefore anyone who bothers me will just learn the hard way ive been looking for an excuse since i was like 10 years old lmao

going for a run tn wish everyone else luck

fairyinthetrees

do you still think i'm hot with this giant hole in my chest

going for a run as a tgirl doesnt worry me much bc as a kid i was indoctrinated by wartime america and summarily chose to assimilate into a hypermasculine culture wherein overwhelming aggression & violence is encouraged, rewarded, even honored, & therefore anyone who bothers me will just learn the hard way ive been looking for an excuse since i was like 10 years old lmao

#more importantly tho im very much less a target bc im wh*te #and live in a (theoretically) lgbt friendly area #im not delusional #ppl who are afraid of running alone just come w me #ill kill anyone who bothers us #this is partly why i put so little effort into passing #dont get me wrong id love to be more girl #but it helps signal to strangers that i can also be a threat #not that women arent capable obv but u get me #same w the leather boots/camo patterns #when im off probation ill be allowed to open carry a knife again and u best believe ill b doing that daily #idk dont listen to me i havent used drugs or alcohol in two weeks #how am i supposed to be a girl without my girldrugs (heroin)#this is why im in therapy

love the first 20m of talking to a new therapist where u have to speedrun every horrific thing youve done/thats been done to you while staying composed enough to keep speedrunning & also making sure not to say shit thatll get you 51/5250'd

venting under the cut tw idk everything

"what got you to start using drugs at such a young age?" "what drew you to heroin particularly?" "how did you survive [IV opiate use] when so many people didn't?" "a lot of people with [conditions/symptoms] use drugs to feel ok when nothing else seems to work" "when we intellectualize things we find that everything is in our heads, but we still carry so much of that in our bodies, and it starts to feel like youre at war with yourself." "i see in your chart you were sexually assaulted by a female, how does that affect your life now?" "it must feel like theres this massive hole inside you all the time and nothing helps." "no wonder you're feeling such strong emotions! you stopped doing anything that feels good to you" "so you cling onto people to feel better but it just makes everything worse?" "is it hard living in [county] where people recognize you from [political activity]? do you worry that when cops pull you over they'll recognize you?" "what's your support system like?" "what do you do to cope?" "are you working? in school?" "how do you reward yourself?" "you have strong suicidal thoughts, but youve never attempted suicide and say you never will?" "do you hurt yourself? like cutting, burning, smoking" [??? smoking ???] "have you ever thought you might have bpd/bipolar? it sounds like you do" "some people have difficulty figuring out how to react to things, or if their thoughts are even their own. would you say that's accurate?" "would you be interested in mood stabilizers/psych meds?"

[+ a lot more but whatever u get the idea and im just writing all this for myself anyway]

DOC PLEASE FUCK STOP READING ME IM GONNA CRY ON THIS ZOOM CALL IS THAT WHAT U WANT [i did in fact cry on the zoom call]

#shes not wrong #and i could tell she actually cared and wasnt trying to b insensitive #if anything i appreciated her honest reactions/questioning #but its a distinct horror of psych medicine to be asked all that rapid-fire #literally all in the first 15-20m #im exhausted n i barely even did anything #but i got those classes at least❤️‍🩹#like honestly any of those questions on their own r hard to talk about #“how did you survive when others didnt”#[remembering my friends who didnt make it]#[feeling guilty i did]#[wishing i hadnt]#“i was lucky and i was careful and i had other drug users around who helped me”#“it mustve been for A Reason”#it wasnt for A Reason #not any more than my friends dying was for A Reason #ugh anyway whatever #i got those classes tho

love the first 20m of talking to a new therapist where u have to speedrun every horrific thing youve done/thats been done to you while staying composed enough to keep speedrunning & also making sure not to say shit thatll get you 51/5250'd

#im signed up for dbt & trauma ed classes now though so thats nice #she called me a 'war hero' for my political actions during the george floyd uprising & that was also nice albeit a bit overblown

putting together a 'hyphy/bay classics' playlist for a friend but if ur not from the bay u should also check it out (under the cut) bc shit slaps

ive tried to include music videos for the vibes but mostly the in-line links just go to the songs

anything in italics is peak

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my friend hit me back with a rec of her own and itd be irresponsible of me not to put yall onto that one too cause its fuckin tight

Artist: Cali Life Style / Album: Mexican Invasion / Year: 1996 / Genre: West Coast Hip-Hop, Mobb Music, Chicano Rap / Label: Underworld 805

Ninth Saint

putting together a 'hyphy/bay classics' playlist for a friend but if ur not from the bay u should also check it out (under the cut) bc shit slaps

ive tried to include music videos for the vibes but mostly the in-line links just go to the songs

anything in italics is peak

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