if there's one thing about san, it's that he's loyal. everyone describes him as such. and it's easy to understand loyalty as steadfastness, right, because he is that. but there is an aspect to san's loyalty that has to do with what happens when san makes a choice.
see, when san chooses to do something, he does it, whole-heartedly, immediately all in. san wanted to be better at english-- he is consistently studying, getting more confident, and promising to continue to try more. san wanted to get better at dancing-- he is now part of choreographing some of their dances, is constantly engaged in dance practices and creative decisions therein. san wanted to work out and get stronger-- (gestures to him now).
and you can see it in san's relationships, too. when san chose-- loosely, i'm being tongue-in-cheek-- to fixate on yeosang, it was not a quick joke. we've gotten an entire season of San Wants Yeosang's Attention complete with a full character arch and plot development. even if it is a bit, san makes a choice and follows through.
but san is quiet, shy, reserved. he does not have a ton of friends, prefers a smaller circle of people to a larger one. he isn't the person to necessarily need to be the centre of attention. any time he pushes outside of his comfort zone, it is a deliberate choice.
and san, god help him, made a choice to love jung wooyoung.
loving wooyoung requires. wooyoung does not know how to receive love, so san must work to show him in every way he can. chooses to call restaurants ahead of time to make sure they have dishes without cucumber. promises wooyoung's mother to take care of him. answers who's the best dancer and you don't regret it, right and other questions over and over again.
loving wooyoung means making the choice, again and again, to be uncomfortable. to put aside shyness in order to make him laugh (san's favourite thing to do). to do things he would never do alone or by his own idea. to let go of his image.
loving wooyoung means making the choice, again and again, to not overthink. to get a tattoo just because wooyoung asked him to, in secret, despite the very real threat of repercussion-- from their company, their families, society. it means making the choice, over and over, to stand by that decision when questioned about it, when made fun of about it by friends and strangers alike. the choice to say i meant it, i mean it.
and loving wooyoung means making the choice to not stop. to say, yes, forever. yes, to the grave. because they fight like hell and get on each other's nerves. because other people think they're codependent and shouldn't you spend time with other people? and because wooyoung may not believe him, not fully, and instead of letting him-- instead of accepting wooyoung's deep seated belief that he is not lovable-- san chooses, again and again and again, to prove it.
the most important aspect of this for me is this: san is a hopeless romantic. he has said as much because he grew up with a fairytale romance-- that of his parents. the story goes that his mom and dad dreamt of each other before they ever met. when they finally did meet, they just knew. and from there, it was easy, simple. that is the type of love san was taught-- that it happens to you, comes to you by chance, finds you.
and it would be easy for someone who grew up believing in fairytales to think that their soulmate would be someone easy. someone that would fit into his life without much fuss or fight.
but san found love that was not easy. was difficult at a lot of times. was scary and complicated and required things from him that were so far out of his comfort zone, out of his norm.
and instead of running from it, or denying it, or shying away from it, san chose it. said, yes, this is what i want. this is the love i want. it is mine, and i am going to keep it, and i will do what i have to in order to do that. saw his soulmate not as an easy given, but as a promise he had to keep. and if there's one thing about san-- he keeps his promises.
