eeniie @eeniie - Tumblr Blog

i miss being in group shared gphoto albums after some event or other

not sure if i believe that men and women can be platonic friends anymore

(men just need to ruin everything (obv overgeneralizing (but still true)))

the skill i practice the most in therapy is talking while i cry

i moved recently.

i went through my previous residences. a tiny room that barely fit a twin bed and a desk. a compact 1br with just enough space to cause friction. a cozy studio that didn't get real light. a bright 2br with a quiet and persistent undertone. a spacious studio in a new city. a suffocating 2br that held so much promise.

to here. a space for me and my two cats. a corner unit filled with soft light all day. private deck shielded from direct light. i never could have imagined this for myself all those years ago.

it's true what they say- it's hard to downgrade once you've had more.

so, how do you become friends with someone you thought was your future?

allsadnshit

“Growing Around Grief”

Lois Tonkin, 1996

holidays without dj continue to leave me in tears

when will i be able to remember him without crying

how lucky am i to have loved anything so much

i wonder if I'm aromantic

the first one was stress to end

but the idea of being alone isnt scary at all

I've never actively wanted a partner

i rarely ever had crushes

i quit dating because i wasn't sure what my goal was

I'm not sure how my close friendships are distinguished from my romantic relationships (other than the sex part but being asexual alters that a bit too)

i wonder if my mom would be sad

i started hand writing in a journal this last half year or so

it's been really helpful for introspecting and noticing patterns

but there's something different about posting to the abyss of the Internet

hung out with an old friend over the weekend and spent hours talking about nothing and everything

a friend messaged me to ask how i was connected to someone so i called and we ended up talking for an hour about recent updates

my uncle called out of the blue and we chatted for 3.5 hours about life, getting older, family and investing

i miss having conversations about the most random things from the deepest corners of our minds. i miss how engaging it was. i miss the reciprocated enthusiasm

me vs us

want vs need

it still hurts every time i see how far I've drifted from what used to be my people

a good lesson in humility