Eevee01

My life

[fjordish]

Bonus Matt:

[eeveefangirl01]

What a wonderful weekend ❤️ Went to Lexington Comic Con with my love (her first convention!), mostly to see Matthew Mercer, but also to see John Barrowman, Amy Jo Johnson, and Jason David Frank. We planned to see Matt first, on Friday, cause I KNEW his line was going to be crazy and we just COULD NOT miss getting to see him! Matt and the whole Critical Role crew are the reason my girlfriend and I met. Without these nerdy ass voice actors and the campaign they run, we never would have met one another. So we really wanted to see Matt in person. To my utter surprise and joy, my girlfriend started telling Matt about how we met and how much they meant to us, and then she turned to me and popped the question! I cried, Matt cried, tears were every where. I feel like I am living out an alternate reality of my life where I have found the happiness and love and joy I have so long been searching for. I am so happy and feel so blessed and I hope this dream never ends ❤️💕

[alexielapril]

well..i was bored..

[eeveefangirl01]

Things change, and time moves on...

Last July, I found (though the awesome Critical Role fan club on Facebook) that a group was being put together on Discord to start a massive D&D campaign there. The invite was open to anyone who was interested. I had been searching for so long for a group, I immediately jumped at the chance! If you had asked me then, if I knew that that choice would forever change my life, I probably would have laughed and rolled my eyes...

I was still dealing with a lot of issues at the time. My relationship with my then fiancé of ten years was turbulent at best. I spent more time arguing with him or crying because of him than anything. I saw this group as not only my chance to finally play, but as a chance to escape for a little while, and a chance to finally make some friends. I had not allowed myself to really have room for friends in the ten years we had been together, so I was excited and nervous about the group for so many reasons.

I made my first character (still one of my favorites I have made since then), a Tabaxi Ranger makes Nera Running-Brook, and started my journey. I was terrified, but everyone I met in the group was amazing and very patient. I very quickly made friends with a few other PC’s. One in particular, then Kava, soon after (thanks to an unfortunate mission outside that resulted in her death) Zeezee Shade, I clicked with immediately. We quickly became the best of friends, and it felt like we had known each other for years. We joked it felt like we were two halves of the same whole because we were similar in so many ways. As the fighting and waves of depression got worse for me here, she was constantly there for me, the first person in, Well, ever, that I felt truly comfortable talking to about the things I was going through/had gone through. We both confided in each other about things and I knew, deep in my heart, as every day passed, that I was deeply and madly in love with her. It felt like a cruel twist of fate though, since I was already spoken for, so we could never be, but also, my mind told me, there was no way we could ever be because how could anyone ever love me? My own fiancé regularly told me he didn’t, so how could anyone else?

Flashforward to Sept, and the most exciting thing happened! She came to visit me! I was so incredibly happy to be getting the chance to meet my best friend, my other half, in person for the first time! Things at home had not improved at all, and I so desperately needed to see her. It was all that got me through the between time, was knowing she was coming to see me. My feelings had grown so much since then, even though I constantly told myself there was no way, no how, that anything could or would ever be. The day I picked her up from the airport was one of the happiest days I had had in a long time. I was so nervous and excited that my knees almost gave out when I saw her. I may have cried a little. We spent the next few days hanging out, even going to the Wizarding World Of Harry Potter together, which was amazing despite her being ill. My fiancé, who by then I had told I needed a break from him because I was tired of how things were and thought it would be better for us both if we separated for a bit but who also unfortunately still lived under my roof, grew angrier and more jelous the more we hung out. Then, both the happiest and most unfortunate thing happened. She told me she wanted to be more than just friends too. It felt like a weight had been lifted from my chest. I was so happy I cried. The unfortunate part was getting caught kissing by my ex, who quickly solidified that status when he saw us. It was not how I wanted to make things official, but after months of dreaming of that moment, of dreaming of that kiss, I couldn’t find it in myself to be truly sorry for hownit happened.

Flash forward another almost size months now, and so many things have changed! The one constant has been her. ❤️ I have flown to see her in her home now, and it was awesome! I have made the decision to quit my job here and move to be closer to her, which happens in just over two weeks! More than anything, my outlook has changed. Since we have been together, I have never been so happy. It has been strange, being so happy after so many years in the dark, and I still have moments of relapse, and I still have so many fears born from my previous relationship, but we work through these together. I feel so much lighter and hopeful than I have in years. I am excited for what our future holds, because I know for a fact that we will be facing it together. It makes me cry happy tears when I think about that because having this constant, knowing for a fact, without a doubt, that she loves me and I love her and that we really and truly want to be together, is such a change from how I was living my life before, that my heart sings with joy that I just can’t contain.

I am the happiest I have ever been in my life, and my family and friends have all been there for me and supportive of me through this transition. I cannot believe that, thanks to a group of nerdy ass voice actors playing D&D, I found a group that lead me to my soul mate. 💕❤️ I thank them, for so many reasons, but mostly for this. ❤️ I cannot wait to see what adventures lie ahead of us now! ☺️💕

[eeveefangirl01]

Silent screams

Depression is such a funny thing... Not the funny ha-ha kind of funny, but the strange kind. It's always there, lurking in the shadows, waiting for just the right moment to rear its ugly head. Shadowy tendrils always lapping at your feet, building and waiting to drag you under. The fear of the darkness is ever present, yet some how I push through each day, feeling trapped within myself. I am a prisoner of my own mind and the darkness that clings to me. I feel like I am watching a movie, or staring through a glass cage. I can see the world around me, yet no one seems to see me. No one sees the silent tears, no one hears the silent screams. People see the bright cheerful facade that I perfected so long ago. It's so perfect, I no longer know how to break it, to free myself. The darkness terrifies me. I have always had one small light in the darkness, my hope, that keeps the darkness at bay. It feels so fragile though. It flickers and threatens to leave me too, leave me completely alone and vulnerable to the darkness. Sometimes I really truly wish this facade would break and someone would finally be able to see the real me, scared and broken. On the same token, I hope no one ever does... I have spent so long being overlooked, I don't know how to be anything else. I have always faded into the background, invisible, unwanted, unmissed. I have often wondered if anyone would even truly notice if I were to disappear. I have always been the listener, but never truly been listened too. As if the words I speak carried no meaning, despite my desperate desire to be heard. The darkness feeds on these feelings, I know it does. It grows stronger and the tendrils grip tighter with these thoughts, but I don't know how to stop them. Maybe one day I will be proven wrong, and the bit of light and love will finally dispel the darkness forever, but I doubt that will ever come to pass. The darkness is too strong and has stained me for far too long for me to have any real hope of it ever truly being banished... So instead, I will continue to try to shield me tiny flame from the heaviness around me and continue to watch the world go by me from inside this prison of my mind. The silent tears and screams forever locked away, unheard and unseen. Sorry for such a sad post, but these thoughts lay heavy on my mind of late...

[hawtfilms]

bonus:

[little-nommer]

This makes me smile

[eeveefangirl01]

I can't help but laugh and feel horrible at the same time XD

[eeveefangirl01]

Tired of pain, but not sure of the solution.

Buckle in for a long post because I feel I need to put this down somewhere. In November 2015 I decided to stop taking BC pills. I had been taken those pills back to back (skipping the sugar pills) for going on 4/5 years, ever since I was diagnosed with having Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (or PCOS for short). I had always had really cramps during my monthly cycles, cramps that left me curled up and praying for the pain to stop. I was advised by my physician at the time that I could just take my pills back to back and never have a period, and thus not have to deal with that pain. That was an offer too good to pass up, and so I started doing just that. Flash back to November of last year and my decision to stop taking them. Partly this was due to a new job and the new insurance that came with it that would not take affect for a few months, leaving me without pills. The other reason for my decision was because My fiancé and I want to start trying to have our first child. I figured that now was as good a time as any to start trying. After so many years without a period, I had forgotten what it was like for me to have one, but I figured I could handle it. If I had known what the next few months would hold for me, I might have changed my mind. Since coming off the pills, each month has brought on a fresh hell for me. The first month was not too bad. It actually left me hopeful that maybe my body had changed and I could have normal periods like normal people. The next month brought the first wave of pain. It was pretty miserable, but I got through it. Then came the next month with pain that left me crippled for a whole day. All I could do was lie in bed and cry. The month after that I spent two days in excruciating pain. The pain was so bad this one around that I seriously considered going to the ER, because there was no way this could just be "period pain." By April, I had a new, frightening symptom. I spent the whole day before my period started feeling as if I were going to faint. I have never in my life felt so dizzy and weak before. The pain when my cycle did start was terrifying. I went to the bathroom at one point and the pain hit me so intensely that I could not get up from the toilet. It took everything in me to finally get up and make my way, hunched over, to the bathroom door to call for my fiancé to come help me. Again, I seriously considered the ER because something was clearly wrong. He led me to bed where I spent the rest of that day and the next with a heating pad, crying and praying the pain would end. I saw my new GYN at this time, who confirmed I had a fairly large cyst on one of my ovaries. I was told we would have to monitor it and, if it didn't get smaller, would probably have to do surgery. I feel like she brushed off most of my complaints though, lumping everything as "part of the condition." May brought no dizzy spell, but it did bring more pain with it. The pain lasted far longer than normal, persisting even after my "period" had ended. I called up my doctor again and had another evaluation that showed the cyst had ruptured, which she explained was probably why I had been in so much pain. I was told that it should be ok and that if the pain did come back then we would have to consider other tests. June was heavenly. I imagine that what I experienced in June is what all normal women experience: no pain and a light flow (sorry for the TMI). I really thought everything was going to be golden from there! Then this month came. Straight back to hell. The pain came back just as terrible as before. The worst part of this month has been that despite being done with my cycle, I have been in pain for almost a week now with constipation like I have never felt with before. I have had extreme pain on my left side consistently all week. I have already missed a day of work due to it. It is hard to focus on anything with this constant pain in my abdomen. I just don't know what else to do. Over the year I have spoken to several doctors and I feel like no one takes my concerns seriously. I do know that I am tired of this pain though. I just wish I knew what to do to fix it. I just needed to get this all off of my chest. I am scared that something serious might be wrong. I am afraid to go back to the doctor because I am afraid they will tell me my worst fears are true. I am praying answers will come soon.

[hydramoon]

Anyone in Orlando or has followers from the area please!

AB, O+ and O- blood donors needed ASAP!!! Due to the shooting overnight, the hospital and blood bank is critically low right now for donated blood. If you are able, please go this morning to donate at one of the locations below. This valuable gift you can give is a direct way to help those injured from this tragic incident. The Orange, Osceola, and Seminole locations open today are:

Orlando - West Michigan Donor Center 345 West Michigan St #106 Orlando, FL 32806 Phone: [phone] Fax: [phone] Sun: 7:00 AM - 2:00 PM

Orlando - Main Donor Center 8669 Commodity Circle Orlando, FL 32819 Phone: [phone] Fax: [phone] Sun: 7:00 AM - 1:00 PM

Apopka Donor Center 131 North Park Ave Apopka, FL 32703 Phone: [phone] Fax: [phone] Sun: 9:00 AM - 3:00 PM

Kissimmee Donor Center 1029 North John Young Pkwy Kissimmee, FL 34741 Phone: [phone] Fax: [phone] Sun: 8:00 AM - 2:00 PM

Oviedo Donor Center 1954 West 426 #1100 Oviedo, FL 32765 Phone: [phone] Fax: [phone] Sun: 7:00 AM - 3:00 PM

Lake Mary Donor Center 105 Waymont Ct #101 Lake Mary , FL 32746 Phone: [phone] Fax: [phone] Sun: 8:00 AM - 2:00 PM

[eeveefangirl01]

Anxiety

I wish Anxiety didn’t exist. It ruins so much. Since I got into High Rollers and Critical Role I have really started to feel a bit more confident and my interest in playing DND has grown. I have always been extremely shy and nervous around others, so I have never expressed an interest in DND, being afraid of putting myself out there in front of others. Watching these two groups play makes me feel so happy and excited and less fearful about the idea of playing with others, because how bad could it be if these people have some much fun?! I even finally gathered up the courage to have my fiancé help me make my first character! I thought maybe I was ready to finally try a game. We went the other night to our local comic shop for their beginners night, hoping to try and find a group we could play with. As soon as I walked in the door though, anxiety seized me and I lost all the courage I had worked so hard to gather. I suddenly felt like someone had their hand around my throat and the thought of trying to approach any of these players and asking to join made me feel like I was going to be sick and/or start crying. We ended up leaving without playing a game. I feel so…. Defeated. I don’t know how to overcome this fear and anxiety. My fiancé has even kindly offered to play a small personal game with me to get me used to it, but the thought still just makes my throat become tight and my stomach clench. :’( I don’t understand why and I wish I could make this anxiety go away.

As I sit here and continue to catch up on Critical Role and surf through all the updates and fan art for both the Critter and High Roller communities, I feel some of that courage come back. I want to thank each and every one of you, the players and the community members, for being so kind to those who are new and unfamiliar with all things DND. You are what give me that bit of courage and make me want to try to break free of the hold my anxiety has on me. You all are so awesome and so creative! I hope both communities continue to grow and I hope the DND Fever continues to spread.

Fingers crossed that maybe one day I will be brave enough to join your ranks.

[anodesu]

The spectrum of Vox Machina, all complete!

[little-nommer]

These are beautiful <3

[eeveefangirl01]

Holy cow! Those are amazing! Thanks to you and Mark and Trott I have been binge watching Critical Role for the last few weeks lol

[kaeyidream-deactivated20191031]

In August 2011 i had Appendicitis and had my Appendix removed in an emergency surgery,

In February 2012 i had an operation to remove a Bartholins Cyst, this surgery failed. My stitches came out in recovery and i was bleeding a huge amount from my wound. I lost so much blood that my blood…

[eeveefangirl01]

Hang in there Kaeyi. I can definitely relate to where you are coming from. I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome a few years ago, and when they told me that with this problem came the chance of never being able to bear my own child, I was devastated. I have longed to have a child of my own, to carry them for those 9 months and then give birth to them and hold them in my arms, like so many of my friends and family have done. I also know I could adopt, but it’s not the same. I still have trouble coping with it, but all is not lost. Stay hopeful, and most importantly, take care of yourself. It’s hard not to think about it and get sad, I know, but right now what is most important is you and getting better. Many prayers and much love from me to you. You inspire me to keep pushing myself to not give up. So don’t you give up either!! <3 #rocklingforlife

[eeveefangirl01]

Unsure where to turn...

What do you do when the world feels like it is falling apart around you? I am so stressed right now... I don't know what to do or where to turn. I feel like we have been working our asses off for the last year for no damn reason. First I lose my job, which was the better paying out of the two of us. We managed to get by with one paycheck and supplements from my school account and by the grace of my best friend helping with food when we didn't think we would be able to afford it. Finally get a new job, but it doesn't pay as well as my old one, but we make it work. Then, two months later, My fiancé gets laid off as well. I have no money left in my school account. That all went to paying bills and to tuition and books and to fixing my car when my wheel decided it didn't fell the need to stay attached anymore. My new job does not pay even close to enough to cover the bills we have. No one I know is in a position to be able to lend us anything to give us a hand through this rough spot. I pray for answers, but I am so stressed I am blind to any that may be present. I look around the apartment we worked so hard to afford and know that unless some kind of miracle happens, we can't afford to live here past this month. I also know the sad fact of the matter is we also can't afford to leave either... We don't have the money to rent a moving van or to buy boxes to pack again... Even if we do move, where do we go? My parents have been struggling for many years now to just make ends meet for themselves, so they can't really help us. They've offered to at least give us a roof over our heads, but they live so far from where I go to school and work, it would be counter productive... But at least we wouldn't be on the streets. I just don't know how things are going to improve. All I can do is sit and cry and pray for answers to come soon. Pray that when they do come, it's not too late. Pray that we aren't so overwhelmed that we miss the answer all together...