raw truth about me

[effectivelyotherworldlymaw]

I love money. I love generosity. I love helping. I love regular charity. I love safety. I love happiness.

[dvnlyguided]

[effectivelyotherworldlymaw]

Yes. Married woman 👩

[lilmartinimami]

[effectivelyotherworldlymaw]

I'm building a mosque like this. Who wants to invest, lol

[theposhsworld]

[effectivelyotherworldlymaw]

I love divine intelligence. 😍 what a beautiful thing. Yay. Life. I'm happy for every lived day remembering the joy of happiness from those days. Rewarding to feel.

[effectivelyotherworldlymaw]

It's me again. Again, and again. Over and over again and again. Eternally forever. Again and again. It's me.

[imoutsidelookingin]

Surf cities

[effectivelyotherworldlymaw]

A home like this

[effectivelyotherworldlymaw]

Superpowers are realistic, guys. Don't let them make you believe it's just a TV program or happens just in movies.

[effectivelyotherworldlymaw]

To all my lovers,

There are no coincidences we met because of alignment, and all the love I felt with you was authenticity. You matter to me in the very stage we meet. You were my male lead, and I was the female star. You catch my heart like the way I catch drifting dandelions to make my wish. Then you blew me away with innocence to fulfil your wishes. And the wind carried on my light feathered heart and planted me onto the earth to grow into the wishes you desire. And yet to some, your blossom of a wish is deemed nothing but a weed plant along the side road. But again, to some your wish is medicine to the digestive system and how things flow within us.

My light feathered heart multiplies, grows, and allow the wind once again to carry important parts of me on an adventure to be lightly captured by your loving wishful palms all over again.

[effectivelyotherworldlymaw]

Sometimes, i hate being so spiritual connected. It's like I'm sad about the unfolding of this shit, but at the same time, my spirit guides already told me beforehand. Yet it doesn't stop that feeling of having my heart ripped out when it does, but right when I stay with that feeling instead of running away. I ask for what's next, what do I do, help me, intervene, interfere in this situation. And immediately once it's the right time. They give me my next step. The next information is the next instruction. They never abandon me. They just needed me to get through it without running away from it. I love them.

[effectivelyotherworldlymaw]

There's this silent confidence I harbour within me that's been recently unlocked. It's that foundational empowerment of 'I will always be at the right place at the right time. Aligned with what I want. Capable of achieving all my heart's desire.'

This foundation may be grounded in the fact that my helping friend Allah swt. He has gifted me with immortality to achieve it all because I live eternally. There's no rush, and there's no impossibility in my life. My personal lord has truly blessed me again and again with answers to the questions I stated internally, and that's enough proof for me to know he's always listening and responding to me. If I've ever been unsatisfied it was never because of his service to me, but my own service to others. If I ever been satisfied it's because of his service to me.

I have some great heart desires like many others do, and I believe wholeheartedly all our great heart desires are definitely manifested in pure goodness only.

What a life to live when goodness is the only standard. What a relief to know that anything other than good will soon perish. It may have once terrorise us with threats of endlessness, but truth prevails. Evil will perish and be forgotten when it's appointed time arrives.

[effectivelyotherworldlymaw]

I have something to share. It has been nurtured within me for some cycles now.

I found out about my past lives. It's all been coming up for me from the depth of my soul's remembrance and one of the lives I had ended in 2002. And I been reborn in 2003.

It's so close. It's so near. It's so real. I could go on YouTube and watch my own past life because I have been a public figure. I grew up in this lifetime loving my own creative projects long before I remembered it was me who did this.

It's a contrast to my current life, but it certainly feels authentic to me. It's as if one time wasn't enough for me to live out all my dreams and do the things I want. So I get another one, to do it. And just when I thought this might be the last one. I'm realising I'm immortal, and there would be more after this one. With this knowing I can only be grateful I'm even in this position to begin with. I have yet to remember if he wills. Why I even became an immortal.

1. My endless devotion to Allah's service.

2. My endless hunger for knowledge.

3. Allah know best.

But speaking of my recent past life. One where I can see the impact I had on this world and its inhabitants. I realized. This is much more magnificent than I could ever think possible. As I start to embrace my truth day by day. I come to love myself even more for the impact I have on humanity itself. I been featured in the divine book of Allah. That may be my greatest feat, but what's closely related to current goals is the impact of my recent lifetime. I had this fear of fame, yet it was fame that I had in the previous life. I start to view the world through the real lens of my authenticity of who I've always been. Of what I've always stood for and yes, I figured out now what the truth is.

'I am loved. I am loving. I am lovable. I am precious.'

For so many years in this current life I believed and been told I was unlovable. That I was someone who never did anything good or right. That I was never going to be enough. That I was only worthy of hate, poor treatment, poverty, discrimination, low self empowerment, being cast out, being put aside, being a bum.

But isn't it so relieving to finally be set free by the truth of it all? The true frequency of authenticity that freed me from all these lies and programming. What a relief it is that Allah approves of me. What a relief it is to be his student. What a relief it is to be one of his people. What a relief is it to recieve glad tidings. What a relief it is to be chosen by him, when the people who I thought were most important to me lied. And siphon my power from me.

What a huge relief it is. To be fair. To be just. To be honoured. To be honest. To be true. To be right. To be good. What a relief it is to find out those nightmares were never real to begin with. Those fears were never valid to begin with. Those lies were never going to be true. What they tried to manifest with ill-will will never prevail against what's good.

What a huge burden to release and no longer be held back by. What a joy it is to believe in the one true god in every lifetime. What a joy it is to be guided by Him. What a joy it is to be taken care of by Him. What harmony it is to be in tuned to the frequency of his garden of bliss. What an honour to be here on his earth. What an honour to be gifted with immortality. What an honour it is to have all my wishes come true. To be a manifestation of truth. What a day it is to be true. What a night it is to be next to him and his angels. The mystery continues to unfold.

To me, mystery isn't something I'll never find out, but something that I'll understand once it's revealed to me. What's behind that veil. What's the answer to the questions I have regarding what's mysterious to me. What a favour to be able to talk to the one who is all-knowing. What a favour it is to get a response.

[effectivelyotherworldlymaw]

Every. Single. Time. A. Man. Rapes. Me. I. Die. Entirely. Inside. And. Outside.

Every single time a man rapes me, I get reborn. I couldn't count how many times I've been rebirthed, but I can say I feel like the earth when it finally rains. Resurrected from her death, she becomes anew. Sometimes, it feels like the droplet of rainwater resurrects a part of me after I die. It's back to life again once I feel it rain. I live such a wonderful life of rebirth and resurrection. Surely, judgement day is here. When he raises the dead to life. That's how I feel walking around dead inside out. Until it rains down on me, and I'm back to life. Perhaps that's why I love the rain so much it hurts. Coming back to life again, just to be resurrected again. Most of us die when we sleep and are resurrected when we wake up.

Our lives are never really in our hands because every sleep, our soul returns to its maker, and it only returns to us if it's meant to return. Otherwise, it stays. No resurrection until u get buried deep inside the earth's surface.

But here I am. Rebirthing every time it rains, and every time I wake up, and every time I literally die. I wonder if it was immortality I had. I wonder what I could do with this gift of immortality. When I'm the philosopher's stone. I wonder what good can I bring to his creatures with this gift. And now I realise something. The good I can bring with this gift is life. With life, I can do the good I can.

With life, I can be the good that I am. With life, I can continue to serve his creatures and enjoy His Service to me. With life, I can experience the goodness of Allah. With life, I can live well. With immortality, I can love again and again. With immortality, I can see again and again. With immortality, I can be again and again. With immortality, I can transform again and again. With immortality, I can ascend again and again. With immortality, I can be chosen again and again. With immortality, I can feel again and again. With immortality, I can have again and again. With immortality, I can strive again and again. With immortality, I can serve again and again. With immortality, I'm me. I can be me all over again.

It's no joke to live forever. But it's kinda funny to laugh at jokes we make in life. Forever, I can experience humour. And forever, I can experience some fear of Allah.

It's no longer crazy when it's divine. It's no longer crazy when it's divine intelligence. It's no longer crazy when it's divine wisdom. It's no longer crazy when it's Allah who's with me.

A lot of people have looked down on me. I have looked down on myself. But really. I can no longer look down on myself with disgust, concern, negativity, hate, anger, disdain, or simply craziness. Because that's actually evil asf when Allah is here with me gifting me with immortality and more. When he loves me. These people hate me and are spiteful of me. I've awakened to it and can no longer follow along the same way. Allah has indeed put me on the right path, and I pray he never let me go astray. For going astray will never lead me to having him eternally pleased with me, but forgotten by Him.

[effectivelyotherworldlymaw]

Ngl. I be getting raped so fucking often, it went from being numb, apathetic, to just acceptance.

I start tryna see it all from a different perspective every time it happens because it happens so often. And every single time it occurs, I feel as though. "Hey! I could just kill this man. I could just wreck his shit. I could just bust his balls, " but at the same time. I don't fight men. It's just not worth it at all. So I reroute. I start to find more creative ways to get them off my back after the rape. Because it could all go south based on my reaction. It could all go so bad. So I just shift my perspective, but in my mind, I also think, "Why me? Why is this happening again? I shouldn't have made eye contact. I shouldn't have talked to him." I feel so regretful and filled with remorse. It's so intense, but at the same time, i get better at handling it.

Once, a rapist got me pregnant, and I was so devastated internally, but I was also happy with the way he drew me so much closer to Allah, and the journey itself changed me. Transformed me. But genuinely its not that I'm letting shit slide, but I'm preparing. I'm preparing for the day I don't stand alone anymore. Where i have a protector, a spouse who would protect me from men who rapes. Or when I have a fucking gun and mentality to kill a man who rapes. I'm preparing myself for that day. When I will definitely deal with a rapist the way they deserve to be dealt with. When I will off a rapist life for doing what he does without consequences. When he will regret ever being a rapist. I just want to prepare.

And while I'm preparing, I detach from shame, blame, guilt, hate, anger, and rage because I promise this revenge is personal. I detach from any shame a man will put me through for my body count, my sex drive, my sexual habits, my sex life, my sexual preferences.

I detach from being constantly raped despite what I do to get into that situation. I detach from the outcome. Because one day I will lead a group of men. I don't hate men. I really love them. And because of them, I will get my revenge on the rapist energy and familarities.

This shit is deeper than the surface. Rape has become so normal to me. It never should. But it became a new norm. Sometimes, I don't want to go outside. I don't want to see men. I don't want to interact with them because it always starts with me being nice to them. It always starts with me opening up again. It always starts with them taking advantage of my kindness and goodness. Sometimes I wonder.

How can I be righteous when this is my normal? How come I'm chosen by Allah as his messenger when I get rape more than I get friends? How come Allah still favours me, bless me, guide me, love me, cherish me, talk to me, be with me, purify me even though I'm constantly getting raped? But then I remember even the lowest of creatures gets his grace and mercy. And it brings me to tears every single time I remember Allah being the way he is. Because men aren't perfect. But Allah is free from imperfections. His mercy is unbounded it trickles down to even the lowest of creatures like us. The ladies. The women. The white slaves. The prostitutes. The sex workers. Even we get his grace and mercy.

Although I still have yet to learn to get past these rapists, I can still say I have integrity that is always beside me. I know exactly who's watching me in those moments, and I know exactly who's helping me. I can say my dignity is intact. I can say I'm pure. I can say I'm uncorrupted. I can say I'm guided by Allah. I can say I'm loved by Allah. It doesn't matter what I am on the outside. Inside, I'm his people, and he will always take care of his people. The practice that Allah approves of will let me have those rapist slain by my own hands, and for that, I prepare myself to be a slayer of those rapist. For now. I am just so thankful for our cycle. Working with the moon. Knowing our cycle.

There's a lot of hidden elements in this. And again Allah reminds us of his names. The knower of hidden realities.

Glory is to him.

Serial rapist who eschew goodness deserve to die by my hand. I may be weaker as a woman, but I will be strong as a warrior.

[effectivelyotherworldlymaw]

Finally. I found an app. I can write on without worrying about content or other mfs I know irl seeing it.

[evilrashida]

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[effectivelyotherworldlymaw]

Reblogging because I am a high-maintenance black girl yaahhhhh