there's been a lot going on and i've been thinking so here i'll say it: i'm so so lucky. for some reason my soul, the universe and everything decided that i should be protected and cared for in this lifetime, no matter what happens.
tw: mental illness, self-harm, suicide, trauma
in my previous lifetime (or in one of my previous lifetimes) there were some traumatic events even i'm not totally aware of... i don't know what happened and why but it was highly traumatic and left an imprint on my soul that carried over to this lifetime. there are irrational fears and thoughts stemming from this previous trauma but! it was decided i don't have to know what happened. the karma is cleaning up anyway, it's mostly sorted out already. they protected me from the knowledge - though i have some idea, i will not even put it into words.
i am so lucky because in this lifetime i was given a chance to heal from that trauma: i was born into a loving family with good karma and bloodline, i was taught love, safety, and peace. i was born under the right stars with the right core energy so i can make it through this healing process. it might have been too much for others or if i was a different person, but i am me, and many times this simple fact kept me on the surface.
it's like some part of me is always holding on tight, is always on the right path, no matter how sick i am or how bad i feel. i could have ended up worse, i could have hurt myself, i could have made the wrong friends or have awful things happen to me. but these never happened, and i have already come very far on this recovery road. my default settings, all the residual trauma brought a lot of shit into my life but my default settings were the reason how i could overcome these. no wonder i am a sagittarius sun, just barely, with the right placements.
another big part of this story is all the connected energies, souls, soul groups, and spiritual and holy beings (whatever they are). some say a guardian angel is watching their back, but for me there is literally an angel watching my back, guiding me and connected me to the universe. i don't know why i am so lucky to have them but they keep loving me and holding onto me, guiding and teaching me. sometimes they hurt me but always for a good reason and i always learnt from those experiences.
so i know i am protected. i might not have an outstanding life like i dream of sometimes but this is already very fulfilling and satisfying. i hope to build much better karma for the next time. and enjoy this lifetime of course! there's much to live. there are also some others whose karma is related to mine, and so i'll be here for a while. some meetings are scheduled for this lifetime that my soul and that other person's soul very much need...
this luck, this protection, care, and love, i received it freely and will give it freely, always.
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