My Brain Vomit

19. "What's a man without some principles to stand by?" - Caskey - Keep the change Anarchism/Libertarian. I want to be left alone, and want the same for others. Peace to you! <3

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I'm already tapering off my Zoloft. That shit is horrible. Worst antidepressant ever.

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Aaaaaaaaand

The Zoloft doesn't work. Like what the fuck is this drug even? This stuff just made me so angry and bitter.

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Little project at mi casa since I got a much needed break from work. Did all of this pretty much alone in a total of approximately 10 hours of labor.

It involved removing 3 trees from where I laid the bricks with only a pair of small wire cutters (Im not kidding) and shovels. It was so damn fun for some reason, I love flipping a place like that by myself. All of the beds I did, including the one where the bushes are have a layer of plastic to prevent weeds and shit from growing, with a small soil layer over that covered ultimately by mulch. I'm hoping it lasts haha. I need to put up some gutters. I'm planning to do a lot more including planting grass and some flowers in the bed i made on the left side of the house. So. Many. Things. I think it's finally happening guys, I'm turning into my dad and Ron Swanson at the same time. Sweet.

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Do you really love her?

Yes I do, and I will for the rest of my life.

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Is everything better?

Indeed it is. A lot has happened in the past few weeks.

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Off to toumey to get evaluated...

The suicidal shit has to stop sometime. May not be on social media for awhile which is probably for the best

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And there's no one to talk to. Drugs won't help. I can't sleep and I've gotta work tomorrow. God I just want to end it.

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I just want this all to end honestly. My ambition is fading, and I'm falling back into old habits. I have so many people who care but it doesn't make me want to continue on with my life regardless.

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Another relapse.

I just hate this. So much.

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First depressive relapse in quite a while.  I just really really wish I didn’t have this fucking horrible disease. … .. .

[ladyluck25]

You okay?

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I will be one day I really hope. 

[ladyluck25]

You will. I have faith in you.

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Thank you, really. I’m trying my best if not just for myself than for my family and friends. 

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First depressive relapse in quite a while.  I just really really wish I didn’t have this fucking horrible disease. … .. .

[ladyluck25]

You okay?

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I will be one day I really hope. 

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That’s my brother from a few years ago.  His birthday was the 19th of this month.  He decided he could not handle life anymore, understandably I should say, and took his life a few years back on February 13th.  Miss you so much man. The older I get the worst it feels just because I wanted to grow up and see how he used his genius and talents. To share my life with him. Get fucked up with him and be able to bond again.  Please don’t do this to your family. I know how tough it is... How tough life for all of us as become, but just please try and get help and don’t take your life. 

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First depressive relapse in quite a while.  I just really really wish I didn’t have this fucking horrible disease. ... .. .

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Meanwhile I'm stuck with no company, in an empty house without the motivation to even move from my bed. Time to get blindly wasted I guess.

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Fuck me.

I had such a great morning, then fall asleep and wake up feeling like a useless sack of shit. Fucking whyyyyyyyyyyyy Just why. Fuck.

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So.

I've been awake for 62 hours on the dot right now and it's so interesting how your brain can function on sleep depravation. Anyways, worked a rough shift, but it's only Wednesday and I have fuckin 20 hours