There’s an apology trapped in the glassiness of his eyes when he looks up, though whether it’s for this mistake or a hundred others remains unclear when he does not give the words a voice. Cid’s shoulders curl in a bit as he leans to dip his pen in the new well. It makes him look small. “I did know,” he says, as evenly as he can manage. [He had been stupid enough to hope, though.] As tired as he is, somehow he keeps in mind that he doesn’t want to snap. He can’t remember why, though. “There’s nothing else to accept from people, Nero. I won’t ask anyone else to believe in something just because I do.”
And he goes back to writing. The scratching is quieter, but no less erratic than before. Desperate. He’ll be lucky if he can use any of the work by morning. It’s better than nothing, though, and if Cid will be the only one checking over the computations, he’s sure he’ll eventually be able to decipher the smeared numbers and symbols. The thought alone makes it feel like something in his chest is snapping in half–All the muscle and tendon and bone of everything he’s built has caved in and this is what he’s left with.
Cid swallows and his grasp on the pen tightens. A part of him screams for him to be cold. In the end, his voice is hardly lukewarm. Concern bleeds into his sharp edges, sands them down and whittles away every pretense until all that’s left of Cid is how he feels– Lost.
“If you don’t think it will work, why are you still here?”
“ ’Why are you still here...?’ ” He repeats it back below his breath, processing it all. And then Nero’s hands ball into fists at his side. He stares down at Cid incredulously although his expression remains without bite -- in fact, his mouth falls open into a loud scoff, eyes casting over this pathetic room Cid has drawn himself into, a shade of the former Ironworks institution.
“For a man with as sharp as an intellect as yours, you can be amazingly daft. Seven hells -- I can’t believe I need to spell this out for you -- you have always needed to believe in people, or in a cause, or in something that can justify the reason for you and your big brain to go on existing. I’m not like you! I don’t need that! Cid. All I’ve needed to believe in is you. That you’ll keep me on my toes. I don’t need your aspirations, or your dream of ‘freedom through technology,’ I just need you to push me forward. That’s all I’ve known for the past -- how long has it even been, 20 years?” He draws in a breath, the words having left him in one big rush that he could hardly contain, as if he’s giving up the ghost. “You might have been the one who left all those years ago, but I hardly intend to repeat your mistake. So--no, I’m not leaving, and I’ll be damned if you don’t learn from the past if you want to fix it so badly! Do you hear me?!”
His voice has drawn louder and louder over the course of his speech. Nero isn’t exactly yelling, but anyone sleeping just outside the room or even down the hall will surely have woken by now. Nero swallows and straightens. Takes a long breath. Voice more restrained: “Gods above, Cid. What, did you think I truly believed or even cared about Gaius’s pathetic dream? Have you misunderstood me that badly this whole time?”