[elaborator]

struggling with fauxcestual thoughts in 2026

[elaborator]

what do i do, who do i talk to about this. i hate myself. i feel such visceral frustration and suffering but im frozen in place like a stone knowing no outburst will help me. all i can do is lay here and cry and brood and be sad

[elaborator]

ifkkdkdkfkfdkfmhfsjjscndmenfjcn

[elaborator]

tumblr is cool

[elaborator]

last few months have been ass man ever since they died it’s all just been downhill, obstacle after obstacle and misfortune after misfortune bruh

[elaborator]

i lowkey wish i was dead and have tried to kill myself multiple times the past few months

[elaborator]

i can post whatever i want on this account and it doesn’t matter like it can be so unhealthy and literally who gaf

[elaborator]

kdjdkkcjcbdjdkslkxkdl

[elaborator]

an old friend of mine was found dead yesterday at the bottom of a gorge after they had raped somebody and committed suicide. i knew things might go awry with gummi but i didn’t think things would get this dark. i’ve been laying in bed all day thinking about everything that’s happened. nothing feels right. I feel so low

[elaborator]

if my friend that died did that same thing they would’ve posted it like i just did with the same caption

[elaborator]

Was I nonchalant here do y’all fw this

[elaborator]

When I’m “anxious” like I was before about people I love and things in my life that could go away, it felt like anxiety. It just feels like just a sadness/hopelessness now, a knowing that whatever I’m worrying about is going to happen, and a submission to it as something that will happen and I’ll have to deal with it. A lot of the time, it feels like this is because the fear of loss I’m having is founded in reason, and I’ve just made bad choices that have led me to this loss. I may be submitting to the predetermined outcome of myself failing more than the loss itself.

[elaborator]

and he got bullied in school too 😍 match made in heaven

[elaborator]

also he’s one of those dudes that are kinda skinny/lanky but a little built and HUGELY endowed

[elaborator]

just a cycle of the same thoughts and feelings. obsession and depression

[elaborator]

is this what i’m doomed to forever? i have this next little obsession person and I feel like tied to them again, they occupy my mind day in and day out and i do unhealthy things just to try to spend time with them and get their attention. all of this just like it has been before time and time again. i’m growing into an older person and yet this behavior just remains the same. i don’t even know if i truly love this man- it feels like i do, but i feel like it’s very likely he will just hurt me in the future. but i’m listening to this song he sent me, and i’m thinking about the fond things he messaged me and fantasizing about the things we’ve already tentatively planned. i think deep down what my real end goal is just for him to be someone that stays with me indefinitely, in any capacity- not another person who i eventually lose touch with for one reason or the other. not because i think people are abandoning me… i just feel like everything is very finite for me. and maybe i’m the problem. i see things in him that make me think how he could end up being the problem too. so deep down i know it won’t happen like that, but i want to hope. i want to at least impress him and have more fond memories with him soon.

[elaborator]

anyways this dude was in prison he came back and he was like “babeeee i was thinking about you while i was locked up” i’m so lucky i’m not a cis woman he’d probably knock my ass up

[elaborator]

just a cycle of the same thoughts and feelings. obsession and depression

[elaborator]

is this what i’m doomed to forever? i have this next little obsession person and I feel like tied to them again, they occupy my mind day in and day out and i do unhealthy things just to try to spend time with them and get their attention. all of this just like it has been before time and time again. i’m growing into an older person and yet this behavior just remains the same. i don’t even know if i truly love this man- it feels like i do, but i feel like it’s very likely he will just hurt me in the future. but i’m listening to this song he sent me, and i’m thinking about the fond things he messaged me and fantasizing about the things we’ve already tentatively planned. i think deep down what my real end goal is just for him to be someone that stays with me indefinitely, in any capacity- not another person who i eventually lose touch with for one reason or the other. not because i think people are abandoning me… i just feel like everything is very finite for me. and maybe i’m the problem. i see things in him that make me think how he could end up being the problem too. so deep down i know it won’t happen like that, but i want to hope. i want to at least impress him and have more fond memories with him soon.

[elaborator]

just a cycle of the same thoughts and feelings. obsession and depression