A study of a toxic relationship written without romanticization
This post includes spoilers for A Torch Against the Night by Sabaa Tahir.
Did I enjoy ATATN very much? No. It was too slow paced for my tastes. But did I love how Sabaa Tahir portrayed Keenan and Laia's relationship in the book? Yes, I did. I am in love with the way she portrayed a toxic relationship. On first glance, it doesn't even seem toxic but then you see the subtext and go "this is brilliant." I made incoherent notes on that brilliance for this post.
For those who don't know, Laia and Keenan are a couple of sorts from book two in the An Ember in the Ashes quartet by Sabaa Tahir. We do not like Keenan. Here is why.
Keenan was hot and cold with Laia all through book one and just generally giving her mixed signals. He would be aloof and then bomb her with attention and make her doubt her emotions and feelings. He'd make it seem like he cared and then retreat again in his cycle of manipulation when Laia got dependent on him. He used her loneliness when she was vulnerable when Elias left for Kauf and slept with her. Then he used magic to befuddle her mind and manipulated the shit out of her emotions.
Invalidating her emotions
Making her feel like she should let go of negative emotions, instead of openly expressing and feeling them like positive emotions. Making her feel as if sadness is a luxury, when it's not.
Making her question her capabilities
This seems like it's sweet on first glance, but it's not. He used his magic to manipulate her, to befuddle her mind and to make her question herself. Then, in a position where she couldn't lean on anyone else because she was alone with him, he put her in an even more vulnerable state by making himself the only person she could trust. He made it so that she couldn't even trust herself more than she trusted him. He's making her feel like she's not ready and capable and making her dependent on him instead of herself. Her inner voice figures it out but his magic wins in the end and she tricks herself into believing he's right.
Making her feel like shit for having a voice
Laia questions his authority. Can't verbalize her doubt because he's breaking her spirit. 'As if she's growing smaller day by day' shows that she feels inferior and that she thinks she should be thankful (she shouldn't) that the Great and Wise Keenan is helping her and is with her. She trusts him and his abilities over her own, which is not a good thing.
He does the stuff he did and then acts like he cares so she doesn't question his authority again. After all, why would he wanna harm her if he cares about her well-being like that?
Making himself her only relief
He took away her comfort space, the coat Elias gave her, to make him her only respite. He took away her comfort space and introduced a new one that's moreso based on him so he can take her further away from who she truly is.
She's conflicted. She wants to be herself but she has no energy to fight back because of how he's hurt her. She wants to be herself again but she can't because she isn't even aware of the fact that she isn't herself and it's all because of him and this is brilliant.
He told her this toxicity is normal. That this is better than independence because she can't handle independence. That she screws stuff up when she's not babied and infantilized and made dependent on someone. She completely loses trust in herself and places it in Keenan, as that was what he wanted.
Tl;dr, Keenan is a toxic s/o to Laia so I hope you don't ship them and go hype up Sabaa Tahir for she is brilliant.
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