‘ anyway, that’s how i escaped from space prison. ’
‘ i just got my sixth promotion this week and i still don’t know what i do! ’
‘ it’s great to have you back no matter where we are, but wouldn’t you like to go home? ’
‘ get out of the booth, take all your clothes off, and fold yourself twelve times. ’
‘ you cheap insect fucks didn’t think i was worth your best equipment? ’
‘ relaxed, enough? ’
‘ he is the smartest man in the universe. ’
‘ well, when you’re not sure what you do for a living, you can make your own rules. ’
‘ you’ve hardly touched your pills. ’
‘ stop saying his name. he abandoned us! ’
‘ horses live longer than tortoises now. is that what you want? ’
‘ maybe i just want you to care if i run away yelling! ’
‘ admit it, you’re going crazy cooped up in here. ’
‘ yeah well, tough titties. ’
‘ that depends on who breaks first: me or the titty. ’
‘ if we stay here we’ll die along with all your memories. ’
‘ oh, that sounds cool. i can get what i want and you can say goodbye. ’
‘ fine, but i’m driving. ’
‘ hey, i like being 35. i can rent a car now. ’
‘ they weaponized the eiffel tower! ’
‘ no one’s special to him. not even himself. ’
‘ i’m not right! i was using ghoulish overkill. ’
‘ we’re going to the day it all began… and ended. the moment that changed everything. ’
‘ i’d like to get a 10 piece mcnugget and a bunch of the szechuan sauce. like as much as you’re allowed to give me. ’
‘ in 1998 they had this promotion for the disney film mulan where they created a new sauce for the nuggets called szechuan sauce and it’s DELICIOUS. ’
‘ wow, this sauce is fucking amazing! you said it was promoting a movie? ’
‘ i used to wear blue pants. ’
‘ well, well, well if it isn’t us. ’
‘ nobody has to know about that. we can put it right back and pretend we never saw it. ’
‘ i’ll make it up as i go. ’
‘ oh my god… i have that exact same top! ’
‘ that’s my sister. this used to be my home. ’
‘ imagine doing anything you want and hopping to a timeline where you never did it. ’
‘ excuse me? we don’t pass on this. who do you think you are? ’
‘ i heard sci-fi noises. did you make a breakthrough? ’
‘ i only wanted to stop by here for a quick ‘i told you so.’ ’
‘ why would you do that? what is the matter with you people? ’
‘ i’ve got it… i’ve fucking got it!!! ’
‘ awesome possum! ’
‘ yeah, that’s the three lines of math that separates my life as a man from my life as an unfeeling ghost. ’
‘ you can alter anything you want about a totally fabricated origin story. ’
‘ lovely. not only is my plan screwed up, i also forgot how to improvise! ’
‘ he’s a spy, blow him up. ’
‘ i’m gonna go take a shit. ’
‘ he’s not a lawyer. we just keep him here because he’s fun. ’
‘ i say: fuck you. ’
‘ you killed him because you were jealous of him. that’s pretty obvious. ’
‘ what? no! i don’t want to see your pog collection. ’
‘ let’s not suck the ghost of his dick too hard. ’
‘ he’s not a villain, but he shouldn’t be your hero. he’s more like a demon or… a super fucked up god. ’
‘ i know you’re too stupid to get this, but you’re really fucking this up right now. ’
‘ i wasn’t going to let her die, you fucking moron! ’
‘ you’re a serious fucking idiot. you basically killed us all! ’
‘ who’s stupid now, bitch? ’
‘ i’m almost proud. ’
‘ look, i’m not proud to share this, but the truth is i just kept crawling and it kept working. ’
‘ guess who dismantled the government? ’
‘ please don’t leave me again. ’
‘ is there any light beer left? it’s insane what you miss in prison. ’
‘ no, you’re right. where’s the vodka? ’
‘ i’m sorry to hear that, sweetie. i hope i had nothing to do with that. ’
‘ i better tend to him before he changes his mind and doesn’t move out. ’
‘ but never him. you wanna know why? because he crossed me. ’
‘ take it easy – that’s dark! ’
‘ welcome to the darkest year of our adventures! ’
‘ if you tell them i said any of this, i’ll deny it and they’ll take my side because i’m a hero and now you’re gonna have to go do whatever i say – forever! ’
‘ and i’ll go out and i’ll find more of that mulan szechuan teriyaki dipping sauce because that’s what this is all about – that’s my one-armed man. ’
‘ i’m not driven by avenging my dead family, that was fake. ’
‘ i’m driven by finding that mcnugget sauce. i want that mulan mcnugget sauce! ’
‘ that’s my series arc. if it takes nine seasons! ’
‘ i want my mcnugget dipping sauce. szechuan sauce! ’
‘ that’s what’s gonna take us all the way to the end! ’
‘ what are you talking about? ’
‘ nine more seasons. nine more seasons until i get that dipping szechuan sauce or 97 more years! ’
‘ fine. fuck it. who cares? ’
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2087
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