Elementary Art Fart

I teach elementary art. Here's what my kids have learned.

[elementaryartfarts]

Me: Ok kids, we're gonna learn about a new artist today!

Kindergartener: *whispers* Oh I know... It's Celine Dion

[calvinwouldbeproud-deactivated2]

The people of Israel said "Now appoint for us a king to judge us like all the other nations."

[ultrafacts]

Levi is suffering from a genetic disorder on the Zellweger spectrum. Doctors do not believe he will live to the age of eight.

Rebecca Drake, Levi’s mom, said he can no longer walk, talk, or sit up. He is also rapidly losing his sight.

As Levi’s health deteriorated, “Emma was one of the few people who could bring him genuine joy,” Rebecca told Indiana’s Reporter-Times.

“They had attended the same school at the time of Levi’s diagnosis,” she said. “Since finding out about his condition, Emma has written Levi letters of encouragement and has asked her friends to do the same.”

Emma could always manage to make her son smile.

And when Levi was given a chance to do anything he wanted, he asked that his wish be transferred to Emma and her family.

(Fact Source) For more facts, follow Ultrafacts

[willbraham]

True friends

[txbeergoddess]

I just teared up reading this

[redcell6]

AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON

illustrated by Seoro

[fuiru]

Steve Jobs' Aquarium

“One of my favourite Steve Jobs stories was the time the engineers working on the iPod brought their finished prototype to him in his office. He said it was too big, they needed to make it smaller. They said it was as small as they could make it, it couldn’t be made any smaller. So he took the prototype over to his aquarium and dropped it in. The iPod sank to the bottom, and as it did, tiny little bubbles came out. ‘See those bubbles,’ he asked. ‘They’re air inside the iPod. Make it smaller.’

“Another story about Steve Jobs was when they brought the prototype for the iPad 2 to his office. The engineers told him it was faster than the first iPad. He took it over to his aquarium and dropped it in. ‘Look how slowly it sank,’ he told them. ‘Make it faster.’

“One time a newly hired intern had been sent out to get Steve a sandwich. When she brought it to him, he looked at it. ‘I thought I ordered the beef on rye,’ he asked. She told him it was indeed beef on rye. He took it over to his fish tank and dropped it in. ‘Does that look like beef on rye?’

“He was always dropping things in that fish tank. We couldn’t stop him. We told him he had to stop, he wouldn’t listen. It was full of stuff that shouldn’t be in an aquarium.

“The fish had all died years ago. One had been crushed under an early generation iMac. The others were all poisoned. He didn’t care.

“It got to the point where there was no room for anything in the fish tank. When we emptied it after he died, we found a body in there. We never found out who it was.”

[oh-my-kudrow]

WHO DID THIS

[inkysitor-deactivated20160424]

[weloveshortvideos]

[emmyc]

looooolll

[iguanamouth]

lauren will you tell us a story

ok heres something

around a year ago someone asked me to draw danny devito as a kitty, spawning this terrible terrible image 

time passes. a lot of time passes. then two months ago i get an email from a group of people called FPOAFM doing a pottery installation event, and theyre going around gathering artwork from artists to put onto cups and dishes to sell,, in exchange for a few pieces with the artists work on them

and i said SURE you can use some of my stuff … . but in exchange.…  i want something with kitty devito on it. i dont care if you put it on anything else, but one item that i get in return has to have this cat man abomination

i give them my address and a few images and months pass. i forget about it. THEN literally two days ago i get this big package on my doorstep, and INSIDE OF IT…. is the holy grail

in addition to two plates is this incredible porcelain cup with the fabled kitty devito on it, proudly grinning his terrible cat grin

the thing that pushes this cup into the Far Reaches of Awful isnt just the image stamped on it. its that it is one hundred percent made from a mold of a styrofoam cup

its finger presses on the rim, those little lines going around

and all this jargon on the bottom, right under the glaze. the amount of effort that went into reproducing this styrofoam cup is incredible and i can stick it in my shelf and drink soup from it at four in the morning with danny devitos smug cat face looking out over everything i do, forever. follow your dreams

[staff]

Have a follow-your-dreams weekend, Tumblr.

[elementaryartfarts]

My parents are blimping into town.

[elementaryartfarts]

Other teachers are astounded by my lack of craft supplies. They scowl in contempt at my pipe cleanerless cabinets.

[elementaryartfarts]

Every year this happens.

[elementaryartfarts]

“Is it a lizard– oh, it’s a dragon right?!”

“It’s a puppy…”

[elementaryartfarts]

"Why does your lion have a sweater on?"

"I had room for a body."

"...Yes, but why is he wearing a sweater?"

"It's cold in here."

I secretly hope when this kid grows up he starts an indie band and choses this to be the cover of their first album.

[elementaryartfarts]

I thought Grumpy Cat was an inspired 2nd grade lesson. Up until I realized the kids had no idea who Grumpy Cat was. 

Then there was that one kid who just didn't get it...

[elementaryartfarts]

This is supposed to be Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, but thanks to my kindergartener's wonky highlight, it looks more like a sexy... a sexy something.