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Saw the post and decided I had twenty minutes to record this. I have no idea why it’s in a semi-British accent, but the ways of the muse are strange, indeed.
Original post here
By @thisiswhymomworries, @3tno, and @retroactivebakeries
Music is Ambler by Kevin Macleod of Incompetech.com
Ambler Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
My quest to narrate ridiculous Tumblr posts continues!
Saw this on my dash tonight and couldn’t resist. Original post here (linking the post on my own blog b/c the guy who wrote it deactivated).
Warning: Might be a little loud. R.I.P. Headphones Users
I like the mission that jimfear138 is doing. I hope to do something similar because the practice of reading aloud every day and expressing through just the voice matters deeply in strengthing voice muscles and sometimes you got to read weird stuff and you still have to be authentic
Hey man, fucking go for it. If this is what you want to do, you gotta be dedicated, willing to work your ass off, and shell out some bread for decent equipment, but it is very doable.
Three years ago I was some dumb fuck narrating creepypasta stories on YouTube. Now I’ve got two (soon to be three) audiobooks on audible, and I’m hosting a podcast produced by a good friend of mine where we and others read stories to people over the internet and we’re trying to turn this into a business.
There are workarounds for good equipment. I use a Samson C01 mic, and it gets me basically studio quality for under 100 bucks, thanks to post-production. Learn how to EQ. I cannot stress this enough. EQ can mean the difference between sounding really tinny and bland or god forbid eardrum puncturing, and sounding like a professional. Buy Reaper. Reaper is really versatile and user-friendly, and they’ve got a ton of plugins to help with compression and EQ and noise removal and all that good shit.
Now I got kinda lucky. That friend I mentioned has been doing audio engineering for longer than I’ve been thinking about narrating stories, and those audiobooks I linked were something I fell into and the guy really like my work and had a lot of stuff he wanted narrated.
But plugging away and treating it like a second/third/whatever number job will pay off. Flex your voice acting muscles. Learn the limits of your equipment. Put in auditions on ACX, and persistence will pay off. Narrating audiobooks isn’t a job that pays great, but if you stick to it long enough people will recognize the quality that you’re putting out. Especially if you are putting out quality. And be professional. I cannot stress that enough. That third audiobook I mentioned?
I got a $100 tip (yes a fucking TIP) because I recorded and edited it in a timely manner, the audio quality was good, and I acted professionally in my interactions with the author/self-publisher. And shit, I’m basically a caveman who bashed two rocks together and made fire with it while my friend gave me advice on how to keep the fire contained and do its job.
So don’t take my experience as the gold standard (it’s not), or as the height of making money by voice acting/podcasting/narrating audiobooks, because it very much isn’t.
But this is a viable career path if you’re willing to put in the effort on your voice, get equipment that’s decent enough to make you sound like you’re not recording out of a bathroom in a truck stop in Iowa, and have the determination to never fucking stop because this is really what you want to do with your life.
And I don’t have the depth of experience as someone like Scott Brick or Stephan Rudnicki, but I’m willing to dispense what knowledge I have if you think it’ll help. The ask box is always open, and I won’t bullshit you, fill your head with lies or misinformation (to the best of my ability/knowledge), and try to help you get the most out of your audio production given what I know and am able to put out.
So I appreciate the support, and I wish you all the best in your future endeavors. And if you have any questions I can answer, I’m more than willing to throw in my two cents.
Saw the post and decided I had twenty minutes to record this. I have no idea why it’s in a semi-British accent, but the ways of the muse are strange, indeed.
Original post here
By @thisiswhymomworries, @3tno, and @retroactivebakeries
Music is Ambler by Kevin Macleod of Incompetech.com
Ambler Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
My quest to narrate ridiculous Tumblr posts continues!
Saw this on my dash tonight and couldn’t resist. Original post here (linking the post on my own blog b/c the guy who wrote it deactivated).
Warning: Might be a little loud. R.I.P. Headphones Users
I like the mission that jimfear138 is doing. I hope to do something similar because the practice of reading aloud every day and expressing through just the voice matters deeply in strengthing voice muscles and sometimes you got to read weird stuff and you still have to be authentic
Hey man, fucking go for it. If this is what you want to do, you gotta be dedicated, willing to work your ass off, and shell out some bread for decent equipment, but it is very doable.
Three years ago I was some dumb fuck narrating creepypasta stories on YouTube. Now I’ve got two (soon to be three) audiobooks on audible, and I’m hosting a podcast produced by a good friend of mine where we and others read stories to people over the internet and we’re trying to turn this into a business.
There are workarounds for good equipment. I use a Samson C01 mic, and it gets me basically studio quality for under 100 bucks, thanks to post-production. Learn how to EQ. I cannot stress this enough. EQ can mean the difference between sounding really tinny and bland or god forbid eardrum puncturing, and sounding like a professional. Buy Reaper. Reaper is really versatile and user-friendly, and they’ve got a ton of plugins to help with compression and EQ and noise removal and all that good shit.
Now I got kinda lucky. That friend I mentioned has been doing audio engineering for longer than I’ve been thinking about narrating stories, and those audiobooks I linked were something I fell into and the guy really like my work and had a lot of stuff he wanted narrated.
But plugging away and treating it like a second/third/whatever number job will pay off. Flex your voice acting muscles. Learn the limits of your equipment. Put in auditions on ACX, and persistence will pay off. Narrating audiobooks isn’t a job that pays great, but if you stick to it long enough people will recognize the quality that you’re putting out. Especially if you are putting out quality. And be professional. I cannot stress that enough. That third audiobook I mentioned?
I got a $100 tip (yes a fucking TIP) because I recorded and edited it in a timely manner, the audio quality was good, and I acted professionally in my interactions with the author/self-publisher. And shit, I’m basically a caveman who bashed two rocks together and made fire with it while my friend gave me advice on how to keep the fire contained and do its job.
So don’t take my experience as the gold standard (it’s not), or as the height of making money by voice acting/podcasting/narrating audiobooks, because it very much isn’t.
But this is a viable career path if you’re willing to put in the effort on your voice, get equipment that’s decent enough to make you sound like you’re not recording out of a bathroom in a truck stop in Iowa, and have the determination to never fucking stop because this is really what you want to do with your life.
And I don’t have the depth of experience as someone like Scott Brick or Stephan Rudnicki, but I’m willing to dispense what knowledge I have if you think it’ll help. The ask box is always open, and I won’t bullshit you, fill your head with lies or misinformation (to the best of my ability/knowledge), and try to help you get the most out of your audio production given what I know and am able to put out.
So I appreciate the support, and I wish you all the best in your future endeavors. And if you have any questions I can answer, I’m more than willing to throw in my two cents.
now that tumblrs pg13 we can only say fuck one more time so we better use it for something good
wait
Fuck!
Fiddlesticks you guys try using that
Going 5 levels deep
DM: So what do you wanna find in the Thieves Guild
Rogue(me): Information
DM: Ok, so who are you gonna talk to?
Me: (OOC) can I make up a character real quick for this?
DM: Yeah
Me: Sick, so I go and find the guy who trained me how to be an Arcane Trickster
DM: Ok, describe him to me
Warlock: He’s Jimmy Falon, but with a goatee
Me: And a handle bar moustache
Paladin: Wait, that means he’s Jimmy Falon’s evil twin. He’s gotta be called Jimee Talon, then. With two E’s (I named a horse Charlee)
DM: (cracking up) We’re three levels deep right now
Warlock: So Wait, that means Jimmy Falon is in the world and is doing stand up or a night show talk at a tavern
DM: 4 levels!
Me: That also means we’ll have a quest where we fight him with the power of Wron Burgandee to fight his evil subcult called the SNL
DM: (in tears) We’ve gone 5 levels deep!
Cleric (who made hummus): Hey Guys, what’d I miss?
Me: We made SNL canon and we’re gonna a kill Jimmy Falon, finally
(More laughter)
Swindling 4000 gold
Our dark elf rogue just witnessed our Goliath fighter lose an arm wrestling contest with a classless variant human shopkeeper who used a thundergiant belt to gain strength.
Rogue: I want to steal that belt
Dm: I’m going to roll his perception with advantage because he’s literally wearing it… (Rogue succeeds against the advantage)
Dm: uhhhhhh honsetly I wasn’t expecting this, I’ll giv…
Rogue (interrupting): I want to sell it back to him.
DM loses his shit and makes rogue roll persuation and counters with a perception with advantage. (Rogue succeeds and gains 4000 gold)
DM made the shopkeeper send it to a storage pocket dimension to avoid it being restolen.
Handwriting
So a few people asked me to write stuff down during the charity stream so they could get it tattooed. Here are the ones I wrote down and promised to do.
Please be 100% sure that this is what you actually want. It’s very flattering but I don’t want people to regret it. HAVE FUN! :D
“Not use collective punishment as it is not fair on the many people who did nothing and under the 1949 Geneva Conventions it is a war crime.”
Wait it’s a fucking WAR CRIME?!?! I mean that might not be 100% accurate but now I gotta know
holy crap, collective punishment is a war crime.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fourth_Geneva_Convention#Collective_punishments
and according to the exact legal phrasing-
No protected person may be punished for an offense he or she has not personally committed. Collective penalties and likewise all measures of intimidation or of terrorism are prohibited.
This technically counts, as students are civilians, and thus considered a “protected person”. So yes, collective classroom punishment breaks the fourth Geneva Convention, and she should be rewarded for standing up for human rights and doing her research.
so according to the Geneva Convention reparations for slavery would be a war crime
A conversation in the armourer’s shop:
Rogue: Hey, do you have any magic crossbows?
Cleric: Wait, you already have a crossbow. Why not just buy some magic bolts?
Rogue: Because I’d run out of bolts eventually. I’m not gonna run out of crossbow.
Cleric: So the crossbow…makes the bolts…magic? How does that even work?
The entire party, in unison: MAGIC!
And there goes my campaign
Context- It is the first session of my campaign. My players are on their first quest. They must eliminate a band of marauding goblins. One of my players ( Dinkles ) has god level looks that adds a +8 to all reaction rolls.
Me- Ok. So you arrive at the goblins makeshift base. There are two guards posted to the entrance. What do you do?
Dinkles (ooc)- I walk up to the guards and use my looks to stun them.
Me-…ok… roll intimidation.
Dinkles- *passes*
Me- alright they are stunned by your god like glory.
Dinkles (ooc)- cool! I ask them to take me to their leader.
Me- ok they take you to a large Ork that it about twice your size.
Dinkles (ooc)- I want to tell him to blow me.
Me-…
Other players-…
Dinkles (ooc)- what?
Dinkles then proceeds to roll a nat 20 on his intimidation roll.
Me-… I… I don’t know what to say honestly…
Saved by the dice
My Lv 6 group was fighting a Fomorian (cr 9), although for their sakes I didn’t use the Evil Eye action. They managed to knock down its HP quite a bit and mostly managed to avoid getting hit, but every hit knocked either a fourth (or to our robot member, half) of their HP down. They were a party without healers.
Me: The monster turns to attack (player here), raising its club above its head. *Rolls a Nat 1, stares at it in disbelief* Players: Oh no, well he’s dead. Me:…and smashes it on his own foot, tumbling forward dead as his injures catch up to him. Players: *stunned silence followed by laughter*
Y'know, you could just make up accents in dnd. Tried to give ur character an Australian accent and failed? Well, there is no Australia in this fantasy universe, but there is conceivably a settlement of people who all speak in an accent which sounds, to our ears, like really bad Australian.
What I’m saying is just use the worst fuckong voices for all ur characters and if u get called out on then just say it’s how people talk in fricking green-mushrooms or wherever ur character comes from. Make your party suffer.
@probablybadrpgideas @probablygoodrpgideas
I hate this post because it reminds me of the one time I tried to speak with a Japanese accent as an Aarakocra but I panicked and it ended up Swabian
So, I Spent 4 Hours Making a 5e Encounter Calculator in Excel
And the first thing I used it for was to figure out just how many crabs is “deadly” for a level one party of five…for reasons.
Here it is!
Right now there are three different calculators in it: The first you can manually input monster CR’s, the second has all monsters from the Monster Manual and Volo’s Guide to Monsters sorted by CR, and the third sorts them alphabetically. Each will figure out the difficulty of the encounter based on your party size/levels compared to the adjusted experience of the monsters chosen using the encounter building rules and charts from the Dungeon Master’s Guide. It will also tell you which book and which page you can find the chosen monsters. I plan to add environments and perhaps a calculator sorted by environments in the near future. For the actual stat blocks and rules about how to run a game, be sure to support your local hobby shop by purchasing the rulebooks!
Disclaimer: This DM is not responsible for any PC deaths brought about from the use of this tool.
Write an epic story in reverse, starting at the epilogue. Work your way backwards through all the major decisions that lead to certain actions being taken. End your story at the beginning, your protagonist taking the first step that would start their epic tale.
