February is apparently the “month of love”, and Love is a word used every day, though never fully understood. For me, Love is Jesus - Jesus is Love - it’s as simple and complex as that. Love is ultimately what we all live for and desire so desperately, it’s a spiritual need.
I’ve never been in a relationship. I’ve only pursued one girl (early 2018), and to me a relationship with her was a dream that was too good to ever be true. Despite how great and close our relationship became, it quickly ended up turning into just that - a dream too good to be a reality. She never did a single thing wrong by any means, I just wasn’t the king she really deserved, and I lost her entirely. You could say it was a heartbreaking experience, but for someone who dreams of loving someone but always deemed himself as unworthy of a relationship due to insecurity, it was almost depressing. It felt like a confirmation of my unworthiness. As a teenager, I was exposed to some terrible things and struggled with lust. For years Satan had me convinced that I was unworthy to ever be loved by a girl.
I still struggle with that idea sometimes. Jesus freed me, healed me, and redeemed me from lust years ago, but it’s so easy to think “A Christian girl would never want to even talk to a guy who’s viewed girls with perverse thoughts before, let alone be romantic or intimate with one.” And when you feel like you’ll never be good enough for a girl, Satan will tell you that you’re only good enough for the screen. That can lead to 2 things; diving back into sin, or closing your heart off and giving up. Despite losing a few low-moment battles in recent years, I’m winning the war against the sin in dominant fashion. However, I definitely closed my heart. I convinced myself to stop wanting something that in my mind I couldn’t have. As someone with a giant heart and a desire to be extremely sweet, that was hard and painful. I was still nice and made girls feel special (out of genuine kindness, not flirtation), but with an unhealthy mindset that disabled me from accepting any kindness from people because of my self-deemed unworthiness. Over the years all of these stressful mentalities and cognitive changes have of course led to bad decisions, unnecessary messes, hurt feelings, a not-so-great reputation, and several mental burnouts. Not surprisingly, I spent WAY too much time and mental energy trying to solve/fix myself rather than investing myself in Jesus. Then everything changed.
Since turning 20 in July 2018, I’ve fallen in Love with Jesus more than ever before. My purpose - to Live + Love + Lead like Jesus - came into focus. My calling to Influential and Creative Leadership came into focus. The name + renown of Jesus really became my soul’s burning desire more than anything else, including a relationship. I’ve pursued becoming a Faithful person. But most of all, Jesus has revealed True Love to me, and that I (and anyone) will always be worthy of Love from Him, a girl/guy, and anyone else because of His indescribably perfect Love for me.
Love is not a kiss, it’s not romance, it’s not affection, it’s not appreciation, those are all products of Love but not Love itself. Love isn’t a hole in our heart for a guy or girl to fill. Love is the person we’re created to worship. Love has a name, and His name is Jesus. We long for Love because we’re created to Love; because we’ve always been Loved our entire existence by Love Himself. God is Love, and He Loved us enough to send Jesus to die on a cross for our sin. We’re unworthy, Lord knows I am. But if you look at the cross and think anything other than “Woah, I’m so loved”, out of humility, gratefulness, and passion, you’re missing Jesus. So many times I look at the cross and my sins, and I wonder why He would die and Live for me, a worthless sinner. If that’s you, I want to encourage you (and me). The whole reason God sent His only Son is BECAUSE you’re beyond Priceless, not worthless. Love is not something that is bought by worthiness, Love is freely given. Love is a lifestyle, and Godly Love is worship. Living in Love means living in Jesus.
We’re created to Love Jesus completely. When we fall in love with Him, we’ll be able to Love our significant other the way they deserve/need to be Loved - with the Love of Christ. Plus, we’ll be able to Love people as Jesus Loved people, with a passion to Lead others to encounter Him. When you fall in Love with Jesus, you begin to Love like Jesus.
You are so Loved fam, so go Love people like Jesus Loves you. // Ft. Love Vibes ♥️
