sobriety is a privilege

eli keohane. ex dealer. chemistry whiz. all around fuckboy.

[greengrvs-deactivated20190824]

"I’m happy to hear that. I want to make you smile an shit too." Alek’s grin widened at the sight of Eli’s blush. "I love you a lot and I want you to be happy, kay? Even if that means squeezing my hand on the field or in the hallway." He laughed, shaking his head. Eli was sweet, warm and loving. He was like a breath of fresh air for Alek, to be able to be loving someone without expectations of so much to return, loving someone without having to worry about heartbreak. "I’ll forgive you in advance. If you promise a get well kiss for every broken finger." He wiggled his fingers in the air before picking up a tube of red face paint. "If you say so, солнечный свет. Nothing quite like a pep rally without someone having a dick on their face."

[elijahkeohane]

"I love you too." An immediate answer, confident. In fact, there was nothing Eli was more sure of than his love for Alek. His sunshine. "I am happy. Happier than I've been in a long time. I mean, a month ago I thought I was happy. I thought my life was great. I had money and friends and drugs, and that was all I needed. But looking back...that's so empty. And you --" He paused. Oh god, no tears. Please, no tears. He continued, his voice shakier than normal. "You make me happy, okay?" Eli laughed softly, Alek was so adorable sometimes. All the time. "C'mere, I'll draw a dick on your face, then, Querido. I mean, you'd still look incredible, so."

[greengrvs-deactivated20190824]

"You’re feeling vulnerable, because you care about things that can be hurt. People especially." Alek always cared for others, picking apart pieces of his heart to pin to theirs, careful to not let it show too brilliantly. Lesson one in the Volkov household was a poker face, but at least here, at least with someone he truly cared about, he didn’t need a poker face. "I won’t let go. Promise." He returned the kiss quickly, laughing. "I’ll have you know, I draw extremely anatomically correct dicks. But if you so prefer, I can do stripes."

[elijahkeohane]

"I don't want to hurt you. Ever. I mean like, I want to do the opposite. Like, make you smile and shit. Love you a lot." Eli turned a shade pinker -- he couldn't believe he had just phrased an actual sentence like that. Not when Alek was practically Aphrodite himself, wooing Elijah with just a fucking glance. "I'm serious! And sorry in advance for possibly breaking fingers. I get nervous." Eli laughed, too. He was still afraid, but the thought of having Alek's hand to hold brought some kind of strength into the picture. The crowd of Welton boys and the opposing team and god, his sobriety demon all seemed a little easier to face with a loving brunette by his side. "I think I'll pass on your offer, Mr. Artist. You can draw anything school appropriate you'd like on me, okay?"

[greengrvs-deactivated20190824]

Alek grinned, leaning in to kiss Eli softly. “Someone, something. It all means you have cared this much before. You won’t break because of it.” He laughed, shaking his head. Of course, Gar would. “He tries to fatten everyone up. He’s like an old Yiddish grandmother who demands grandchildren and bakes cookies for the mob. You won’t throw up, I won’t let you.” He gave Eli’s hand a squeeze, raising the tubes of face paint he had. “Let me paint you?”

[elijahkeohane]

"But it hurts." He laughed. And it did, really. Eli couldn't remember ever feeling like his heart and chest and maybe his entire body was going to burst open, but now he could feel it. He wondered if the drugs had kept that feeling away, and part of him regretted it. But part of him hated caring this much -- even though kissing Alek was the most addicting thing he'd tried. "I'll probably hold your hand really, really right." This time, he kissed Alek. "I swear to god, if you draw a dick on my face.."

[faye-piperton-deactivated201506]

"It does if you’re me and sometimes wonder if I need a fucking cane." The plop and drop of the pencils and random papers attracted his short span of attention, and since Eli wasn’t the one looking at the growing mess at his feet, Christian took it upon himself to be the man for the job. "I don’t need Ben Gay, but you might need a shopping cart for all that extra shit crammed in there. Not just a plain old backpack will cut it. What the fuck’s even in there? And it was the Red Sea. Could you imagine something being named the Black Sea?" Shaking his head, he grunted half in response. "That’s the holiest of them all. Haven’t you gotten the memo? We’re the new Catholic. Better start paying attention in those religion classes, they’ll be teaching important lessons. Maybe even how to part the Red Sea. And the Black one as well."

[elijahkeohane]

"What are you, like nineteen? I doubt you actually need a cane." He mumbled, ignoring the fallen papers, but definitely not the one bending over to clean them up. Only a fraction of the mess. "Backpack isn't an option, anyway. Elliot threw out both of mine. Says it's good to purge what'll remind me of the drugs, y'know?" Eli laughed. "I think he just doesn't trust me, but whatever." With a sigh, he grabbed the only working pencil off the ground. "Ah, like Catholic 2.0. Bigger and better than ever. Have you ever considered running for Pope? If that's like, how it works. I don't know."

[sphinx-dubinsky]

"I’m pretty sure my ma would be way too much for you to handle. But sure, okay, tell yourself that someone finds you attractive to help you sleep at night."

[elijahkeohane]

"Sweetheart, this whole damn campus finds me attractive. You should just see my locker on Valentine's day. Filled to the brim with love notes and 'please-be-mine'. Obviously." He rolled his eyes.

[greengrvs-deactivated20190824]

"Maybe, but sometimes caring a lot is a good thing. It means you are putting it first and foremost in your mind and working for the best outcome." This year’s pep rally was bound to be different from the previous two years, with the significant lack of drugs been passed around and used to make the school spirit that much more memorable. Alek always liked the pep rally, the amount of excitement and entertainment was enough to keep his mind bustling, even without a healthy amount of drugs to keep him amused. "You won’t. But if you do, I can knee Gar a few times until he throws up too so you won’t be alone."

[elijahkeohane]

"I've never cared so much about anything before." He smiled. "Except maybe you, but you're a someone and not a something." Eli had the urge to kiss Alek right there, but he held back (because he cared too much about if it was the right time or the right place or just the right thing to do). "I'd feel so bad. You have no idea how many batches of brownies that boy has made me. I asked him if he was trying to fatten me up and he didn't even deny it." The weight he had loss from his habit was finally coming back to him, little by little, but his face was still very angular and pale. "I think I'll just hope I don't throw up."

[sphinx-dubinsky]

"Who wants to stare at your face for three-fourths of the page? Let me think. No one."

[elijahkeohane]

"Aw, you're too sweet, Sphinx, really. But you know -- your mom didn't seem to have a problem with it last night."

[patrxckalbrxght-blog-deactivate]

Seemed like he didn’t have to mention dying; Elijah took care of that right away, and Patrick couldn’t help the corner of his mouth quirking into a smile. But it was gone as soon as it appeared, and he shrugged in reply. “Sure it’s an empty statement, but there are other ways to have fun.”

[elijahkeohane]

"You're probably right, Peppermint Patty -- except I've been usin' and abusin' since I was in like, eighth grade. Hard to break a habit." He sighed. Most, if not all, of his conversations revolved around the overdose and the drugs, but Eli supposed it's what was to be expected. 

[maedemenn-deactivated20190211]

"You sure about that?"

[elijahkeohane]

"Honestly, it might have something to do with how good you look when you just wake up."

[runarunarunawayhome-deactivated]

"Hasn’t he already? Yeah, knitting and baking, ‘cause if Garrett is grandma Ruth he’ll be it full out or nothing. As long as he’s around I think we’ve got everything we need.”

[elijahkeohane]

"Has he? I'm kind of ignoring him and not sleeping in our dorm, so I have no clue what's happening with that. I vote Garrett to be like, head of house. Residential Mom."

[patrxckalbrxght-blog-deactivate]

He was jarred by the fact that Elijah was the one who ending up replying. Pursing his lips, Patrick cleared his throat as he gathered his thoughts. “Well —- sometimes sobriety is worth it.”

[elijahkeohane]

Furrowing his eyebrows, Eli said (slightly annoyed), "Well, yeah. I mean, it's nice to not die. Nicer to have a little fun, but hey. Who am I to complain?" He rolled his eyes again, just waiting to hear what snide comment the freshman had this time.

[runarunarunawayhome-deactivated]

"Yeah, they got a lot of other things, too, but more importantly what they don’t have. Grandma Ruth. Amazing, The society should be turned into this circle jerk of baking and knitting and shit with Elliot and Garrett as the leaders. I bet that’ll be real popular.”

[elijahkeohane]

"You know, that actually doesn't sound like such a bad idea. Declan stepping down -- that's a plus right there. Knitting and baking? As long as we've got cookies and/or brownies, I'm down."

[maedemenn-deactivated20190211]

"Come on, have some fun."

[elijahkeohane]

"...fine. But only because it'll get you to shut up."

[sphinx-dubinsky]

"No, that’s not how it works. I am one half of this operation!"

[elijahkeohane]

"Okay, okay fine. We can have a split page up front that's like, three-fourths me and a fourth you."

[patrxckalbrxght-blog-deactivate]

"This past week was by far the longest week ever.”

[elijahkeohane]

"You're tellin' me. Spirit Week is pretty much...well, awful, 'specially when you're forced into sobriety." 

[runarunarunawayhome-deactivated]

"Good to hear, and why am I not surprised? You look way better with some meat on your bones so keep that up. But I don’t really have to tell you that with Mama Ruth around."

[elijahkeohane]

"Really? The heroin chic look is so in right now. All the supermodels have it. Oh man -- he's past mama mode. He's in like, grandma mode."

[greengrvs-deactivated20190824]

Spirit Week. One of the biggest, most exciting weeks of the entire school year in nearly everyone’s opinions. Themes and cheers, the biggest lacrosse game of the year and the Ashburton girls providing the rare glimpse at—gasp—female species. The school would be buzzing with activity and gossip. Fun, fun, fun. Spirit Week did fall into a strange time this year, right after Eli’s overdose and the school’s somewhat hurried panic through sorting everyone out. Spirit Week would be a welcome breath of fresh air, a distraction from the mess that was the week before.

Alek stared into the mirror, painting two straight stripes across his cheeks. The lacrosse team was notorious for going all the way with Spirit Week, with school colors plastered everywhere and school pride evident. He turned his head, shrugging. “Just a little. Being a bit nervous is good. It means you actually care.”

[elijahkeohane]

He sighed again. "Sometimes I wonder if I care too much." In previous years, Eli'd been too doped up to care at all at this point in the evening, the pep rally was just an excuse to get fucked up anyway. He didn't think there was a pep rally he'd actually been sober to attend, and so this was the first time Eli realized he didn't actually like standing up in front of hundreds of people. Even if most of them were just underclassmen and kids he didn't know (but who was he kidding. Not a day went by that the blonde's name wasn't whispered in the hall.), Eli didn't plan on ever letting go of Alek's hand. Probably clenching to it for dear life. "What if I throw up. In front of everyone."