i've got no strings

@elijahlassiter

eli; 9teen. asshole enthusiast. "there is a shipwreck between your ribs and it took me eighteen years to understand your kind of drowning,"

1,871 posts

alittlelessautumnhayes:

“we may have to, we’re not doing the greatest job, i swear, i’ve lost half the pieces,” autumn remarked with a frown, her forehead wrinkled as she stared at the floor where all the pieces were. she just wanted to do something nice for andy and carly while they were at their doctor’s apartment; she felt so damn helpless in the situation they’d all found themselves in and she really wanted to try and do something for them so they’d know that even though they were terrified, they had people in their corner. what was it that eli’s dad had told her when he’d helped them move in? people needed people. “they could be written in clear english in big, bold letters and i’d probably still end up putting it together upside down and backwards,” she grumbled, ditching the instructions to sit in between his legs and lean back against his chest, holding his hand tightly. “i wish there was something i could do, they’re so overwhelmed,” she said in a small voice, chewing her bottom lip. maybe it was the terrifying situation that carly and andy were in, but autumn suddenly needed to be very close to eli and to hold onto him, a tangible, physical reminder that she had him and that they were good.

eli had held onto autumn, and rocked them a little bit in place, and tried to think of something that would calm her down. in hindsight- it wasn’t the end of the world that they couldn’t put a crib together, but he knew that it had been stressful lately, but that didn’t mean that it was the end of the world, eli and autumn had dealt with worse things in their life, this was just a little blimp in the timeline that would eventually be passed over in later days. “at least after this, we’ll be able to put a crib together when we have kids,” he rubbed her arms, up and down carefully. it was an odd thing to think about them having kids, because it clearly wasn’t for them now, but, eventually soon. they had been together for three years almost, it was exciting year nervewracking at the same time. he missed his sister every day, but he stopped thinking about her in the same way that he used to. it was less, and less, much like his situation with his mother- but it just proved that he was growing up. they were growing up. “we’ll get it together. we just need a break, and then we can come back to it... it’s okay, autumn,”

alittlelessautumnhayes

“They’re going to be home soon,” Autumn reminded Eli as they sat on the floor of Andy’s room, bits and pieces of a crib scattered on the floor. The brunette sat, curls askew and an oversized flannel on as a dress, scowling at the pieces that just wouldn’t fit together. They’d wanted to do something nice for Andy and Carly, seeing how much stress they were under, but this was proving to be a huge challenge. “I swear to god, they only put half the pieces in the box and just sit in their fancy offices and laugh,” She muttered. It wasn’t really a huge deal, but Autumn was seriously stressing out over the impending baby’s arrival.

“i mean -- we can call my dad if all else fails. he helped us put half this furniture together when we moved into the new apartment,” he said in the middle of the floor, he had tried to build half of the crib with autumn, but it wasn’t working out too well. “i mean, there’s also camden and alex but i don’t know how helpful they’d be putting this together,” he chuckled at the thought. he took a sip of the beer that was next to him. really all they had done was trying to put some screws in and drink beer in the process. “it doesn’t really help that these instructions are in swedish,” he says again looking at the paper. “it’ll be okay though, we’ll figure it out,” he said, tilting her chin up to look up at him as he placed a small kiss on the tip of her nose.

alittlelessautumnhayes

“coffee, please,” autumn grumbled, turning him and jumping onto his back, burying her face in the crook of his neck as if that could block out the bright sun. she was not a morning person, never had been, so if they went back to bed and skipped Disney, she wouldn’t really mind. still, she liked bates and since this was part of his birthday celebration- and considering they were all living in his mansion- she knew they’d end up going and having a good time. “so, I have a surprise for you,” autumn began, a small smile on her face. sliding off his back, she pulled up her college paper’s website on her phone and there, on the homepage, was an article on professor to student ratios and why it was important- written by autumn hayes. the normally laidback girl had a wide smile on her face, bouncing on her feet.

he had been to los angeles a couple times on family trips. his family living in the woods in tahoe didn’t go out much but they had always made a trip to los angeles, being here reminded him of simpler times, it was bittersweet. staying with bates and the rest of the gang had been fun, there had been times when they had met in the backyard by the big pool that overlooked the entirety of los angeles and played catch phrase of beer and pizza and it had proven to be a good time, he liked it here. he picked autumn up and started to walk, but when she slid back off he was confused before grabbing her phone to look at the website that she was showing him. when he had realized what she was showing him, his smiled had grew and then he had looked up at her, and laughed in excitement, “autumn this is fucking great.” he said, reading the article through, and giving it back to her. “you made it to the homepage!” he said, jumping a little, which was not a typical action for him, but he was actually so fucking proud of her and what she had accomplished, it was hard to not leap for joy. “look at that, my girlfriend is fucking published at her college, i’m pretty proud. have you shown my dad? he’d flip!”

alittlelessautumnhayes

“disney with haley? oh jesus,” autumn groaned, her head tilting back against eli’s chest as they waved goodbye to his father. it had been so nice having him there with them, he was one of the only parents they all had. he’d been a good sport, even with all the couples coupling up wherever he looked, but autumn was looking forward to spending a minute or two alone with eli. “do you wanna go? we can just chill here if you want, up to you. it’s too early to make decisions,” the tiny brunette laughed a little, although it was nearly ten in the morning.

spending the first couple of days with his dad was good. he took them to a couple of museums and paid for a couple of their meals which was nice, but he was back to northern california for the rest of the trip and would take a flight back to new york with the rest of the group later. he had some friends to meet up with back home and a few other things related to eli’s mom that he tried not to think about. “well, there’s some things around disney we can go to and maybe catch up with the group later if you want,” he smiled down at autumn, his arm wrapped around her waist, giving her shoulders a gentle squeeze. “though before anything i think we need to find a coffee shop because i agree, it’s too fuckin’ early to be making decisions,”

eli worked so much that he had enough vacation days for a year. he was glad that he was able to have enough days to just relax. eli’s dad had come on the trip but he planned on making a road trip by himself back home. he invited eli to go but he declined for now. eli and autumn got to say bye to him when he left and now they were deciding what to do in LA. “i think the group was talking about universal or disney land today, would you wanna go?”

alittlelessautumnhayes

nodding her head a bit, autumn was willing to let it drop. she knew that eli needed to do things in his own timing, and he often thought that he was less than what he truly was, which made no sense to autumn because in her eyes- he was her hero. he could do anything. “just promise me you’ll research it. or maybe just a program, not even a full course,” she asked softly, grasping his jaw between her fingers and turning his face to hers seriously. “you and your dad are the reason i’m pursuing my dream, i want to be there for you with yours,” she added, resting her forehead to his as her supportive smile faltered a bit at the mention of her parents. “i miss them so much, i-i can’t help but think that my little sister would’ve been thirteen soon…there are times where it doesn’t hurt, that it feels normal not to have parents, but then there are times when it hits like a train and i remember wow, they didn’t see me graduate. they won’t see me get married- they won’t meet their grandkids,” she began getting choked up and, in typical autumn fashion, she buried her face in the crook of his neck and stopped talking instead of opening up further. “this stupid movie gets me emotional and the ship isn’t even sinking yet,” the curly haired girl mumbled.

eli didn’t see the appeal of college, though it was a nice thought, he didn’t think that was he was smart enough for it or had the potential with his art. he had looked it up one day during his break, what to do to get into art school and it was a lot of things he had to do and it overwhelmed him. he stopped that dream real quick, something that he did whenever he wanted something he would momentarily get excited before disappointing himself because there was always someone better out there and he just wasn’t it. he shrugged his shoulders a bit, “i don’t really have any dreams at the moment,” none that would happen now at least. he had a long term goal, which was eventually have a higher position at starbucks, get married and have kids. but at the moment? nothing really. when she talked about her parents it had hurt him, and only made him think about his mom and sister. taking a deep breath he let her bury herself in his chest, they had never been good at opening up, and he thought about his mom a lot lately, since school was ending for many it was another year that she was gone. “i think i’m accepting the fact that kristina may be dead,” he confessed, “i don’t really feel her anymore like i used to,” he shrugged, “my mom won’t see me do any of those things either,” he tried to help, rubbing her arms and laughing about the comment on the movie, “it’s not a favourite of mine but it is pretty fucked up, i agree,” he presses his lips to her forehead and tried to focus on the screen.

alittlelessautumnhayes

listening to eli talk about his sister, her heart ached for her boyfriend. she couldn’t imagine not knowing whether or not a family member was alive or dead; if anything happened to anyone in their group, autumn would go out of her mind. and it had been so many years, she honestly did wonder if kristina was out there somewhere, living a life of her own, or if she was gone. “i like your art. you have such an amazing way of putting everything that’s in that head of yours onto paper- have you ever thought about going to art school? i mean, you are so talented, you could be anything you wanted,” she murmured, running her fingers through his hair gently. she knew that unknown things made him nervous, especially regarding his future, but she would always be there for him, supporting him in whatever he did the same way he did for her. his words brought tears to her eyes and she rested her forehead against his chest. “i hope they would be. i hope they’re proud of the person i’ve become,” she admitted, looking down. sometimes, it didn’t feel like they would be, and she worried that she wouldn’t live up to what her parents always wanted for her. when they talked about andy, autumn felt like they were talking about their child and she had to chuckle, knowing that andy had a huge crush on the redhead who came to visit often. “honestly, i feel that. the boy needs to get laid,” autumn joked.

eli sometimes understood why she left. he often felt out of place or that he didn’t belong anywhere. their parents fought so much when they were kids because his mother was mentally and physically sick, it wasn’t easy living with that. and knowing that kristina was always the more braver one to just up and leave put eli into a tailspin because he knew that he couldn’t do that. he had responsibilities, people relied on him, and he knew that -- that was the difference between kristina and eli. he had people and she didn’t. and it broke his heart knowing that she didn’t have anyone. maybe if she had people then she would have stayed. with the mention of going to art school he had shrugged his shoulders, “i don’t know if school is for me,” he didn’t think about it too much because school was never fun for him to begin with, and there were actually really good people out there and eli felt mediocre in comparison. “i think they’re proud of you -- i know they’re proud of you. you’ve come a long way. i know that my dad and i are proud of you. he’s probably more proud of you than he is of me,” he joked, pressing his lips against her forehead. “yes, he needs to get laid, i agree, god look at our child. all grown up.”

alittlelessautumnhayes

settling in his arms, she listened to the story he had about his sister and how they’d make things out of valentines day cards and she smiled; picturing a tiny eli with shaggy hair and a crooked grin making crafts with his sister. autumn had long been struggling with anger towards his sister, how she just left and abandoned her family when autumn would kill to have a family of her own. somewhere, autumn believed that eli’s sister was out there and if they ever met, autumn wouldn’t even know what to do or how to act. “my dad always got me daisies for valentines day, he said i was his favorite and then my mom would pretend to be upset and they’d kiss and i’d run cause, y’know, cooties,” autumn smiled faintly, swallowing past the lump in her throat that happened anytime she talked about her parents. kissing him back firmly, she held onto his shoulders and felt a warm spark inside of her, in her stomach, and she smiled. “so carly’s back. has andy talked to you about her? cause it’s all radio silence with me whenever i try and bring up her name,”

“she was kind of the one to get me into art, she was more of a photographer but she pushed me into doing art, so i’ll thank her for that,” he might have been angry at her at first -- but he couldn’t blame her for wanting to leave. their mother was crazy at some points in her life when her condition was on the brink of getting worse. but on the other hand, that was his big sister, she carved a path for him and then left him to defend for himself in the big scary world. she disappeared on his birthday with a cryptic message that he still hadn’t understood the meaning to. “daisies huh? i’ll have to remember that then,” he watched her face change and he smiled at her gently, reminding her that his family was hers, even if it wasn’t much. it must have been hard, especially around holidays, and he tried to make up for it. “they’d be really proud of you. with going to school and a job. i’m proud of you at least.” he offered, giving her arm a gentle squeeze. “i thought she went to school pretty far away,” he added, shaking his head, “not really anything on my side either. but it’s just a matter of time. he’s the last one in the friends list, plus new years eve they hung out a lot so i mean...” he smirked a little, happy for his best friend if anything were to happen. “its about time!”

alittlelessautumnhayes

they’d made their own family, something that eli’s dad had mentioned after eli’s mom passed away. it was after the funeral, a few weeks later, and they were sitting around eli and autumn’s apartment making pizzas. everyone had a job, and everyone knew what to do: camden was in charge of buying the groceries, alex and andy were in charge of making the dough, blaze and lexi were on toppings duty, haley made the coffee, carly made sure there was seating for everyone which included dragging blankets and pillows from the bedrooms to make nests on the floor. bates would spend forever deciding on a movie, while mr. lassiter just sort of watched for awhile before heading home halfway through the movie. no one minded him hanging out with them, he was more of a dad than most of them had after all. and it was one of those nights that he sat back and watched, remarking that they all had formed a family that cared so much for each other, and that was all he wanted for his son. snapping back to the present when her boyfriend swatted at her ass, she laughed and wiggled it before finishing setting up their movie watching area. “there wasn’t! there’s been scientific research done on this!” autumn protested, crawling into his lap and settling with her nose pressed against his neck. she wasn’t often clingy, but sometimes she would wrap her arms around him and revel in the warmth that his arms provided. in their little family, they were by far the most lowkey couple. compared to bates and haley, who were all over each other half the time, which everyone forgave because it took them both so damn long to get to this point. then blaze and lexi, who weren’t in your face about it, but you’d look down and her head would be on his shoulder or their hands would be together. “hey, hey you-” poking his face for good measure, autumn smirked. “i love you,”

there were days when eli really missed his mom. when they were making pizza or watching a family classic, he would think of his mom and sister and he hoped that wherever they were, they were happy. he had lived with so much uncertainty, he had given up thinking that his sister was dead or alive – he just knew that she existed at some point. “when kris and i were kids, we used to get each other valentine baskets, i still have some of the stupid valentine cards that i was supposed to give to my class, but i kept them all, kris would make collages out of them.” it was one of his earliest memories, shaking his head he had come back and bundled each other up, arms wrapped around autumn he watched the screen for a moment, letting his mind and body shut down for a little while. he felt her stir against him and he looked down at her with a smile on his face. “i love you too,” he said, cupping her chin and pressing his lips against hers. they had made their family – and he was so proud of everyone, most not having parents, or if they did they were pretty shitty, and when his dad came around he would joke that he adopted eight kids, but he liked it. he liked that his dad had a sense of purpose again after sandra died. he had been working for a writing company, finally putting his journalism degree to some good use and would often come by and see how autumn was doing with school and would help if he could. eli had been so unsure of what family meant when his mom was sick, but he realized that – this was it. and this was good.

alittlelessautumnhayes

not having parents did a number on autumn, and she hadn’t realized it fully until she had eli, and andy, and cam and alex- when she had a family, she realized what she’d been missing all along. sometimes, when eli came home from work and immediately curled up with his head in her lap to take a nap, she’d sit there, not moving, just enjoying the feeling of someone needing her. all her life, autumn had insisted she didn’t need anyone, that needing people was a sign of weakness. then that night on the roof happened, completely out of nowhere, and it had terrified her how much she needed eli when she barely knew him. sure they had been friends, but that night was when she realized that he was the one. it wasn’t love at first sight, it was more like ‘oh, there you are, it’s going to be you’ and it was. “yes, titanic! sue me, it’s my favorite girly movie,” she laughed, dragging fuzzy blankets and pillows from their closet to make a huge, fluffy nest on the couch for the two of them to flop onto. they were pretty low maintenance, and it worked for them. they went out on fancy dates, not often but they did, for birthdays and such. however, it seemed that both of them preferred just watching movies and eating leftovers and making out and just enjoying the other person in a stress free setting. “you know you love me, you think i’m gorgeous, you wanna kiss me, i’m your favorite,” autumn teased in a sing songey voice, pressing her lips to the crook of his neck teasingly.

the people in their big but little friend group didn’t have parents or they did and they just sucked, so they all had created homes in each other and were there for each other. everyone went to eli and autumn’s graduation, they went to eli’s moms’ funeral, they were there for the important dates in each others lives and spent holidays together, each taking turns to host them. they were there for everything and eli was so proud of everyone in the group, even though he didn’t tell them as much he was. he had wanted to give everything to autumn, as much as he could, he wanted to give her a better life than the one that she lived and though sometimes he had his down days, when his mother was dying it was the worst that he had ever been, because there were days that he didn’t want to get out of bed and just live. but she had brought him out of the pit and he was grateful. he would always be grateful. now it was his turn to be her cheerleader since college was a lot harder than high school, and though she was smart it was never easy. he had rolled his eyes playfully at her, swatting her butt when she got up to get the blankets. he had made himself comfortable on the couch and tugged her on top of him as the movie started. “you may be my favourite human, but goddamn this movie,” he said with a snort, “there was totally enough room on the fucking boat!” they had the same argument every time but he enjoyed just being able to talk about things like that, when everything didn’t have to be so heavy but you can just argue with your significant other about dumb things but it would be okay because you were doing it together.

alittlelessautumnhayes

the two kids had hit adulthood with all the force of an eight wheeler after graduation; rent, jobs, the scary thing called their futures. she had to admit, they’d been doing alright. it wasn’t easy, new york city was fucking expensive and they also had andy, who was like having a grown kid at nineteen. but having eli’s dad nearby had taken such a load off their minds, he was the adult guidance they both truly needed, and looking up at eli, she was so grateful she’d met him. in him, she not only got a boyfriend, she got a family. “i don’t even know what to do with all this leisure,” she exclaimed, lounging across his lap like a content, lazy cat. grinning a little as her hair fell into her eyes, she tangled her fingers with his and brought them to her lips, pressing a kiss to his knuckles. “okay, corny romance movie time. you roll the joint, i’ll rent titanic!” smirking, knowing full well he hated that movie but would watch it for her, she rolled off of him to grab the remote, kissing the side of his neck before moving aside.

eli had never imagine a life with someone for a long period of time. he had his parents divorce to blame for that, and river and the disappearance of his sister, he thought that every person he loved would end up just giving up after a certain period of time. but they had been together for so long they both weren’t going anywhere and they were doing okay. they had created a small family when they needed one the most. and though their beginning wasn’t ideal it made it perfect. that’s the kind of people that they were -- they didn’t plan anything they just let it happen. autumn had been there through everything -- with his mom getting sick, losing her, not sure where he was going with his life and though he still really struggled with that he didn’t worry about it too much because well, life was unpredictable. he didn’t think he’d get his father back after his mom but he did. he didn’t know if andy would come back, but he did. and he didn’t think autumn would put up with him for this long but she did. he knew he needed to put a little bit more faith in the people he cared about but he couldn’t help but be cautious. death not only changes you but it reveals you and she had lost so many people he had promised that as long as he was here, he’d always be around. “god, the titanic?” he said with a fake groan, he laughed grabbing the small baggy of weed from a drawer that he kept the stash in and then the rollers. underneath the little tiny adults was still the heart of the rebels they’d used to be -- but then again, it had never really left.

alittlelessautumnhayes

clinking her mug to his, she took a moment to realize that they’d been together two years already. they had an apartment together, they were doing life side by side and for someone who hadn’t expected to make it to graduation, that was huge. she missed her parents in moments like these, wishing they were there to see her living her life. she liked to think they’d be proud of her. “sounds perfect. and we got rid of andy, thank you carly, so what do you wanna do first?” autumn smirked, drinking her champagne with her pinky in the air jokingly. the bubbles tickled her nose a little bit and she chuckled, kissing eli back and tasting the sweetness of the champagne on his lips.

he missed his mom some days. it had been a month since her one year anniversary of death, but -- he had been doing okay. he had his dad, he had his best friends, and he had autumn and their dog and cat, too. he was proud of how far they had come. two stupid lost kids on top of a roof wondering the facts of life and if there was a purpose for each of them to now -- having an apartment and a tiny little family. it wasn’t a bad life. sure, there were dark days, but with the dark days came a lot of cuddling and a lot of holding and wishing for a better day and they always came, just like his dad had promised when he was a little kid. “well, i can roll a joint and we can kick it off right. and then we can do whatever. we’re completely free for the day. something that we haven’t had in a while.” he leaned against her, they had no problem with getting into each others personal space and he loved that they had been together for so long to not having to worry about that.

alittlelessautumnhayes

autumn had started school after christmas break, and she was convinced all the gen ed courses were going to kill her. her dramatic retellings of her days at fordham university were often talked about between showering and falling into bed, the two little rebels hadn’t had a whole lot of downtime together, which was probably why she had been looking forward to valentines day so much. after doing the dishes from the pancake adventure that morning, she’d gotten a shower, shaved her legs, lit a damn candle- neither of them really liked romance but hey, they deserved to spoil each other a little. “what a catch, i lucked out,” she remarked, swinging her feet off the couch and skipping over to kiss him firmly before taking the bottle from his hands. popping the cork off of it and taking a drink from the bottle before it bubbled over, she looked around and seeing as they didn’t own any glasses that weren’t plastic- andy was a little clumsy- she settled for two coffee mugs. “happy valentines day, love,”

he was so proud of autumn for the next big step in her life. she was going to college and doing something that she wanted to do. he had tried to help her with the homework but it ended up being his dad coming over at odd hours of the night and staying the entire night to help autumn with what she needed, which he didn’t actually mind. he liked that his dad was accessible and so close if they needed him. it was a nice change. he liked having his dad back. he hadn’t realized that all those years of being away at school that he missed being a son. he watched her take a swig of the champagne and laughed when it came right up and to her nose. he shook his head, following her to the kitchen were they resorted to coffee mugs, clinking their mugs together he took a drink of the mug looking outside at carly and andy for a moment before turning back to autumn. “happy valentines day. we have all that we need: booze, weed, a bed, movies,” he chuckled, pressing a kiss to her lips quickly, “and maybe even take out later if you want.”

#SARA HELP LOL #IM SO #photos

eli didn’t have a real big plan for valentines day -- though they had been together for two years now at the end of january, and were still going strong, which had amazed the little rebel who had sworn off love when his parents had gotten divorced. they were both busy -- autumn with school, eli with work it was amazing when they finally got time for themselves, eli worked so much he had gotten today off to spend some time with autumn. he had made her pancakes this morning, which proved to be a lot more difficult than he thought and had gone out to buy a few things. when he came back he had set the bag of weed and a bottle of champagne that he had stolen from alex and camden’s place when he was last over there. “happy valentines day. hold the applause, i know i’m super romantic,”

alittlelessautumnhayes

she could never truly thank eli or his father enough for allowing her into their family; she’d try, but her words normally failed her. if anything, she could write it. which was what she did, while they spent the day doing things his mother liked, she sat in starbucks being supplied with tons of coffee from haley while she wrote a letter that turned out to be fifteen pages. five pages written to eli, five to his father, and then a final five to the mother she’d never met. she’d given it to them after dinner, while her and andy took care of the dishes. “alright, so here’s the plan- life or death brigade rule number one: fancy clothes. i’ll steal something of alex’s, you’ve gotta wear a suit, and we both wear sneakers. then we’ll figure out what we’re doing,” autumn declared, draping her arms around his neck and smirking up at the boy, both their smiles fond but crooked. “thanks for putting up with me,”

it was hard having a dead mother. he didn’t think that this would be his life but it was. because there were times when he was drunk or high, that he would be lying on the ground or on the couch and he would just be thinking about his life and how he didn’t have his mom in his anymore. and he would get that urge to call or text her cellphone and sometimes if he was fucked up enough he would only to get a text message back that this phone was no longer in service anymore and then sometimes he would drink more and smoke more until he passed out because it hurt too much living in a world without his mom. he felt like there was some sick pull that was being tugged thinking about his mother, so he needed to stop. but the letter that autumn had wrote had drove him to tears and it was the third time he cried about his mother. wrapping his arms around her he had made a groaning noise about the tux, “fine, it’s just one night, yeah? i can do that. with sneakers.” he kissed the tip of her nose and then his eye softened, “thanks for sticking around during the good and bad times.”

Whitney looked down at him. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“not really,” he grabs a cigarette from his pocket, and then his lighter, stabbing the butt of the old cigarette on the cement and then stepping on it before lighting a new one.

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