Bad Enough For You

Elijah Robert Morris. thirty-year-old, standup comedian, voice actor and writer employed by cartoon network & living in richmond.

[elimorris]

jxxbae‌:

“Just bend your legs slowly and make sure I stay directly behind you.” Jensen instructed as he kept stable with Elijah on his shoulders. Jensen used the tree to his advantage and help him down. Jensen knelt on one knee  “You’d think with your abnormal height that this wasn’t necessary. And no, I never planned on being a hero. Try not to kill it on your way down.” He grumbled with his head down and waited for the other to get off his shoulders. “What are we going to do with it now?” He peaked at the long haired white puff in the man’s hands. 

“I'm 6′2, not a giant. Not all things that are high are possible, besides, even if I could reach him, the likelihood of me not dropping him would have been less.” Eli couldn’t help but point out as he followed the other males' instructions and got safely back to the ground, with the cute fluffy animal all in one peace. He reached out to pet the tiny creature as he considered Jensen’s question and shrugged. “Does Amanda want a pet?” He asked knowing full well there was a good chance the answer to that was going to be a no. 

[elimorris]

auroramontgomery‌:

She turned around to the source of the voice. “Well maybe I didn’t ask you specifically but for sure your answer is on point.” Aurora nodded. “What do you think about 4 fromage or kebap pizza? I haven’t had a chance to eat here yet and I’m looking for their best.”

“Well as the resident pizza expert in this current space you can never go wrong with cheese, but depending on the day the kebap can be a little dry. It’s still good, but a bit tougher than what you want it to be.” He explained.

[elimorris]

mercedesxpeltier‌:

“Oh thank god it’s finished,” Mercedes said, leaning back on the chair, stretching. She’d been writing the article all day and nearly into the night, with small breaks reading a book or randomly looking up things to do for her nieces and nephews. Now all she wanted to do was get a drink somewhere and then maybe go home and fall into a deep sleep and never wake up, though she did have that tryout tomorrow, and thank god for her brother’s wife watching her cousins’ this time. “Drink or sleep…” she mused, thinking about it while clicking her teeth.”I think sleep is the right thing to do…”

“Personally I think both are overrated, but if you wanna do the smart thing, sleep definitely might be your best option.” He agreed not taking his eyes off the screen of his laptop, at least not at the moment since his fingers were still typing at a rapid pace. He seemed to be a little ingrossed in his writing.

[elimorris]

auroramontgomery‌:

Her latest OR lasted longer than expected. Aura sighed as her stomach growled, her alarm didn’t work so she woke up late and with walking her dog she didn’t have time to eat breakfast. Fellow surgeons heard her stomach during the operation and they made fun of the youngest of the team. With a few spare minutes, she went to the nearest bar to order something. Standing in front of the menu she was loudly considering her options. “Pizza Pepperoni or maybe Hawaiian?”

Always one to overstep into other people’s personal boundaries and quandaries Eli couldn’t stop himself from speaking up when he heard her question and cleared his throat. “Not that you were askin’ me, specifically, I’m sure, but Hawaiian barbecue chicken is always. is always, ya know top-notch.” Elijah informed her with a smile and a nod her way. 

[elimorris]

jxxbae‌:

“So why was this a good alternative to going to get a step stool or using city resources such as firemen?” Jensen asked as he stood firmly on the ground with the man on his shoulders. To keep himself stable, Jensen every single muscle in his body completely engaged. Jensen blinked rapidly as he felt the balls of the other’s feet dig into him. Why did he agree to let a man over 6 ft tall stand on his shoulders? Jensen grunted, not daring let out a sign of pain. “The cat would’ve survived ten more minutes.” Jensen said as he thrust upward with on his own feet to give extra lift. “Do you have it yet @elimorris?”

“C’ mon ya cute little demon cat,” Elijah muttered to both himself and the cat as he reached further for it on the limb of the tree. Honestly, he hadn’t been anticipating it taking so long to get, actually, he hadn’t anticipated anything at all, he really hadn’t thought any of this through, but with the recent loss of one of his dogs had made him have more of an irrational sweet spot for animals so here that found themselves him in a tree and Jensen holding him on his shoulders. “It could have survived yeah, but don’t you wanna be a hero?” He called down to Jensen as he stretched again this time a little further and managing to get his hand around the tiny ball of fur. “Okay, I got her, just don’t drop me yet.” He instructed as he managed to maneuver the hand holding the cat from around some branches and close to his chest.

[elimorris]

text: eli

jake: i knew i'd have to sacrifice something for my lack of male pattern baldness... i guess if this is how i go, it's how i go. i may end up senile but at least i'll have a full head of hair.

jake: right right right. i think they'd rather snort battery acid anyway. they're freaky like that.

eli: this is why we get along cause that's exactly how i feel. without hair my soul would die

eli: they're the ones who can't be trusted

[elimorris]

text: eli

jake: you know how much shit i used to be able to get done when i was high? i was a god. am i getting old?

jake: gotta keep saying it until everywhere's green. have you ever been to the south? or worse--the midwest? they're not having it.

eli: getting old? you're already there dude. first thing to go are the nerves. then the mind starts slippin

eli: think about it tho, do the south and the mid-west really need legalized weed? before forensic science was a thing you know what was running rampant in those areas and getting away with everything? serial killers.

[elimorris]

odessabloom‌:

“You know work too much when you make a run to the store to get a few things and you forget it’s your day off and start approaching other customers and ask if they’re finding everything okay. It took a few minutes before I realized why I was getting weird looks. Possibly the most embarrassing thing to happen to me in a while. Minus last week when I sat on a kid’s melted cherry icee and it got on my khakis– you can guess what that looked like.”

“Not gonna lie, both of those are pretty embarrassing but Trust and believe there are several more embarrassing things in life than a misunderstanding and a cherry Icee period booty. I promise.” Eli couldn’t help but reassure. 

[elimorris]

text: eli

jake: to be fair, i never said i wasn't.

jake: i am very high right now.

jake: #legalizeit, am i right?

eli: you gotta calm down, grab a fluffy pillow

eli: eat some chips, put on some music

eli: just chilllllllll

eli: oregon was the first state to decriminalize possession of small amounts of weed

eli: so it is legal here

[elimorris]

text: eli

jake: huh

jake: well... this is awkward.

jake: but at least now you know what i'm up against. keep your eyes peeled. trust no one.

eli: you sound paranoid as fuck dude

eli: are you sure you're not high cause that happens sometimes

eli: not to me but to people

[elimorris]

text: eli

jake: were you NOT the one who said, and i quote, you 'liked my snack purse'? and then also 'it'd be a shame if something happened to it'?

eli: no I was not, cause that sound ominous and creepy as fuck and that's not my style

[elimorris]

text: eli

jake: it's jake... the person whose laptop bag you STOLE.

eli: i have no reason to steal anything so clearly you're paranoid or trippin or something

[elimorris]

text: open

jake: look, i know it's late. but this conversation NEEDS to be had. right now. in fact, i should have done this sooner.

jake: i know you stole my laptop case and i want it back. asap. i'm tired of carrying my bare naked macbook around like some fucking idiot.

eli: new phone. who dis?

[elimorris]

@lijahmorris: listen... pet cremation rings are real so

[elimorris]

↳ INSTAGRAM:                     @elijahtheg8 uploaded a new photo.

today on this sacred 7/11 day before we could even get our free slurpee, there was a death in the family. we lost a good boy, y’all. cheddar has passed away. he was my best friend. he was connie’s best friend and i’m devastated. we all know all dogs go to heaven, and it just got a new angel. rest in peace cheddar, you chill ass homie. you will be missed. 

[elimorris]

jchanbakes‌:

Jacob smiles as he approaches Eli; as weird as the scene is in front of him, it’s kinda charming. “It’s nice to run into you again. With shoes this time.” He chuckles and shakes his head, recalling the first time they met and he helped him unintentionally broke and entered into someone’s home. “No, you’re definitely not biased. Clyde is very cute and a pretty good artist too. You should sell some of his work and make bank off of it.” Jacob hands his donut to Eli for him to take a bite. “What do you think? I baked it this morning and it might be one of my best batches this month. You should come by and get some more. Maybe bring one of Clyde’s pieces and I can hang it on the wall in the bakery.” 

Elijah chuckled along with him..“In my defense, I had shoes before, they were just not on my feet and being held, hostage.” He couldn’t help but point out as he held his hands up in silent protest as if that wasn’t his fault. Technically it wasn’t. If that dude hadn’t decided to cheat on his wife nothing that happened after he made that decision would have happened. He turned his gaze to Clyde again and shook his head. “Any money I do make today is going to the animal shelter, but you are definitely welcome to hang one of his art pieces on the wall. I’m sure customers would appreciate it.” He grinned. “If I woke up one day as one of these donuts I would eat myself. No Question. That’s how good it is. I should introduce you to my friend Cassie, she’s, like, into food.” It was probably worth mentioning she worked for The Food Network and owned a restaurant and was a pretty famous actress, but ‘into food’ was also a valid description.

[elimorris]

dankimkong‌:

Daniel watched the process with interest, from the changing of the canvas to setting up Clyde with the new brush. This may not be the weirdest thing he’d seen in Portland, but it was definitely up there. The guy– Eli– set the turtle down on the canvas, and off it went. To Daniel, it looked like Clyde wanted to escape but didn’t know which way to go. “Daniel,” he offered distractedly, by way of introduction. Okay, so maybe this whole aura thing was stupid, but that didn’t make the turtle painting any less entertaining, so Daniel kept playing along. “So, Eli. Why that color? When do you know to change it?”

Despite the fact that this really was an on a whim thing he seemed to be doing Eli did know a few things, or really enough to fake this enough that it was at least semi-believable. He didn’t expect people to really believe any of it was real, but he was trying to provide a believable-enough experience. “When people think of teal they think of serenity, sophistication, confidence. You give vibe man.” Was all the explanation that Eli could really give as far as color went because that was probably, besides his name, the only truthful explanation anyone was going to get. “As for the paper. Clyde and I have a kinship. Sometimes ya just know when it’s done and sometimes leaving it incomplete is part of the art like a metaphor for your on a journey at this point in life that’s yet to be finished.”