i donât know if you will see this or answer (not that you need to or anything) but something that has been on my heart a long time is how poorly you were treated by music media people back when you dropped the DG 2013 EP. it was upsetting to see how, for the people who âreviewedâ your music (not even having listened to it), it was just another clickbait clickfodder article they wrote in 20 seconds, they didnât care about being responsible in reporting on your work, but it was your life, your art. you felt like you had to retreat, it seemed like you were like âyeah of course how silly of me to think i could make something and it be successfulâ, and i was hurt on your behalf about that (which, fair, not my place not my business i donât know you), since i felt you really deserved positive recognition for the amazing thing you had made (anyway it was very special to me, and your music continues to be).
but anyway, i am so so happy you kept making music and kept releasing it, despite everything.
That was a long time ago, and sometimes it's hard for me to figure out how I should feel about it now because I'm so distant from the place I was in life and the world at the time it happened. Most people I run into now who weren't directly involved in some way seem confused about what exactly happened. Like, in the initial Pitchfork review for Main Pop Girl 2019, the writer described the controversy by suggesting "On Fraternity" was written from the perspective of a stalker or predator. That's not remotely true in any sense, but I see why someone attempting to summarize it in retrospect would assume it was something like that. The size and intensity of the reaction just does not make a lot of sense in retrospect if you're just looking at the song.
When I try to get my head around the other factors that might have influenced the takes people were having, it just kinda gives me a headache. Was it something I posted on Tumblr during that year-and-a-half stretch when I was known for posting on here? Was it because of who I was hanging around with? Was there something about the initial positive review of the song on Pitchfork that rubbed people the wrong way? I have no idea, and at this point I don't think there's anything valuable to learn from ruminating on it.
I don't think I regret that it happened, though. If I'd released the same music a couple of years later, I don't think many industry/media people would have felt comfortable voicing the types of suspicions and criticisms they had about me in 2013 in light of the superficial corporate embrace of trans people that was starting to happen in the American mainstream. That doesn't mean they weren't still thinking that stuff, and it doesn't mean they're not still thinking it now. I don't think I was robbed of a career or acclaim or anything like that. The resistance I ran into was real and I would have run into it no matter what. If there was a choice in front of me, it was between having that resistance be silent and frustrating or loud and overwhelming. I think there's upside to it having been loud and overwhelming. Nobody can gaslight me about it now, nobody can try to tell me I'm the one that was overreacting. So many of my actual life experiences sound made up to people I meet now, and given my commitment to sincerity, that dynamic would be so much harder to deal with if there wasn't such a huge paper trail backing me up.
Like, would I rather be facing the realities of a collapsing music industry and the extremely high likelihood of national anti-trans legislation getting passed post-2024 as someone who learned how things really work in 2013, or as someone who is only figuring it out now? To me, the answer is clear. I've had years to sort through my illusions and get ready for the world we're living in now. So many of the painful adjustments my peers are going to have to make are things I did years ago. In that way, what happened was a blessing, and that's how I've decided to think about it. Maybe that's not the best approach, maybe at some point someone's going to say something about it to me that totally changes my whole perspective on it, but that's what's been working for me.