A princess stepsister in therapy 2
-She wanted you to come here to get help, I think she holds no grudges against you and really cares for you-
“When her father died, a few years after he married my mom, we had lo let go all the staff that worked there. Our only income was the pension for widows that my mother received, she used it to try to keep the lifestyle we were accustomed to. She always said that we always needed to look beautiful so we could find wealthy husbands in the future. But it was just an act. We had no money, just enough to make ends meet.
As there was nobody left to maintain the house running, my mother made Ella took the responsibility. Only Ella knew how to because the staff had taught her everything. She knew how to clean, cook, take care of the animals, to run the house. She was very good at it and I always felt that my mother took advantage of it.
Now, there was no reason to be afraid of Ella, she was alone. But she was pretty, prettier than us. That’s a fact and I didn’t mind. But my mother did, in her eyes that was a crime and she saw this as an opportunity to both have a servant, and make Ella look dirty and poor, so she was no longer a threat. Anything she did to hide her beauty was useless, she shined even when she was covered in ashes of the fireplace. She always smiled, she was always kind and that is more appealing than her beauty. She has more depth even if she herself does not realize it.”
So, I wasn’t far off my suspicions. There is something potentially scandalous in her story. It’s a tragic one.
Anastasia, given the circumstances she was as much a prisoner as her sister and the princess. A pawn in a game of power. She was a child, heavily influenced by her mother on her attitude towards her stepsister.
-As of today, how is your relationship with your stepsister?-
“I think we are closer than we ever been before. It’s not my doing to be honest, it’s all Ella’s merit. I was ready to leave and let her be. I am exhausted. I never wanted to be mean to her but I was caught in all. Griselda took pride in what she did, you know, letting the cat out when Ella finished cleaning the floor, so she had to do it again, “accidentally” spilling milk in the table, petty little things. When I did things like that, I always felt bad afterwards; it never gave me joy and I never bragged about it. I sometimes cleaned a little bit before Ella could see it, but I never actually did a good job and still she had to do it.
If my mother saw this, she would humiliate me, just ignore me and praise Griselda, how beautiful a singer she is, her beauty, how she was going to have a great life and get a good husband because she was smart and knew needed to be done. That sort of thing. I only wanted to be left alone but it hurt all the same.”
-I do want to ask you a question about your stepfather. How was your relationship with him?-
“It was..” she hesitated for a moment, searching for the correct words “..distant. He was always polite, gave us gifts when he first fancied my mother. I thought he was nice. My father had died some years earlier and I have no memory of him. I was a baby when he passed away. When my stepfather came along, I was happy to have a father as the other girls had.
I think he did try to know us better. He did talk to us about Ella, he loved her very much. And then, my mother started telling us how he would never love us that way. At that age, you believe what your mother tells you. I could never look at him the same way. I resented him for not loving me as he loved Ella, but, now that I’m older I see that wasn’t true and it saddens me that I’ve lost my chance. He did love me but I didn’t let a relationship as a father and daughter to happen. And he tried, he wanted us to become a family.
Because of his work, he was not around much, he travelled a lot. Then, the accident happened.
I cried more for the reaction my mother had, it scared me so much. She took it really hard, I think she did love him. My mother is a deeply troubled woman and this happening only worsened this.”
I sensed that Anastasia’s demeanor had changed. She was opening up and as she was sharing facts, memories and impressions, she was becoming aware of many things that had passed her by. Some things she said even brought a faint smile to her face. But I also noticed she was experiencing other conflicting emotions. In her expression I could she was trying to figure out how to feel. She kept talking but it appeared it was more to herself than to me. She was recounting the story to herself, I was listening by chance. I kept asking a few questions that she answered without a second though, but I was being witness of her personal search for answers.
From this point, I had started to have an idea of a diagnosis. Anastasia’s been depressed for many years now. She was caught in the middle of a situation out of her control and, she was unable to cope or break free. There were things she needed that were denied to her, a healthy relationship with her stepsister and stepfather, by the influence of another person, her mother, whom she thought was someone who was caring for her. And maybe in a way, her mother thought that too, that she had her best interest in mind, bringing Ella down to show her daughters in a better light, even if they didn’t want to take part.
-The night of the ball, what happened? Did you wanted to attend? –
“We were really excited, all of us. For different reasons. My mother was excited because she thought this was the opportunity we were waiting for. One of her daughters, married to the heir of the kingdom, it was too good a chance. Griselda was already making wedding plans. I went along and said that it would be me the chosen one. In reality, I just wanted to go and see the palace. The gardens, people say they were beautiful. They are right by the way, the gardens are divine.
I can’t say for Ella, what was that she found exciting about the ball. I think the idea of getting out of the house and see other people. I had seen her. She talks to the animals. The dog, the horse, the chickens. I think she did it out of loneliness. And out of love, she loves the animals, they were here before we arrived, and she wanted them to stay. In that matter she succeeded, my mother never got a way to get rid of them and she tried.
Obviously, my mother was not eager on Ella going so she had a plan. She told her that if she finished everything that she had to do, all the cleaning and fixing around the house, she could go. I knew this was impossible because she gave her extra tasks and she did not have anything to wear and we were told not to let her borrow anything.
But she did finish. She came down before we were leaving in a simple, beautiful dress that she said was her mother’s. I actually smiled, her enthusiasm was contagious.”
She started to move nervously on the couch. She avoided eye contact with me and looked at the window. She was obviously uncomfortable recalling the events of that night and the extent of her involvement.
“It was her mother’s dress. And she was happy, but my mother said she couldn’t go, invented a stupid excuse, something about her dress. I don’t even remember. The next thing I know Griselda is pulling and tearing part of the dress.
I was stunned, it was cruel. My mother realized I was just standing there, doing nothing, so she gave me one of those looks and said something like “That’s your ribbon in her dress, she stole it from you”. I didn’t want to tear the ribbon. It looked good, it looked pretty. But I knew that if I didn’t do something, there would be consequences for me. My mother and sister would not speak to me, pretend I wasn’t there or, they would put into question my intentions or my loyalty to the family, because they didn’t consider her part of the family. I didn’t have the strength to fight back, to face the criticism. It sounds even more horrible saying it out loud.
I teared the dress. The ribbon wasn’t even mine.”
-Your relationship with your older sister, with your mother. Has it always been like this?-
“As far as I can remember, it has been like this. Always a competition. Not only against Ella, but against Griselda. Who could sing better? Who was the better dancer? All that kind of things. Who was going to make mother proud? It was really important for us, when we were little.
At first you think of it as a game where there was a winner and a loser. As I grew older, I didn’t want to do it anymore, it could be vicious.
Griselda liked it. She lived for the approval of mother and I guess she learned to have joy in making Ella miserable. Though she never quite succeeded. Ella took everything with a positive attitude. Still she tried to make things hard for her.
I think my mother hoped Griselda would win the prince over. We were told on our way to the ball the “masterplan” and I was player 2, the one that was expected to clear the way for Griselda. I tried so hard not to laugh, they were serious. I was hoping I could sneak out at some point to see the gardens.”
This part of the tale Anastasia found humorous, now that she was seeing it at a distance. At that time it may have felt extremely stressful. It was an all or nothing type of situation.
“Can you imagine the scene? What were the chances that Griselda would enter and the prince would see her and say: HER! SHE IS THE ONE! But they were certain, confident on themselves, I have to give them credit for that. But they did not count on the hundreds of persons invited. The whole town. And when we arrived, and it was crowded.
Our arrival was announced, as everyone else’s. I don’t think the prince even noticed because he was busy being introduced to actual princesses that had travelled from other kingdoms. I suppose the invitation was extended far beyond our borders. That did not deter them though. They toured and flaunted, speaking it high and loud voices, laughing fake and so on. I don’t like big crowds, I just wanted to become invisible.
Now, let’s be honest. Ella got noticed because she was late. And she had met the prince before even if she didn’t know who he was. He recognized her. He already liked her and, being surrounded by total strangers, it was a relief for him to see a familiar and friendly face. So technically, it was not love at first sight as the people in town are so happy to point out, but still it was rather quickly how everything come to pass. In the distance, I hope I could enjoy the story just as they did. But my mind was not focused on that, I had other issues.”
If I had to describe the place where Anastasia was witnessing these events unfold, I would say she was right in the middle. Not the best position to have but it gave her perspective. She was a very passive player in all of this, for what I can tell.
“Everybody was talking about the girl the prince spent the whole evening with. And her sudden disappearance. My mother and Griselda spent the whole ride home bickering and criticizing, their plan ruined. I let them have their moment of release.
When we arrived, Ella was there, dressed as any other day. She was in a better mood, we had left her in tears. She asked about the ball, how everything went down. My mother said everything would have been fine if this mystery girl had not kidnapped the attention of the prince for the whole evening. She actually used the word “kidnapped”. Griselda was still angry and I was tired, but we stayed up until my mother dismissed us to our rooms.
Ella made a couple comments, nothing to give herself away. Polite questions and a reassuring affirmation that everything would be alright. She always does that and I didn’t find it strange though she seemed more upbeat than usual, considering what happened earlier.”
