Hey there, Tunnel Snake!

Writer, bad musician, cosplayer, TV presenter, event MC, voice actress & performer in general. I own a James Franco japanese body pillow. I basically live via Star Wars and Fallout these days. Prequel Obi-Wan is bae. MUA in training and rookie wrestler. No, really.

[elizadobikenobi]

this is a serious blog with serious things

It’s mental health week. I’m alive. That’s ok. I guess.

...

I wish people took mental health as seriously as physical diseases. I know this is something that has been echoed over and over by a lot of people, people with louder voices than mine (yes, they do exist,) but it’s so true. 

I haven’t been in a great place for a while now. I had a really turbulent time a few months ago and I haven’t really recovered properly. I’m not exaggerating when I say every day has been a physical struggle to survive it. The thing about the dreaded depression and anxiety combo is that when people are saying ‘surviving is hard,’ they don’t mean ‘I’m trying hard to not jump in front of a train.’ They mean that the actual process of basic day-to-day life is difficult. I struggle to get out of bed. I panic literally any time I need to leave the house and have to spend hours working myself up to do it. Going to the supermarket is an ordeal. Getting dressed is an ordeal. Showering is an ordeal. Making food and eating is a fucking ordeal. I went from wearing a full face of makeup every day to wearing it once a month (if that) because I’m too depressed and anxious to lift my own arms.

There is a physical sensation that comes with this. I’ve heard it likened to the same feeling of being about to fall off your chair, but I think it feels more like pressure. Like there’s a painful pressure building in your tear ducts all the time, like a painful pressure around your heart and in your gut. 

And that’s not the only physical problem. I have given myself digestive problems with my anxiety -- these will never go away. I will have to live with this for the rest of my life even if I’m magically cured tomorrow. I currently have a problem with my left ear where the tensor tympani spasms as a result of my anxiety and causes loud bangs and fluttering noises in my ear. Believe me, phantom ear drum banging doesn’t do shit to relieve your anxiety.

And then, of course, there is the fact that even with all this, part of my brain is always telling me there’s a way out, and that way out is in front of a train or in a pill bottle or whatever method seems easier at the time. 

I’m medicated, and it worked really well for a while! I was doing great. I was thriving. And then I guess things went to shit so hard that my brain just started ignoring it. (I am aware that I am simplifying brain chemistry and drug resistance here.) I need to go swap meds now, but I’m scared to even begin the process of getting up, showering, getting dressed, making an appointment... 

I don’t have a lot of friends anymore. I guess I’ve pushed them all away with my shitty behavior. I don’t blame them. I’d probably be exhausted by me as well. I’ve recently heard through the grapevine that an old (ex) friend of mine wished I’d just get it over with so I’d be out of misery, which is a terrible thing to say, but I get it. I try not to let this hurt or encourage me, they probably never thought it’d get back to me and we all say things in moments of frustration and anger. I’d be angry at me too. 

I’m not the pretty one or the popular one so I’ve had this obligation to be the empathetic and caring one my whole time. It’s been my job to make everyone laugh, to keep the good times rolling, to be the ear when needed. Otherwise I don’t have a purpose. I’ll be obsolete and I’ll have no one. So when I get to a point where I’m of no help to anyone and not doing my job within the social group, I get why I’m abandoned. Over and over again. I’m, honestly, a shitty person. I’ve just been a really good actor until now. Sorry I tricked everyone.

I’ve had opportunity after opportunity and I’ve squandered all of it. I’m 25. I have nothing to show for it, just a lot of adventures that ended in failure and embarrassment and shame. I wouldn’t want to be around me or love me either. 

Basically, mental health week is great. But it’s also bullshit. I don’t want to think about my mental health. I don’t want people reposting shit on facebook with that ‘I’m always here for you to talk to if you need me’ shit. When people do that, I always wonder if they have any idea what it’s like being this way. You don’t want to talk to anyone. Even if someone says ‘I’m here if you need to talk,’ your brain literally disarms it, convincing you they’re just saying that to be nice. It actually makes me feel worse when people offer that on facebook.

The worst thing about mental illness and feeling this shitty all the time is that there’s only a few people you want to talk to about it. And god, you want to talk to them about it desperately because it genuinely could feel like an apology to them for not being the person you think they deserve to know. But the ones who come to you are never them, and if they do come? You’re not going to be honest anyway.

It’s very hard knowing that what you really need is to be looked after. Properly. Actually cared for. Even for just a while. It’s very hard knowing that isn’t going to happen and that your mental illness won’t ever allow you to ask for that. It’s very scary thinking ‘the only way I’m going to come out of the other side is if I’m put in full time care for a while’ and knowing that’s impossible. You’ll die before it happens. Because people click ‘share’ on a video on facebook and think that’s going to help. Fuck mental health week.

[hustleinatrap]

During Sunday’s broadcast of C-SPAN’s Washington Journal, Heather McGhee, a black woman who is the president of the public policy organization Demos, was asked a curious question about prejudice and racial issues from a white man. Her beautiful response just went viral. 

Unfortunately, such questions have never been televised before and that explains the popularity of the video.

Let’s stop racial prejudice. Boost!

#Racism

[demonprincex]

In Hamilton, women are almost always complimented in terms of their kindness or their brilliance, not their looks, and men are definitely objectified more than women are.

Angelica is the “oldest and the wittiest”; Manuel avoids having her deemed the “prettiest”, or commenting on her beauty at all, despite how easy and obvious that rhyme would be. Angelica is well-spoken, agentic, and one of the best rappers in the show. These are the qualities that are said to make her desirable.

Eliza is described as trusting, kind, an abolitionist, the best of wives and women– never is she physically described. She exhibits sexual agency in “claiming” Hamilton, and the whole show is really a story about her learning to capture agency and self-confidence in all facets of her life.

Theodosia is never described. All we hear is how much Burr loves her. Same with Theodosia junior. Burr’s mother is described only as a genius. A genius! Peggy is never described. Even vixen honeypot Maria Reynolds is barely objectified – she displays sexual agency in initiating sex with Hamilton, and there is no lurid review of her body or looks. All we know is that she is turned on – “her body’s saying hell yes” and that she exudes the exact kind of waifish “helpless” quality Ham goes for. All in all, very little salaciousness or objectification here.

And the men? Hamilton is described as having beautiful eyes and a “hunger-pang frame”. He swans around and flashes his ass to the audience in Nonstop in a playful, cheeky way. His attractiveness is discussed at some length by Angelica. Both Eliza and Angelica talk about making or having Hamilton as “theirs” – “You said you were mine/ I thought you were mine”, etc. This language of ownership and possession is never used by the men in the show. 

Similarly, Hamilton’s son Phillip is the subject of overt, flirty banter and consensual objectification. “God you’re a fox!”, etc. He states that women talk about his physical resemblance to his father (and his attractiveness). Women are shown excitedly consenting to casual sex with him, which they partially initiated. The interaction is warm and positive.

Finally, the Eliza-Angelica-Hamilton “love triangle” is one of the most egalitarian, feminist love triangles in theater history. Not only do Angelica and Eliza maintain a warm, loving, respectful and noncompetitive relationship with one another throughout – they each independently determine how the “love triangle” is going to work out. Angelica decides to let her sister “have” Hamilton – Hamilton has no say in the matter. Eliza decides to not be threatened by her husband’s love of Angelica, because hey, she loves Angelica too! Neither is threatened by the other, both enjoy a flirtatious, bawdy relationship with Ham, and no one feels undermined or neglected. 

[curioscurio]

U STOL FIZZY LIFTING DRINK

[elizadobikenobi]

FAQ

Q. Will you be at [convention]? A. Currently my 2016 convention schedule is: Madman Anime Festival: September 3-4 (at the Critical Hit booth.) PAX AU: Not locked in. Subject to change depending on if any of the panels I’m booked for go ahead. 

Q. How do you get into voice acting? A. Start at Behind The Voice Actors and do a couple of open calls, or check out Bethesda game modding communities. Invest in a good mic and a pop shield. You’ll know when it’s time to do a demo reel. Q. Hey, you’re a cosplayer! Can you give me advice on cosplaying [thing]? A. Seriously, you’ll be better off googling it, because that’s probably just what I’d do.

Q. Didn’t you used to be a games journo? A. Yes. Q. So what happened? A. I took time off because everyone on the internet was yelling at eachother and I hit burn out. I’m in uni now. It’s nice. I might go back to writing one day. Q. What are you playing right now? A. It changes all the time but for brevity’s sake, it’s probably a Fallout game or Stardew Valley.

Q. Do you have Patreon? A. I’m not using it at the moment as I don’t have a constant content stream right now. Q. What’s going on with Youtube? A. I have some content filmed, but I’m waiting on a new PC because I want it to be good quality and I can’t do that editing on my laptop at the moment. Q. Hey, I have a thing I’d like to send you. How? A. Please ping me on twitter and/or email me for business inquiries. (I’d recommend both as sometimes gmail sends emails to weird places.) Q. Do you have an Amazon wishlist? A. I don’t have an Amazon wishlist because the shipping costs associated with a lot of stuff on Amazon are crazy when shipping to Australia. Wishlist is coming soon, though. Q. What’s your Steam ID? A. I don’t usually give it out because I very rarely interact with people on Steam. I like to play games without interruption. Sorry! Q. What’s your opinion on [hot issue right now]? A. Unless you’re paying me for my opinion in the form of an op-ed or I’ve brought it up myself, I don’t have one. Q. What’s your favorite movie? A. Space Jam.  Q. Hahahah! But seriously, what’s your non-ironic favorite movie? A. Did I fucking stutter? Q. But- A. I never said ‘ironically.’

[harbek]

I am a professional artist. I draw things, and I teach others how to draw things, for a living. And this is how I decided to spend my free art time

Drawing Egg-grab.

[robotslenderman]

@secularbakedgoods

[daftphoenix-deactivated20190315]

Visit Original Link

[uchiprincesss]

This reminds me of a horror game

[occultdigest]

[twitterlols]

[innerwreck]

[oceanssapart]

#i was about to scroll past this venomously but omfg

[brentkeane]

[facingthenorthwind]

The 40 most Onion-like Australian politics headlines of 2015

It says a lot about the state of Australian politics that this is the third year running I have been able to compile a list of real news headlines that read as satire for the Monthly. Perhaps it says even more that I was able to compile a whole book of them from the Abbott government’s first – and thankfully only – term.

Some choice headlines from all of these gems:

Joe Hockey announces 50-centimetre extension of Parap pool which Darwin City Council says is already too long

Leaked talking points tell ministers to say ‘our cabinet is functioning exceptionally well’

LNP to host International Women’s Day function at club that only allows men

Christopher Pyne refuses to say how he ‘fixed’ higher education reform bill: ‘I want it to be a surprise for you’

Australian Border Force: Peter Dutton says his office received copy of press release, but no-one read it

Australian minister: ‘Gay marriage could damage our cattle exports’

Clive Palmer’s dinosaur Jeff destroyed by fire at Palmer Coolum Resort

Federal MP hurt leg ‘crash tackling’ Tony Abbott

Tony Abbott buys a fridge on Gumtree

[kurara123]

I need to share this with u guys

this is description of Finn in my tv magazine

Translation: Finn(John Boyega)-prince and excellent warrior coming from a wooded planet Artorias  in the Outer Rim Territories.  He served as a trooper in the armies of the First Order.

what

[hisnameisfinn]

Some part of me wants to believe somebody at Lucasfilm goofed and handed some story info over my mistake. The other is completely content that this magazine has a Star Wars fan that decided that come up with their own theory about Finn’s origins and laid it bare for all to see. Artorias is an Outer Rim planet and it appears to have a kingship, so, you k’know. Maybe he is a kidnapped prince.

[na-vhenan]

#ok so this is only speculation #but it is worth pointing out#that in the old canon the king of Artorias had a son #what was the son’s name? it was finn #the king of Artorias had a force-sensitive son named Finn #just saying (via hecatesocelot)

[thebastardofgloucester]

#also the king of artorias in legends fought in the rebellion and like was at the battle of hoth#AND artorias is described as a peaceful planet with few defenses#on the outer rim#so it would make sense as a target for first order raids#look it’s totally possible this is just speculation or a mistake based on the legends character but aLSO#IT COULD BE REAL#finn#plus if it is him and they keep his name then he’d be finn galfridian#which is a cool-ass name (via na-vhenan)

[forcekenobi]

#let finn be a force sensitive woodland prince tbh (via @winterwarg)

[cool-wizards]

Oh

Hell yeah Im gonna play World Of Warcraft

[cool-wizards]

In World Of Warcraft You Can Be Whatever u Want to Be i chose my name as bryan because ive always wanted my name to be bryan

[cool-wizards]

Ok Literally This Is A Load Of Bullshit Fuck This Game I Dont Want To Play

[mysafesthavven]

I find this so funny cause I play WoW and my name is Bryan XD

[cool-wizards]

Bryan Whats Your Password

[britishcomedyoverflowing]

[nothingbutthedreams]

I accept no other versions of her, however historically inaccurate it is.

[cooperwest-wtr]

No, I’m pretty sure this is fairly accurate.

[boopifer]

100% accurate

[elizadobikenobi]

It has come to my attention that none of my friends watch Outlander. Not a single goddamn one. And you know what? That’s okay, maybe it’s just ignorance. It has to compete with Game of Thrones at the moment, which is a big name series. What a lot of people don’t know though is that Outlander is basically a realistic Game of Thrones with the shock value removed and women that are actually treated as goddamn human beings with less rape -- even though it’s set during a time when the English were really into raping Scottish women.

So we’re up to season two, and it can be a it frustrating to get through such a long series when a new series is out and spoilers are out to get you like a boogeyman, so I’m going to give you a quick walkthrough with as few spoilers as possible. (Just kidding. There will be some spoilers.)

This is Claire:

At the start of Outlander, we meet Claire. World War II has just wrapped up and Claire and her husband -- who didn’t get to have a proper honeymoon thanks to Hitler -- are having a romantic little getaway to the Highlands. Claire spent World War II as a military nurse. Her parents died in an accident when she was a child so she got to grow up travelling the world with her historian/archaeologist Uncle. These factors resulted in two things:

1. Claire is a historian in her own right and a massive fucking nerd about it. 2. Claire does not give a fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

This is Claire’s husband, Frank Randall. Yes, he is also Edmure Tully from Game of Thrones and yes he is the one who was the excuse for the Red Wedding. (What happened to Edmure, anyway? They never really went into it in the show. Were he and his wife cool after that?) He is also a huge history nerd and fell in love with Claire while he was helping her Uncle do nerd things. He really loves Claire a lot and they want to have a baby, but they can’t seem to conceive. He’s a bit of a dick and doesn’t want to adopt any of the WWII orphans when Claire suggests it because he wants to ‘continue his family line’ or w/e. But then he totally goes down on Claire in the middle of some Scottish ruin so that’s alright. Other than that he is totally fucking boring.

Side note: There is a lot of cunnilingus in this show and it is fucking great.

So one day Frank is being so fucking boring that even Claire is sick of his shit and decides to go for a wander around the Highlands, as you do. Then she finds some rocks. 

This is where shit gets interesting. These are some magical goddamn rocks, and when Claire touches one she’s thrown back into 1700′s Scotland. This might be a good time to mention that the Outlander book series literally started as a Dr Who fanfiction. Please don’t go. It’s good, I promise.

Then this rat-faced bastard shows up

Look familiar? It’s Claire’s husband’s ultra-great grandpa or uncle or w/e, who was a Captain in British army in the 1700′s. I felt dirty even saving a picture of this guy to my computer I mean look at him, he just looks shady. He does that thing with his teeth where he leaves them exposed like a literal fucking rat like Claire should know from the get go not to trust this dude even if she thinks it’s her husband at first. But it isn’t her husband so Claire starts freaking out when this fuckwit tries to assault her (because she’s in a short dress and he assumes she’s a ‘strumpet’ or something)  Enter Claire’s night in shining armor:

Shit. Wait. Sorry. It’s just Murtagh, the gruff dude with a heart of gold and the worst fucking luck in Scotland. No one has had a run as shitty as Murtagh. Murtagh knocks out Captain Randall, saves Claire and then, like a true Scotsman, knocks her out. (Note: I’m allowed to say that because I’m Scottish and it’s my birthright to make fun of other Scots.)

Claire wakes up in a hut somewhere with a bunch of Highlander dudes, and at first she’s like ‘what the fuck I am having a stroke’ but it just turns out they’re speaking Gaelic. Then she sees them trying to reset this dude’s dislocated arm and being a nurse, Claire is like ‘guys, wtf, no, just stop’ and fixes it herself. She does it so well and knows so much that everyone is super impressed with her. Who’s arm does she pop back into it’s socket?

J A M I E. 

Jamie is proof that a higher power exists. If you had told me “you’re going to be so into this Scottish ginger man that you’re going to book a flight back to Scotland to be with your people” I would have laughed in your face. Your face. Yet, here I am, totally into it. Oh my god, I am so into it.

See, Jamie isn’t like a lot of romance novel/series protagonists. He’s not straight up in Claire’s shit, you know? At first, he doesn’t even really seem to like her that much because she’s painfully English and the English were like MLG pro-gamers at being totally fucking shit to people. So no one trusts her. But because Jamie is so sick with a fever and like, the side effects of having recently dislocated your arm (whatever they are?) she gets to share a horse with Jamie and I am so fucking jealous just show me what rock I have to touch for this experience and I will fucking touch it, who the fuck needs flushing toilets or penicillin? 

That’s Dougal MacKenzie. He’s a tosser and tries to kiss Claire at one point. I can only imagine how he smells. Anyway, he’s the war leader dude of Clan MacKenzie and he’s the one who’s like “ok, fine, she kind of saved Jamie who is a good dude and can fight with swords with both his hands (he’s so cool omg) so I guess we can take her back to the Clan and let her have a bath”

So the MacKenzie buddies go home to Castle Leoch. By the way there are a lot of places in this show and I forget them so I tend to give them nicknames. I call this one ‘backstabber’s retreat’ CAN YOU GUESS WHY? She meets the leader of the clan, Colum, and makes up some bullshit story about being a lady from Oxfordshire who was on her way to France but the boat got fucked up and she got lost in Scotland or something. Everyone buys it (mostly) and they let Claire stay but only if she agrees to be basically the town doctor. After a day of being 200% done with the lack of common sense in 1700s medicine, Claire decides her best hope is to get back to the magic rocks somehow. 

Also, Claire makes this awesome friend while she’s being the town healer,

Geillis, like Claire, is very good with herbs. Another thing Geillis has in common with Claire is that Geillis also doesn’t give a fuck. Geillis is super smart, witty and is a total fucking hustler. When she showed up people were talking shit about her, so she married the guy in town who was basically in charge of all the  the minor crime punishments and taxes and shit. People stopped talking shit about Geillis pretty quickly but they kept buying the herbal birth control she was making. Which she did, by the way. Claire and Geillis quickly become bffls because they’ve finally found other women in town with higher aspirations than ‘get a good husband and give him kids and hope you don’t die of dysentery at 22. Maybe eat a really nice Turnip.’

So after a bit of time the MacKenzie boys have to go and claim some taxes from the little fifes they’re in charge of, and for shits and giggles they decide to take Claire. Probably because she’s a good healer but some of those dudes were shady as fuck so I’m not 100% on that. As they go from town to town, Dougal gets Jamie to take off his shirt in the tavern every night for the locals (fuck yes) because it turns out Jamie was nearly flogged to death by the English (fuck no.) Claire isn’t 100% sure why he’s doing this but she’s pretty sure it’s because even Dougal knows Jamie is the best fighter and has bigger arm muscles and is way better looking and tells better jokes, so he does it to humiliate him and assert dominance or something. It’s a real buzz kill because I can’t enjoy the shirtlessness when he looks so sad about it.

A thing happens and Claire runs into Captain cockmuch-Randall again and she gets kidnapped by the English, and they’re interrogating the shit out of her and Randall is like ‘awh yisss’ and starts hitting her, but then Dougal busts the door down and is like ‘you will be polite to my guest please’ so they get her out and it’s a big fucking problem. A huge problem, because once the English show up to arrest her for fighting Randall (which she did) and lying (which she’s doing but no one in Outlander land knows that for sure) the MacKenzies can’t do shit.

But Dougal has this great idea and is like ‘well they can demand you because you’re English, but if you’re Scottish they can’t do shit. So we’ll make you a Scott’ and Claire’s like ‘yay’. Dougal goes on to explain that in order for them to do that, Claire has to marry a Scotsman and Claire is like ‘fuck.’

OK TIME TO PLAY DREAM DATE

BACHELOR #1 - RUPERT MACKENZIE

LIKES: Drinking, farting, making gross jokes about women, saying gross things about women, making gross gestures to women, being gross about women, being gross

DISLIKES: idk discussing periods probably

BACHELOR #2 - JAMIE FRASER

LIKES: Being a cool dude, smiling, raising horses, wearing an open shirt that billows in the wind, having hair that can’t be tamed (just like him,) declaring his undying love, going down on you, looking amazing in wet clothing

DISLIKES: Captain fuck-boat-Randall, making you sad, probably fedoras

So Claire has to marry Jamie to avoid being arrested by Randall. Oh wow what a shame what a sacrifice she has had to make. She gets really shitty about it and then really mopey at first but then they have mind blowing sex and she legit has an excellent orgasm on camera and then Claire is like ‘ah fuck it when in rome’ and her and Jamie become professionals at doing each other and it’s fucking amazing because that boy is like a golden retriever in that he will do   a n y  t h i n g  for Claire.

oh my fucking god

I’ll leave it here because things really start happening and it’s spoiler town, but there’s a lot of good shit about Outlander. Who is this 15 year old with a weird face (who I think was also in Game of Thrones?) who keeps stalking Jamie? Who is and isn’t getting prepped to fight the English out of Scotland in the Jacobite Rebellion? Why is Geillis so fucking cool? Why do none of the women in 1700’s Scotland have any fucking body hair? When will Jamie take his shirt off next and why isn’t he real? Why aren’t there any real life men like him? Why? Why am I so alone? When will Mum stop asking me if I have a boyfriend yet?

Season 1 is available on Netflix at the moment, and if you want to read the books they’re about 24 years old now and available on Amazon for kindle (or at a book shop probably.) Season 2 is currently airing, check your local country’s stuff on how to see it.

(Also heads up that this show does have some really weird rape shit towards the end of the first season involving one man raping another. It does get a little ‘My Immortal’ style fanfictiony there but otherwise it’s a good show. The books are worse for that

[kennys-fried-chicken]

[fallout-e19]

i’ve made a mistake

Something i’ve been working on for about a week now? idk anymore, also hello! It’s about time i drew some FO4 art as messy as it is..

[distraughtiel]

(1520) raphael, self portrait with a friend

(2013) oscar isaac

[sashaforthewin]

You guys need to stop outing immortals like this. They’ll admit it when they’re ready to