may your dreams

· elizabeth 'eliza' hart · · shadowhunter · twenty one · come to reality, if all else fails. Give up, we needed the company. let's drink to your health

[elizaxhart]

closed // beau&eliza

[elizaxhart]

beau-rxvenscxr‌:

“Package deal. I know.” Beau’s smile was still warm but it dimmed a little just thinking about what she had. He focused himself away from the stripe of jealousy. “Hey. Better to have some moments than no, yeah?” He chuckled softly. “You’re not fine.” He touched her shoulder. “If I’m not fine you must be a wreck. Come on. Enough training for today.”

Eliza knew that Beau was aware of her situation with her parabatai, he had been the same once and she always liked to try and leave hers out of their conversation, knowing the pain it could cause. “You’re right, I like to think those moments are pretty special too. Since their few and far between, that and you don’t seem to share them with most.” It was when he touched her shoulder that she looked to him, her eyes tired and her face grey with exhaustion though she tried to fight it. “I’m not sure wreck is an accurate word.” Even if it was exactly what she was right now. “Fine.” She relented, looking behind her at the room and letting out a sigh at the prospect of that distraction being gone.

[elizaxhart]

closed // beau&eliza

[elizaxhart]

beau-rxvenscxr:

Beau smiled but it was a small and tired sort of smile. “I promise I’m not going to up and leave New York again. Not without you and your stubborn parabatai on my heels.” He could learn to live with the bitter wash of jealousy if it meant he could keep Eliza around while he traveled. “You might have forgotten in my absence but I’m not a very nice person now am I?” His smile quirked up a little. “You should rest now though. I’m sure Eli would appreciate it about as much as you would.”

“Well we’d only be on your heels because you’d be breaking your promise to me and where I go he goes, we’re a package deal. Best way to stay clear of us is to stay here.” She spoke a teasing edge to her voice but she mostly just sounded tired, there was also that small fear of the other up and leaving without a word again, she didn’t want to live in a constant state where she was scared the other wasn’t going to be in the Institute anymore. He meant too much to her now, to not have him in her life was like not having enough air to breathe. “You have your moments, something I have learned.” Because the other wasn’t exactly a terrible person, he just wasn’t the best person either, he stood somewhere in the middle of being, a neutral state almost. “He’s fine. I’m fine. I don’t need to rest.” That and she was pretty sure she wouldn’t be able to, even with the knowledge of the other being here again, it wouldn’t be that easy to fall asleep without any sort of aid.

[elizaxhart]

closed // beau&eliza

[elizaxhart]

beau-rxvenscxr:

“Hey. I’m not leaving again.” And he meant every word of that. For years he’d survived by running away. And this time running away only made it hurt worse. He smiled softly at her again. “Here to stay. For better or worse.” Even when the fall out from Elisa came falling down around his head. “You look like shit, Eliza. You should go get some rest.”

Eliza looked at the other, really looked at him and she wanted to believe him when he said he wasn’t leaving again, she wanted to trust him, her instincts were telling her to trust him but she was hurt and that part of her wanted to revolt. “Promise me you won’t, because I know you wouldn’t break something like a promise to me. I just- I can’t handle you leaving again.” She sighed, because she hadn’t realised the other not being around would have caused such a turmoil in her and yet, it did. “Jeez, that’s a nice thing to say to me on your return.” She tried to joke, but she knew the other was right, she didn’t look good. She looked exhausted which made her look frail despite that not being true. “I’m fine though, I’ll rest later.”

[elizaxhart]

closed // beau&eliza

[elizaxhart]

beau-rxvenscxr:

He smiled softly at her as she pulled away, hands resting on her shoulders for a moment longer before gently pulling away from her. Beau wasn’t a man that liked touching. Wasn’t a man that longed for human contact. It made his nerves go haywire, all over the place. Even with Eliza it happened and he didn’t want their reunion to be tainted by what would be an inevitable jerk back when things started going off. He hoped she’d understand. “I didn’t know I was coming back until I stepped out of a portal and into New York. It was…a surprise.” His smiled was tinged with actual happiness. “I didn’t think I could miss anything again nearly as much as I missed this place.” He closed his eyes and shoved hair out of his face, taking a deep breath. He was feeling off balance, a good off balance but off balance nonetheless. “Have you been all right?”

Eliza knew that she had exceeded her limit of touching the other, she knew that physical contact was a sore point when it came to Beau and she respected that, she took what she could get and when the other pulled away she knew that was it for now. She was lucky though, she got a lot more then most and she couldn’t help but smile at that thought. Eliza wanted to be mad at him, but to see his smile, to see it be genuine and one that was filled with some sort of happiness, well she couldn’t bring it in herself to be. “If you leave again I’m hunting you down, just be prepared. I-... I can’t..” She stumbled over her words, her voice wobbling and she had to close her eyes and take a breath for a moment to calm herself. “I can’t handle you leaving me again.” Eliza mulled over the others question before nodding, “I’ve been managing, I’ve thrown myself into work-...” She trailed off, because there wasn’t much else to say other then that. She hadn’t been sleeping, her parabatai noticing how tired she had been recently, she had done nothing but work so she could wear herself out.

[bigbadwereleo]

Open||

[elizaxhart]

bigbadwereleo:

Leo hummed at that, calling the bartender over to get himself another drink. “I don’t really have many run ins with him. When I do he’s not the most friendly of people.” The Shadowhunter often seemed to go out of his way to be rude actually. At least that was often how it felt. “I’m sure he is to you.”

“I’m surprised you haven’t learned that most Shadowhunters are not the most friendly of people, we tend to be tough with a cold exterior and those who are soft and tend to be happy more than not are the one’s who are rare.” She informed the other, though she didn’t blame Jace for being a little rough around the edges given what he had been through. “He’s one of them, there are some above him, but as a brilliant Shadowhunter, I admire him.”

[elizaxhart]

closed // beau&eliza

[elizaxhart]

beau-rxvenscxr:

Beau was almost certain he was going to get out of this without getting hit. She looked angry but Eliza was so even tempered. He expected a lecture. Maybe an ‘I hate you’, he knew he deserved it. But she surprised him by hitting him as hard as she could. Again and again and again. He took it. It hurt but Beau had taken worse beating in his life, an he could tell Eliza needed it. Wanted it. If this was what she needed to not hate him for the rest of her life so be it. The hitting didn’t last as long as expected and then she was hugging him. It took him a long moment to pull his arms up and hug her back, burying his face into her hair, drinking her in. He hadn’t realized how badly he’d missed her until then. How just her being there made him feel less like he was a step away from falling apart. He held her like that for a long moment, unwilling to let her go and equally as baffled as what to say. What did you say to someone so important to you? Someone you’d left? How could he tell her about Elisa? Did she know? How could he explain himself?

He couldn’t, not really. “I missed you.” It slipped out, quiet as a breath. He pushed her away, but kept his hands on her shoulders, looking at her. He wouldn’t apologize but he did want her to see that he wasn’t lying to her. After a second he took his hands off her and reached into his pocket, puling out a dirty and tattered square of green fabric. “I want you to have this. I don’t…I don’t think I need it anymore.”

Eliza had surprised herself with her actions, she never used violence unless necessary and that was normally when she was working, not on the people she cared deeply for. Especially when they had just came back from wherever they had been after you thought you’d never see them again, so her violent outbreak towards Beau was a shock to her system. She didn’t stop though, there was a lot of anger, heartbreak and frustration built up inside of her small body and she needed some outlet. Part of her thought that her hand would slip through him, like a ghost, here one moment and gone the next. It wouldn’t have been the first time she had conjured the other up, she had done so on the hard days where he heart longed for him to be near her and she wished he hadn’t left. The hug was better than her fists hitting his solid chest, it was warm and familiar despite the lack of times they engaged in physical contact, it was like coming home after a long journey. Something familiar that you loved and craved and she wanted to cry when she felt his arms returning her affection, solid and strong around her frame eliciting a silent sob from her mouth. It was in this moment that she felt for her parabatai, she’d be putting him through an emotional hurricane right now with no explanation for it.  “I missed you too.. I thought I was never going to see you again.” She whispered against his body, scared that if she spoke loudly this would all disappear in some cruel twist of fate. She allowed the other to pull away reluctantly, looking up to his face and those familiar eyes that seemed to be that little bit more tired than usual. She wasn’t expecting an apology, why should she, he felt like he needed to leave and that wasn’t anything to say sorry for, she knew the way in which Beau worked now, she understood him and his actions and would never ask him for an explanation for his actions because part of her would know exactly why he was choosing that course of action. She looked at the tatted green fabric, listening to his words and remembering the poem that she had been told many times as a child, Green will mend our broken hearts.. She took it from him without hesitation, clutching it in her hand and smiling sweetly at him, “You don’t know what it means to me to hear you say that-” She pulled him into another, brief hug, placing a chaste and barely there kiss to his cheek before speaking into his ear, “Welcome home, Beau.”

[elizaxhart]

closed // beau&eliza

[elizaxhart]

beau-rxvenscxr:

Leaving a place had always felt like freedom. And while leaving New York made his heart hurt in ways he’d though he’d long since forgotten it could, it still felt like freedom. Getting on that train and leaving. Freedom. He rank it in like a dehydrated man. He’d left for Japan first. Staying only a few days before heading to India. Then to England. But no where felt like he belonged. He felt like a interloper. A leach. A leaf in the wind. And in many ways, he was. That deep sense of liberating freedom was gone by the next day. Any time he let his mind quiet he found himself thinking about New York. About his friends. 

Friends. He hadn’t used that word in years. And he though of Eliza. He ached. He’d almost fire messaged her a few times, only his promise of cutting her off cold kept him from it. He was in transit to France when he realized he’d be moving every day of his life to escape the thinking, the thoughts, the pain. And before he quite knew what was happening he was paying for a portal to New York. Stepping out onto the busy streets almost felt like coming home. He hesitated there, on the corner of sixth and main before steeling his nerves. This was right.

It was easy enough to slip in. It wasn’t like he’d stood out enough to draw attention in mass waves. He didn’t head to Alec’s office next, opting instead to follow his gut and look for Eliza instead. He checked her room first, then the main room, even the kitchen. The last place he expected her to be was the training room…holding a bo staff. He leaned against the door frame, arms crossed and watched her, the ghost of a smile on his face. He let her fumble for a moment longer before stepping in, voice soft. “Your grip is all wrong. You can’t hold it that tight and expect it to dance for you. You have to give it room to breathe.”

The sound of the other voice in the room had her frozen to the spot, her grip on the staff growing tighter than before, she had heard Beau’s voice since he had left, but it was normally in her mind. Keeping part of him with her. They’d just be little comments here and there and it would make her smile, but this seemed different, the voice was in the room with her. Surrounding her. Consuming her. The voice was almost like music to her and the soft voice caused her to shiver before she slowly turned. At first she contemplated the notion of her mind playing tricks on her, making her see something she wanted to see when in fact they weren’t there, but this seemed real, he looked real. Tired eyes, a barely there smile and an air of content around him. This was real. He was there. He had came back after having told her many times that he wouldn’t, that once he had left that she would never see him again.  It was those thoughts that spurred a hurricane of emotions in her, she was happy, elated even to see him there, all she wanted to do was run to him. But there was another part of her that was so angry, he had broken her heart, she had been left inconsolable for a day, curled up and crying on her bed with his stele gripped tightly in her hand. He had done that to her and now he was back, like it was nothing. She guessed the anger was the strongest emotion in her, it would explain why she had let the bo staff fall to the floor with a clatter and why she was walking over to him, hitting him in the chest. Hard. And again. Mirroring an image of a child hitting a parent when they didn’t get their way, she was letting out her frustration her anger through silent punches and nearly there tears, grunting at the force of each hit before she grew tired and all she could do was fling her arms around him. Falling into his chest and hugging him tight, holding onto him as though he was a lifeline and she was struggling to live. His warmth, his smell and the familiar touch of his body was the comfort she had been craving for but had never gotten for weeks now. With him in her arms, she felt like she was coming home despite having been anywhere. 

[elizaxhart]

closed // beau&eliza

Eliza had found herself in the training room quite a lot over the passing weeks, she had a certain someone stuck in her mind and she felt closest to them in this room, which was odd in some way’s because she could probably count the amount of times her and Beau trained on one hand. But this is where she knew the other felt at peace, where he taught kids how to fight and how to do well before receiving their angelic rune, this is where he inspired people. Maybe it was those thoughts that had led her to pick up a bo staff to begin with, the weapon was foreign to her and nothing like she used before, her main arsenal was her bow or her seraph blade, anything else just felt clumsy in her hand and it showed. But she didn’t give up. 

That’s why she was here again now, the long range weapon in her hand as she tried to move with it, trying to keep both her and the weapon in sync, moving as if though she were dancing with it, though she kept stumbling, tripping and having the staff get in her way causing her to groan and start again. She was a perfectionist and she would keep practising until she got it right, until she was perfect and until she felt closer to the man who had left. 

@beau-rxvenscxr

[dailyskyeward]

[cfmusings-blog]

              life broke her.               life broke him. 

                                            but when they got together,                                              their pieces became w h o l e. 

[cosasdelkevin]

Love And Other Drugs (2010)

[musingmatata]

“You touch me and suddenly I feel a little less war torn. I’m not sure what peace is supposed to feel like but I think it may feel a lot like you”

— anatomy-of-rains  (via wnq-writers)

[aquariusrpc]

“We might not go down in history as a remarkable love story. People may not talk about our bond. But I promise you, you’ve cemented your place as the love of my life.”

— voicelessconfessions (via wnq-writers)

[bigbadwereleo]

Open||

[elizaxhart]

bigbadwereleo:

“To a certain extent. With some things.” Because doing a job like hers could hardly make you completely innocent with all the things you had to see in the world. Eliza still had a sweetness to her though that was unusual. “I think from the perspective of most, he allowed himself to be too easily fooled and manipulated by Valentine. After everything that man has done, did anyone actually believe it would be that easy?”

“Well I’m hardly innocent, though I am curious to know what these things you’re referring to are.” Eliza couldn’t help but disagree with the other, she could never put herself in Jaces’ shoes but she could imagine how hard this was on him. “He thought that man was his father, someone who emotionally manipulated him as a young child, he continued to do that to him since his return. I think when you’re in that situation you feel helpless, trying to prove to people that you’re not the same as the blood you supposedly come from, trying to be brave when you’re breaking and trying to do your best despite what people think. If I’ve learned anything lately it’s that Jace Herondale is one of the strongest people that I’ve met. And when you’re dealing with someone like Valentine, nothing is ever easy. Even if you think it was.”

[elizaxhart]

thxrinbelefleur:

“Depends. If I say yes will you hit me? Because, between you and me I’m not sure I can handle that right now.” He smiled but he was being serious, if only a little bit of joking was there. “Of course I would! Did you see the size of that hole? But I’m totally down to train with you when I’m back on my feet. I’m always looking to get better and if you’re offering I’m down.” He grinned. “You have a parabatai? I thought about it once with my brother but it never panned out and we aged out. But I do loads of stupid things for him anyways rune or no rune.” He laughed a little louder now. “That’s a good thing right? Right?”

“Of course I’m going to hit you if you say yes, what makes you think I wouldn’t. I’m the furthest thing from a tittering housewife thank you very much and trust me when I say even if you were in perfect condition you wouldn’t be able to handle me hitting you- I have a strong arm.” She warned, though her tone was still playful, a genuine smile forming on her face, something that had been a rarity from her lately. “I think you’re exaggerating a little bit, you make it sound like it was the size of a watermelon when it was more like the size of a grape.” Because she had dressed the others wound to ensure that it wouldn’t become infected as it continued to heal, something that wouldn’t just happen over night. “I’m offering, I enjoy training with new people, it keeps me on my toes, let’s me try out new tactics.” Eliza nodded when the other mentioned her parabatai, “I do and he is great, we balance one another out perfectly and I’m glad to always have him to rely on strength when I don’t have it. Well having siblings is a lot like having a parabatai, or at least I imagine it to be, but alas I’m an only child and don’t know one hundred percent if that statement is accurate.” Eliza chuckled and nodded, “Yes, it’s a good thing.”

[bigbadwereleo]

Open||

[elizaxhart]

bigbadwereleo:

“I’d say there is a little of both.” He told her with a grin. “You’re definitely too innocent to hear some of them.” Leo continued, giving her a bit of a grin though it faded a little as they spoke of the effects that the soul sword had on their world. “Yes… Well it’s something that I think we all show concern for and nothing is going to be settled until everything is sorted and kept safe.”

“You really think of me as innocent? There are clearly a lot of things you don’t know about me as well then.” Eliza retorted, a small smile on her face as she sipped at her drink. “I agree, but I just hope the war that seems to be ongoing between the downworld and the shadowhunters doesn’t become worse because of this, it wasn’t anyone’s fault apart from Valentine and I know that this can’t be easy on Jace, but he did have intent on sacrificing himself to save everyone and yet some people see him to blame.”

[elizaxhart]

closed // beau&eliza

[elizaxhart]

beau-rxvenscxr:

“That’s a lot of data to sift through. By the time you gather it all they’ll probably have killed again and caught on to you looking for them. There’s got to be a way to make this faster. We can’t have demons out killing mundanes.” It’s the one thing Beau was still good at, his job. Focusing on saving the ones who couldn’t save themselves. It gave him something other than the ache of missing Eliza to focus on. “They’d sniff you out in a second. It’s too dangerous to go undercover. Especially now. With Valentine’s latest attack everyone is on edge.” He paused to think, skimming over the data. “Are the victims similar in any ways? We can maybe try to find the next victims and ambush them.”

“I’m aware, Beau. Okay. I’m not trying to get people killed or mess this up, I’m trying to do my job to the best ability that I can despite everything that is happening right now. I’m only one person!” She snapped, she wasn’t sure what it was about the others words that made her do it, but there was something there that made her think that she couldn’t do this, that she wasn’t doing her job right. And it was coming from him, someone who was leaving the Institute, one of the best trainers they had in a while and he was going for his own reasons. Or maybe she was just tired and the strain around their relationship was causing too much pressure right now. In fact she wasn’t just tired, she was exhausted and yet she was sleeping less then usual these days. “I think I’m capable of going undercover and getting what we need.” She was being defiant, she knew that, it was almost as if she wanted to prove the other wrong but she didn’t know why. “They’re all in their twenties, seem to be around clubs and bars.”