Texts From Last Night #2
[text] This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
[text] It was the cape. I can’t control myself when I wear a cape.
[text] Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
[text] Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option…and you got to choose the animal?
[text] I found out he doesn’t have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I’m going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
[text] Are you asking me on a date where we get drunk and do some fingerpainting?
[text] apparently domino’s not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza’s getting really pornographic really fast.
[text] So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
[text] HI [NAME]. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
[text] I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
[text] I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
[text] you were saying “i am the vodka queen!” and then in a different voice replying to yourself “all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!”
[text] I can’t figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
[text] Im holding a competition……who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
[text] Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze



















