#Dear me: You're fairly late, but not too late.
I've been thinking about this for the past few days, because everyone around me (on the INTERNET, which is mostly where I live), is way ahead of me at something. Most importantly: they're young. YoungER.
I'm 24, and I'm just now starting to figure out what I actually want to do with my life. I mean realistically. Pragmatically. I've spent the last 4 years dealing with depression and relationships and therapy. And with breaking relationships, letting go of people and trying to be my own self. And depression and therapy. I've withdrawn from the world, and I started to discover another world, my own world, and it was so colorful and full of quiet. But also exciting. More exciting than the outside world, which was so tiring, so hard, so difficult. It was difficult for me to just stand and smile in the middle of a small crowd. It still is.
I'm proud of how I've changed my life during that period, but it was such a long process. After for years of making the decision to follow my feelings and my own mind, I'm just now starting to see the results. I get tired so easily, I'm so slow at learning anything. People might think I'm lazy, but I'm really not. I'm full of curiosity and interests, I want to learn so much and I want to give so much to people, but I get immensely tired, and sometimes that makes me so sad.
So, I guess that's why I'm "late", I feel like a total beginner with all of my passions, and mostly I am. I am probably late, but I'm also starting to figure out that I'm not. People will not scream at me that I'm too old for not being that good at playing guitar, or that it's too late to start learning a new language. People will do their own thing. And I will do my thing, because that makes me happy. And even if sometimes I feel like my life is coming to an imminent end and there's no more time, it doesn't really matter.
So that's what I want to tell you, dear me from the past: take your time. It's ok. Just lie down if you're tired. Do not worry, it's going to be completely fine.
