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Elle: Do we think Queen Belle has worn a strap on in bed?

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Artie: I'm proud of you for ending a conversation that wasn't being kind to you! And I'm proud of you for NOT going to go punch his face no matter how much you want to, I know that must be tough. Do you want to do something to get that angry energy out, or would you rather do something that kind of tries to calm the anger down?

Elle: 🥺 Thank you! It is tough!!! He deserves it so bad! I’M SO SMAD I DON’T KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO!! 😡 IS THERE A WAY TO DO BOTH??

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Artie: 💛💙 That is a lot to unpack... I'm sure you know that nothing he's saying is true, but I also know that just because something's not true doesn't mean it doesn't feel bad, and I'm sorry you have to deal with that. Maybe a good solution for right now would be to stop messaging him? Is there anything we can do to raise your spirits some?

Elle: I know right! I told him to fuck off and haven't responded past that! I don't know! I'm so like BIG BIG smad! I just wanna go drive to Cinderellasburg and punch him in his big dumb face!

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Chad: Yeah, well, you're entirely out of line saying things like my future children will hate me and really hurting my feelings so excuse me for trying to keep you from going all Hurricane Elle over other people's emotions too! It was a bad metaphor! And besides, it's not asking for permission really, it' asking for a BLESSING, which is way different. You're lucky I'm nice and won't raise my kids to hate you just for saying that, you know. I don't know why you keep calling me an asshole just for worrying about you like a good big brother should so I'm going to guess it's because I'm right and you know I'm right but you'd rather die foaming at the mouth than admit that.

Elle: Fuck off

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Artie: I'm glad you like it, because it's true! What's he doing this time? Are you okay?

Elle: 💙💛 He’s being the WORST! He was bugging me about these dumb looking pictures of him and Anne and it turned into him saying stuff like the reason I proposed and you didn’t was because you’re not sure about me yet, and how I deserve to not be the one constantly chasing you because you’re not obsessed enough with me, and I should be important enough to you for you to be braver and how me trying to behave more for the camelot stuff means i’m not being myself AND HE KEEPS SAYING I’M HURTING OUR DAD’S FEELINGS BY NOT WANTING HIM TO GIVE HIS BLESSING EVEN THOUGH WE ALLLLL KNOW I THINK THATS A STUPID THING TO WANT ANYWAY! And I know he’s WRONG and just saying that stuff because he’s Chad and the worst but it’s still hurting my feelings kind of??????????????

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Artie: What? No, I wouldn't use that word! Obsession is unhealthy and all-consuming and toxic, and my love for you is good and pure and safe. Why?

Elle: Oh! Okay smart! I love that! Because my brother's a dickhead!!!

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Elle: Would you ever call yourself like OBSESSED with me?

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Chad: You're not as sensitive to other people's feelings as you think you are, Elle. And what are you even talking about? Asking for a blessing before proposing is definitely NOT what preschoolers do, not seriously anyway, because if they did, I'd have had like three wives by now. A world without rules is a world that's confusing for everyone! I can't believe you'd say that. My kids are going to love me and I'm going to have to beg them to be nice to their weird Aunt Elle even though she's nothing but nasty to me and them. DOES HE? Because as his woman, you should be so much higher on the priority list than you are, the real you. I've known you your whole life, Elle, I think I'd know you what's you and what's not you, but okay.

Elle: Neither are you but here you are trying to tell me about something I’m more than sure dad doesn’t actually care that much about! It was a metaphor! Little kids have to ask for permission before they do anything and i’m saying we’re not little kids that have to do that! A world without rules is only confusing if you’re stupid. Your kids are going to hate you for being the worst and they’re going to LOVE their super nice aunt Elle and beg to come live with me because their dad is so annoying and lame! YES HE DOES! You have no idea what his priority list is and I AM super high up there! YOU’D THINK you know whats me and not me, but you’re asshole so you don’t!

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Chad: What kind of question is that? I care because my Dad matters to me, and like I said, of course he wouldn't tell you if you hurt his feelings, he'd say whatever to make sure you felt okay even if he didn't. I'm just saying, I don't know the rules for lesbian princess weddings! If I had a daughter who proposed to someone without talking to me about it, I'd feel sad, that's all. YOU DESERVE MORE RESPECT THAN THIS! And don't get me wrong, the outfits you wear to the Camelot stuff and the way you behave is more proper, and I always thought it'd be good to see you like that, but it's just not YOU.

Chad: I know myself all too well, and I love me!

Elle: Dad DOESN'T care!! It's not that big a deal and I'd know if he was trying to hide some kind of weird deep hurt about me not letting my fiance ask for permission to marry me like we're some preschoolers that want to go out and play. There aren't rules! Just like there SHOULDN'T be for straight royal weddings. Well duh YOU will because your kids are probably going to hate you so it'll be an actual offensive thing. HE RESPECTS ME THE MOST! Shut up Chad! You don't know anything! It's totally me! Just dressed fancier.

Elle: Uh huh!

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Chad: He knows you're your own person, but you're also his daughter and you're acting like that doesn't mean anything for what? Just to push some feminism angle? And you know what I mean by unconventional. The princess factor aside, she chose like the least royal royal around. And what if Margaery wants to propose? Or worse, get married in a suit? I'm glad you're at least letting Dad be part of your special day. He'd never tell you if it hurts him but I'm sure it does. Fine, I won't say anything more about it, after this -- you're a Charming, Elle, even if you're a little nuts sometimes. Remember that. He should treat you with the respect you deserve.

Chad: Says the most annoying person I know.

Elle: He doesn't even care! I asked! Why do YOU care so much? Dude. Quit. Nova's just as royal acting as I am so who cares. And what Margaery do YOU know that would ever propose or get married in a suit? I'm not leaving dad out of anything just because I proposed and didn't want him to give permission anyway! HE DOES TREAT ME WITH THE RESPECT I DESERVE.

Elle: Only because you can't know yourself!

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Chad: The world works the way it does for a reason. I can't believe you don't want him to ask Dad for his permission; Margaery's already taking such an "unconventional" route, you were really Dad's only hope of getting the chance to give his blessing and you went ahead and tried to get engaged without it and dashed any chance he had of it. Don't you care about Dad's feelings? And Artie is a future king -- he's going to have to work through that anxiety and shyness sometime, and shouldn't you be important enough for him to work through it where you're concerned?

Chad: You could've fooled me with this attitude.

Elle: Yeah because men picked the rules first. Because I'm not dad's to give away. I'm my own person. What do you mean by unconventional? She's literally dating a princess and being all Margaery about it, that's the most traditional you could get! If Nova wants to propose, Margaery will probably let her ask dad first. I care about dad's feelings, he's still going to walk me down the aisle. He doesn't need to give permission too. Shut up Chad! We're working on it!

Elle: Yeah well, you're annoying so.

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Chad: It's not a rule I made up! Men propose to women, that's how the world works! I don't want to be right about your relationship, trust me. I'd rather be wrong and you be with a man who's completely obsessed with you and brave enough to show it, but that's clearly not the case, and you're just mad that I'm right.

Chad: You're so aggressive. Is waiting till marriage getting to you?

Elle: The way the world works is stupid. Men are also supposed to make more money and ask dads for permission, but it's 2021 and those rules are outdated! You're NOT right about my relationship. He's just shy and anxious! That doesn't mean he loves me any less!

Elle: I'm not waiting till marriage!

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Chad: Right, because I'm sure you two are the exception to that rule. I love you, you're my flesh and blood, and that's why I can say that you deserve better than to be the one constantly chasing. You found a good one but he's not obsessed enough with you. And yes, she does! My followers know me better than YOU do, apparently, because they know I'm not an asshole! I just keep it real.

Chad: Did you already forget that I said she loves me? Someone needs to up the adderall pronto.

Elle: We are! Because it's a rule YOU made up! I hate you, I like to imagine mom and dad found you in a bucket, and that's why I can say that you have no idea what you're talking about EVER but especially about my relationship. He's totally obsessed enough with me and that's why I'm MARRYING him. If you say so. That's literally something only assholes say, stupid.

Elle: Do you want me to shove that entire pill bottle down your throat?

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Chad: No, it doesn't. If a girl has to propose to the boy, it's only because he's not sure enough about her to do it himself. Anne does love me! And so do my followers! Why else would they sign on to hear about my life?

Chad: Anne's smarter than you and me combined!

Elle: That’s not true for me and Artie, Ding Dong. I’m just the braver one of us and if he wasn’t sure then he wouldn’t have said yes! Does she though? Does she really? And your followers don’t even know you! They know the things YOU post, not the truth about you being an asshole.

Elle: Then why is she dating you?

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Chad: I know that's what you said happened, but so? Even if it did go down like that, if the girl proposes to the boy, it's not like it counts. And ha, say that to my girlfriend and the thousands of people that follow me and not you!

Chad: How can you expect me to respect your relationship when you obviously don't respect mine?

Elle: It totally does count and he has a ring and everything!!!! YOU can have a girlfriend that doesn't love you and I'm SURE your followers don't because that's not even how followers work!

Elle: Because mine is based on real and true and perfect love! And yours is based on SOMEONE having brain damage!

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Chad: I'm sorry, did your BOYFRIEND propose and I missed it? Maybe I wouldn't have if you posted stuff online. Love doesn't need social media to be real, but it helps! Trust me, I'm kind of an expert.

Chad: Anne's actually the one who came up with the idea. She's amazing, isn't it?

Elle: No! I proposed to MY FIANCE practically a YEAR ago! And my BROTHER should know about it even if I don't post about it online because it was that long ago and you're literally related to me!! You can't be an expert on love, no one loves you.

Elle: EWWwwwww

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Chad: Riiiiiiight, that's why your boyfriend never posts any pictures of the two of you, because there's nothing wrong with you.

Chad: I've decided to post one of just Anne then. Otherwise my beauty overshadows her and that's just not gentlemanly. Thanks for nothing!

Elle: My FIANCE doesn't post us for the same reason I don't. Our love is private and doesn't need to be put all over social media to be real. Unlike yours obviously.

Elle: Does ANNE know why you're only posting her? You're the worst. Happy to not help!

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