You know I'm a fool (Willing to sit around and wait for you)
first fic on tumblr!!
summary: listen, I love the Mike and Max Scoops ahoy au, but i’ve also been down a recent madwise spiral and wrote this, where Will and Max are the ones coming out to each other in the infamous bathroom scene. Will learns about Max's past, and he finally feels safe around someone
teasing and banter ensues
notes: A bit of context for the fic - basically, as much as I love Lumax, I’m currently pushing the Lesbian Max Mayfield/Elmax agenda, plus I just love writing gay yearning. also, i based a lot of Max's past on the novel runaway Max. I adore both byler and angst so this ones a bit sad
TW: period typical homophobia, Billy Hargrove (yes he's a warning) and Billy Hargrove's canon typical violence, and Lonnie Byers (also his own warning)
Max and Will laid on the floor of the theatre bathroom, the multicolored tiles of the ceiling spinning. Will’s scoops ahoy uniform felt more scratchy than usual, and he tugged at the collar as he sat propped up against the toilet, bruises marring his skin as blood dripped from his nose. Max’s red hair fanned out against the cool tile, back on the floor but feet up against the wall. She always sat in the strangest way, almost hitting a 90 degree angle with her body. Will could only dream about being that flexible.
After a moment, Max broke the silence. “The ceiling stopped spinning for me. Is it still spinning for you?” She asked, voice slightly hoarse from throwing up so much.
Will looked away from the red stall walls, tilting his head up to look at the ceiling, squinting. it was still spinning, but it was slowly down. Slowly, he could differentiate the colors from one another, instead of it all being one giant mess. “Holy crap.” He said. “It’s slowing down. You think we puked up all the drugs?”
Max grinned, dropping down to fully lie onto the floor, tilting her head back to look at Will from the crack under the bathroom stall. “I don’t know. Ask me something. Interrogate me.”
Will laughed slightly, looking up to think of a question. “Ok, I want a honest answer. When we first met, what did you think of me? Was I pathetic? Be honest.”
Max sighed, pushing herself under the crack to lie beside Will, who shuffled over to make room for her. She was sure the bathroom floor wasn’t the cleanest, but currently she didn’t care all too much. She rested her head on her hands, and began to speak. “You know, before Hawkins, I lived in California. I’ve told you this. But before, I knew this guy. on the first day of first grade, I saw this guy, in an red Spiderman shirt hiding under the slide. The other boys had been chasing him, and he was crying, and his shirt Was pretty cool, so I went and I sat with him. His name was Nate Walker, and he had a brother named Silas. he had been my best friend since I was six. They were probably my first, and maybe only friends back then. Nate was sweet, kind, patient. He and Silas taught me how to skateboard. He was short, and he was skinny, with pasty knees and knobby elbows and dark mousy brown hair. He was shy, too, soft, but he was smart. smarter than the other guys. Always fixing my bike, and my skateboard, and thinking of the wildest contraptions, like catapults or tree forts.”
Will smiled to himself. This Nate guy sounded nice.
“When I first met you, you reminded me a little of Nate. Shy, quiet, nice, and, well, kind of brilliant.”
Will laughed bashfully. “Well, Dustin’s the clever one of our friend group.”
Max turned, offering him a smile. “Don’t sell yourself short. Castle Byers is neat, and so are your drawings. But yeah, you were like him. Shy, quiet, and sometimes other guys say mean things about you. when I first joined you guys, Mike hated me, and Lucas and Dustin were being idiots to try and impress me. But you were just nice, no strings attached. When we first met, I thought you could be Nate again. Nate was the person I could be Max around. If you were Nate, I could’ve been just Max around you.”
Will’s heart melted at that. The truth was, he’d always felt like… a second choice. When El came, El was Mike’s first choice. This summer, Lucas had always been with Mike, trying to win back El. Dustin had Suzie. He was good, he was great, even, but he was Will. Zombie boy. Fragile glass child. He was good, he was great, but he’d be pitied before he was loved, helped but not held. He’d always be the second choice. To have someone feel so comfortable around him made him smile. “I don’t want to assume things, but you talk about Nate in this way- is he… gone?”
Max sighed, pain in her eyes. “I loved Nate. But, Billy didn’t like him too much. He told me that if I hung out with boys so much, people would think I was a slut. One day, we were building a ramp, and he, he, went up to Nate, and broke his arm. It was horrible. His face went pale, and the blood.” She closed her eyes, as if remembering. “And Nate howled in pain, and he fell, and there was a bone sticking out underneath his skin, and I was so scared. I was scared that by being friends with Nate, Billy would hurt him. So we… grew distant.”
Will was putting the pieces together. Why Max always looked sad, why she had screamed at Billy, why she always looked bruised. It wasn’t… a pretty picture. Reminded him too much of himself was Lonnie was around. He awkwardly slung an arm around her shoulders. “If it helps, I know how you feel. My… Lonnie, was not a great guy.”
Max looked at him, and for the first time, not with pity, but with understanding. “Im sorry.” She said
“Im sorry too.” He told her.
They sat like that for a moment, silent, before Max broke the silence again.
“My turn for a question. You ever been in love?”
Will froze, before trying to play it off with a laugh. “Wow, straight into the heavy questions, huh?”
Max grinned cheekily, turning to look at him. “Oh come on, Byers, just tell me. You already know that I did love Nate, my best friend. And I wanna know.”
He stiffened. “Mi- I mean, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Max gave him those eyes, those knowing eyes, before leaning back against the toilet. “Can I tell you something else, Will?” She asked. Will nodded, just wanting to change the subject. “This summer, I think Lucas and Dustin finally moved on from me. Good for them. But this summer I keep finding myself looking at MIKE. I don’t like him, god no. He’s insufferable, and self absorbed, and, and, he’s mean, and he can be so annoying. But, for some reason she still looks at him that way. Like he hung the moon. And that’s ridiculous, because someone like Mike Wheeler could never hang the moon.”
“El loved him. Maybe she loves him. But I think I like her.”
“Now. Do you have a more… truthful answer to my question now?”
Will groaned. But the floodgates opened. “Fine. Its been. I don’t know. Years. We met when we were so little. I was sitting on the swings after school. I was waiting. I would later learn that My mom and Lonnie got into a fight, and forgot to pick me up. I was approached by this little kid, and he sat next to me on the swings. His parents weren’t here either. Think they just forgot about him entirely. He smiled, and asked me if I wanted to be his friend. I said yes. He said his name was Mike. We played on the swings together until the evening, and mom finally came to get me. I waved to him.”
“We became friends. We talked a lot, and both of us spent less time around our families, but that wasn’t bad, because I guess I liked Mike more than Lonnie. I loved him, back then, even. I once asked Lonnie if he thought I could marry Mike, because he was nice. Lonnie got mad. He hurt me, and he threatened to hurt Mike if I ever said anything like that ever again. Then, he made me go hunting. I learnt how to use a rifle when I was 7. And I mean, I didn’t say anything about it again. Didn’t tell my mom, or my friends, but for some reason people always knew.” He looked down at his hands, fidgeting. “There was this bully who bullied me and the Party in elementary school. His name was Troy, and he always called me a fairy.” He stubbornly wiped away tears that threatened to spring, voice breaking. “Or-or a fa- a fag. And I was scared, even though Lonnie was gone.” He started crying, mentally kicking himself. Guys shouldn’t cry. Max hugged him tightly, letting him sob into her shoulder.
“I’d beat up Troy for you. Hit him in the head with my skateboard.” She whispered, and Will let out something between a hiccup and a laugh.
He took a moment to compose himself, before continuing on with his tale. “I guess I knew for a long time I’ve been in love with Mike Wheeler. And maybe, for a period of time I thought he loved me too. When I was in the hospital, he was so soft. He slept beside my bed, always looked after me and he held my hand when I was hurting. When I lost some of memory, I remembered my mom but I also remembered him, because he was the boy I loved. He was sweet, and he was gentle. Then, well, I don’t think you were there, when I was possessed, but, the mindflayer was spying through me, but I had to help, so I used morse code, and I realise now the hand that was helping them, telling my mom and my friend everything was the hand that had all my humanity and love. Mike. The hand he held. I had hoped, for many years, for a long time that one day Mike would notice me, love me, tell me he loved me. But it was… selfish of me, because he loves her.”
El. With her perfect hair and pretty eyes and shy smile. She was beautiful.
“And I don’t blame him. What’s not to love? I love El. She’s darling, kind and probably one of the only reasons I’m alive. She’s strong too, and hard to hate. Which is why I feel so terrible that I love Mike. Because I adore El too. I feel like a horrible person, because El would never do this to me. She’s better than me in that regard. She’s kind, and I would never do that to her. And he could never love me. Just a- a stupid, stupid, boy loving boy. He told me himself. I’m too immature, too young, too stupid, because I thought we’d never grow up.” His voice cracked again. “That we could stay, eat greasy pizza, roll dice, and play games. But everyone’s growing up without me now.”
Max was quiet, before she grabbed his hand and held on. “I’ll stay with you. Stay young. I love cheesy horror movies and too salty popcorn. I love the mall, the arcade, I’ll even play DnD with you. Because we're similar, Will Byers, just two losers who love two people and don’t wanna grow up, just a girl who loves another girl and a boy who loves another boy.”
He grinned at her, a rare, real smile. “I’d like that.”
She smiled. “I’d like that too.”
And they sat like that again. Not contemplating, sad silence this time, but happy, warm camaraderie.
For the third time, Max broke the silence, resting her head on Will’s shoulder. “Mike Wheeler though? His hair looks like a dead possum, Will.”
Will burst out laughing at the unexpectedness of her comment. “It’s not THAT bad, Max, I think it’s cute.”
“Just ‘cause you love him. And he wants to be an author. Come on!”
“He has passions, sue him!”
“All he knows is how to write campaigns, not books ” She said with a laugh. “His writing would be ‘and the knight snuck his way through the tower, trying his very best not to be heard- but oh no! He rolled low on stealth. His armour clangs loudly, alerting everyone of his presence. He then rolls for intelligence to think of a way out-‘ and the reader would be like ‘dude, this is a narrative! It’s not dramatic if he rolls for everything. He wouldn’t even have dice on him, he's a knight!’”
Will was laughing hysterically now.
“All I’m saying is that you could do way better, Will. Like, you’re cute. Apparently this Jennifer girl cried at your funeral, and remember at the snowball that cute girl asked you to dance? Hell, even I liked you a little and I’m more into girls. That was until I realised how in love you were with Mike, by the way. All I’m saying is you’ve got options outside of Michael ‘it’s not my fault you don’t like girls’ Wheeler. He looks like a muppet.”
Will was laughing so hard he was almost crying at this point, Max grinning and giggling too.
Just then, Holly barged into the bathroom, seeing the two of them on the floor laughing maniacally. “Okay, what the hell!”
Max and Will looked at her, before making eye contacting and bursting into more laughter
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