Whatever's Celever

An in-depth memoir of my equine endeavors; including but not limited to, my quest to make it to the Paralympics! I dedicate this publication to my fabulously gifted and outrageous mare, Clever.

[ellegrl28]

missing the early days when we were just getting to know each other. we made incredible progress in the space of 6 months!

[ellegrl28]

Next Move

The past week+ has been a whir of decision making, debating and pro/con lists. i was faced with two incredible offers from two amazing trainers, and let me tell you, the choice and looming decision kept me up at nights!

i could get into all the factors that went into said decision, but i've got a brain cramp from mulling them over so long and i just don't want to go through that again. nor do you, amiright? 

so i will instead get straight to the point and tell you that i am beyond thrilled to say i have chosen to train under Brendan Curtis of Curtis Dressage, LLC. in Lancaster County, PA! this is a really big huge deal for me because Brendan was so welcoming and excited to add me to his roster. 

i will be his first para-athlete, and we will both be kind of learning all the politics together, but as a rider, i have rarely seen someone as talented as he. i want to ride like that! he is a wonderful horse person, and a friend, and i truly think we have a good shot at this Olympic bid. I couldn't pass up Brendan's offer because he spends the winter in florida competing, and at this stage in my career i feel it's necessary to gain that experience and confidence. 

all good things to come! i haven't been riding much since nationals, so i am anxious to get back in that saddle. now we have to find my next equine partner while my mare is on rest.  i am thrilled too because brendan has taken an active interest in how best to rehab her. 

we will have our work cut out for the next couple years, and i'm willing to do whatever it takes to make that team! I know that Brendan will do everything in his power to get us there and i feel very fortunate to have such a dynamic and motivated coach to learn from. I will be relocating to his farm within the next couple weeks; as soon as i can find a place to live and he can come get my horse. i will keep everyone updated on the new regime! 

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Curtis-Dressage-LLC/273693476076013

[ellegrl28]

Let me count the ways

By nature, Clever is not an affectionate horse. Mareish almost to a fault, she is stoic, moody and aloof on good days, rude, pushy and aggressive at her worst. These qualities deter many horse people from deciding to partner with a mare, but i happen to admire her strong opinion. and i know for a fact that it is these traits that give mares a competitive edge. 

Perhaps it's because of the knowledge that Clever is such a tough girl that it feels almost dreamlike when she does show a snippet of liking toward me. imagine the thrill then, when i visited her a couple days ago and she practically shouted for everyone to hear how much she adores me! 

let me explain: Often, when i approach my horse, she will be snoozing in a corner of her stall, butt toward me, without so much as acknowledging the fact that i drove over an hour just to spend 20 minutes grooming and hanging out with her. This day, when i neared her stall, she came right over to the door to greet me and the second i opened it she licked both of my arms from top to bottom. she LICKED me! i don't know that she's ever done that. but her next move was even more heart warming. would you believe, she put her big, beautiful face right next to mine, eye to eye, and fluttered her eyelashes on mine. a genuine butterfly kiss from a 1200lb animal? now that's profound! i was so surprised i just stood there while she gently blinked her lashes against my face, it was the cutest thing that i've ever experienced. after that, she nuzzled my face a little and blew on me, and that was that. it's one thing when a dog wags its tail and gives you a lick to tell you it's happy to see you, but when a grouchy mare shows such an obvious display of sweetness without the incentive of a treat, now that's love!

[ellegrl28]

Making cranberry juice

Once when i had a very bad day in college, my best friend in the entire world gave me words that i will forever ring true in my mind. "When the world gives you lemons," she said, "you make cranberry juice and surprise the F*-%! out of the world!" i'm pretty sure i've never received better advice. firstly, i was very surprised and it made me laugh hysterically, and second, it kind of reminded me that no circumstance in life is permanent. we are always fluctuating and evolving, ebbing and flowing through life's complexities. 

i'm experiencing some life lemons right now. mostly that i'm a bit stuck in limbo; without my horse to ride, between trainers, and no permanent place to settle in, nearly every aspect of my life is up in turmoil. it is not easy for a girl like myself to sit idle while i know that my fellow competitors have all gone on from gladstone to show every weekend since. 

here is what needs to happen for me to maintain my rank in the US:

i need a second horse while Clever heals (because she WILL rebound, i do not care what anyone says. she has too much to offer for her career to be over.)

i need a room to rent on a month-month basis that will not break the bank; somewhere i can stay in the summers and that has no problem with me moving to florida in the winters.

and i NEED a trainer who takes me seriously and realizes how motivated i am to make it to the olympic games in rio. someone who will be able to give me the time and instruction, and will be as hung-ho as myself to get to the top. 

without these things in order, i'm kind of just floundering. luckily the sponsor portion of the equation has been moving forward somewhat, but the backers are in hong kong and nothing can solidify until we all sign a deal when they come back to america. The good news is i have a potential trainer i will go on trial with in the next few weeks as a working student. Silke Rembacz, a german woman who has had major international success and owns some of the nicest german imports i've seen, took immediate interest in my goals when i met with her and showed me some of the fine steeds she planned to try me on. i am very anxious to start this working student program, as it will mean hard work, constant time around horses, learning and observing the ways of a high caliber stable. and i won't be as much of a sitting duck anymore! as it happens, right now i have been attending the gym twice per day to keep up my fitness while not riding (it's been nearly a month) and have been spending time with my wild woman, Clever. 

Clever Clever. i have started to let her roll once a day in the outdoor arena. this is no small feat as i have to hang on to her as she flings herself around in the sand, sharp little hooves flying everywhere, happier than a pig in slop. i won't lie, it's a bit scary because i always expect her to explode upward and take off like a grenade when she is done, like she did the first time i allowed this. that time, she rolled over 4 times (quite impressive for a horse); after which she leapt up like there was a bee under her butt, straight up into the air, spun around so fast she sat down on her hind end, and then took off-all with my poor arm attached to the other end of the lead rope. she actually pulled my spine out of alignment! i held onto her luckily; it's really not a good thing when they run away from you. but my shoulder and spine took a toll! 

anyway, it's well worth the danger of getting stomped on or dragged, if i can give my poor girl any semblance of happiness, i will take the consequence! it's the very least i can do for her; and if it makes her so happy  that she bounces around afterward, well, i'll take it. Clever certainly has her own idea of how to make cranberry juice!

[ellegrl28]

Growing Pains

i've never been a patient girl. restless by nature, anxious to GO and SEE and DO, i find it very difficult to let things progress at their own pace. in other words, i hate waiting! it seems to me that right now that is all i'm doing. waiting to start riding again, waiting to compete, waiting to find a place to live. waiting is stressful. i wonder how that can be since waiting, essentially, is the lack of DOING anything. people are strange. 

i guess horses are kinda the same because today, my DARLING monster demonstrated a complete intolerance for going at my pace. it's the second time this has occurred: i was walking her around (hand walking) and the imaginary sabertooth tiger waiting in the grass pounced i guess, because she absolutely spun on a dime and TOOK OFF at a breakneck gallop back toward the barn. i mean to say, straight toward the road. she leaped over some things and made a fool of me, and i was livid. good thing she's a chow hound because she stopped to graze about a football field away from me. i nearly had my arm wrenched out, the little brat! i jogged over to her and she looked at me like I'M the one that was crazy! the nerve. 

anyway i can't particularly blame her since she is forced to stand around in her stall (cell) all day. she's like me-desperate to get back to doing something-anything!-and i honestly can't wait to chip her out to a rehab facility. just so her poor little mind doesn't go even more nuts. 

on the plus side, my kitty tigerlily went in for a checkup and tested negative on everything, got her shots and was at a perfect weight. they said she is one of the healthiest most beauteous kitties they've ever seen! 

you know you're bored when..........

xoxo

E

[ellegrl28]

Missing my beauty, I know we will share more success once she's fully healed! and i will be ready to guide her down centerline!

[ellegrl28]

ready or not

Life is a funny thing. you can chase a dream until you're blue in the face, only to suddenly drop everything and start on a completely new path; after which the initial dream suddenly ambushes you out of nowhere and virtually shocks you.  this is, it seems, what is happening to me this very moment. 

thank God i'm a Sagittarius. Sag: adaptability be thy middle name. 

No, I'm serious. This is how it's gone: I lived in Los Angeles (city of broken dreams and forced realization of one's own shortcomings) for nearly eight years. i won't say i was the idiot girl who fell in with the wrong crowd, got hooked on narcotics and arrested, but i did flounder. i was young, naive (a trait i stubbornly cling to with no sign of change). I had starry eyes, conviction i was destined for the silver screen, when reality bit me in the butt and told me Hollywood had no room for a girl with a noticeable injury. I struggled to remain optimistic, i had minor success in the modeling industry, mostly worked retail and had no clue how to be noticed or welcomed into 'the biz.' 

now, horses were the glue that held me together through all those years. they were (are) my therapy, my safe haven, my raison d'être.  riding gives me not only joy but purpose, proof that i CAN, i CAN, i CAN do it. do what? do anything. they whisper to my soul, they tell me i'm perfect, they give me wings. corny? maybe, but it's all true. and you can ask any equestrian, ESPECIALLY of the para sort, and they will concur. anyway, needless to say, when the Paradressage team first scouted me, and subsequently i was faced with the choice of acquiring a horse of my own and start really going for this paralympian thing, i jumped on it. i knew i was just floating out in LA, i didn't want to admit it but i knew i needed something more pure if my life was to take on meaning. so i went for it. 

a year later (next month) finds me full in the pursuit of international glory, some good successes under my belt, and some huge set backs. but the entertainment business has come to ME. sought me out. I'm hanging in this surreal limbo between my two passions. I have a producer who is ready to take the story of my life to the big screen. what?! and i can honestly say, though i am thrilled (i have tingles! goosebumps!) all i really want is to ride. i really want to represent my country in Rio de Janeiro in 2 years. If i can act my way into a deal in the meantime, so be it. I really just ride. I just ride. 

the moral to this reflection i think is clear. it seems the universe has told me that when you are on your true path, you can manifest everything you've really hoped for. i can't help but laugh as i write, this feels like the Twilight Zone. Is this real life? you bet it is, and I'm ready to make leaps and bounds. like the heart of a true Sagittarius-I've aimed my arrow into the future unseen, and now i will gallop off after it to who knows where! all i know is here i come. 

[ellegrl28]

our happy faces. she was tickling my ear, and telling me a secret. i miss this bombshell!!! 

[ellegrl28]

"I been out on that Open Road."

Driving. 

It's the one constant in my life at this moment. and that's ok; it means i am actively moving toward where i am supposed to be. however, it gets tiring sometimes. thankfully i have my trusty sidekick, Tigerlily [the traveling kitty] to keep me company. Tigerlily likes to ride on the center console, observing the endless miles ahead of us. i often feel bad for dragging a cat along with me for thousands of miles, but I'm starting to think she enjoys it. she's quite a pro! 

I've settled in for the night about an hour and a half outside of Flemington, where my horse Clever is resting. (against her will, which she makes VERY clear). my poor girl has been diagnosed with extensive lameness in all four feet! the left front is the most problematic, but she's been in pain for some time. we were unable to figure out what the problem was until about a month ago, and they are now predicting that she'll need at least a year to heal. this means i am out of an equine partner to compete with, and utterly no idea of where to go or how to find a substitute until mine heals! because SHE WILL. she will recover, and mend and we will go far. i  know it! *must remain positive* xoxo,

ellegirl

[ellegrl28]

Day one

The beginning is always the hardest. I have switched from my former blog, 'The Elle Effect,' because so much time has lapsed between now and my last post on that blog. The reason for this was mostly because I did not have a working computer, but all that has changed now! I am so juiced to be back in the business of informing everyone of all my horse type doings! Let me leave you with this tidbit before I drift off: in a nutshell, I spent the winter season competing in arguably the biggest US circuit-the Global dressage festival (Wellington, FL) and since then have ranked third in the country in my (new) grade. How this all came to be will be revealed to you all in the coming weeks; trust me when I say it will take some time to get you all up to snuff! But I promise it is a thrilling and sometimes outrageous tale, and I can't wait to get started! Thank all of you who have encouraged me to get blogging again, and had faith in my journey. Xoxo, Elle💋girl