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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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You all deserve it ❤️
- 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓌𝑒 𝓌𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓎 𝓂𝑒𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝒷𝑒 𝒻𝓇𝑒𝑒
Ey,
You,
Reading this.
You cute.
love clouds
………… late evening thoughts series 1
from - bangladesh by azmain
follow @crown00graphy (facebook, twitter & ig)
everything is 🦋
how is it possible for one person to change your life in mere seconds? see you know that the color 🌻 fills me with happiness and makes the little girl inside giggle with love in her eyes but the color 🦋 oh the color 🦋 it’s not the blue that makes you depressed, stressed, wanna go straight to rock bottom w no hesitation. no. your blue reminds me of the yellow shine that beams through the ocean and makes you wanna go underwater to see the beauty inside. your blue reminds me of the summer skies filled with the days of promises and memories. my yellow to me is the sunflower farm that i went to when i was little. sometimes i daydream about getting time mechines that would bring the inner child to us in so that we could talk to them. all I saw for me was that she returned with a friend, as you sat next to me I asked her “who’s your friend” and she would whisper “he’s my best friend in the entire world, he makes the scary parts in the world ok, and he gives me juice boxes so I’m never mad at him” i’d look at you when she’s done explaining but then ask her “how much do you care about him, reeeeally?” and she would gesture with her arms wide enough as she could “this many” she’d announce with so much energy and excitement in her tiny brown eyes and when i told her that one day, one day as a big girl she’d grow up to meet him, become best of friends then to start being his. the excitement in her eyes grew larger as she exclaimed “yes! whenn can it be now?” i would have to decline but id tell her “i know yellow is amazing but remember the color blue i want you to think of the playground skies and the pool in grandma’s backyard. see that color is the color of the bulldog waterbottle that you begged for in elementary and the color of the butterfly you caught in your hands in kindergarten, love it. appreciate it. don’t let anyone change your mind” after explaining everything and above it seemed like she was satisfied that she disappeared back home. back to me. back to the happiness of the sunflower farm. thanks for helping me find her instead of losing her forever. i know that you’ve opened when you wanna be reminded of why im yours. but this is the actual letter.
to me you think too much about what people will think about your image or what their opinion is
to you, you seem like to don’t care
screw it.
date me? take a risk a chance. just this once.
What if?
On a phone call late at night. You and I are talking, this is the most unspoken conversation.
“ you said that I had hurt you and you don’t like me “ you had said. I’m sorry. I gave the most honest excuses so I didn’t break in front of you…what I had meant to say was
“ you don’t understand what it feels like to be me. Raised to have skin tougher than leather. when in reality your heart is made of the most fragile glass and even with one crack, one flaw. you shatter. into millions. now how this relates is, my feelings for you in my eyes are a weakness a simple flaw that I can’t shake off which terrifies me. see when I was little i would be the little girl would believe that all the glamorous things of high school ( head cheerleader, popular, cute boyfriend ) and that there was nothing in the world could rob me of the child-like wonder/innocence that I had in me iwasright. 7th/8th grade that little girl inside me was kidnapped from me and I haven’t found her since imisshersooomuch. So when it comes to you…when you looked at me that day with so much child-like excitement in your ocean eyes…it reminded me of that little girl and how happy she was running through the sunflowers and giggling to her friends. You haven’t hurt me, not in anyway. I’ve hurt myself for falling for you…again, then replaying how much childlike excitement I wish I you had, that when I find myself lost in the darkness. in the darkness plays that happiness then corrupts it with ‘stop trying’ ‘he doesn’t like you the way you like him’ ‘stop crying it won’t fix anything’ ‘that little girl is dead’. that. that’s the moment im in to deep into my damn depression to tell you to help me or anyone who gives a damn about me and will look at me when I say I’m okay and say no you’re not then hugs me.”
i know you know how I feel about you....it slowly kills me inside that I can’t find that little girl, that i miss (with me), that the color 🌻 made me sooo happy when I miss that happiness soo much, that reflection in the mirror is me when the mirror is cracked shattered and damn near ready to break, that im afraid of driving you away, it kills me that if I speak up once about how I feel i think we’llfight, kills me that I can’t figure out what’s wrong with me imnotallowedtofeellove, kills me that you just don’t give a damn when you never tell me if you do.
the sound of your voice brings me back to attention. instead of saying what was on my mind I said
“My feeling for you haven’t faded, that day you looked at me with childlike I had fell.”
That is all I had said, to keep myself from seeming weak to you……
reflection of a mirror
I look at the mirror and the image that looks back at me is a girl I don’t know.
Her eyes deader than a corpse lying near six feet under a plot of crying land whilst filled with tears
In the eyes the black brown of them tell the story of all the hurt and pain she is in and still keeps her mouth closed so that her parents don’t open her like a book forced closed by her own tear calling help
Her body, sittings there in sadness waiting for the disgust to wash away and for her happiness to show that her favorite color is what she expected it to look like after the months and days of being suffocated by her pain and own emotions
Even this girls’ world looks destroyed, polluted and tainted by the false fantasy given to her by the last ‘Prince Charming’ whomst told her that they would rule together but in the end he unleashed chaos and left her to die in it, rot in it, decay and never live her happily ever after.
idontwanttomeher, but sadly enough
iamher.