Alice, this is madness!

Ellie // 29 // CW: too damn high!! // HT: 1.69m // UGW: 53kg // A lifetime of self-hatred

[cherry-dietcoke]

TW: Meanspo

In my (unpopular) opinion, some you don’t deserve to be skinny. You sit on your ass all day, eating junk food, looking at thinspo, & not doing a damn thing. If you TRULY want to hit your ugw you’ll put down the goddamn cookies & work out. Stop going back for a second large helping of dinner or sneaking chips after everyone’s gone to bed. Every single day I see “This is gonna be week/month/year I get in shape” STOP if you really wanna look like thinspo, quit staring at it & start working for it

[ellieseh]

I needed this!

[ellieseh]

Why I need this?

I hate my body

I feel trapped in a fat, repulsive prison I’ve created for myself

I have cellulite

I have stretch marks

I’m getting pimples again, as if I were 15 yo again

Have I mentioned I’m repulsive?

I can’t stand to look at myself

I have tons of cute clothes I can’t wear

I need to regain control

I don’t want “recovery”

I hate myself...

[ellieseh]

So I’m back here after a few months...

I’ve tried “sanity and health” for the millionth time and it’s bullshit. I’m fatter than ever and struggling as always.

Fuck “body positivity”, I’m doing things my way, the only way I know how.

[ellieseh]

Back to the pool...I’m gonna be a pretty mermaid 🧜‍♀️

[ellieseh]

My girlfriend’s ex is anorexic.

She’s also her best friend.

I was just told that she clings to her because she knows she’s frail and needs her...I, on the other hand, am about the same height as the friend and twice her size; ergo, I can’t possibly need my soon-to-be ex.

Just watch me disappear, I’ll make you regret your words once you’re worried sick for me.

[ellieseh]

Who inspires you?

I’m more into vintage thinspo, classic icons like Audrey Hepburn or Karen Carpenter (for obvious reasons).

[makeitstarve]

Maybe my pretty is different from yours

and when I call myself fat, don’t you dare

to say that I’m wrong,

because maybe I’m not my pretty, I might be your pretty,

but I am not my pretty.

[ellieseh]

THIS, fucking THIS!!

[ellieseh]

Intermitent fasting

Day 4; I’ve lost 5lbs effortlessly.

I’m planning to keep on going with different fasts until I achieve the 36h one.

[dacreskars]

[ellieseh]

Too damn true

[incrediblythin]

Reblog if you started worrying about your weight before you were fourteen.

[ellieseh]

I was 8...how sad 😞

[starvingtobethinspo]

If my ed doesnt hospitalize me at least once, or cause any physical problems, then it’s just not even valid at all and I’m obviously not skinny enough🤷‍♀️

[ellieseh]

I’m doing the Master Cleanse starting Monday, anyone wants to join?

Feel free to message me and reblog if you want, the more, the better!!

[ellieseh]

Craving hot sauce because, apparently, my electrolytes are off balance again

[babyboy-dre]

Self harm is :

•making yourself sleep deprived •making yourself cold (not wearing warm clothes in the winter, sleeping without a blanket etc) •not eating •not drinking •eating too much •not looking before crossing the street •scratching •letting your skin be dry & break easily •picking at skin •over-exercising •substance abuse •over-working yourself •making yourself go out and do things even though you’re exhausted •putting yourself in anxiety-inducing situations (even if you have a choice to stay out of them) •triggering yourself •purposefully angering someone who you know will yell at you •entering relationships you don’t want to be in/being around people you don’t want to be around •having sex when you don’t want to •setting yourself punishments •not giving yourself time •not letting yourself spend time with the people you love & know will be good to you •yelling at yourself inside your head •pinching or bruising yourself instead of cutting •cutting •holding everything in even when you have the option of venting •over stressing •over thinking •staying in abusive relationships (friend wise or romantically)

STOP assuming that self-harm is visible and easy to notice. It’s NOT. Self harm isn’t always physical, it can be emotional, and mental as well

[sadhappyness]

If I’m hungry I’d just look in the mirror and realize why I shouldn’t eat.

[ellieseh]

Things to start doing again 😰

[ellieseh]

I don’t know about you guys but I looove this can of Diet Coke, it reminds me to keep trying and be thin (excuse my fat hand).

[ellieseh]

How do you guys manage?

I’m exhausted, and having the hardest time juggling work, my Master’s and overall life.

I don’t remember having such low energy, not even when I was at my worst but, then again, that was ten years ago so that’s probably why...

I need to sleep days on end...