elly

I don’t think I have an eating disorder I just have a lot of problems with food - trans bi- he/him- ugw - 40 k. Personal diary, I don’t promote Eds I just want to vent

[elly-belly911]

Im the heaviest I’ve ever been…

I need to lose weight

[elly-belly911]

I’m going to step away from tumblr for a bit and focus solely on school and losing weight

I binge today and I feel really guilty

[elly-belly911]

I think the rewards im going to give myself every time I hit a new goal weight is buying things that make me feel more and more like a boy, today I bought small boxers and im hoping that when my thighs are slim they are going to fit

[elly-belly911]

I think I hit another plateau…today im gonna eat way more, ehich i already did, then im back to restricting

[elly-belly911]

Last night body check…

I just want to reassure myself that I didn’t gain any weight

[elly-belly911]

I over ate yesterday and I’m getting my period and idk

I know I didn’t go over my cal limit, and I even ate less than my maintenance cals which I suppose I can round it up the a meta day because I’ve been heavily restricting for three days, but idk man, I weighted myself yesterday and I went up by one kilo which I know is impossible but still dude

Should I wait and weigh myself till my period is over?

[elly-belly911]

Found another 0 cal drink that is not coke! I’m really happy 😭🙏

[elly-belly911]

Truly I just want thin thighs, im so sick of them being fat I absolutely hate them

[elly-belly911]

I realized I never actually introduced myself in here so here we go…

My name is elio, I’m 20 years old and I’ve been struggling with food ever since I was eleven

I’m a transgender guy who’s main reasons to loose weight is to lose all of my feminine features

I may sound stupid, but

Does anyone want to be friends? I actually just need someone to talk to

MDI please

[elly-belly911]

This day is my last binge…after this I will reach my goal 🤍

[elly-belly911]

I want to reassure myself that it still is only the first week of march, I still have the whole month left to make amazing choices and not eat like a pig

I need to lock in starting tomorrow, like I actually promise, I will always remind myself that I will never be happy until I reach my ugw

Also, it will not be like I’m starting from 0

I made progress in February and there is still time

I’m going to tell myself that my ultimate goal weight is 42 kilos, although I know that is not true, to keep myself working harder

[elly-belly911]

I want to cry so bad

I also ate more today and I just don’t want what happened in October to happen to me again, where I was just binging and binging

I really want to loose wait l, and I need to want it bad enough

But I also want to be happy, maybe for today I can allow myself that, but idk

I’m just so confused, I want my control back like I did last month

[elly-belly911]

Just “binged” but managed to stay under 900 cals which I guess is good

I did this after a day and a half of fasting and starting in a couple of minutes I’m starting another fast

[elly-belly911]

Honestly like, eating carbs IS making my brain actually work, I truly needed to finish this homework and now I can focus more clearly, I feel that if I fasted today I wouldn’t have been able to get any school work done

That said, I hate myself for eating, as I said before, I’m taking this as a meta day, and I’m hoping to lose weight in the next couple of days

[elly-belly911]

Okay so, I’m really happy I managed to stay under my maintenance cals and because I ate a lot of carbs my brain now has fuel to function and I can finish of all my midterms this weekend while I fast

I started it at 6 pm and wish me luck to at least complete 48 hours

Im going to take this as a meta day, but I’m actually not feeling all that guilty because I was actually feeling like absolute shit before I ate, so yeah

Wish me luck on my midterms and on my fast 43 KILOS HERE WE GO

[elly-belly911]

Yeah…today I’m going to eat more than my normal intake

I’m just si hungry idc

I’m going to starve these next three days

[elly-belly911]

I ATE A LOT AND STILL MANAGED TO STAY UNDER MY CAL LIMIT OKAY LETS GOOOOOOOO

[elly-belly911]

Yeah…today I’m going to eat more than my normal intake

I’m just si hungry idc

I’m going to starve these next three days