My attraction to RR has actually plummeted, and itās making me sad. I feel silly because in the grand scheme of things this is something so small, but I am a deeply sensitive and sentimental person, especially when it comes to being a Black woman in the world.
All jokes aside, Iām sad for us. Life beats everyone down, but I think Black women have the unique experience of catching it from all sides in ways that many people, even other minorities, can sympathize with, but never fully understand.
Even still, we are resilient. We fight for every little glimmer we can find.
For me, one of the biggest glimmers this past year has been writing and connecting with other talented Black writers over a shared interest: Roman Reigns. I never expected to get so much fulfillment out of it, but wow, it was something I truly needed.
Not only did it give me a space to express myself unabashedly and explore the wild fantasies in my head (which was tew fun š), but reading, writing, and engaging with this community brought me a kind of joy I havenāt been able to find elsewhere. The support Iāve received has, at times, been enough to make me excited for tomorrow and the day after that. After struggling with depression on my own for a while, it felt like finding happiness and passion again.
Which is why Iām taking this so hard.
Seems like we find joy, community, and escapism in something, only to be reminded that the person/institution/whatever that sits at the center of it may hold values completely at odds with our humanity. And thatās devastating. Itās like, damnā¦ we really canāt have sh!t!!
Even our smallest sources of comfort come with reminders of how unprotected we are and how little solidarity there often is for us.
Hate to be a philosophical, melancholic b!tch about it, but wellā¦ Iām going to be.
I wonāt say Iām done writing for RR forever because Iām also dramatic, a Libra, self-aware enough to know my mood might change and inspiration could reemerge. But for now, Iām going to direct my energy toward finding other interests that I feel safe and guilt-free enough to fully indulge in.
This has been a fun chapter. Thanks for everything and peace and blessings to us all on this journey .ā¢Ā°Ā°Ā°ā¢.ā
