they killed him for this

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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

@theartofmadeline
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cherry valley forever

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@elvishadventures
they killed him for this
Something I learned is if you don't step out of your artistic comfort zone a little, you're gonna be even more exhausted with making art. Your mind is a caged tiger and it needs to attack something new from time to time. Your mind is pacing in its enclosure 🐅
If you don't like drawing figures and poses because they're frustrating, draw figures and poses and get frustrated! Draw them! With anger! Swear and curse at them!
If you don't like drawing traditionally because there's too much room to make mistakes, draw traditionally and make mistakes! Scream while doing it! Put on scary music! Make it silly!
This goes for any kind of craft or skill
You stand to lose nothing in the end (Except maybe your own patience and sanity but that's temporary). But you do gain at least a little bit more knowledge and skill to feed your mind tiger
Just acquired this utterly sublime object from the local book exchange
me: “yeah I dated a guy in high school who came out as gay. it was before i knew i was a boy so needless to say it didn’t work out”
coworker: “damn dude was preordering”
other things this coworker (who is a cis guy) has done/said:
—got confused about why I’d never been a boy scout because he forgot i was trans
—told me he was gonna get top surgery scar tattoos to match me after i get mine
—laughs at all my trans jokes, even if they’re supremely unfunny
—calls me big dog (and him little dog) even though he is about as tall as two of me
— “I can’t believe she would say that transphobic thing to you. In June? Pride month?”
Once I said "My gender is whatever's funniest at the time" and my coworker stops dead in his tracks, turns slowly and says "So are your pronouns honk/honk?" killing me instantly
I was talking to a friend I knew before I transitioned about my new relationship (my first one ever!) and I said "Yeah, I think I only indentified as aro/ace most of my life because I didn't have lesbian as an option" and he looked me dead in the eye and said "Oh? Why not? ...Ohhh"
Then he said "You know, I completely forgot you weren't always this way. Femininity really suits you" and let me tell you I started tearing up
Of course, not ten minutes later I mentioned that I had to relearn how to sing and he said "oh no, what happened?" so he might just be a little slow
Update on that friend: a bunch of people sent me "he's a little confused, but he's got the spirit" gifs in response to that story. I can tell you now with certainty that she definitely has the spirit, and she's not confused anymore
sometimes you dont know what youre signing yourself up for
"grace. grace! grace give attention. rocky perform human ritual of escape closet now. statement."
"come again?"
"i learn more from thinking machine. human gender preference. attraction to same gender, means word 'gay.' all eridian same gender." rocky stands straight up. "rocky come out to grace now. all rocky plural gay, statement."
"...wow, that's... rock, i'm not sure it makes much sense to apply human ideas of sexual orientation to a monogendered species."
a long and judgmental pause. then:
"grace HOMOPHOBIC, question????"
I love baby foxes. Nothing has ever had less of an idea.
buffering
feather obtained, purpose unclear
leaf obtained, purpose unclear
ground:
unclear
sibling obtained, purpose: biting
@theorphicforest ROARKE
one of the hardest things to learn as a depressed former Gifted Kid™ is that half-assed is better than nothing. take the 50%, 40%, even 20% job. scrubbing your face is better than not taking a shower at all. picking up your clothes is better than never cleaning. nibbling on some bread is better than starving.
DO THINGS HALFWAY. NOW YOU’RE 100% BETTER OFF THAN YOU WERE BEFORE.
One of my college professors used to say “anything worth doing is worth doing poorly.” I didn’t understand that for years because I didn’t do anything poorly, I couldn’t do anything poorly, I had to Do Everything Perfectly.
But brushing your teeth for 30 seconds is better than not brushing them at all when that 2 minutes seems exhausting. Doing ten minutes of yoga is better than 10 minutes of sitting when 30 minutes of cardio sounds impossible. Changing my clothes is good when a whole shower is impossible. Standing on the porch for a few minutes is worth it after being in the house for three straight days because I don’t have the energy to go anywhere.
Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly… because doing it poorly is better than not doing it.
someone please hit me over the head with this post every day for like the next week thanks. a mention, a reblog with text, a message, something.
You must understand that perfectionism isn’t striving for excellence, it’s a crippling fear of being flawed and therefore worth abandonment or punishment. It’s a kind of psychological avoidance. You’re avoiding fear and failure , not embracing the thing you want to do bc if it was about the thing you want to do you’d be fine with partial victory.
Fun fact: Cheetahs only attack prey that runs
jesus that is good to know.
Yup, that’s the point you just stay still and let it do whatever the fuck it wants that doesn’t involved you getting eaten.
REALLY FUN FACT for big cats cheetahs are fucking docile as shit
my grandfather ran a cheetah sanctuary in south africa and he’d just lie with them and sleep among them and they’d rub against him and chirp at him they’re big fucking babies
Another Fun Fact: Cheetahs are incredibly nervous animals. One of the (many) reason’s they’re going extinct is that cheetahs are so sensitive and nervous, some of them are literally too nervous to breed. Others will breed, but stress themselves out so much, they’ll lose their cubs. So zoos with breeding programs had to figure out how to make cheetahs comfortable enough to first of all, get laid and secondly - not spazz themselves into miscarrying. So what’d they do? They gave the cheetah’s their very own Service Dogs! The dogs make them feel safe, protected and secure!
AJHHHHFDDGHH SO PRECIOUS
this post just got so much better
THIS IS OFFICIALLY MY FAVOURITE POST
this is emmett and cullen they are best friends
This is the greatest thing I’ve seen all day.
Dogs are truly angels.
so THATS why these cheetah ft dogo pics exist
the anxiety cat
Also! Cheetahs are not in fact classified as big cats, they are simply very large lesser cats, due to the fact that they purr, meow, chirp, and cannot roar. Also many cheetahs have learned to recognize wildlife photographers are friends and not foes, so they will just come up to people and be friendly occasionally as pictured at the top of the chain. Some will even leave their Cubs with photographers to look after while they hunt. So. Yeah. Cheetahs are great
this works because cheetahs are actually fairly social animals, and they look to members of their group for context on how worried they should be about any given Situation. but since cheetahs are also nervous social animals, they can work each other into an anxiety spiral pretty easily over things like “being in an enclosed habitat” and “there’s a guy over there”.
so by introducing a dog as a member of the group, the cheetahs will now look to the dog for context clues on how worried they should be! and the dog Is Not Worried At All, Thanks, so the cheetahs think everything must be chill even if they were personally unsure about it, and they stop being so freaked out about literally everything.
Cheetah: oh god what’s going on how are we feeling weird spotless cheetah
Dog: :) fine, thanks
Cheetah: :) oh, okay
Wasn’t expecting this of all posts to be the first tumblr post I’ve ever seen crest 2mil notes, but I’ll take it
At 1 PM on a Friday I get an email from my boss. I'm busy as hell so I don't check it immediately. Then I get a phone call from my boss, which has almost never happened before. I'm a white collar worker, a historian. There's never a 'historical emergency' requiring a phone call to kick me in the ass and get to work.
The request is so urgent my boss needs it by the end of the work week. Which, y'know, is 5 PM on a Friday. So I have four hours to do it.
It's a forwarded request. Somebody contacted a member of the donation team asking for help, "I need a map from the Vietnam War to use for a presentation." It's somebody she's trying to coax into giving a five figure donation to the museum.
The request was asked to the donation team member, who then emailed my boss, who then emailed and called me urgently.
This map required:
North and South Vietnam in it
All four areas that South Vietnam was divided into for military purposes ('Corps') clearly delineated
Four cities, all of them horrifically misspelled, and only identifiable because I know what battle the requester is asking about (it’s in III Corps on the border with Cambodia) (the requester danced around the battle but I’m knowledgeable enough to identify it)
Has Laos and Cambodia in it
Has the Ho Chi Minh Trail in it
So. I was mad about the 'you have literally four hours to find a map with a lot of requirements.'
I was then mad at myself about finding a copyright free map from Texas Tech University within half an hour, proving her right for asking me to do it.
Then, after I found a map that perfectly met the requirements, I was equally amazed, baffled, and horrified when I read further into the forwarded email chain.
The donation team team member they were speaking to used AI to generate a map.
The above put half of North Vietnam in South Vietnam, made the Ho Chi Minh Trail a country, made 60% of Cambodia part of South Vietnam, put the DMZ extremely high up in North Vietnam, completely disconnected the southern tip of Vietnam, misplaced all of the Corps zones, etc etc
At the very last second the donation team member had a moment of divine clarity, remembering there's three historians on payroll to ask for this kind of thing from. So she contacted my boss while saying, "I had fun with this, but I decided I should check for accuracy before I send it to the donor! I need a fact check by the end of the day, then I send it"
My boss, while not the most knowledgeable on the Vietnam War, does know her geography. She took one look, and knew it was so off she called me to tell me how urgent it is that I look at the email and respond
good fucking god, jesus tap dancing goddamn christ, I'm glad I was asked to look at it and then find a real map
My fear has never been that AI would replace human intelligence. My fear has been that the people who Know Things and the people who Make The Decisions are almost never the same people.
We’re throwing real intelligence out on the street to starve while worshipping the shambling Frankenstein-ed corpse of knowledge puppeteered by those who see us as disposable assets.
its kind of distressing how you can tell a lot of people see popular indie artists and writers and such as like "a Celebrity but one which i stand a half decent chance of bullying to death"
And they hold them to much MUCH higher standards as well. They expect them to be perfect paragons in every regard and never slip up in the tamest mildest way even once, while faceless multi-million dollar conglomerate productions get a pass for all kinds of heinous stuff, and mainstream celebrities (especially straight white cis male ones) are applauded for showing the most basic glimmers of decency.
I have been reflecting lately on the standards of 'professionalism' that people expect from indie creators, and realising that really, no matter how you try and dress it up, it's not actually reasonable to expect any human to be able to sustain being viscerally hated by that many people at once. That level of vitriol and dislike is difficult for anyone to handle. The only solution for creators is to basically withdraw from where they have unfiltered access to fan reactions, and have someone else moderate all that for them to limit their direct access.
There's a lot of talk about whether or not it's reasonable to hold them to this standard and that standard, of course, and what should get a free pass and what should not, yet when it comes down to it, I think the most important thing to remember is very simple: it's never acceptable to pile on and send hate and insults and threats.
People conducting themselves respectfully and actually remembering there's another person on the other end of things, and not gleefully jumping onto a hate bandwagon would solve most of these issues.
Day 180 since Craig moved in. he clearly thinks he’s dating one of us but we can’t figure out who. it’s possible one of us is lying about it for some reason but so far our efforts at inquisition has led nowhere. we would kick him out but he’s been doing the dishes for us. we’ve decided that for the sanity of the polycule we’ll keep up the charade. if all of us continue to be flirty with him, he’ll project his attraction onto whoever the hell he thinks is into him. this house of cards is delicate but necessary
It got funnier
This is how cats domesticated themselves
*nibbles post*
You listen to music regularly? Why? Have you even tried quitting? Could you quit? You get music stuck in your head? Wow. You're so ruined and music brained. I bet you make your partners listen to music with you when you have sex. Music addiction has really ruined a whole generation. You know it's not realistic to expect reverb in real life, right? You're probably so desensitized that you don't even feel anything anymore when you hear a bird singing that it wants some fuck.
I don't have a problem with people listening to music per se, but I do have a problem with the music industry exploiting & mistreating artists.
Personally, I abstain from all music in order to keep my hands clean but really music should just be illegal outright to protect musicians from abuse.
holy shit this person in the notes
Seeking Doorman
Interviewer: So, how are your core competencies?
Candidate: Bad. I have at least once slipped up.
The interviewer's eyebrows raise, and he marks something down on his clipboard.
Interviewer: Are you aware that this job requires being on your feet for several hours a day?
Candidate: No.
Interviewer: Please state the weight of clothing that you would be unable to wear, for the duration of a 12 hour shift.
Candidate: I couldn't handle 50 pounds.
Interviewer: Oh no, no, I can set your mind at ease. We're well funded. The helmets are a little bulky, but the shirt is chain. The whole ensemble is maybe, oh, 15 pounds. Nobody ever attacks, anyway.
Candidate: That's a shame.
The interviewer gives the candidate a strange look. Then he lets out a brief aspiration, nods quietly, and returns to the clipboard.
Interviewer: Work well on a team of two?
Candidate: I have fewer than ten years of experience of doing so.
Interviewer: And what were you doing before this?
Candidate: I wasn't one of two henchmen for a warlord, one of whom was tall and skinny and the other short and fat, that's for sure.
The interviewer studies the candidate's physique for a moment, trying to determine from a seated position whether this neither-skinny-nor-fat guy is tall.
Candidate: I was the fat one.
Interviewer: You understand that you'd have to rein in the repartee for this role, yes?
Candidate: I refuse to do this.
Interviewer: Can you be a little clearer?
Candidate: I will speak out of turn.
Interviewer: Perfect. Really all I needed. Well, seems like the serum is working great, no signs of allergy, so as far as I'm concerned, you can start today. Any questions for me?
The candidate shifts in his seat, and clears his throat.
Candidate: What if they ask me if there's a God?
The interview frowns at his clipboard. He hasn't been interviewing for this role for very long, and his predecessor didn't leave very good notes. He clears his throat.
Candidate: What if they ask me what the other guy wouldn't say, if they asked him the meaning of life? Or if they ask me if they should get married to each other, if it's a couple?
The interviewer interjects, still rifling through his notes.
Interviewer: We almost never get couples.
Candidate: What if they ask me whether good or evil is greater on balance, or whether there is greater beauty in the sunset or sunrise, or how best to live?
Interviewer: Oh come on. That last one's easy. Just tell them to drink cyanide every morning, or to burn down their own house every night.
Candidate: The gap between is and ought is so easily crossed.
Interviewer: Oh, I don't know. Just tell them you know the answer.
As he says this, the interviewer finds the place in his notes that says that this role must not demur in such a way.
Interviewer: Scratch that. Come on, man. They won't ask any of that. They'll ask about the doors. They know you're not, like, an oracle.
Candidate: I didn't go to oracle school.
The interviewer and candidate exchange a look, as if to say to each other, well of course you're here, then, applying for this might as well be minimum wage role in the middle of nowhere, because both know the job prospects for a typical graduate of oracle school.
Interviewer: Oh, actually, it's right here. The first time a question is off topic, you're supposed to be silent. The second time a booming voice will warn them to stay on topic. The third time you still aren't supposed to answer, but it counts as their question and they have to guess with no information.
Candidate: Great. Sorry for the trouble.
Interviewer: Oh come on, don't be like that. Do you want the job or not?
Candidate: No.
They shake hands, and the candidate reports to his post that very day. A band of adventurers arrives not long after.
"One of these guards always tells the truth," a voice booms out to greet them, "and the other..."
have you guys heard about the greenland shark. some crazy shit happening there.
they are sexually mature at ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY YEARS OLD.
their (live!) young gestate for. wait for it. eight to eighteen (??) YEARS. can have up to 10 at a time. good grief.
longest lifespan of any vertebrate, up to five hundred years
toxic flesh
has giant eyes but is usually blind because of a weird little crustacean that's evolved to live on and eat their eyes. this doesn't seem to bother them much.
lives in deep cold water and has the lowest swim speed and tail-beat frequency for its size across all fish species. just generally lives life in extreme slow motion
largest genome of any shark
eats everything including moose and polar bears
ma'am you are delightfully strange and I'm privileged to share a planet with you
this post prompted me to refresh my memory on Greenland Shark Facts and this detail about how they feed goes so hard
just vacuuming up their unsuspecting prey. whole !
Good news good news good news! Recent research suggests the eye parasites do NOT blind them!
Dorota Skowronska-Krawczyk sits in her office, eyes fixed on the computer monitor in front of her. "You see it move its eye," says the UC Ir
I <3 you a normal amount Greenland sharks
imagining a universe where porn is a marketable genre so you have to deal with raycon ads while trying to jerk your shit
You’re an easy slut, aren’t you kitten? Almost as easy as dinner with Hellofresh