Cross Dressing, Knitwear Fetishes, and Living with It

A straight, married guy that has come to realize that life is too short to not embrace likes, even when they are shunned by a majority. A man that enjoys wearing some types of women's clothing in public, particular knitwear, along with some other oddities. And finally, a man who realizes and is trying to teach people to be tolerant of anything and everything out there, as long as it doesn't harm people...

[elwhitestone-blog]

Alone, shopping, and talking…

Today was the first day this month where my wife is working, and I planned to go out and shop on my own (really - I originally planned to push the boundaries of what I am comfortable with but as noted in the previous post, this thrill is kind of over…or was it)…

 I struggled this morning coming up with something to wear - but here it goes:

-A newly purchased mink cashmere sweater I custom ordered - it has flared sleeves and is SUPER fuzzy.

-For the first time, I wore black jeggings (with side zippers).  This pair is tight enough that they could appear to be leggings from a distance - nice practice for what I want to wear eventually.

-The women's charcoal wool sneakers with fur edges (no socks).

-A down vest.

-Panties (boy are panties so comfortable!).

-Some rings on various fingers.

-Bracelets on both wrists (covered by the sweater, but fun for the first time).

-A pair of women's glasses with a nice tint to them (readers which is what I need)

-A wallet/wristlet/clutch.

-I went all out with the scents - deodorant, body wash, body lotion (all over) and finally the perfume.

 …and off I went.  I had some usual errands to perform today, along with the desire to go shopping in a mall for myself and Christmas shopping.

 I hit target first - had a carriage and some items and I ended up looking around the women's clothing - pretty much at everything.  I didn't buy anything in that department, but the experience was awesome.  I was amongst other women shopping, and nobody said a word to me or even looked funny at me.  It felt so good, so "normal".

 I hit up some other stores (Barnes and Noble) with nothing really eventful and then I hit the mall.

 The mall was an interesting experience (being alone).  I am wondering if the presence of my wife actually inhibits people talking to me, because today was like a chatterbox (all positive).  I started in Macy's - I did get a couple of glances or double takes from some of the older staff there, but nothing extreme and nothing that made me feel uncomfortable. I spent some time there and looked around, found nothing, and then went into the mall itself.  This is where the fun started!

-The sweater was a hit overall - it is fuzzy enough that it is just noticeable - SO many store employees commented on it (I love your sweater) and at least 4 asked to touch or pet it.

-I went into Anthropologie - and one of the sales people hit me up at the door and even though I said I was just looking, she actually directed me to some fuzzy cardigans that they had saying I would probably like them.  This was great because to me - she noticed what I was wearing, acknowledged that it was a woman's sweater, and offered my suggestions from her store all without judgement.  I looked at the cardigans with her and they only had smalls and mediums so nothing would fit (I would have bought one just to support her being helpful and non-judgmental).

-As I LOVE Torrid jeggings, I had to go into their store and look around, if not just to build up my own confidence.  It was a small store, and nobody was shopping in it at the time. I was immediately approached - and asked I she could help me.  I said no thank you just browsing and she continued (and I was FLOORED) - "Are you shopping for Christmas or yourself?"  I was not prepared for this, and she just joked and said that she noticed I was wearing Torrid jeans.  I must have turned purple and she noticed it, and tried to calm me down - she said to please not be embarrassed, and that a lot of men shop in the store, and in fact they are a crossdresser friendly company.  I was still a bit embarrassed and she asked me what else I had from Torrid.  I said a bunch of jeggings, skinny jeans, and that I had ordered a couple of winter coats but hadn't received them.  She then noticed my sneakers and asked if I had ever considered shoes from Torrid (they have large and wide sizes).  I laughed and said I had a pair of boots, and that there was a pair I really wanted but were sold out.  She tried to find them in a store for me with no luck.  I didn't end up buying anything, but she said that if I ever wanted to actually try something on, they can always accommodate that discretely. WOW!  I walked out with a smile on my face…

-The BEST experience bar none was at Nordstrom. The trip into the store started most quietly - I walked around the lower level and ended up in the winter accessories area.  There was a Free People scarf I was wanting to look at, and they had it.  As soon as I picked it up, a sales woman asked if she could help me, and I said I was just looking.  She said OK and left - much like most store interactions.  I left the scarf and went upstairs to the clothing. Wandering from section to section, there was a register with a customer, and three employees (2 female, 1 male). Then I heard them - the guy said - look at his sweater - I love it.  One of the female employees said something like "wow - it must be so cozy". The guy comes up to me, asks (jokes) to pet me, and I said sure.  I smiled and he said if there was anything I needed to let him or the girls know.  I picked up a sweater that looked huge and was looking at it to size it up if it would fit me.  Now I had one of the females and the male over helping me - they asked if it was for me and I just said "yes" and they said I could try it on if I wanted.  The sweater had flared sleeves, and the female said that they had another sweater that I should take a look at - from Free People.  They brought me to it and I was sold without even trying it on - it was knit from alpaca, VERY oversized, and nice flared sleeves.  The neck is very wide, intended as an over the shoulder look I think.  The female employee said that I had to try it on - and she brought me to a secluded dressing room with both sweaters.  I tried them both on (it was really exhilarating) and bought both of them. The girl rang me up and joked "I assume you won't need boxes for these." and I said nope and completed my purchase.  I then went back to the accessory section and picked up the scarf to purchase.  The same woman from before was there and asked me who I was purchasing the scarf for - I got a little nervous and said "actually - it is for me".  She then kind of lit up and said "wow - that is cool - I hope you enjoy it".

 INCREDIBLE shopping day!

The first sweater I purchased - nice and soft - big v-neck:

The Free People sweater that I bought - look at the HUGE rose on the front.  Definitely a sweater that I will need to build up to wear - doesn’t look anything like a hybrid or unisex sweater - that is an all woman’s sweater:

Free People oversized scarf - I prefer snoods but I couldn’t pass this up - it is HUGE, FUZZY, and SOFT:

[elwhitestone-blog]

Good and bad - the 'thrill' is going away

I just wanted to capture these thoughts and put them in a place for me to remember - because I am very clear on one thing - coming out, my wife being OK with me as I am, and society's shift in mindset is all positive. I am VERY happy with my life (I always was, but until this chapter was defined in my life, I didn't know what I was missing and how much more "complete" things are now. There is one little thing that is different now however - the 'thrill'.  Being sneaky, wearing clothing outside that I knew was taboo, trying to get away with wearing whatever I wanted covertly - it was scary at times, but exhilarating nonetheless. Things have become so 'normal' now - that thrill is diminished and in some cases eliminated.  When I wear women's clothing out now (particularly with my wife), I often forget about it - it is normal now.  Before - I was ALWAYS aware of being dressed - it was constant.  Again - I am not trying to complain, but highlight that there are always positives in most situations, even the less optimal ones - that thrill was great!

 This has become very apparent to me over the past couple of days.  I myself have some time off that my wife does not - and I have actually been planning this time for a long while (months).  What will I wear?  What CAN I wear that I wouldn't wear otherwise?  Can I try something entirely new?  Funny thing it - three months ago, I hadn't even conceived that I would be wearing what I wear out now - those items used to be taboo and now they are day to day.  I have a couple of days this week like this, and I was thinking about what I wanted to wear, where I wanted to go (and what actual errands I need to accomplish). Everything I want to wear has been worn - so it is much less of a special "secret" day and more of a normal day.  I am thankful for this - an evolution in my life has actually occurred!

 There ARE some things that I am going to do this week that I haven't tried with my wife:

-Shoes: I want to wear something different than I usually wear (Uggs, etc).  I HAVE purchased some women's shoes in my size that I have not told my wife about - I am thinking of wearing a pair.  I REALLY want to wear a pair of ankle boots (that I wrote about previously).  Maybe this week will be the week.  I also purchased a pair of wool women's sneakers with a zip closure up the side, and a fur border.  Might be good to try out!

-Jewelry: My interested in some jewelry peaked when I shop online, and those accessories are being worn by the models.  I have purchased some bracelets (bangles), a leather bracelet, some rings, and a necklace.  All women's of course - might try some of those out.

-Wallet: As noted before I have been thinking about purses because of the sheer reality that jeggings don't offer enough pockets.  I bought a women's wallet (clutch) recently - I might try it out this week.  I am a bit apprehensive about that one - let's see.

-Perfume: As I noted before - I wear DKNY Cashmere Mist deodorant now and sometimes their body lotion.  My wife isn't really happy with the scent (she wears it, and I think this is a line for her that will take some time for her to get comfortable with.  I am thinking of going all out this week - deodarant, body cleanser in the shower, body lotion, and finally full use of the perfume.  Why not!

[elwhitestone-blog]

The times ARE changing!

A year or so ago I read an article about how it doesn't matter what "sex" clothes are anymore, anyone can wear anything because the fashion industry and the runway are pushing for this.  At the most extreme, male models and female models are wearing what is overtly intended for the opposite sex, and this usually is watered down for the masses.  I have to say that now in the span of one short year I have evolved from being somewhat subtle in public (sneak wearing some more feminine items when alone or for a quick trip out) to now wearing what I want, when I want, with my wife, and being absolutely comfortable.  Based in the interactions I have had in public over the past couple of weeks, I have to say things ARE changing, people ARE becoming more tolerant, and we are all the better for it.  Today we had to run some errands, and I wore a short sleeve cashmere poncho sweater with a shirt underneath, the standard jeggings, and this time, a pair of wool sneakers with no socks (I was trying to just rotate my shoes, but unintentionally did something I hadn't in the past - worn jeggings where the bottoms of the legs were "exposed" (not tucked into boots) and it was kind of cool! For the cold weather, I had a snood and my fuzziest angora gloves on.  We were out and about at random places - the post office, the grocery store, pharmacy, etc and there it was all either generic (not noticed) or complimentary. I got a compliment from a "mom" at the grocery store on the poncho I was wearing - she said "nice poncho - is that cashmere?"  This was important for me - she didn't ask "was it a women's sweater" - she knew what it was, and just asked me about the material.  She was normal, and genuine.  I confirmed that is was, and told her where she could purchase it. She said thanks and have a nice holiday. Awesome!  At the pharmacy, a college girl (we live in a college town) asked me about the gloves (they ARE quite fuzzy and almost cartoon like in how big they appear with the angora halo).  She asked me where I got them and if there were angora.  I said yes and said I had them knit from a farm in Canada that is a humane farm for angora rabbits (it is).  I gave her my contact for the knitter, and we parted ways. Nothing dramatic, nothing extreme - just acceptance, and someone else that wasn't judgmental at all.  This make me very happy - finally we could be getting somewhere in the United States!  I do know that wearing things that make one stand out (fuzzy items, items not normally seen on a male, etc) do elicit more conversation than less visible clothing, but the positive interactions are just nice to have.  I have to reiterate - anyone out there that has a like, proclivity for something not considered mainstream (sexuality, clothing, etc) it is SO nice to find someone to talk to about it, or a site to read about,  or anything to enable living how you want to live.  This year has been incredible thanks to my wife accepting me (she does make fun of me for some things I wear, but not in a mean spirited or phobic way) and my own personal demons being excised by wearing what I want in public, not being totally afraid, and not worrying about the opinions of others. The final hurdle for me seems like it will be some of my friends and my work.  My work may never happen though - although we have policies in place to protect transgendered folks (I learned recently that a crossdresser is a form of being transgender - and I am proud of that!), but I have also read too many stories of losing jobs, promotions, reputation, and for now, I am good keeping the worlds separate (because the money I make at my job not only allows for my wife and I to have the living we have, but enables me to buy whatever I want from the perspective of crossdressing, and enjoy my personal time that much more.  Losing that job would harm a lot…

[elwhitestone-blog]

Another shopping day - and getting "bold" (in my opinion), and an incredible interaction with a woman

Well - the holiday season continues, and our shopping experiences also continue.  I really have to say my wife has been AMAZING since telling her of my crossdressing last year.  She has really tried and although I think she struggles, she has been open, caring, comforting, and not judgmental.  This has made it easier for me to "try" wearing some items that I would either have not worn at all or worn alone.    This week as particularly a daring one for me, starting with the Star Wars opening night last night, to today.  I LOVE H&M clothing - it is reasonably priced, and some items I can wear without having to go "plus size", particular some sweaters. Last year I purchased a sweater that I really never thought I would have the guts to wear - it is a mock turtleneck, VERY wide sleeve sweater where the sleeves are just to my wrists, to they effectively become 3/4 sleeves in practice.  The color is an amazing charcoal gray, and it is soft and fuzzy. It has been in my closet, I try it on and it just looks feminine in the sleeves - there is really no way around it. I love it though.  Since yesterday went so well, I figured this morning that I would just go for it.  I wore a white women's long sleeve tee underneath, with the sweater, the usual jeggings, a pair of Uggs…and a pair of the panties I wrote about previously (more on that in a bit).  I wore a women's down vest as well, but it got hot shopping so I ditched that early on. I had on a new cashmere snood I purchased at Nordstrom that is a bit wider and longer than my usual choices, and a pair of hand knit 100% angora gloves.  I felt SO GOOD wearing this outfit - I love the look of the huge (wide) sleeves, with the white shirt underneath.  It felt good, and I thought it looked pretty good on me.  My wife said nothing when I got dressed.  We went out, and boy was this noticed ALL DAY!  I don't care about "looks" from people anymore - who really cares!  Compliments though - being a bit "Aware" of the sweater, I had a hard time with them.  My wife loves Crate and Barrel, and we were looking around at some Christmas items, which she bought a couple of.  We were in line and I myself noticed one of the cashiers - had a short sleeve cowl neck sweater with a white shirt underneath - TOTALLY something I would wear or want to wear.  We ended up with her, and she was just so nice - TOTALLY in the holiday spirit, humming a Christmas song while she was wrapping up my wife's purchase.  We were walking away (my wife was already looking at something else and distracted).  She then noticed me - and IMMEDIATELY said "I LOVE your sweater", leaned over the counter and touched the sleeve.  She asked me where I got it, I said H&M.  This woman was so nice and approachable, my guard was just down. She was of European decent based on her accent (so in other words, lin my opinion less "uptight" and judgmental than the standard American male or female, and her next question was stated so naturally it threw me) and I just answered.  "Is the sweater a woman's sweater?" to which I said "yes".  She smiled at me and said thank you - just want to know where to look for it.  OMG - she didn't even blink an eye.  I had to tell her it was from last year, but they have different colors this year.  She joked and said too bad - I had to throw in my own compliment. "I actually love YOUR outfit - wish something like that would fit me!."  She laughed and said thank you and joked that she would totally let me borrow the sweater and top if she could borrow my sweater." My wife at this point came to get back in line so the woman helped her again.  At this point, I was really nervous - "open" discussion between my wife and I hasn't been a thing yet, and this was starting it.  The cashier then jokes with her how we were discussing how if we were the same size we would be trading clothes and my wife actually laughed and said something like yeah - that all he needs is more clothes! The cashier chuckled and we parted ways (this was when I got the picture of her - see below).  INCREDIBLE interaction and I must say I was so turned on for so many reasons!

 That was just the start of the day.  We went out to lunch at a restaurant in a mall, and I got a compliment from one of the hostesses in the restaurant as well as our server (female). Is the mindset out there really changing - these were FAR to many positive interactions for one day - I am not complaining, and am in fact very happy, but it was just strange.  We hit another mall on the way home and ANOTHER compliment (this time, from a Macy's fragrance counter sales rep - just a "I like your sweater").  I said thank you and at that point my wife joked - are you done getting all the attention! I just laughed and said thank you for being OK with what I am wearing - it feels so right.  I got a kiss from her then - AWESOME DAY!!!  I have to wear this sweater again!

 Side story - today was the day I wanted to "try it" - that's right - wearing panties.  I actually didn't tell my wife because this was one of the things I said (a year ago) when I was coming out to her "It's not like I want to wear panties, bras, dresses, and skirts".  Well - let's remove one from that list - panties are FANTASTIC! I am not sure if my own underwear are just terrible (boxer briefs), but the elastic is thick and uncomfortable, the legs to down too far (never mind the "line" that was showing up in my jeggings that were the cause for purchasing these in the first place). Well - I wore a charcoal gray pair, and then just forgot about them for almost the entire day.  They were that comfortable.  It was like wearing nothing - my "private" area was nice and tidely kept together, and the high legs were invisible to feeling them on and made wearing jeggings that much more comfortable.  After about 6 hours out, I had to go to the bathroom and this was when I noticed them and remembered I had them on - and then just smiled.  They are weird "pulling them down" because to me they were smaller with less material, but boy was it incredible! Perhaps if I purchased some men's briefs (instead of women's panty briefs" I might say the same thing, but at this point, I don't want to be a hypocrite - I love women's underwear!

The H&M Mohair sweater I wore - note the sleeves - so feminine and so comfortable (and so noticable as a woman’s)!

Her face blurred, but that amazing salesperson at Crate & Barrel.  I love the short sleeve sweater over the white shirt...would love to share her wardrobe with her!

[elwhitestone-blog]

At the movies - wearing a cowl neck with my wife for the first time

Well today was the opening of Star Wars The Last Jedi.  I am a Star Wars fan, and we had tickets for the first show.  It is cold here in New England, and I had just purchased what I hoped would be an oversized sweater from Free People - the "Keep a Secret Cashmere Tunic".  Based on the measurements from the site for a small, I was hoping a large would fit me. I ordered one and received it today. It was great - HUGE long cowl neck, oversized body, SO soft and snuggly.  I figured WTH and wore it to the movie.  I wore a down vest over it, and the cowl neck was still new and a bit tight, but my wife said nothing - didn't even double take and I was loving life. Now I can wear cowl necks!  We went to the movie (AWESOME MOVIE) and over the duration the neck stretched to what is should be, and the sweater just got more comfortable as the cashmere "loosened up" and got softer. Another win - and a first for me - wearing a women's cowl neck in public, with my wife, and having no issues!

From the FreePeople site - the sweater I purchased and wore...

[elwhitestone-blog]

More purchases…

This becomes so addictive - shopping both online and in stores for a whole new set of items!  Some additional purchases:

-I still love ebay, and have purchased a couple of J Jill Kimono sleeve sweaters from the site.  These would be something I would think are one of the typical "J Jill looks", but I like them because I can layer them.

-I purchased a knee length down coat with a fur bordered hood - it is huge, and I love to see women wearing these - let's see how much wear I get out of it.

-A bunch of long sleeve tees with boat necks.  I have a lot of women's tee shirts, but I like the look of a boat neck with a v-neck sweater underneath.  In addition to the standard (for me) white, black, and charcoal, I purchased some colors on the more feminine scale (a fuchsia one, some greens, oranges).

-I love the look of cowl neck tops with ties - found a great one at Soft Surroundings called the "Saturday Pullover".  It is made from a super soft material, with a nice oversized cowl (with a tie), and long sleeves with thumb holes.  Can't wait to wear it out!

-More jeggings, more colors!

[elwhitestone-blog]

Weekend - automobile purchase and being dressed.

I know when I have achieved victory in my household when I can go out and do something that involves heavy interaction with folks (with my wife) and be dressed the way I would like, and not have ANYHTING said from her about it.  This was the case when we went out car shopping this weekend.  It was snowing and cold, so I wore a fuzzy mohair H&M sweater, jeggings, some men's Ugg boots (the ones with the fur border), and my jeggings tucked into them of course, a down vest, and for the first time out with my wife, a fuzzy alpaca snood that I didn't just wear in the car, but just kept on.  It felt so amazing - and I was noticed by a lot of people in the car place (along with my boots).  I have to say that coming out to my wife about this has been exceptional as dressing like this isn't just making me happy because I am doing something that turns me on, it is making be happy because dressing like this is making me comfortable in a non-sexual way - it is just "right".  It makes me wonder why this (and many other things) cause so many people so much worry - as if how I dress (or for that matter, my sexual orientation, what I like sexually, what a couple likes sexually) actually affects strangers.  Why does it matter?

[elwhitestone-blog]

Shopping day - what I wore.

My wife and I love to shop during the Holiday season. Going out, being with people in malls and shopping is a tradition we have had for a while and we just love it. Now the experience is even more powerful for me, as I am not just wearing a sweater here or there, but wearing whatever I want.  My wife is truly been great, and isn't really saying anything anymore.

 We had plans to spend the day shopping, and luckily it was nice and cold!  I don't want to dress too warmly as we will be shopping inside, so I usually choose something "lighter" (in the past I have been kind of stupid with my choices, wearing huge mohair turtlenecks out and just DYING in the process with heat overload).  Now that both I am now comfortable wearing short sleeve sweaters and poncho type sweaters this affords the perfect opportunity to do so.  I chose to wear the J Jill poncho I have posted about in the past, and I wore it with a J Jill long sleeve tee.  The poncho and shirt were charcoal (favorite color) and the tee has a nice rolled edge on the neck that looks nice.  Of course the standard jegging was chosen, and I wore a new pair of black Uggs that I recently purchased (the standard model).  To top of the J Jill sweater and shirt, I wore a long J Jill down vest, and then a pair of custom made, super fuzzy black angora gloves.  The outfit was just so comfortable and my wife didn't say anything about it - it is like this is becoming normal for her too that we don't really even notice it anymore.

 It was a great day shopping, and being outside.  I caught couple of double takes from some folks in malls, either looking at the sweater (when I wasn't wearing the vest) or at my Uggs (because men wearing Uggs, particularly when my jeggings are tucked into them) isn't a common sight where we live.  I love the look of a short sleeve sweater or poncho under a long sleeve shirt, but I also guess that this is a more typically feminine thing. Oh well!

[elwhitestone-blog]

And here is a prediction - what I thought couldn't happen just might…

As I went "out" three times over the past weekend, dressed in various ways, I have noticed one thing - my jeggings are nice and tight, but the underwear I wear with them are creating silly lines in my quads there the legs end off (they are standard men's boxes briefs, but also tight).  My wife joked this weekend that it looked silly and said I should switch to briefs (funny she didn't joke about where I went with this - but maybe she didn't because this is what she feared).  How to eliminate those silly underwear lines - sure I could get men's briefs, or I could get panties.  I NEVER thought that I would EVER get to this point - up until now, I didn't see the point - they look uncomfortable, wouldn't hold everything "in" and I just didn't get it.  As I was seriously thinking about this over the weekend, I thought - "wow though - that would REALLY make for the complete outfit (with a bra).  As I don't have a true use for a bra, I wasn't sure about that (nor would I know how to get my "size", but for the heck of it - I placed an order.  Three pairs of women's panties (briefs as these seem to be the most comfortable for men) and a women's sports bra (because I like the thought of the strap show while wearing a sweater looking like a bra, cami, tank top, whatever).  I have only placed the order, and who knows, I could try this stuff on and it irritates me, but the THOUGHT of wearing this stuff now adds a little excitement!  I am wondering if the "normalcy" of wearing women's clothes now pushes me to challenge things and continually exceed what becomes normal - did that make sense?  More on this undergarment thing in a future post.

[elwhitestone-blog]

Fall and Winter are here!

I have been away for a while due to work commitments and travel (and I can't dress the way I would like when I travel).  Now that this end of year business travel of over with, I have gotten back into purchasing many things, some that I like, and some to experiment, including:

-A TON of sweaters

-A couple of J Jill cotton ponchos with cowl necks that tie. Amazing comfort from them!

-More jeggings and skinny jeans, including a Camo pair that I can't wait to wear outside (regular jeggings pass well on me with minimal attention, but I think these might be a bit more overtly female)

-Some really fuzzy socks - slouchy that will fit over some tighter pants under boots or sneakers (I am contemplating leg warmers to achieve the same effect - but not yet)

-Another pair of Uggs

-Some more long sleeve tees - something about purchasing even the most simple of things in women's has become exciting.  I can get men's long sleeve tees anywhere, but going across that "line" and buying women's (and wearing them in public) makes things more exciting.  Much more color variety and neck styles also.

-A pair of fairly benign but definitely women's "engineer" ankle boots.  Not much of a heel, but I think will look great.  I haven't received these yet and these would be one of the "experimental" items I plan to try out.

-A pure cashmere oversized snood - I am going to start wearing snoods more frequently - I love the look, and the comfort.

I bought this in an indigo color also - LOVE ponchos!

Not sure if I will wear these in public at length or not - let’s see...

Same thing here - maybe I will wear these with the boots!

Bought a bunch of H&M sweaters - this one I liked the design - kind of unique.

Another H&M sweater - I bought this last year in a dark charcoal gray.  Nice wide feminine sleeves...

Another H&M sweater - I love the look over a dress shirt.

I haven’t received this yet, but I bought this poncho over the weekend - looks like I will be trying to wear this without a shirt underneath - lets see what my wife says...

I LOVE snoods!

[elwhitestone-blog]

A Problem Develops...carrying things

After shopping out on Friday, I realized an issue that of course women are very well aware of - how to carry things.  Men's pants have pockets - many of them, and they are deep. My women's skinny jeans have shallow from pockets, and the jeggings have fake sewn shut pockets.  This makes carrying even my wallet and phone a chore. I would love to have the guts to procure something like a cross body bag (even a men's would look off as I am dressed in feminine clothing), so I have decided to get a clutch wallet.  I have found some that will hold my wallet contents and a phone, and I can probably get away with just carrying it around unnoticed - but we shall see.  I see now both the utilitarian nature and the allure of a pocketbook or variation of one. So much can be carried, and it is just something to buy for the look, the comfort, the function, or a combination. I am not ready for that - but like everything else, it just seems to fit into place and become not just normal but desired.

[elwhitestone-blog]

"Black Friday" Day Out

Well, my wife has been REALLY good with me and letting me be with respect to wearing women's clothing.  We traditionally go out and shop in the Christmas season, and started this year with Black Friday (a ridiculous scam of a shopping day IMO), but great for spending time outside with my wife.  I recently found a little shop in China that will make me custom, machine knit sweaters out of a material called Cashmere Mink.  The material is just like Angora, REALLY fuzzy and soft. I love hand knit sweaters, but I also would like thinner, more refined machined knit items, but are definitely hard to get in my size.  Well - my dream has come true.  I recently ordered a bunch of short sleeve sweaters in this material and they are amazing. My initial order was a bit too large for a standalone short sleeve sweater, but I wore one with a long sleeve tee underneath - kind of like a poncho.  The color is a charcoal gray, and I wore a matching charcoal gray tee underneath as the sweater is new and will tend to shed.  Other than my wife commenting on how fuzzy it was (which to me was the perfect compliment), she was fine with it.  I wore a new pair of Torrid jeggings, and a pair of Uggs for the feet.  I even wore a woman's belt, not seen, but felt right.  I also recently purchased a new Cashmere Mist product - shower/cleansing lotion so I paired it with the body lotion, deodorant, and a touch of the perfume.  Finally, as it was cold, I wore a J Jill down vest, which looks fairly unisex except a couple of side zippers at the waist.  All in all, I was dressed almost entirely in women's clothing, wearing women's scents but I still maintained my male identity.  It was a perfect day!  My wife was happy, we walked some shopping areas and malls for the day, ate out (got a quick compliment from our waitress that she "loved my sweater" and she asked if she could touch it.  I just smiled and my wife rolled her eyes at me.  I am now in a position to wear short sleeve sweaters well into the spring and also early fall, not being too hot, but having on what I have always dreamed of wearing regularly - the equivalent of a fuzzy angora short sleeve sweater - just call me Ed Wood!

 Walking around the malls and shopping areas, I am noticing more clothing and women than ever before.  I LOVE LEGGINGS!  I think leggings accentuate both perfect bodies and not-so-perfect bodies.  I love long tunic sweaters with leggings, and so many Uggs and Ankle Boots!  It is my quagmire - I am definitely heterosexual based on my attraction to women (and general non-attraction to men), but love expressing my "other" side with wearing women's clothing.  I am likely in the sexual fetish side of things, and that fetish is developing fast.  Maybe call me a questioning bi-sexual with a cross-dressing fetish - as I would definitely and have fantasized about men only when they are wearing a nice fuzzy sweater.

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Purchases - Lands End Cap Sleeve Poncho

I found a great coupon a couple of weeks back from Lands End so I decided to pull the trigger on an short sleeve poncho from Lands End called the "Cap Sleeve Cable Sweater" at

https://www.landsend.com/products/womens-plus-size-cap-sleeve-cable-sweater/id_317283_57?sku_0=::X5K

The sweater is not all wool or natural yarn, but I liked the look online (with the model wearing a white long sleeve tee of course) as well as it looking oversized (it is a plus size only sweater) and it IS nice and oversized and it a nice soft yarn.  It has a nice wide crew neck, and is very comfortable.  I like the thought of wearing something "current" out and about.

A couple of years ago I purchased a great oversized J Jill sweater in a boucle yarn - it passed as unisex or men's for a while, but one day my wife and I were out shopping and she ventured into the local J Jill store. She didn't actually know where the sweater was from, and this was before I outed myself last year.  I was extremely nervous, and ultimately got cornered by a store rep with a comment like "nice choice in sweater" and I simply said "thank you".  My wife was in a dressing room when this happened and I couldn't get out of the store fast enough.  I wonder how this would go today as I have more confidence in myself and what I like to wear...

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"Where did you get your sweater?...how about yours?"

This story is a 2-fer!  Last year was the year that I actually "came out" to my wife with respect to cross-dressing.  For our entire relationship, it should have become obvious to her, but I evolved from having just a knitwear fetish to cross-dressing (and of course STILL having a robust knitwear fetish!).  My wife would deny me wearing stuff though over the years - some sweater I had was "too girly" or "looked like a girl's" and some pants she would note for me (I have some women's athletic pants that she had noticed the icon on one day and said "those are girl's pants").  Anyway - it hadn't been a problem for many many years but now it is.  I want to wear what I want to wear, and I really want my wife to just be OK with that. The counter point to this is that there are MANY issues (emotional or otherwise) that my wife has gone through or is going through and no judgement on my part is made and all I do is try to help without judgement, so I really just want equal treatment.  This came to a head when I attempted to wear a cashmere poncho/tunic last year - I will post about this later on, but my wife blocked it. I was wearing the poncho with just a matching colored women's long sleeve tee underneath, and it looked benign. She kind of embarrassed me and made me change, and this precipitated a long discussion over the next weekend between us where I pretty much said "I am a transvestite and I can't change".  She said she didn't have a problem with it, and that next weekend is where this story really starts.

It was in December and I wanted to really try out an outfit that I hadn't with her before - so I went with the J Jill poncho that I love so much.  I wore this with a matching (charcoal gray women's long sleeve tee from J Jill) and skinny jeans and Men's Ugg shoes.  She said she was OK with it and I was really appreciative of her trying with me.  We went out for the day, shopping for Christmas, and then to eat.  The only double take I got was from the hostess at the restaurant.  I was looking for this all day and this was really all that happened - she looked at me again, and I assume she assessed how I was dressed. My wife didn't notice, and we moved on. We headed to a mall to finish out the shopping and we were in a Macy's.  My wife was really just shopping for herself, so I was wandering around and then I came across a women wearing a poncho that just had to research and find for myself. It was black, big turtleneck, and kind of fuzzy.  It was oversized enough on her, and she had on skinny jeans and a white tee - my FAVORITE look for ponchos!  She also had long, knee high boots  (I posted a "secret" image I took below).  After I took the image, I moved on and I was just going to research the poncho online, but we actually ran into each other in another  section in the store.  She didn't even hesitate - "I love your poncho - where did you get it?" so I figured what the heck, and said "It is a J Jill". She smiled and said something like "it looks good on you".  I said thanks, and that I loved her outfit too.  She said she was some sort of corporate buyer at the Kate Spade, and the poncho was from there.  She said the shirt and jeans were from somewhere else.  I joked and said "I love your look - wish it came in my size he he".  She didn't even stumble and said that I should go try on one because they were oversized and it should fit.  Was this really happening?  A slightly uncomfortable but honest conversation with a stranger about clothing. I joked back and said "maybe I will buy one online and see" and she gave me a business card and said to send her a picture of me wearing it if it fits as she would love to see how it looks.  We took a selfie together and we parted ways.  Best crossdressing day I have ever had!

The poncho from Kate Spade - I finally bought this and it is wonderful!:

The acquaintance at the mall - she was so tall and such a nice person - boy would I have loved to buy her actual outfit - I would even rock the boots if I could have worn her clothes...

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"Dressed, and in public" - H&M Paris Angora Turtleneck

I am going to start a new series of posts called "Dress, and in public" of some recent experiences wearing women's clothing in public, the exhilaration, and the looks.

 I will start with an outfit I have only worn a few times out, but I LOVE the sweater.  It is an H&M Angora Sweater Dress from their 2013 Paris collection.  The sweater is amazing - very oversized, with an ENORMOUS turtleneck.  The yarn is so soft, and it is so fuzzy and warm - I love wearing it.  I bought multiples of this sweater when it was released. Two experiences come to mind with this one:

1 - My wife was away one weekend on a business trip, and it was a snowy weekend where we live.  After the storm, I needed to go to the grocery story, so I figured what the heck (this was before the full "embracing" of cross-dressing, so this was an "event".  I wore the sweater, with some jeggings (actually this may have been the first time I wore jeggings in public, along with some men's winter boots, but some mohair socks that matched the sweater.  The socks I had out of the boots, and over the jeggings.  The sweater is just enormous - I was a  big fuzzy guy in women's clothing.  It was SUCH an exciting experience - I went out, drove to the grocery store, acted like nothing was abnormal, and NOBODY noticed! I bought my groceries and that was that. I was effectively 100% dressed in women's clothing, and not really hiding anything and nobody cared!

2 - Another time I wore this sweater was during Christmas last year.  Now I had been really experimenting and this was the first time I wore my tall pair of black uggs.  I didn't have the guts to fold them down, but I wore jeggings, the H&M sweater, and the tall Uggs.  I was fully showered, head to toe in DKNY Cashmere Mist body lotion, deodorant, and perfume too.  I felt amazing.  I went shopping to a few standalone stores, and then ended up in a Toys R Us store to get a couple of toys for my nieces and nephews.  I was in line, and it all seemed to happen at one.  The cashier said  that she LOVED my sweater so I said thank you.  The couple behind me then said - where can my husband get a sweater like that so I said I got mine at H&M and that it was likely sold out so perhaps try Ebay.  He smiled and said thank you, and his wife commented about my boots while I walked out (not a criticism, a compliment).  I felt so good that day!  I only have one more GREAT story like that - perhaps even better - next post!

I absolutely LOVE this sweater.  I love that this is really a sweater dress but I can wear it as a sweater.  The neck is SO long and warm!:

[elwhitestone-blog]

Shopping in Women's Stores

I have tried to read a lot on my cross-dressing and some background and stories of cross-dressers, and it seems to be common that budding cross-dressers had an initial tough time shopping for women's clothing.  Whether it is just going into a women's store, or trying on clothing, it is a tough thing for folks to deal with.  I believe I had an advantage here, in that my desire to buy sweaters and knitwear came before cross-dressing, so shopping in a women's store came a bit more naturally and comfortably.  Since I could drive in high school, I have loved to go out shopping to stores and malls, and look through women's knitwear, picking out stuff to buy, and buying it.  Sometime it would get somewhat uncomfortable when I was shopping wearing a women's sweater in the brand of the store I was in, but it was also thrilling.  I have (in some more open stores where dressing rooms are not monitored) have tried on women's sweaters in the store, but always sandwiched in between men's clothing but…

...one time (now in college), I was browsing in a Bloomingdales, and I came across this AMAZING TSE Cashmere kid mohair sweater.  It was just so soft and fuzzy, with a hood, and amazing long sleeves.  It was really expensive at the time, and I was just holding it and staring at it, trying to eyeball if it would fit me.  Suddenly a sales person (female) approached me, and I was so naïve, she was offering me to try it on.  I said no thank you, she asked who it was for, and I said my  girlfriend.  The sales person asked how she was size-wise to me, and I said actually pretty comparable, and the sales person said "why don't you just go and try it on to see if it will fit her".  I couldn't really deny, and she said she wouldn't let anyone else in the room. ..so I went in and tried it on.  It was amazing - I was SO nervous, but so excited, and the sweater FIT!  She didn’t' give me too much time and asked how was it and I said it would fit her.  She chuckled.  When I left the dressing room, I went to buy it and she jokingly said - you know that we are OK if you wanted to just go try that on for yourself, you know that right?. Boy I wish this happened today, because I was so uncomfortable then I still insisted it was for my girlfriend. Now it is clear to me how obvious my escapade was, and she was just being so nice and understanding!

Nowadays, walking around a mall and looking at women's clothes while wearing women's clothes doesn't affect me at all.  Most stores don't care (why would they - I am spending money in their store so just leave me alone).  I even hear that some stores have an active policy to work with cross-dressers, transgendered folks, etc and this is wonderful!  We are finally getting to a place in this world where tolerance of this type of stuff is getting a bit better.  FAR from perfect, far from where we need to be - but we are moving towards it!

An example of that TSE sweater - the sleeves are nice and long, slightly flared.  My wife wears this one now once in a while under a sweatshirt at an outside sports event, etc - mmmmm:

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Some experiments that didn't work out so well when cross-dressing

Over the years, I have both actively experimented wearing women's clothing, and not actively (meaning I was just wearing a women's sweater for the sake of the fetish, not cross-dressing).  I have to say that the majority of the time went very well - no cynical comments, nothing hostile, etc.  Even back in the high school and college days, when things weren't so "free", it was pretty quiet.  There have been a few stories of things that weren't so quiet, and I figured I would share them here in an effort to move on from them and embrace everything I like about women's clothing mixed with men's clothing:

The story I spoke about     from college when I had bought an Anne Klein fuzzy kid mohair sweater with     a fall leaf design, and the store clerk snickered when she and a co-worked     saw me wearing it.

I only had one other     incident in college - that Express Fuzzy Mohair Turtleneck that I bought     from a stranger - well I had bought a new one of my own and was enjoying     just comfortable wearing it one night in my college dorm.  I was watching TV on a Friday or a     Saturday, while my room mate was out with his friend (who happened to be a     joint female friend) and they weren't supposed to be back for the     night.  Well - that was wrong, and     they BURST into the room.  LUCKILY     (at the time), my roommate was drunk, and noticed nothing, but my friend     noticed but didn't say anything and asked if I wanted to come out with them.  She tried to drag me off the bed where I     was lying down watching TV and I said no.     I was SO EMBARRASSED - dressed in whatever men's pants, but a big,     long tunic length women's mohair sweater.     I thought at the time that all was well when they left, and only     later in that year did she approach the topic.  We actually had become good good     friends, close friends (not sexually) and we were talking one night about     honesty or some other topic like that and she dropped it - "why     haven't you told me you like to wear girl's sweaters?"  I must have turned purple and she said     it was OK and to not be embarrassed.     Of course I asked why she asked me and she referenced that night -     she KNEW where the sweater came     from and wanted me to try to go "out" with it on to make     me more comfortable.  She also said     that it was obvious from then on when I would wear my own (men's sweaters)     and how fuzzy and possibly feminine they were.  We talked for HOURS that night.  I learned a lot about myself, and a lot     about tolerance and being open minded.     She came out to me as a lesbian that night, and it was eye-opening     how "normal" that kind of thing was.  She was not judgmental, and neither was     I.  We remain good friends to this     day, and although I don't get to see her more than once every couple of     years, when I do she actively forces me to bring the clothes I want, and     to wear what I want.

Back when I was right out     of college, and had one of my first jobs, I was enjoying the freedom of     being single and alone (moved away from home and parents), I got bold and     it was a little too early to be so I guess.  Since it was release in the late     eighties, there was a sweater called "The Bubble" that I LOVED -     it was a Perry Ellis design, and as it was well past the time of the     sweaters being available, I had one made for me in an amazing green mohair     yarn.  The sweater was supposed to     be huge, so I had the knitter upscale the sweater to fit me like it would     fit a woman.  It was like a dress     really, dropping to just above my knees.     The yarn is SUPER fuzzy, and the overall design is  unique in my opinion.  Well because I was being     "brave" I wore it out grocery shopping after work one     night.  I got a LOT of looks from     people, but the one more hostile one came from 2 teenagers, and they     proceeded to walk up to me and call me a f%ggot.  At the time is didn't hit me, but a bit     later in the night I realized how mean spirited it was, and really - who     cares what I have on?  I thought     about that word too and how harmful it can be - and will call out ANYONE     that uses it around me about anybody else.     So many people are focused on others - who cares?

Right when I started to     wear women's skinny jeans (not even jeggings), I was dresssed in a  pair of Lane Bryant skinny jeans and a     fuzzy mohair turtleneck sweater and I was shopping in a Target store.  This was perhaps 4 years ago, and a     woman approached me and said "you are wearing women's     jeans".  I was in the right     kind of mood, so I retorted "wow - so are you!"  She gave me a dirty look, and I said,     funny - I am also wearing a women's sweater - do you like it?  She said nothing and walked away from     me.  This was the beginning of me     being more brave with the general public - because again - who cares what     I am doing - people would do so much more to mind their business and take     care of themselves.  Perhaps open     one's mind and one might learn of something "interesting" that     they like and embrace it!

The Anne Klein sweater I still enjoy wearing today...

An example of the Perry Ellis Bubble sweater.  Mine is green and custom knit to be this size on my larger frame.