[herestothebrave]

To be a good victim...

Do not know your attacker, personally or otherwise. Do not be in any kind of relationship with him, because you do not want to risk implying that he already had the right to your body (though he never has). Do not give the appearance that owe him anything (you don’t). If you were dating him, make sure you broke up with him after it happened. Then make sure you were not under the influence of any substances, because if you were, you probably just do not remember giving consent. Do not kiss him; in fact, avoid all bodily contact when you can. Otherwise, everyone will call you a tease. Feel ashamed (it’s okay; you have to react somehow), but not too ashamed; you would not want express guilt over what happened, that could be misinterpreted as an admission of responsibility. If you admit responsibility, the game is over. You have lost.

Cross your legs, look the officer in the eye. Cry, but not too much—you do not want them to believe that you may be over exaggerating. Disregard that you have been through an ordeal, clench your jaw, and repeat the moment that you never want to relive one more time for one more set of deaf ears. Go over exactly what you were wearing in detail (though it does not matter); right down to the colors of the stripes on your knee-length sweater and the specific brand and design of your jeans. Hand them over to be bagged for evidence.

It is not your fault that he does not understand the meaning of the word “no” (it is not your fault even if you could not say “no”), however, you will have to repeatedly state that you gave no form of consent. Behave like a lady, even when the questions begin to sound like accusations. Answer each and every one of their questions thoroughly and consistently. Leave no question about what transpired. Do not forget though, you are traumatized. You have to remember to act like a victim, even when you are expected to answer questions like you are operating at full capacity (it is okay that you are not). It is up to you to provide proof; anything you say can and will be used against you. Even amongst friends, you must maintain a consistent story.

When he vehemently denies having had any involvement in what happened to you, repeat your story once more. Make sure you do not contradict your original report in any way; if you do, it will be viewed as a blatant lie and your credibility, or what is left of it, will be destroyed. If you are not as well behaved as the Virgin Mary herself, make sure you keep that a secret. Any type of promiscuity will be brought under great public scrutiny, and could serve to prove that you are responsible for what happened. Above all, protect your reputation.

The rest is for them to decide.

[em-stockton]

reblogged from my personal because I am an idiot who cannot manage to use tumblr properly

[em-stockton]

It’s not that I don’t love you.

It’s not that I don’t love you, it’s the way my bones still reverberate with the sound of drunken slurs and raised voices. Sometimes, I worry they’ll never stop.

It’s not that I don’t love you, it’s the memory of the time that my sister and I huddled together in my bedroom, terrified of the chaos coming from the kitchen. It’s that at seven years old I shouldered the responsibility of explaining parental arguments to a four year old.

It’s not that I don’t love you, it’s that I cannot forget  the way that plate looked as it gained velocity and crashed to the earth like a million tiny rain drops, nor can I let go of the rage that split me in two when my eyes met his.

It’s not that I don’t love you, it’s that when I was seventeen, I gave everything up for a boy who made me an option. 

It’s not that I don’t love you, it’s that I don’t know how to trust you not to leave me broken like the lovers of the past. 

[em-stockton]

Today, in my bioethics class, we discussed socialized, or “universalized” to avoid the stigma associated with socialism, health care.

I will use the terms interchangeably.

Personally, I believe that universalized health care is very positive thing for society as a whole. If everyone has access to healthcare, we will become healthier as a whole.  I’d like to begin with the fact that Obamacare (if you feel so inclined to focus only on national news) is not the first instance of socialized health care on a national level. Military healthcare is socialized. Speaking as a Navy brat raised with access to said healthcare, who recently changed my primary care to a doctor that is “out in town,” the system works fairly well. You call and make your appointment with the military appointment line associated with the base at which you are stationed, and most days, you can get an appointment on the same day you called. To compare this with my experience making an appointment with my new primary care doctor due to an ear infection, I was told there were no appointments available on that day, nor that week. I booked the appointment two weeks out, and ended up having to visit my school’s medical center to get an antibiotic.  That being said, military doctors appointments tend to run late due to factors such as people arriving late, overbooking, or short staff, and you typically spend about half an hour to an hour waiting to be seen past your appointment time. As I still have not seen my new primary care doctor, and am now drawing on what I can remember from my elementary school years being seen out in town,While I don’t remember having to wait quite as long to see my doctor when my mom had made me an appointment, it was not uncommon for the office to be running late.  Regarding any prescriptions I may require at any point, when I lived near a military installation, I was always able to fill my prescriptions for free. No matter what I needed, be it my inhaler or a refill on my antidepressants, I was always able to obtain my medication for free. Now that I am in school, and live about an hour and a half from the nearest military installation, I have to pay for a portion of my medications, and let me tell you, it gets very expensive very quickly. I cannot imagine living without universalized health care, or even just health insurance, and having to pay the full price of my various doctors appointments.  I realize that not all socialized health care systems work as they should, but I think it is important to know that when implemented with proper funding and structure, these health care systems work. Myself and many of my friends have benefitted greatly from the health care offered to us in exchange for the time and energy of our service men and women. While there are horror stories of these systems, I firmly believe that the societal benefits far outweigh the cost.  Finally, I realize that many are under the impression that these systems force everyone to partake, this does not have to be the case. I do not believe that others should be coerced into giving up health care and insurance that they are happy with, but I do believe that everyone should have the opportunity to get the care that they need to be healthy and productive. It increases societal utility,making it a benefit to everyone.

[em-stockton]

I’m just going to leave this here.

[em-stockton]

Things we need to stop teaching young girls:

.“He’s being mean to you because he likes you!”-age 6 “I am angry with you because I love you. Why can’t you see that?”-age 14

“Boys will be boys.”-age 9 “No, it’s not like he hit you on purpose, he was just playing around and it got out of hand.”-age 15

“Boys get jealous. It just means they are interested in you.”-age 11 “I just need to know where you are and who you’re talking to because I care about you.”

[em-stockton]

PSA: Depression does not equate to sadness, nor should we simplify it in that manner. Suicide is an expression of ongoing, deep rooted trouble. It is not the result of someone breaking up with their significant other. It is not the result of a single bad grade. While these problems may contribute to the symptoms of depression, they are not the end-all-be-all events of someone's life. That being said, suicide is not the answer. This does not mean we should shame the mentally ill. We do not need to minimize their problems, nor should we knock their efforts to maintain normalcy---no matter how small these efforts may seem.

Today, in class, a discussion was had regarding mental illness when comments to the contrary of the statement above were made. While I respect the opinions of others, I consider myself to be a part of the group of individuals that suffer from depression, anxiety, or any of their related mental illness. All I ask is that when in a public forum, please try to keep in mind the statistics surrounding these disorders: 1 in 8 people in the United States suffer from depression. (from: the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance). That means that in my twenty four (give or take two on any given day) person bioethics class, three people felt just as isolated and misunderstood as I did. Just keep this in mind next time you're considering making a comment that diminishes the emotions of another in class.

[em-stockton]

In my time working both in retail and as a receptionist at a health club, I've found that many older members of the community harbor great disdain towards people of my generation. I've been assumed to be incompetent at my job because I am so young. I have been grumbled at because I stumbled through learning the different brands of tennis racquets. I have politely enforced the rules, and very impolitely been ignored. I have been called horrible things by grown men and women over the phone and in person. I've gone out of my way to arrange a schedule or help a customer locate an item, only to ignored when the job was complete; no thank yous, no smiles, no signs of gratitude whatsoever. But, do you notice the pattern among these experiences? The common denominator in each scenario was an older individual causing a problem or being blatantly rude. Do you know how people in my generation and younger react when these kinds of things happen? They smile. They say thank you often. They listen to the rules, and apologize when they break them. I’m not saying that my generation doesn't have any problems, because it certainly does. But, we know how to be kind. We know how to be respectful. We know how to treat people as people, not just employees. 

[em-stockton]

The thing about feminism is that it has undergone severe semantic pejoration. It is not about removing power from men so much as it is about equalizing that power. It's about the fact that women make .77 for each dollar a man makes. It is about the fact that in high school, I had to go home and change (therefore diminishing the value of my education) because my educators felt that the way I was dressed (I was, in fact, wearing a sundress that hit my mid thigh, thank you.) was distracting to boys. I was shown that a boys education was worth more than mine. Feminism is about the fight for equality for those who do not identify with the gender binary scale that society has imposed. It is about allowing both males and females and everyone in between to express their sexuality in a way that they feel comfortable---be it a boy who wears pink, or a girl who likes trucks. It is about the fact that the way a woman was dressed, or the amount of alcohol she consumed, or whether or not she "checked out" a male before he raped her is offered as justification for said rape. That said, it's about standing up for any victim of rape, because, in fact, men get raped, too. It is about allowing women to choose to be free with their sexuality, and those who choose not to are free to do just the same. I need feminism for these reasons, and I cannot stand that the very word has taken on such horrible connotation---I wish I could fix that so other people would understand that feminism is not about destroying men; it's about allowing everyone equal freedom in a society that currently restricts that freedom in every way possible.

[em-stockton]

The Reason I Abandoned Christianity

Those who have known me for a large portion of my life, I’m talking since I was knee-high to a grasshopper, they know that I was raised from age seven in a Christian home. We attended church each sunday, youth group/kids choir on Wednesdays, and spent as much time in the church as we could whenever we could. I went on every youth group trip I could manage, and even helped to build a youth center down in Arizona. It was right around then that I realized I didn't fit in.

I don’t, and refuse to attempt to, fit in with the sample of Christianity that I experienced. I don’t believe in shaming others due to their choices. I don’t believe in looking down upon others because of religion. I do not believe in proselytizing or condemnation. I refuse to try to persuade another person of something I am not entirely convinced of or that I have no proof of. I do not believe in restricting my actions or behavior or really anything about myself in order to please a higher being, nor do I believe that I should hold others to the standards that a religion has put in place. I don't believe you are going to punished with eternal hell fire for bad behavior, nor do I believe that you're going to heaven if some being decides that you are worthy enough.

What I do believe in is free will. I believe in being kind. I believe in showing compassion and helping others when possible. I believe in education(that’s not to say that Christians are uneducated). I believe in hope. I believe in passion. I believe in the things we can see with our own eyes and feel with our own senses. I believe in the affect we as humans have on one another. I believe in doing as much good as you possibly can, because why would you ever feel so inclined to harm another person? I believe in happiness. I believe in trusting myself to handle any situation that life throws at you. I don’t believe that I need a crutch to remind me not to be an asshole.

[em-stockton]

Things I Hold To Be True

1. People are generally well intentioned. That being said, every now and then there are people who don’t have good intentions regarding you or anyone else. You should stay away from those people. 2. We should all strive to be as good, as loyal, and as loving as dogs are. 3. I think we should all strive to be as kind as possible. Just be good to people, and be good to yourself. Be understanding, compassionate, even. If there is a God, there is no way he could turn you away. 4. If there isn't a God, it’s all still going to be okay.

[em-stockton]

The only thing people really want is to feel validated.

We seek validity in our thoughts and feelings by sharing them with others. We want to know that what we believe is justified, and that our feelings have been acknowledged and accepted. In an attempt to find some kind of solidarity among others we succeed only in isolating ourselves. In some cases, the other person refuses to acknowledge our feelings as being legitimate. In others, they realize that what we feel is perfectly acceptable and ration, but they simply cannot concede for fear of what they may have done to cause us to feel this way. The drive towards isolation is fueled by these pivotal moments in conversation. It is here that we begin to breakdown what was said by the other person; their facial expression, eye movements, the actual words that were said, and above all, the tone the tone that was used. In a split second we reconcile what has happened, and react. In my case, and I am assuming the case many others, I tend to push away from the person that hurt me. I send myself into emotional exile in order to prevent the pain from tearing me in two. In seeking comfort and understanding I usually find myself feeling just as, if not more, alone as I had before,

I've found that seeking validity from others has harmed me more than it has helped me; however, I have also found that there is really nothing wrong with building those relationships anyway. Lack of reciprocal validity means very little in comparison to the amount of time spent and enjoyment received from a friendship. Humans were not built to be isolated. We are social creatures who thrive on bonds that we build with one another; others can fail to understand you, while succeeding in loving you.

[em-stockton]

I need feminism because

1. ...of the boy I knew whose sex did not match his gender; some of the people we had known for years were accepting, while others struggled to adjust, and still others became hostile.

2. ...of the girl I once knew who was raped and when word broke she was shamed by the student body; she transferred that year.

3. ...I dated a boy who felt that he had some sort of privilege to my body; he never understood why I broke up with him.

4. ...when one reports sexual assault to campus police, it is perfectly acceptable to ask “Did you say no?”, “What were you wearing?”, “Had you been drinking?”, “Did you flirt with (perpetrator)?”. 

5. ...of the boy who was too proud to cry when one of his best friends committed suicide; the light never came back in his eyes.

6. ...the rape joke is still considered funny; “he pinned me down and I swear to you I looked the devil in the eye. I cried, I screamed, he finished.” is the rape joke.

7. ...a male teacher was arrested for the sexual assault of a student in one of his classes; evidence was provided to the public, and he was still released on bail and defended.

8. ...my sister was pulled from class due to a dress code violation and shown that a male’s education was worth more than hers; she sixteen---stop sexualizing her body.

9. ...female sexuality is stigmatized while male sexuality is encouraged; who are you boys planning to sleep with?

10. ...of the boy I knew who was raped by his ex girlfriend and was too ashamed to report the incident; he was raised to believe that boys can’t be raped---they should always enjoy sex.