Sadz

the art you crave

[em0tionl0rd]

Introduction /// > > >

You can call me Steven! Formerly Sadz (Em0tionL0rd).

On my About Me page, you can find links to all of my socials.

If you like music, check out my playlists over on Spotify.

And don't be afraid to Ask Questions! I don't bite (normally).

Current Fixation: Dónal Finn in Young Sherlock, The Other Bennet Sister, and SAS: Rogue Heroes. --- (updated: 05/05/2026) #afton - William Afton -centric tag for personal inspiration.

[em0tionl0rd]

I have been thinking a lot about apologizing-

Whenever I've had a falling out with someone, I fixate on how to "make things right", even when it's not worth it. I get hung up on the positives, and try to talk myself into it, while ignoring what inherent problems caused the falling out in the first place.

I strongly believe that my ex friend is someone I relate to, but I also need to understand that choices they made put themselves into the position they are in, and that they are the only one who can solve their own problems. Part of what complicated our friendship was my desire to "help", to the point I was obsessing, even contemplating upending my own life to support them, because it hurt me so much to see someone so much like myself struggling and hurting in ways I could deeply relate to.

I never thought it was weird, but I kept it to myself because it felt invasive. I knew I couldn't do anything. Was I overstepping boundaries? Or was I responding in a healthy way to someone openly and regularly complaining about being in crisis?

Regardless, I learned the consequences of investing so much energy into someone, and how it may have made them feel. I think about how I will go about apologizing, or reinitiating friendship, but then I think about the ways they have lashed out at me, and how I do not want to deal with that any more than I already have. Along with any unfounded accusations against me.

Sometimes, you just have to accept that people suck, regardless of how much you want to believe they don't. That's the lesson I take from this. Plus Ann insists that they are the one who needs to apologize first- and I mean, fair. Given everything..

If they don't initiate a response, they aren't interested in making amends.

--- - - - - - - - - - - - - ---

What I did sucked and I am not proud of it, but I did what I had to do to create the space that I needed to process things and get better. Otherwise, who knows how long I would have been obsessing.

These situations happen so infrequently, because I try to avoid community spaces online and Discord, but when they do, I have such a hard time getting over people who aren't good for me. I get so fed up with the way I'm being treated, but continue to focus on the positive, until I end up feeling bad and blame myself even if I wasn't actually in the wrong. Gaslighting myself into accepting feeling miserable just to fit in.

I have to grow and admit that this was a bad friendship. I can't just be nice and blame myself for every little thing that goes wrong, because sometimes it's really not my fault. I end up humbling myself to the worst people because so many negative social interactions both online and off conditioned me to be afraid of social isolation.

[em0tionl0rd]

I'm going to start dumping some AU ideas and headcanons on a side blog here soon, so if you see stuff like that, it's probably me!

[madzdawgz]

I’m back in my phase💔

I’m literally in the worst art block of my life rn pls help

[madzdawgz]

𝓕𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝓽𝓻𝓪𝓹 ❤️

[em0tionl0rd]

holyy fuuuuckk this is good

[em0tionl0rd]

I Feel Like I Need to Draw William More

I have so many ideas, I have lists on my phone and computer, and I have so many silly sketches (some self-ship, some not) saved in my files. I want to post them, but I also want to appear professional-

I love scrolling through some of my favorite William self-ship blogs, liking their art, liking their writing, commenting, and even taking inspiration from their work that gives me drawing ideas of my own.

I just wish I had the energy to interact more. To draw more. To write more. To express my self-ship ideas confidently. I struggle in my day-to-day life with various physical and mental limitations, but I do what I can when I can, and that's what counts!

So sorry if I don't seem as social or active, I am trying my best! I have a job and need lots of rest before I can focus on anything creative, but I scroll the tags when I can. Seeing other people's creativity always helps motivate me to keep going, so thank you!

[voidvinn]

hiiii

[em0tionl0rd]

ouugghh OUUGGHH

getting better and better

[devethe64th]

do yall think dave’s scars would still hurt to the touch… like maybe a slight sting if you pressed down hard enough on his stomach/arms/legs? maybe would they be kinda numb feeling cuz his nerves would surely be fucked (at least in the spots the springlocks cut into him), but also with an occasional sting of pain… idk.

maybe he’d get that nerve pain and mention that “he’s getting old” to you. if you were to ask to help him with the pain, he’d immediately refuse. or maybe he’d agree, and he’d be biting back screams and curses if you were to massage him or smth :/

also, if we’re going with the no TFC timeline (cuz obviously baby would’ve dealt with them) what do you think he said to the surgeons about his scars? yea he probably lied, but like… how?

[em0tionl0rd]

Posting instead of commenting because I love sharing my thoughts on Dave. Also my internet wasn't cooperating-

I think his nerves (and sense of feeling in general) are most definitely fucked. I also headcanon that blood loss caused some form of serious cognitive damage. That's why he seems so loopy and out-of-touch, lost in his own world. That and the accident probably exacerbated existing mental health issues as he got older.

He can't feel pain (at least to a normal degree). In fact, he's probably in so much pain that he's become numb to it. That, or he drinks to numb it, among other things..

The scars probably itch a lot too, so he relies heavily on moisturizer to ease the itching. It's probably really embarrassing for him. Especially during winter or when it's really dry out. Not because it adds to his overall greasiness, but because he has to stop everything he's doing and go lotion up, or else he has to hope nobody notices him scratching all over.

Dave taking a hot salt bath after work. Alone. With a drink. Soaking his scars and easing the pain. Well, if he really cared about taking care of himself that is.

[ynum]

Drawing Springtrap is a quiet horror because I don't understand how anyone can render an animatronic

[theghostparty]

You think the devil has horns? Well, so did I But I was wrong, his hair is combed and he wears a suit and tie He's nice, polite, he'll catch you by surprise A smile so bright, he's the devil in disguise

(truly can't believe I had to google whether cigarettes were smoked in 1871 and then learned that later 19th century they were referred to as coffin nails)

[mister-carnival]

Pandora (OC) he/him

[sildurs]

What you’ve done.

[jamisonrivv]

spy’s lounge

[em0tionl0rd]

I'm a fool in repeating my plans and a fool's right calling my name I'm a fool to relate to you with all the things I do and say Am I a fool to ignore them? How else shall I go on? Am I a fool to expect that someday I'm gonna be gone?

[voidvinn]

thrill of the double life

[voidvinn]

ew

[dreadfulgentleman]

I would love to hear what people think about creating self-ship content with William Afton. I ask because I find writing for William Afton in self-ship formats to be difficult. I've written over 120+ chapters of a fanfic with this setting so clearly I still do it, however... I myself enjoy the concept of making him as accurate as possible but there in lies the problem. 1. I don't find it possible to make anything accurate to William Afton's character because I don't feel that we have enough canon information to accurately interpret him. There's a LOT of holes to fill. We as fanart creators have to make a lot of things up and usually it's biased to personal taste. 2. Self-ship, at the end of the day, should be enjoyable to the creator. Which means that not only can that get heavily personal and unique to the individual (thus different across each individual creator) but often times self-ship is for the purpose of feeling loved, cared for, and/or comforted, which is... difficult. With a character like William.

As I write, I enjoy what I write. But it never leaves my mind that it is impossible to truly write self-ship with William that doesn't in some way break his character to suit my needs . He is just far too self-focused, abusive, neglectful, etc. He's a terrible person. I enjoy the challenge of making him as realistic as possible (based on my interpretation) within that realm (which often involves including abuse because I myself cannot picture any William Afton relationship being completely healthy), but ultimately I am very much aware that I am bending the accuracy in order to make it satisfactory to the self.

Does anyone else think such things when they create self-ship content?

[em0tionl0rd]

Here's my response to the best of my ability-

One way I get around trying to "stick to canon" is realizing that the "canon" itself is deeply flawed, so I try to write William in a way that feels accurate to me. It saves me the trouble of trying to portray him in any way that limits the flow of creativity. Otherwise, I spend hours combing over details in the games. It's not fun.

When I originally encountered William, we spent a lot of time coming up with our own lore after watching several timeline and analysis videos. It didn't help that at the time this was sort of my escape from a living situation I was in IRL. So I leaned in heavily for his support. Working on a design for him that was uniquely "mine" and fashioning that imagery into something I could focus on as a source of comfort. Imagining being with him as an individual separate from canon.

In the end I settled on creating my own AU, where William could be where he felt most comfortable, while also rewriting the canon to facilitate this. In place of over-used tropes and bad writing, I put a lot of thought into fixing anachronisms with real world inspiration, such as realistic animatronics, Henry's role and his relationship with William, Fredbear's, William's motive for why he did what he did and how, and of course how he eventually dies (and comes back). Details I'm still working on to this day.

As for self-shipping, I find comfort in him as a person, rather than the character or role he plays. I relate to things about him I see in other people's portrayals. It's like we're a collective mind stemming from the same source, and it's interesting to see what comes from that. And I mean, the fanart and fanfiction really carry this fandom.

With my William, I feel this sort of paternalness to his character. He's someone who masks his true feelings behind acts of kindness and devotion. Playing a role. Acting like someone he's not. Always right. Always getting what he wants. He's obsessive, and if he doesn't get what he wants, he acts up. He's dramatic. He craves attention. He loves himself more than anyone else. It's a basic fact. And the way we explore this together allows me to self-improve with his support. That kindness he uses to get what he wants, is to see me succeed and to achieve my goals. And as long as he gets to be by my side, he's happy.

Then of course there's intimacy, among other things I won't get into, but I've learned much about myself through him. He has sufficiently altered my perspective to feel deserving of kindness, allowing for healing and growth, where before I didn't feel I was capable. Helping prove things wrong about myself I never thought could change.

He really taught me to love myself. Not just to embrace the pain, but to become one with it, and allow it to fundamentally alter you.

Part of what I do as a creator is relate to characters. I try to see myself as them, becoming them, not just imagining myself with them. I really try to get into their head. It's quite a unique experience.

-----

So I guess my answer to your question is: Transformative media.

We create something that not only touches and transforms us, but transforms others as well. Be it opening their mind to new ideas or introducing unique spins on existing ones to the world.

Fighting getting hung up on "accuracy" is just part of that challenge methinks.