one foot after the other

ember apatow.

[emberapatow]

Name: Ember Apatow

Age: 33

Community Job: Cook

Reside in: jail for now, since she is a new arrival, and to be determined later

How long have they been in Redwood?: just arrived

Faceclaim: Lindsey Morgan

BIOGRAPHY

Ember’s life growing up was as normal as it could have been. Her family was her mom and sometimes the occasional men in her mom’s life that came and went (her dad gone before she could have too many lasting memories of him, only having a few pictures of him and the stories her mom told that came fewer and farther in between as she got older), and then later her sister, Willow, who was like her best friend. Their mom owned a small restaurant that they helped her run, and it was enough for them to live off of tightly, but they were happy.

Ember never went to college though she always wished she could and there was a period when she hated her mom for not being able to help her and instead needing Ember’s help at the restaurant to keep the place going - she cooked a lot there, learning from her mom all kinds of tricks, and on the side, while she was off, she managed to learn alongside a pretty good piercer, and later she worked on the side as one in a tattoo parlour.

It was a good life, all in all.

And then the outbreak hit, and Willow was away on a business trip and amids all the chaos and shock of everything that was happening, they got a call that Willow was infected and thus she was shot down when she mindlessly tried to bite a person. It was the real shock for the two of them, and it sent Ember down on a bender that lasted for months - sometimes she wondered if that was the only way she actually survived the initial outbreak with her sanity intact, sometimes she wondered if she is her sanity really is intact, and at all times she felt guilty over leaving her mom on her own.

They never really had any place to settle down at, they mostly moved from one place to the next, sometimes in bigger, sometimes in smaller groups. And then about a year ago, the worst happened - the small group they were travelling with at the time was attacked by a group of zombies and nobody has made it out of it aside from Ember. Her mom got bit but she survived the attack and knowing what fate awaited her but not being able to do what was necessary hersef, she asked Ember to shoot her and she did, she has been carrying that with her ever since.

After being left all on her own, she just put one foot after the other without any real thought as grief took over. She wasn’t quite sure how long she was in that state, until one day she remembered her dad and how her mom told her about him and where he was when the outbreak happened. It was a fat chance that she’d find him, she didn’t know if he was alive or not, and didn’t know if he wanted anything to do with her (previous experienced showed no), but it was something and she grabbed onto it and held on as tight as possible, the goal driving her forward, driving her to the gates of Redwood.

HEADCANONS

Her sister was one of the first people who got bit and Ember or their mom couldn’t even say goodbye to her, they were just informed that she had to be shot down to keep her from biting others.

Never could keep a relationship last too long, whether she tried or not. Something always went tits up and there was no going back from that. She is also bisexual.

Ember quickly learned how to hunt and gather after the zombie outbreak and learned how to work different kinds of guns - anything to keep her mom safe. But she’s always hated it and one of her dreams was always to be able to live in a place where she didn’t feel like she had to be glued to one every single second.

She feels quite lost these days, unsure of what kind of person she really is, and isn’t sure what to do to even figure it out.

Has barely slept since she was left alone a year ago. Travelled with others since, but the time spent alone made her so vigilant and paranoid, she can barely get herself to sleep anymore.

[vallaurent]

She stayed quiet as Ember talked. About how everybody changed, how things could be different. And god, Val wanted that to be true. She wanted it. Wanted to lean into what Ember was saying and believe it, that things were changed this time around and that they might work. But that wasn't the truth. And soon enough, Ember realized what Val had meant.

She didn't protest when Ember pulled away, sheets falling off her body as she did. Val found that the spot that she left by her side was cold. "I know- I know it ain't a good thing." Val said, staying right where she was, now forced to tilt her head back so she could look at the other woman. "I knew I said I'd quit but I just-" Val trails off, before finally pushing herself back into a sitting position. The morning cold of her apartment hits her and makes her want to snuggle back under the sheets.

"I'm proud that you could, Em, I am. But I can't. I don't got the energy for it. I don't know how else to keep going, now, after everythin'." Val hesitates, before she reaches out to grab Ember, grabbing the other woman's hand in her own. The familiar weight of it in her own made her heart ache. "I ain't any good for you like this, hun."

[emberapatow]

Ember really should have noticed the signs, she knew Val through and through and she knew how she looked when she was drinking, but when they met, Ember ignored just everything, she was too excited. Both of them were, really, considering what Val was saying now. If she didn't ignore these feelings then, they never would have ended up in the same bed.

And yet, as Val kept talking, Ember could feel her anger boiling.

"And you couldn't have figured this one out yesterday?" Ember snapped. She was being unfair, to say the least. She herself said she didn't care about anything in the moment, just wanted Val. Even if Val would have said it all back then, she still would have most likely said the same thing. But she got her hopes up for a moment and she was annoyed and so lashing out was easier than anything else.

"You knew all of it before we fell into your bed all over again, why not just stop it all then? Why let all of this happen if you're "no good for me like this, hun"?"

[isaacapatow]

"I hang up the ones I want," Ike shrugged, looking over at the scant picture line on his wall. "I swap em out so I don't get bored. There's not much that I want up all the time without switching it out. The rest of the photos are over there in that box." He nodded at the cinder block-and-plank shelf he'd built for himself, with his few books and whatnot, where there was a plastic container that fit the polaroids in a neat line.

"Used to be you couldn't store 'em like that or they'd stick together," Ike said casually, sorting through rag strips by colour. "But when they remade the polaroid film for the new cameras they fixed that. I like those. I was never real good at waiting for anything so photos you could take and print immediately were my jam."

Every now and again he got a little jolt hearing himself out loud, and how it might scan to the daughter he'd abandoned for thirty years -- never good at waiting for anything sounded damning -- but Ike didn't press it. Ember seemed a straightforward kind of person, unafraid to voice her opinions. That went a long ways to putting Ike at ease; for him, hearing somebody tell him how he was being shitty was immensely preferable to them keeping it to themselves.

Like her comment about the socks. Ike looked down at his feet -- bare, but shoved into some ratty old houseshoes -- and said, "I'm running out. I kill my socks so fast, I'm forever in need of more. Hey, my birthday's coming up in December, you could get everyone in town to get me socks." Ike hooted at his own joke, mirthful for a moment until Ember asked after his health.

He screwed his mouth to one side, reluctant to talk about it much, but -- this was his daughter, after all. "It's rough," Ike confessed. "I get a lot of headaches. I get sensitive to light and repetitive noises. There's a woodpecker somewhere around here and I'm about ready to pay the hunters to find and terminate the damn thing. I'm cold all the fucking time."

Reaching over, Ike took a few locks of Ember's hair, using a bright pink strip of rag to tie a bow around them. Something to self-soothe with, while he 'fessed up. "I'm glad you check up on me," he said. "You and Orion and Jemma. I feel like I might get depressed otherwise." Ike hurried to clarify: "--not that I feel neglected, that's not it, I get out a lot, I talk to people. I just ... I dunno." He shrugged a shoulder. "It's different, with you three."

[emberapatow]

Ember followed with her eyes where he pointed for the polaroids. "Can I see them? Are these only ones you made here in Redwood or have you started collecting earlier?" Probably only in Redwood, she knew, and she doubted there was anything from before and there was nothing from a very long time ago she was certain of. Still, she couldn't help but think of the very few pictures she used to have of him for a moment.

"I get not wanting to wait for the pictures, though we never really used the printings, just stored everything on the computers and phones, only printing out some selected few," she said, not really thinking too deep about his words about not being good at waiting for things. "Wish some of it could have been recovered in the outbreak, but most people didn't have memories like that anymore," she shrugged and then looked over at her shoulder at the box with the polaroids. "We could take some pictures together sometime, maybe when you're feeling better?"

Ember let out a small chuckle. "I feel like that might not be the best idea - some people for sure would just give you their old, used up, full of holes socks." But she already had another image in her head, with him having a bunch of cutely patterned socks - something that was most likely not possible here, not when it was so hard to get any kind of resources, socks were not bountiful at all.

Then her dad told her all the effects of his current state and she was quiet, wishing she could do anything about it, but aside from going out herself and taking care of the woodpecker, there wasn't much she could do. Well, maybe the rugs, those would help, hopefully. "And what do the people at the medical center say? Renee? Val? How long will this last? What can they do to help?"

He was quick to reassure her that he wasn't feeling neglected and she nodded, "I get it, there are people and then there are people. There's a difference. You could lose one and it wouldn't make that big of a difference, and with you being mostly stuck in here, that is what happened. Do others drop by from time to time, though, right? At least the other raiders. Speaking of, how are you handling not being able to go out with the raiders?"

[vallaurent]

Val couldn't help but drape her arms across Ember's back to pull her closer as the other women cuddled up against her. Val's hummed softly as she let her fingers trail from between her shoulder blades down her back. She wanted to forget the world outside, all of the problems surrounding her and just stay like this, warm, in the comfort of her bed.

But they couldn't. And not just because of hunger. Something tugged at Val's heart when she heard Ember speak like that, that they could try again, that things had changed. And for a moment, Val was tempted to say yes, give in, because good god, she'd missed Ember. But she didn't. Gently, she pulled back, out of the touch so she could press her palm against Ember's face and look into those beautiful dark brown eyes.

"Oh hun, that wouldn't be a good idea." There was a note of sorrow in her voice as she spoke. Tracing Ember's cheekbone with her thumb, Val sighed. "It... I loved what we had. I miss it. But it wasn't good for us. I wasn't good for you. I don't mean that in the self-depricatin' way." She chuckled, even if it wasn't funny. "You've changed, darlin'. Look at you - you're glowin'. You got family here. You're doin' great. I..." Val hesitated for a moment, before she sighed. "I don't wanna drag you down again, Ember."

[emberapatow]

For a moment Ember could pretend that it could all be good, that Val would agree and finally, after all the time they spent being together and then breaking up, they could make it work. But the way Val cupped her cheek and looked into her eyes, Ember's stomach already sunk before a single word was spoke.

"Half of what you're saying isn't even making sense, Val, I changed, you changed, everyone changed. I had family for a really long time, but that has nothing to do with any of this." But didn't it? Wasn't the last time they broke up and went their own seperate ways partly due to family? She pushed the thought away, though, only focusing in the good. "This is different, Val, I can just-- I can feel it."

But those last words, they sunk in. She didn't really think about what kind of state Val was in when they ran into each other because she was simply so glad to see the other woman again, didn't focus on anything other than that, but now.... Val didn't spell it out, but it wasn't that hard to realize what she was talking about. Ember pulled back and sat up, not bothering to pull the sheets around herself as she stated, "You're still drinking."

[orioncarnell]

"It can be dangerous if you don't know what you are doing. But if you do, they're a great resource. Especially since they grow the entire year and you can find them anywhere." Foraging in general. Orion had survived off of it often enough when he'd been camping out in forests. He knew Redwood didn't have to rely on it, due to the farm, the raiding and the hunting, but it was useful knowledge for everyone to have. For a moment he considered whether he should offer to teach to others too, and not just Ember - but he pushed the thought to the back of his mind when they reached the waterfall.

Ember seemed quite mesmerized by it - with the way she looked around, quieting down for a moment. "There are a few spots similar to this in the forest. A few outside of it, too." Orion was already used to the sight, so he let his eyes trail around, before he found what he was looking for. He made his way over to a log, covered in oyster mushrooms. Pulling out his knife, Orion went to work. "Sometimes. I usually have work to do outside of Redwood. I like to keep busy. But when I am taking a break, I like to stay in places like that. It's relaxing."

Orion cut a cluster off of the log, casting a glance back at Ember. "I would show them to you, but there isn't a lot of time for it. Isaac is injured and winter is coming, so there is a lot to do." He considered her carefully for a moment. "Maybe you could come along on a raid next time."

[emberapatow]

"It's kind of funny to think about it - I spent so much of my time in a kitchen working with all kinds of food, but when the outbreak happened, I was so lost, I had no idea where to even get started on getting food. All that knowledge out when it came to surviving. While you had this vast knowledge from the getgo and knew how to survive." Ember was certain that a lot of the death that occured right after the outbreak was due to simply people not even knowing what to do and they just starved, went cold, the elements and nature got the best of them.

She took in the view of the waterfall for a few more moments and then followed Orion to the log and the mushrooms and started working on getting some of it off, working in tandem with Orion. She's learned plenty over the years on survivor, but she was always ready and eager to learn more - and learning not by the scrap of her teeth, by her own failiures felt like a gift, really.

"His injury really came at a bad time, hasn't it. You guys gotta come out here more since he's been town-bound?" She watched him for a moment after the offer. "I feel like after my dad's injuries, that should be the last thing I should want." Then again, based on that logic, she should not be out here right now, either. "And yet... that kind of sounds interesting, if you'll have me, I'd love that. What is it like, working with the others, by the way? I don't know them that much."

[nickitxrres]

Should Nicki probably have headed out with Ember just yet? Probably not. But this was going to be pretty basic. Ember had come up with the idea to go get something for Ike since he was stuck in Redwood for the foreseeable future. Nicki knew a couple places they could check out and the areas were normally pretty empty when it came to foot traffic. So yeah, she might not be at 100% but she was good enough to head out with her and come back with their goal.

A bike. Something for him to ride around town on. It also needed to have tassels and a basket on the front because why not? Even if Nicki had to screw the basket on herself, she and Ember were bound and determined to get him one. Nicki was the one in front, blazing the trail to the old shopping center. Her machete was back on her hip but that was the only thing she was carrying. The crowbar would be too heavy and she didn't think she could reach behind her to grab it like usual. But in theory, the machete was all she needed.

Nicki was constantly scanning the area around them, just to make sure nothing was coming at them. But the only thing she heard was Ember's question. "Yes I did," she said as she glanced back at him, "We met outside of New York and rode around for a bit before going our separate ways." She heard a branch break in the distance and she grabbed the hilt of her machete but dead silence followed. Probably just a tree breaking. But still...."I did, yeah. I mean, I did some raiding before I got to Redwood and Ike and I had some good fights together so he already knew I was a capable fighter. I asked, I already passed his test....the rest is pretty much history."

[emberapatow]

Ember gave a small smile. "Those kind of bonds feel stronger than a lifetime of friendship sometimes, right?" she asked. "Being able to survive with somebody can really show just how well one can work with the other - and if the trust is there, that's it. That was Orion and me for a short time. I met him out there and we were together for-- a month, a month and a half tops. But I'd trust him with my life."

Her head snapped up at the branch break too - but it was most likely just a smaller animal around them. "That's pretty admirable. When I arrived at Redwood - and I'm pretty sure most people are like that -, I wanted nothing to do with the outside at all, and you turned around and came right back out basically." And still, despite's Ember's desire to never step foot outside, here she was, and not out of simple necessity.

A building loomed in the distance and soon enough, they stepped out of the forest near it. "I really hope we find at least one for him, he'd be so overjoyed. Thank you for doing this with me, by the way, I don't think I've said it before." There were some strange noises coming from behind them as they headed inside, but still Ember couldn't see anything as she looked around. "A quick sweep for the bike and then we can take a look around to see if we can find anything else useful? Unless you guys usually do things differently - in which case, I'm happy to follow your lead."

[silvygonzalez]

Silvy had just finished her latest security shift and despite the short distance between the Precinct and her place, Silvy was rushing to get home without speaking to anyone. Before Ares arrived in town, Silvy would've maybe gone to the Community Centre to see who else was around and hang out for a few hours before turning in. These days, Silvy just wanted to hide herself away and minimise the chances of running into Ares again.

So when Ember called out to her, Silvy had to take a moment to school her face so she didn't grimace at the other woman. Instead she pasted on a smile and did her best to act as if nothing was wrong. "Hey Ember," she called back, turning to face Ember's direction. "Heading home. How about you?"

[emberapatow]

Silvy did smile at her and Ember didn't know the woman enough to notice the little tells about whether it was a genuine smile or not, but she figured just from the speed at which Sily was walking towards her home, she probably wasn't in the best mood. But hey, she wasn't turned away, so she was working with what she could.

"I was just going on a walk. I figured I'd check out the farm animals - the baby calf is just too cute and I was in the mood for some cuteness. And in general, I like watching all the animals chilling." She paused for a moment and then, "Wanna tag along? It could be fun."

[orioncarnell]

Orion was mildly surprised to hear that she was okay out here. Most people didn't do well when they lost their sense of safety, but Ember didn't seem nervous, not anymore than anybody routinely in danger. "Good". He responded, giving her a nod and the hint of a smile before turning back to their path. They'd already collected a few mushrooms - giant puffballs, chicken of the woods, maitakes - but Orion had something specific in mind.

"There is a small creek with a pond and a waterfall nearby. The climate there is somewhat humid, so I am hoping to find a few mushrooms there. We could also take a break there, if you would like." Orion refrained from suggesting that they eat some of the mushrooms, knowing that Ember didn't necessarily approve of his habits. Even not when they had a chance to wash some of the mushrooms in the creek.

"If you would want, we could come out here more often. There aresome mushrooms that grow during winter. I could teach you more about how to forage for them. Which ones are poisonous. Which you can eat. It could always be useful to know."

[emberapatow]

"That... actually sounds really pretty," Ember said, surprise in her voice, though if she really thought about it, why couldn't there be something pretty near. "I never really explored the area before I found Redwood - and I found the walls when it was already dark, so I didn't have much of a chance to notice stuff like a waterfall. So yeah, we can take a break there, is what I was trying to say."

When he suggested they could come out more often in the future, that he could teach her some of the stuff he knew, she gave him a nod. "That could be cool, yeah. And useful, obviously. I love mushrooms, but that was an area of food I never really dared touching out here. It's a whole different thing when you just pick them up from a shelf and you know you don't have to worry about any of them being poisonous. Makes things easier, except out here."

It didn't take them too long to reach the pond Orion mentioned and Ember just stopped and stared for a few moments, taking it all in. It wasn't anything big, but it was still this hidden little oasis that was beautiful and felt like it was untouched by everything horrible and dangerous out here, and that affected her more than she really thought it would.

"This-- wow. Do you have more of these hidden little beautiful locations by any chance?" After a moment she looked over at him, "Do you ever just come out here just to sit down and take it all in? I know it's really not raider behavior and all, but still."

[isaacapatow]

"Oh, plenty of colour," Ike chuckled. He wandered over to the corner where he'd deposited the pillowcase full of materials, lugging it over to show to Ember. "I've got a black thumb for plants and I don't need anybody's pictures except the ones I took myself."

Not like Ember would've known that, really; Ike had a string on one wall with a few photos clothespinned to it, but it was only three polaroids, none of them with people in them. Upside-down, even, clipped on the thick white band part. "But I want the rugs and Bea showed me how to make 'em so I'm gonna show you."

He tugged out an almost-finished rag rug from the bag, showing Ember the strips of scrap cloth pulled through the wide weave of a piece of burlap and tied off to create a thick, colourful, nubby pile. Ike demonstrated with a new strip of scrap, so Ember could see what he was doing. "It's busy work," he said a little sheepishly, "but it's time consuming. And I need the rugs soonish. It's getting colder fast."

Or maybe it wasn't. He was chilled so often now that he was nursing that head wound, walking on the outside edges of his feet while he was in his place so the cold tiles wouldn't sink right up into his legs. Ike reached into the bag and dug up a handful of the rag strips. "Are you good with plants? Got a bunch of 'em in your house?"

[emberapatow]

Ember raised a curious eyebrow as she looked around, "Do you just not take pictures or are they just not hung up?" It wasn't something she'd push for, though - if he didn't want them here, so be it, she'd take the rugs for now, especially considering what he brought out really was colorful.

Colorful and not too hard to put together, and Ember pushed herself off of the counter and went over to check all of it out. "This I can definitely do, but yeah, it's going to take a bit of time, but I'll do my best." She looked down at his feet and then back up at him, "You could - just a suggestion, but in the meantime, you could wear some socks, it would help." She got a couple of strips and started working on the unfinished one. "Yeah, I like having plants around the house. I don't have too many just yet, I'm slowly bringing in one new at a time, but I have a few in every room at this point. They just brighten up the space for me."

After a couple of lines Ember could already tell this would either be something that she could lose herself into for hours without realizing it, or get a headache from it after two minutes. Probably dependant on her mood for the day - but for now, it was fun. So she looked over at him and really took him in with the injury and all, before she asked, "How are you doing, by the way? How's your head?"

[emberapatow]

Do you sometimes feel like people don't view you as anything other than Isaac's daughter? Are you annoyed by that association?

"Yeah, of course I feel like that. He clearly has a huge presence in the town, everyone has an opinion about him, whether it is positive or negative. And then this whole new person shows up whom he's never mentioned to anyone, not a single person, and she's his daughter? Of course I'm looked at as his daughter. As for whether I'm annoyed or not-- it's not as complicated as a simple yes and no answer. Because yeah, sometimes it annoys me, but that in itself makes it sound like I don't want to be associated with him at all, which is just not true. I don't mind being known as his daughter, before the outbreak, I was known and associated with my mother all the time, but I wasn't just Izzy's daughter, I was also Ember. And that is what I'd like here too - not to just be Ike's daughter, but my own person too. And I know it takes time and I am going to wait it out, but, yeah, sometimes it can be a lot." @isaacapatow

[emberapatow]

Who in Redwood would you like to get to know better?

"I'd say Lucien. He seems cool, and it's always good to be in good with the local librarian, right?" @lucienmelaina

[emberapatow]

How do you feel about Ermano and what happened between you?

"I don't really have feelings about him, not the kind you're implying. We hooked up, it's was fun, I'd do it again, but that was kind of it for the most part. I do think that he has some self-esteem issues but he is doing his best for the town, and somewhere along the way that meant shoving something up his ass and making a deal with some devil or demon and giving away his ability to smile except for like, once in a year. But the brooding is hot, so really, I'm not complaining." @ermanodelgcdo

[emberapatow]

What's your favorite thing to do in Redwood?

"The movie nights. I know it's mostly for the kids, but I still love just sitting down and turning my brain off and watching a story unfold. It's great, I am always there on Fridays."

[emberapatow]

Redwood Prom! Who's your vote for King and Queen (gender neutral so you can choose whoever you want)

"Going with the first two people who popped into my head, and they are Val and Nicki." @vallaurent & @nickitxrres

[emberapatow]

If you had to sacrifice someone (not yourself) to save the rest of Redwood, who would you sacrifice?

"This is really the worst kind of theoretical and maybe if it was a real question, I'd have a harder time answering this, but as of right now, I'd say the last one in is the first one out. If they are in between bars, even better - probably nobody knows, so they care less." And she was trying not to think about just how cruel it would be to pull the rug out from under somebody who just thought they got to safety. @jockbrannigan

[emberapatow]

Do you have any bad habits?

"None. Absolutely none. I am perfect in every way possible. You saw me biting my nails? No you didn't. You heard me be pessimistic? That was a secret, evil, negative twin. I was too stubborn about something? You remember it wrong, I was perfectly reasonable. I'm sorry but I just forgot to stand in line when they were handing out bad habits. I also have absolutely no problem with alcohol either, nope, I'm all good and dandy, the most perfect of the perfect."

[emberapatow]

what do you look like when you laugh?