Early English Gone Wrong

Hark, thy post beith fake and gay!

[emememes]

Alas, Exodia! No man has ever summoned the creature!”

“Why is that, pray tell? Because it is rare?”

“Nay, ‘tis because the game makes no sense. No man hast learned it.”

[emememes]

“Indeed, your words may be true, were it not for the fact that I am under a lady’s command, I was woman many decades past, my hatred for all men is of a kind, and not a man lives who can discern my pleasure. Therefore, to you lady Van Winkle I say… CHECKETH THY PRIVILEGE!”

[emememes]

“Behold, that horrid incident of the eleventh of nine, ’twas done by none other than King Bush!”

[emememes]

“Didst thou like it? If so, thou needed only to put upon it a ring.”

[emememes]

“Hark, the rumor hath come out. Does Bruno Mars is gay?”

[emememes]

“Yon fire was not started by we, for it hath burned since the days of creation.”

[emememes]

“’Tis simply about making a statement, friend Jon. When thou wakest, thou must ask thyself, ‘what schemes of the devil shalt I tolerate this day!’ Hark, not fucking this!”

[emememes]

The Wretched Bears of the Sea

“Wouldst though tell me of all I must not do if I wish the wretched bears of the sea to come not near?”

“Indeed, good Squidward. Firstly, thou mustn’t play thy clarinet.”

“Yea, I will not.”

“Furthermore, thou mustn’t wave thy torch about, for torches are their natural prey.”

“’Tis terrible. Surely you just.”

“Thou must also never swagger about, else they take that as a challenge.”

“Aye, such monstrous things.”

“The eating of cheese is forbidden.”

“Pray, sliced or cubed?”

“*whispering” Cubed. Thou may eat it sliced.”

“I prithee, continue.”

“Never wear the shoes of a jester, nor the skirt of a noble woman.”

“Thou must certainly never wear an inquisitor’s hat in a foolish manner.”

“An above all else, thou must certainly never shriek as though thou were an ape!”

“Lo, ’tis astounding how many things the beasts detest.”

“Aye, they are a horror of Hell’s fieriest pit.”

“Why, methinks we be in grave danger of a sudden.”

“Pray tell, why is that, good Squidward?”

“I cannot say… *puts on skirt, hat, and shoes while holding torch and platter of cubed cheese* ’tis only a feeling!”

[emememes]

“This is thy first lesson in righteousness. Thou hast seen a man drop his purse (Patrick, drop thy purse). What shalt ye do?”

“Good marrow, sweet fellow. Thou hast dropped thy purse.”

“Alas, I recognize it not.”

“But dear sir, I have just seen thee drop it.”

“Nay, ’tis not mine.”

“But soft, ’tis surely yours. I am come, a good Christian, to return it to you.”

“Return thee what to who?”

*facepalm*

“Art thou Patrick of house Star?”

“Aye.”

“And is this not thy token of identification?”

“Indeed.”

“I happened upon this token of identification upon my appraisal of this purse. Be it so, then surely as I live and breath, this must be thy purse.”

“Verily, thou speakest wisely.”

“Then wilt thou take it?”

“Nay, ’tis not mine.”

[emememes]

“Hark, an epiphany!”

“What is thy will, good Patrick.”

“Let us with speed depart.”

“Alack, yon door is barred. I fear the only way out is through… the cursed perfume department.”

“Gird thy loins, friend Spongebob. We tarry no longer!”

[emememes]

“Onward, good hound, lest I deprive thee of thy snacks of Scooby."

[emememes]

“Despair, for war hath changed.”

[emememes]

“Despair, for war doth never change.”

[emememes]

Thy Masters of the Heavens

“Hark, I am Adam, prince of Eternia and sacred protector of castle Greyskull. The beast among me is my dear friend of much courage. They call him Cringer that do talk of him. It came to pass that fabulous powers were bestowed upon me the day I thrust aloft my holy sword and cried 'by the power of Greyskull! Behold, I am the power!’ Cringer was changed into a mighty beast of battle, and I was dubbed He-Man, the most powerful man in heaven and earth. There are but three who share this noble secret: my dear companions the sorceress, man-at-arms, and Orcco. Together we defend blessed Greyskull from the cursed forces of the wicked Skeletor.”

[emememes]

“Follow my instruction. Thou must place thy right foot forth and thy left foot aft, then as though upon oil thou must slide about. ’Tis the dance of Richard!”

[emememes]

“A blight upon sand, the loathsome substance! I find it rough, course, irritating, a consuming pestilence. ’Tis unlike this place, where all is smooth and fair.”

[emememes]

“’Twas a mighty crusade. We’ve slain not just the men but the women and the babes as well. We slaughtered them as though they were lambs.”