Meiyann

The rules of the land follow the author's pen, truth recorded with its ink from deceitful lips. Mei - 20 - Libra I write stuff sometimes.

[prophetic-writer]

When you've been a writer for long enough, commas become more of a spiritual practice than a grammatical one.

Could I explain the actual rules of how they’re used? Absolutely not.

Do I rely on sensing a tremor in the force to tell me where to use them? Yes and this has never failed me even once.

[onthelearningtongue]

denial

[thepersonalquotes]

[emikowashere]

Goodbye, August.

I was told that August was the month of hope.  The month when wishes are granted and dreams would come true.  Today, I'm reminded of a fantasy I've secretly held on to.  The tint of the sky, my almost, and that was you.

I dreamed we'd meet once again just like we did before. Only this time, you'd stand a little closer and perhaps hold my hand more. Walk through the halls together, with your attention only on me. I longed for you to smile brightly my way like you used to.

And for a while, just wanting was enough.

For months I held out, grasping at straws, for attention I wanted from you. Throughout the heaviness that still lingered in my heart, despite it all, I thought it was true. I thought that maybe you still liked me too.

But hope isn't enough.  Not through the distance, or the awkward glances we'd exchange in the halls.  Not through tight-lipped smiles, or unsent message drafts I saved on my phone.

Hope can never make you love me the way I desperately wanted you to. It can't erase the fact that I was never the one for you. Everything I wanted was poured out endlessly—not to me, but to someone else. The one you called yours.

Today, I woke up in tears from that dream.  Of a flower bouquet and the crinkles of your eyes that weren't given to me. They run down my cheeks with all the weight of the past month's grief. And yet, my heart feels so free. 

First, loving you felt like summer skies and sun kissed cheeks. But now you are happy, and maybe that was all that mattered to me.

Goodbye, August. Goodbye to all the abandoned memories and the little dreams that will never come true. Goodbye to those restless nights spent thinking of you. My heart, though wounded, was still so willing to give. Maybe one day, I'll find the one that reciprocates that love towards me too.

So let's raise our glass as the final moments of August slip away. Let the echoes that remind us of what has now passed begin to fade.

Here's a toast to the ‘us’ that never was.  The bittersweet taste of a hope that died. My final goodbye to the love that was never mine.