madness!

[emistry]

been in the clinic for the past three months

did some dumb shit and now I'm in mega therapy

feels kinda shitty to know my whole summer is spent in a hospital. I know it's for my health and I'm "getting help," but I still feel like ass. I still feel terrible. I dont feel like three months of "help" should feel.

And I guess I dont really know what to do with that.

I have four more weeks of therapy. Then out patient.

I just want to be in the woooooooods

[emistry]

makeup run #2 for die Fremde in Frau vom Meer

i’m playing a dude in Henrik Ibsen’s Lady from the Sea, and did a trial makeup run today

obviously the application of the stubble needs some work, but i think i found a technique that will work.... lipstick on the rough scrubby end of a sponge :)

looks super patchy here, but i think i know what i have to do to get it more even. i also need to figure out how to incorporate some age into the entire look. makeup run #3 will be coming soon, but for now, enjoy #2

now accepting suggestions for my drag king name, kind of totally into the idea that this guy is just a total scumbag.

[jads-abum-rat]

[vespertineflora]

[audio transcript]

Woman: He’s fine. He misses you.

Man: Give him my love.

Woman: Will do. 

[woman looks at ridiculous oversized bird]

Woman: SQUAWK

Bird: SQUAWK

THE END

[stability]

Good to know shitposting has been around since the inception of cinema

[emistry]

can i just like take a second to talk about how much i love my life and how happy i am here

like get a load of this

i ride my bike to work each day. when i do anything after work, i ride my bike there and it usually includes me riding through the woods. i’m spending plenty of time outdoors and in the woods, at the beach, in a park.... tuesday i had theatre rehearsal and went for a run in the woods after. wednesday i had theatre rehearsal with another group. thursday i had pole dance and then went to a festival/grillout with a friend. friday i went to an outdoor yoga class. today i rode my bike to the beach and spent the day at the beach to celebrate a friend’s birthday, and now i’m about to get into the shower so that i can go to a street festival with some friends and then after that, go to another friend’s housewarming party. 

when i ride around town, i see people i know.  i speak german more often than i do english. i am going to the DENTIST next week... FOR FREE tomorrow i’m supposed to go strawberry picking tomorrow i’m getting up early to ride my bike to the lake and go for an early morning swim and possibly jog this month i auditioned for another show and hear back next week this month i perform in a rocky horror shadow cast IN BERLIN next month my sister and i are gonna travel

i’m active, i’m social, i’m hydrated, i’m productive, i’m happy

i really, really love my life.

[emistry]

i’ve been wanting to start riding my bike more as opposed to using public transport for a lot of different reasons, so this weekend i dedicated a lot of time to making sure i knew how to get to different parts of the city by bike.

i found a lot of really beautiful spots and also (most importantly) a herd of SCREAMING sheep, as pictured here.

[emistry]

went to the beach today with some friends and it was lovely

got some ice cream from the ice cream truck and ate it at the shore

i’m sunburned and tired and freckly and i love it so much

[emistry]

two new children

a venus flytrap and drosera roseana

i love that the roseana looks like a field of mini scorpioides i can’t wait to see how they grow~

[emistry]

amethyst is so pretty

[emistry]

my dried drosera scorpioides, lost to a particularly bad aphid infestation.

[emistry]

i love my carnivorous plants.

but i did feel bad for this fly and helped it free and cleaned off the goo best i could.

[emistry]

my plants make such great models

[emistry]

i just had surgery about a week ago and am not really able to go out and do a bunch of stuff so i’m kind of confined to the house for another week and am getting REAL bored of netflix and cleaning

so today i had a photoshoot

the colors look better on my phone, idk

[emistry]

i just wanted to post a little about my grandpa

so my grandpa passed away on wednesday. it was kind of expected but also totally unexpected? like he’d been in and out of the hospital for a while now, and just a couple weeks ago got sent home cause he was stable. we knew that he was not doing so great, since he’d been in and out more often than he had been, but then tuesday he had kidney failure. he got sent to the hospital and almost immediately moved to hospice. he passed away about 24 hours later. i got to talk to him on the phone luckily while he was still awake and with it. i’ll treasure that for the rest of my life.

so my grandpa was a really, really great man. he grew up very poor with his mother and his brother in an apartment above a bar. their apartment luckily had a phone line, which the bar did not have. they could not afford milk, so they traded the phone line in their apartment with beer from the bar, and grew up drinking beer instead of milk cause it was what their family could do to survive. 

my grandpa joined the army and avoided ever going into battle by being able to type and play the organ/sing. my grandpa had one hell of a voice. after the army he started his own company with my grandma, where most of my family has worked at one point or another, myself included. the company ran up until last year. 

my grandpa was very musical. every family gathering everyone who could would prepare a song to perform, sometimes we’d even prepare something together and have a full band play in the living room filled with people in every available space. my grandpa’s face would always light up. he was so proud of all of us, and made it very clear how much he supported all of us in our music and creativity. the best was always saved for last when he would get up and sing for us. a great, booming, operatic voice. sometimes he’d even sing songs he wrote himself. 

when we would go out for dinner with my grandpa, his favorite thing to do was to get up and sing. didn’t matter where. didn’t matter when. he could sing and wanted to do it for us, very publicly. i’ll never forget the time when he had me sing a song as well at his favorite italian restaurant. talk about being out of my comfort zone. but it was something you did for him because he enjoyed it so much, and the pride and pure enthusiasm you got from making him happy was worth the minor embarrassment of singing let it go in a restaurant full of people.

when i was home to visit last, my grandpa brought me out for dinner to a restaurant that served many different dishes from all over asia. he always loved bringing me out for dinner. he’d always go out of his comfort zone because he thought it was something i would appreciate. and though i would’ve been perfectly happy going wherever he wanted to go, i truly do appreciate the effort and adventure he would take on to make us happy. that asian restaurant was NOT his thing, and finding him something on the menu took ages. i thought he was going to complain the entire rest of the night, but as soon as we got back to the house, he was all about it and was raving about how great it was. 

i’m gonna miss my grandpa. i’m gonna miss the love he had for all of us, and i’m going to miss how much he believed in me. i’m going to miss the way he told me how proud he is of me and how much he showed interest in the talents and interests of every single one of his 50 something grandchildren, making a real effort to know each and every one of us. how he would overcome his fear of traveling too far from the house to go see my sister’s saxophone recitals while she was in college an hour away. how he’d go see my cousins’ sports games. how he made it out of the house to come see and support me in the plays i was in. he truly was a wonderful, inspiring man. 

guess i’m gonna have to learn how to make a makers manhattan. cheers to you, grandpa. 

[emistry]

So Copenhagen was pretty rad.

[lalaladabassist]

[suplx-deactivated20190111]

snapple fact

i love you

[castrel64]

The single most toxic thing I was brought up believing is that being Adult and Responsible and Good starts with doing everything completely alone and without help

What it’s really about is learning where and when you need help, how much help you need, and knowing when to reach out and ask for the help you need to function at your ideal level

People were never meant to live alone