if i stay.

Emmanuel Marshall. I'm 19 & quite un-extraordinary.

[tinylittlebutterfly-blog]

Visit Original Link

Corine Bailey Rae - Just Like a Star

[emmanueljfc]

I'm trying to learn how to play this song-- and I can't seem to get the right fucking chords. [frustrated she gently set her dad's guitar down before sighing a little]

[observando]

I do not miss childhood, but I miss the way I took pleasure in small things, even as greater things crumbled. I could not control the world I was in, could not walk away from things or people or moments that hurt, but I took joy in the things that made me happy.

Neil Gaiman, The Ocean at the End of the Lane (via observando)

[edmondjacobs-blog]

Wow, six? I couldn’t even imagine in being one. But it was good that you were adopted then; at least have that stability and security of a home with parents.

I wouldn’t say it sounds terrible      I’d say you’re more accepting. Are you.. worried about him because of how he’d take it or..?

[emmanueljfc]

I got kicked out of a few for fighting. Some I instigated, I will admit, but. [shrugs a little bit before taking a drink of her coffee again] Yeah, it's been a rough and interesting few years but it could have been a lot worse. I love them.

I guess so -- death just doesn't affect me as much as it probably should. Yeah, I guess that's it. I mean, they've been together for over twenty years, that's-- that's my entire lifetime, so it's-- it's gonna be really hard for him when he passes.

[rageonoliver]

Hm. 

[emmanueljfc]

Looks like you & I can relate to the whole verbal-acuity-thing.

[edmondjacobs-blog]

I guess you would get used to it.. I can’t really empathize with you there, I apologize. How many.. foster homes have you actually been in, if I can ask? I don’t mean to be nosy, I’m just curious. 

That would be the best place for him; I mean, at least he wouldn’t be in a tough, uncomfortable hospital bed and be with the people that matter most to him, right?

[emmanueljfc]

No worries. About six. I was adopted three years ago, it was final adoption.

Yeah. I mean, it sounds terrible, but I'm not really worried about him or really me when he passes. More worried about my other dad.

[rageonoliver]

Just okay?

[emmanueljfc]

I'm always okay.

[rageonoliver]

Always.

How have you been?

[emmanueljfc]

I've been okay, I guess.

[edmondjacobs-blog]

Don’t the babies just cry in that wing? I don’t get how that would be fun, but each to their own.     Oh, shit, I’m sorry about that. He’ll be fine, won’t he?

[emmanueljfc]

I don't notice the crying. Growing up in different foster homes & orphanages, you get used to the crying until it gets to a point where it's just white noise. But babies are cute to look at, and when you're stuck here for a days on end, you find entertainment in the small things. [she shrugs a little before taking a drink of her coffee]

Probably not. We're probably taking him home soon to get him comfortable.

[edmondjacobs-blog]

That… really doesn’t sound thrilling at all. Why are you there in the first place, may I ask?

[emmanueljfc]

It's not, unfortunately. Going through the baby wing was kind of fun, though. One of my dad's is sick.

[bellafqu]

[Shoves her paperwork from her appointment into her bag before studying her] Sorry, stupid question, we’re in a hospital. Uh, what’s, what’s wrong?

[emmanueljfc]

[she bites down on her bottom lip, zoning out for a second as she put her stuff in her bag before running a hand through her hair.] Its fine. [shakes her head quickly] One of my dad's has HIV.

[silas-morton-deactivated2015081]

Well that’s no fun. I’m supposed to make you look sad. How do I do that when you’re already there?

[emmanueljfc]

Don't you have sort of a knack for making people feel shittier about themselves when they're like this especially, no?

[bellafqu]

That sounds mind numbing. Is everything okay?

[emmanueljfc]

Just a bit. [rubs the back of her neck before laughing a little, she had never been good with emotional things] Um, not really, no. There's just not much to do about it, yeah?

[emmanueljfc]

I think I've seen about every hospital floor there is to see.

[rageonoliver]

Hm?

Oh. Hey there, sunshine.

[emmanueljfc]

Hey. You okay?

[roryabernathy]

Three years ago? So, how old are you now then? God…I’m sorry. That’s really rough. How are you holding up…? My bad if I seem intrusive. Queens! Lost my accent when I moved here, but I generally slip back into it when I go home.

[emmanueljfc]

I'm nineteen, turning twenty in August. No, it's okay. It's just hard on my other dad. I don't live with them anymore so I don't have to deal with it every day and like watch and stuff... But, it sucks. I'm sort of emotionally stunted. Yeah? Very cool, I lived in Oregon. I don't think we have accents.

[roryabernathy]

One of your dads? As in, you have more than one? Right on, right on. What’s he sick with? If that’s not too personal to ask. New York, New York — that’s my homeland. Good choice in destination!

[emmanueljfc]

Yeah, they adopted me three years ago. He's got HIV. [looks down a for a moment before rubbing the back of her neck, looking up at her] Sort of sucks, I mean, he's had it for a while, it's just kicking into full gear. Yeah? What part? I loved your homeland.